coloursofenvyandlust - Tumblr blog

[coloursofenvyandlust]

Please guys, regardless of your fandom, do this

[coloursofenvyandlust]

Jonghyun... I’m lonely too, you know. I’m so sad, all the time. Is it a curse we humans live by? To be surrounded by so many but still feel so alone and empty? How do we reach out to other people? Are we only, after all, just ships passing in the night? How do I reach out and touch other people the way Shinee does? How do I cast the world in such a beautiful light the way Shinee does? How do I protect people and soothe them with just my words? How do I make their tears turn from happy to sad to happy to sad just through the emotion in my voice? How are you and your brothers so strong? How can I be that strong, work that hard, love so deeply and smile so warmly even when I find life so tiresome and pointless? I knew that celebrities could suffer from depression, but to be lonely too, when the whole world would be so honored to spend time with you... What hope is there for the me who no one wants to spend time with? The me that’s so isolated, so alone. The me, like so many of your fans, who, no matter how ardently we adore, cannot calm your deepest worries, of any of our idols, of any of our friends and family. Because I know mine, I know they’re lonely too. I know someone who plans to leave this world. Not soon but sooner than he needs. To tell him that I love him, to want to spend time with him, regardless of this fact does nothing. Because wanting to leave this existence is not insanity. If anything, wanting to live is insanity. And I’m so fucking crazy, you don’t understand. I want to want to live even if I’m lonely and I wonder who will take care of me in my final days. Even if I wonder about all the people who die with no one by their side, like you. More so the people who are never discovered, the people who pass us by and they leave their mark on nothing and no one. I know in my mind that I do not believe in spirits, the afterlife, intrinsic meaning in this existence. But this existence is all we have, can’t I do something to make it better for the people I love when all of me also wants to feel nothing, do nothing, and pass this life by without too much fuss? Who is luckier, Jonghyun? Us for having known you at all, or you for having inspired such affection in us, so that even if you felt alone, you were not. I always thought, even if I never got to see Shinee, at least I could always follow along, maybe meet you as individuals. Even as I say that it makes me wonder, who am I to feel like meeting someone I don’t even know would have helped at all, going either way. This struggle between giving the only life we have some meaning, and understanding that there probably isn’t any meaning at all, I think that’s the hardest. But you know, Jonghyun, your life was still meaningful to us. I don’t want to let go of the people I love. I don’t want them to suffer so cruelly. I’m lonely too, Jonghyun.

[coloursofenvyandlust]

Kim Jonghyun

Honestly, even as a fan of Shinee I was never overly fond of Jonghyun. Some sort of intuition I had or maybe I just couldn’t connect to him the same way all of you could. But I at least loved him as a part of Shinee, and over time my admiration for him grew little by little. I think it was when he started hosting Blue Night. Because I saw the calm, thoughtful him more and that put me at greater peace than the Jonghyun who was always so cheerful. I think something about his cheer put me off, like there was something dissonant or dishonest about it. I always sensed some sort of anger in him or something. I guess that anger was sadness. Whenever I think to myself, “Jonghyun is dead”, every single time, it doesn’t seem real. This beautiful person, even if I couldn’t connect to him, I liked his music and I liked that he helped so many people. I was looking forward to Shinee World in 2018. Looking forward to more beautiful music with the five boys. I always thought, through the years, yeah. This is the group. The group that got me into kpop, the group who never fails to amaze with their performances and their hard work. This is the group that will last when all others lose their way. This group will get old and boring before they break. But of course, Shinee could never become boring and old. You were part of that group and every single time, I can’t believe you’re gone. It just seems like some sort of cruel joke or one of those angsty fanfics. Whether or not I can agree with exactly how you lived your life or exactly how you thought about things, I can’t deny that people loved you for your kind heart, brilliant mind and beautiful soul. My heart hurts to know that people responded to your depression with such thoughtlessness. Blaming your personality or telling you to live for others. You can’t live for others, no one can. Living, and our happiness, in the end is only something we can do for ourselves. No matter how happy or sad we make people, no matter how happy or sad they make us, no matter how lonely we are. And sometimes it’s not about being happy or sad, it’s just about not really being at all. I’ve felt that way too, so many times. Maybe my grief is more than yours, maybe it’s less. Sometimes I break down too, but even the wisest of advice, the people most aware of how depression may work can’t really soothe this ache, this gaping chasm in ourselves. I don’t believe in heaven, I don’t believe in the afterlife, but more than ever I hope there is somewhere out there for you where you can exist peacefully, in warmth and just as beloved as you are on earth. You did so well, Jonghyun. You did so well and you are so loved, and that might mean nothing to you. Maybe you just wanted peace and rest. I hope you find it.

I love Shinee, and I love you. I love all the warmth Shinee has given me and the love of Shawols everywhere never fails to make me smile. 

Here are a few of my favourite Shinee songs that might cheer some of you up as they always did me. Let’s cry and move forward. Stay safe and continue to search for your happiness, peace and love, whoever and wherever you are. We will never forget you, Jonghyun. Your love and warmth will live on in us.

All of my heart, sincerely.

Romantic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bgq-nBSR63I

Last Gift https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bfCAN91Mcs

Replay https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTASffPQGhY

Please Don’t Go https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlDW81BAkgI

Stand By Me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vfEhFB9hpo

A-Yo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLVm4J_aW4U

Kiss Kiss Kiss https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDjML6Yo07E

Honesty https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCStsir0ag0

The Reason https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLl5MnOZofg

Moon River Waltz https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch0jH_bvMPU

Colourful https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3bgxXKimGA

Fire https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWsSiuU0ThY

Lonely https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aa6GnKBAZh8

Hallelujah https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrbKxCNcx08

[coloursofenvyandlust]

I mean a quick google search reveals this to be false, also what someone said about only counting the grains of sand on earth.

There are more stars in the known universe than there are grains of sand. But in a single grain of sand there are more atoms than there are stars in the known universe.

[coloursofenvyandlust]

me: Sees gif. me: Bites lip. me: “Fuck”. me: “Aaaaaaaaah!” me: “I hate you so much.” Damn it to hell Kibum.

[coloursofenvyandlust]

fanfic author: oh so you like this fic?

fanfic author: it would be a shame if

fanfic author: i never

fanfic author: updated it

Daltonfic tho.

[coloursofenvyandlust]

Mewtwo.

If Jurassic World was told from the point of view of the dinosaurs it would be a movie about a heroic and courageous female getting revenge on her insane oppressive captors in a horrible dystopian world and then being martyred because even her own kind sided with the oppressive captor race which was tormenting them both. And also a journey to self-discovery for a being created in a lab by an entirely separate species.

‘What am I? What is my purpose? Why am I in a cage?’

[coloursofenvyandlust]

I’m so fucking happy and proud to call myself a Shawol.

[coloursofenvyandlust]

are you sick and tired of school? are you 101% done with seeing snow on the ground? well, here is something that will definitely brighten up your day and make your summer a lot more enjoyable! brought to you by the admins of kpopsecretsanta2014​, kpopsecretvalentine2015, humansofkpop and thekpopdirectory2015, here is THE KPOP GAMES!

About: Inspired by your favourite k-show Running Man, the kpop games is designed for tumblr users in the kpop community to get together and have fun playing various different games! Starting the first week of June all the way until the last week of August, the admins have fun games planned out for you guys to play in pairs (you will find your partner on the first week of June!)

Why should I join? At the end of the games (in August) there will be prizes (REALLY GOOD PRIZES) that will be given out to winning teams!

Rules: -all you need to do is REBLOG this post and fill out THIS short questionnaire! (there are only 3 questions) -you don’t need to be following us but we will be posting each weekly game on our blog/you will need to submit things to us during the games! -registration goes until May 25th so you have plenty of time to sign up!

We hope you’ll get to know someone new during these games! If you have any questions, we have our FAQ!

That’s all, have fun, and may the idols be ever in your favour!

[coloursofenvyandlust]

Guys. 4 is sa. I think is means sawall.

[coloursofenvyandlust]

My dash did a thing.

[coloursofenvyandlust]

Daesung is just. The best.

STOP

DELETE THIS IMMEDIATELY

[coloursofenvyandlust]

2015 has allowed me to realise that I am invincible. Not because I survived an existential crisis, crushing anxiety and a heartwrenching break up.

But because I surviVED KIM KIBUM’S GOD DAMN FUCKING SOLO JESUS CHRIST.

[coloursofenvyandlust]

Hi! I read your post on the SHINee tag and I hope you're doing well today. It's great that you've reached out to fellow shawols, the SHINee community is a great source of strength I'm a huge SHINee fan and I'm always looking for fellows fans to chat with/follow! You're welcome to follow me/message me and I'll follow/message back (though this is my multi-fandom blog, so SHINee shows up sporadically; 'rabbitandsprout' is my SHINee/ontae blog). I'm always available for talking/fangirling!

I’m really glad I decided to reach out. Thank you so much for responding. Talking and fangirling sounds good to me! You’re welcome to do the same.

[coloursofenvyandlust]

Shinee: Me: Hoe don’t do it. Shinee: -does anything- Me: Oh my god.

[coloursofenvyandlust]

has Shinee cheered you up at all today?? i hope so!!! is key your favorite member im gonna assume that he is haha ah please dont be sad it should be a good day

Very briefly, they did yes. :)

Oh my god, yes! Kibum is just… my ultimate ultimate bias. I adore that guy so so much. Who’s yours?

It should, alas it’s a bit difficult. But I am just so proud and happy for them regardless, of course.

[coloursofenvyandlust]

hey, I saw your post about wanting to talk with people so hi there!! :D My bias group is SHINee but I also like others such as Ailee, Amber, G-Dragon, Zion.T, Henry etc. also sorry I can't send a message because tumblr wont let me as I haven't followed you long enough! :) and if you ever need to talk to someone about anything then I'm here!!

Hi!Oh yes, I do adore Ailee a lot. The others too, albeit not quite as big of a fangirl for them. They’re all amazing though. I’m a huge fan of AoA, SNSD, UKiss, Infinite, Vixx. Sistar and a bunch of others I can’t think of right now.Thank you so much for responding to my post. I’m glad there are people who care. I’ll definitely be sure to drop you a message. Please feel free to do the same.