cohenshq-blog

[cohenshq-blog]

yo, what’s got you tripping’ so hard? I mean I get it, we all have those dreams, like one time, I swore blind I'd woken up to socks dancing around in the hall, and I woke up to ask them to quiet down, but you’re just on a whole new level of cray, sweets.  

I fell asleep listening to Freaky Friday by Lil Dicky and then I had a dream that I switched bodies with this one guy. I don’t know who he was, but we switched bodies. It was kind of wild. He was in the CIA and so I had to pretend I was in the CIA. It was a pretty trippy dream. Anyway at some point he comes up to me and just starts hitting on me in my body? And I guess my dream version is into it cause we’re starting to make out and whatever. I wake up just as we’re about to bone.

So like… if you switched bodies with someone and you fuck your body in someone else’s body… is that just… masturbation? Maybe I’m more full of myself than I actually realize.

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this is it guys, the perfect date! 

I’ve been waiting all year to post this BTW

[cohenshq-blog]

You can’t prove shit, old man! so go ahead and drown mother fucker.

You seriously gotta stop telling people I’m your ex, we’ve been over this before, all those times I caught you outside my apartment, I got a restraining order for a reason! stop trying to pass on your crazy, weird old man! 

“This my guys, gals and nonbinary pals, is why you need to block your immature ex after they find out about your new boo. I’m not even going to entertain this kind of nonsense from @cohenshq”

Keep reading

[cohenshq-blog]

aesthetic ⇝ woman rights. 

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imessage 📲 catstealingtosser.

T: girlfriend??

T: you. have. a. girlfriend??

T: GIRLFRIEND???

T: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

T: YOU CHEAP, DIRTY, MICRO PENIS. WHORE.

T: I'm gonna reach down your throat, and pull your asshole up out of your mouth, because that's all you talk. SHIT. ABSOLUTE SHIT.

T: drown in your cup, mister one second wonder.

[cohenshq-blog]

drown bitch, drown. 

claringtonshq replied to your photo “uploaded to personal instagram on 4/4/18 ft. @delightfuldelila”

*rolls eyes*

What?

[cohenshq-blog]

text message: 📲 jasmine.

THEO: If you were a flower you’d be a damnnndelion.

JAS: How have I told you today how cute you are? and how much I love that?

THEO: i am not cute, pfft.

THEO: i';m a wild beat, all scary and frightening.

THEO: NOT CUTE.

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text message: 📲 tristan.

theo: i'm making the first move when it comes to texting your ass, so i'm expecting you to make the first move when it comes to sucking dick.

TRISTAN: ...............................???????????

TRISTAN: Wrong number?

THEO: your disbelief is making my dick soft. it ain;'t a good look.

THEO: all this pent up aggression, sexual tension, you totally want me.

THEO: if you're lucky i might even let you wear a collar, and you can fulfil my wildest of fantasies.

[cohenshq-blog]

text message: 📲 tristan.

theo: i'm making the first move when it comes to texting your ass, so i'm expecting you to make the first move when it comes to sucking dick.

[cohenshq-blog]

[cohenshq-blog]

text message: 📲 jasmine.

THEO: I can’t figure out if I should start this conversation with a compliment, a horrible pick-up line, or a simple “hello.” You choose.

JAS: Horrible pick up line. Go!

THEO: If you were a flower you’d be a damnnndelion.

[cohenshq-blog]

@xkinghq

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text message: 📲 open.

THEO: I can’t figure out if I should start this conversation with a compliment, a horrible pick-up line, or a simple “hello.” You choose.

[cohenshq-blog]

“I get jealous so easily because I know how easily replaceable I am”

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lordtristanhq:

Oh my God, that’s amazing.

It was pretty specific. Especially for how random it was. 

It wasn’t so amazing, I mean i almost kinda broke my nose, It wasn’t a fun experience. The things you do for love. 

It was very specific for a very vivid fantasy. 

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lordtristanhq:

You’re not trying it because you already have?

…Your brain scares me. That’s like… way too specific. 

Yes, but also technically no. There was this one time for Xav’s birthday, where he asked me to dress up, and i kinda ended up in a panda costume, but in my defence he wasn’t very specific, but sex didn’t happen, in fact it was kinda stuff in there, and very hard to see, ended up tripping and falling face first.  We ended up in the ER. 

my brain is a wondrous place, and it was hardly specific.  

[cohenshq-blog]

@camfordhq: okay but what are the best fun condoms to always have in your bedside table? because right now i'm just rocking ribbed and pineapple flavored #helpyourfellowhuman

@blowmyclarington: you got a real problem, when it's midnight and you're snacking on them. And not in the fun kinda way.