coma-snag

[coma-snag]

OK THIS ONE IS REALLY LONG, BUT STAY WITH ME HERE

Had a dream I went through something between one of those like, "can you survive" attractions and a Ripley's Believe it or Not

It was so weird bc there was this stage where you were going up some kind of escalator and on the other side (coming down) were people you could vaguely recognize but either couldn't remember the names of or it wasn't really who you thought it was

Then there was the "stairs of stupidity" that was just a repeating loop until you realized there was a hallway off to the side where you actually continue

There was this cafe type deal where you were sit down with random celebrities, I got put with Penn and Teller (and some other guy idk who he was)

I chatted with them for a little bit and had some chocolate pudding, they asked me if I wrote any poetry or something and I said I made art, they asked to see

It was displayed on this weird tiny projector and they used a little piece of cardboard for the screen... And somehow already connected to my phone??? So I went through deviantART and showed them art, but when it was displayed on the projector it was animated and usually depicted the characters fighting and bashing each other on the head. They all seemed to enjoy it and Teller gave me his phone number, but I immediately lost it in a rush to clean up

Because my personal hostess (who was NOT human, more akin to some sort of walking wax doll or something... Very uncanny valley) was leading me by the arm through other stages, like the PUPPET STAGE, where there was a hallway of puppets filling the walls and they would look at you, touch you, and more of those wax doll hosts would brush by you... Another stage I can't really remember, but it had to do with looking at small overwhelming squares of animation lining the walls, and a library where you would find phone numbers of the authors (even dead ones) as bookmarks in the books.

By this point, understandably, I'd had enough and was mortified. I wanted to turn back. My hostess tried to reassure me but I told her I wanted to leave, and she agreed, leading me back through the stages all the way to the escalator, where I departed and left.

Outside, at the edge of the parking lot (which was oddly empty, despite the other average looking people I saw in the cafe) there was a long flea market type setup for a gift shop, and as I approached, there were things like deformed and decaying rat figurines, a sleeping (or dead?) fawn snowglobe, more deformed and distressed looking animal pins, some "I survived" trinkets, and a bunch of beautiful necklaces.

This is where the dream ends.

[coma-snag]

I had suffered a nightmare. Again. No, a set of nightmares would be much more... Correct.

I wanted so badly to wake up. Attack after attack, a rising cluster of absolute nonsense I could not fathom as the dad I knew and loved attacked me. He had lunged for me suddenly. We were back in my childhood home. The living room, by Mom's desk. He lunged, and his claws dug into my arms with a hatred. His nails were dull, but they dug. His weapons were few, but they hurt.

Like hot coals, it burned in my flesh. I cannot remember how I escaped this Hell of my mind's design, but what I remember next is no better. After many tortures I cannot recall... Different instances of pain and mental damage, I came upon an area with three little round cats.

They promised me things. They promised, they promised that if I went through that door, the pain would stop. If I went through that door, I would wake up. Things would be okay again. I would be awake.

Lies. The door just brought me back to that same room.

"You promised me that if I went through there, I'd be awake!" I shouted in fury at them. "I want to wake up now!"

They acted as if they did not recognize me.

And I suffered more.

I woke ages after that, only thanks to my sister getting ready for work.

[coma-snag]

Dreamt that Superman (?) was a teacher and I was a dog similar to Krypto, but different. I was white with perked ears, but half of my face was black. On that side of my face, my eye was red, and the other side, green. I shifted between dog and little boy, and was tormented relentlessly by the other kids. They whispered about me, teased me, threw rocks at me... But the teacher defended me. At one point, there was one girl who offered me a box of chocolates when I was sitting alone and crying, but she only made a short appearance.

I was very attached to the teacher because he understood the cruelty I went through.

[coma-snag]

🌻

CARING MUN QUESTIONS || NO LONGER ACCEPTING <3

🌻 - What’s the most beautiful place you can think of?

Imagine a long, winding trail of smooth pebbles laid across an old dusty walkway in the woods. The sun is shining down through autumn colors of the trees above, and you can feel the world breathing warmth into your very soul. You can hear birds flapping in the nearby birch trees, and cicadas in the long-off distance. You’re following the path, and then you see it: it’s your old babysitter’s house. What is it doing here? How can such a decaying place move? And why does it look so much more pristine now? Tears prick your eyes as you venture toward it, resting your hand to the cold, white little wire side gate. It reminds you of the doylies she had inside among her little stone manatees she’d have on the coffee table.

You walk over to the door, passing the old cracked bunny statue outside in the grass. As usual, the one ear is broken. Poor thing, never could quite pull itself together, could it?

You’re about to knock on the screen door, but you see the other door is open. Inside, you see... Her. Ms. Bunny. Like she never left, she’s sitting on her couch in the usual spot by the lamp, reading glasses on as she looks at the mail. Bambi, her long departed chihuahua, is there too. Everything looks just as it had when you were young.

She invites you in. You talk for hours, laughing and crying. Even watching the old kid shows you loved. Noggin is back on TV. You sit back in the old brown chair like you used to, feeling the unbelievably icy air from the AC that you can never seem to get enough of. You talk and talk and talk, until your mouth hurts from smiling and you hug her like you’ve never hugged her before.

Things feel okay and safe. Better than they ever have. Things are as they should be. Should’ve been.

[coma-snag]

Had another wake up nightmare.

Started off fine, but then I woke up in the bathtub at mom and dad's. The one I usually use. It was bigger, dimly lit, and there was warm copper colored wax dripping onto my face from the ceiling. It was getting in my eyes. I tried to get out and go see daddy for help, but he was going to hurt me the way he wanted to fix the problem. I can't remember what it was he was going to do, but I remember it would have either killed me or damaged my face and eyes.

Then there were three black cats that kept coming after me and attacking me.

They chased me into a giant oven, and I was being cooked alive

There was a waterslide at one point too, but that one was okay. It had dingy looking water in it, but it wasn't scary. I slid down after my mom said I could and I was submerged for a split second, but it was okay.

I woke up for real at some point after that.

[coma-snag]

Diary entry June 23, 2020

I like to think I lead people to find new friends and bring out the best of themselves. I really do. And I don't say that in a bragging sort of sense, because at times I believe it is also a flaw. It gets me hurt. It gets other people hurt when I connect toxic people to others. When you love too deeply, there are consequences, and that's something I must be willing to deal with, because it hasn't stopped me.

And yes, I think part of it has to do with a need to be liked. I have grown confident over the past year. I'm an entirely different person than who I once was, but there's still a residual desire to be liked by everyone. Harbor no enemies, apart from pedos and bigots. They can still go to hell.

[coma-snag]

June 23, 2020

Had a dream that I was back at Southside with my first grade teacher, Ms. Bass. She took us and everyone from her classes out to get pizza. I got to see Cheyenne and Isabelle again... Everyone was all grown up. It was really nice. A big part of me misses that chunk of my life. Those people. It bothers me that I'm never going to get that time back.

[coma-snag]

I wish my grandmother would die without hurting my family in the process.

[coma-snag]

Weeping does not make me want to stay. Your actions speak louder than your words.

[coma-snag]

Dreams are crszy man

I dreamed i was kidnapped and forced to be im dog crates and beaten and abused

finally resxued and iwas with my sister Danielle at a party and we were both concerned that the kidnapper lady was in disguise

Then i went to hug Danielle and she pulled agun and told me she had been in on it with the kidnapper for a while and its a shame it hadto be this way

She said she was marrying that lady and didnt want me in rhe way making rhings difficult

Then she shot me in the back as i turned and tried to run

And then told me to swallow some pills ro make it quicker

And before i knew it she was lighting me on fire and everyone at the party gathered around me to watvh with these stonw cold and silent faces

Im very tired

[coma-snag]

More morbid nightmares.

I just dreamt that me and a bunch of other students were all at the library (it was laid out different though) and suddenly the power cuts off in the middle of computer work and the intercom comes on

It's the principal but you can't really hear him at first and everyone's actually quiet bc we're all spooked

Then he starts speaking hysterically bc there are shooters on campus and all of the doors are unlocking, they won't stay locked

There's the sound of glass breaking, then gunshots and everyone is screaming and running toward the exits. I'm nearly stuck in place because it's a dream, moving at the slowest pace possible even though I desperately want to get out of there.

Then I woke up.

I'm glad I just got out of high school.

[coma-snag]

Nightmare... Again

Dreamt that I went to lock the front door at around 8 PM and some teens came to the door, tried to hold me at gunpoint

I screamed for help and begged for my life, but I got decked really hard in the face

I couldn't feel it, but I know it was a pretty forceful blow

Then my dad came and shot them in the legs and got the weapons away to keep them from going anywhere while he called the police

After that I had a lot of issues hearing out of one ear.. Then I woke up

[coma-snag]

Dreamt that a group of men kept harassing me and that I was underage. One man in particular was trying his best to molest me, and literally EVERYONE was okay with it! My mom, my dad, sister, etc... The only people who would help me were these two girls. I kept screaming at the man to leave me alone. Suddenly I "woke up", in the sense that I didn't really. When I "woke up", I saw that I was in the living room, and on TV my mom and dad were watching some kind of movie about the man who harassed me. I assumed at the time that's where I pulled the dream from. I went into the kitchen, about to use the sink, when I notice something off in the woods behind the backyard. There's what looks like a firework or something shooting off in some direction out there, but then it gets BIG. Flames appear. A monumental explosion. There's a shockwave, and my mom is seeing what's going on. She yells something along the lines of "Oh my god, this is it, we're going into the light" as I can feel the shockwave hit us and my body disintegrates, muscle and tissue dissolving away into nothing. It isn't painful, but I can feel it. Everything fades into white, then into black as I wake up, for real this time.

[coma-snag]

Ok so i shit you not i mustve had about 30 to 40 "wake-ups" in this clusterfuck of a nightmare but

First few times the dreams were really tame, super weird but that's nothing new to me.

THEN it started getting scary. About 2 or 3 dreams in, I got the point of view from some french girl (I got no clear indication of this, I somehow sensed it I guess) who I believe was around the age of 7 to 10, and I was with some pretty woman who I assumed to be my mom

We were trying desperately to get somewhere but wherever we went, we somehow ended up at this same staircase that led down to the original room. Someone was trying to hand us tickets and told us not to lose them, and warned us to stick together, or else all hell would break loose. We stuck together, but objects started getting weird. There was a dollhouse that my mom wanted to check out bc it seemed strange. She tensely opened the little doors on the bottom and nothing happened. Then we noticed the big doors inside. They flew open on their own, and I "woke up". I remember bits and pieces after that. I was myself in those dreams, I think. At one point I was running from some guy. Then I was trapped with other people, drowning. I had thought I was awake up until that point. Then there was a sequence when I saw my sister, Danielle, and my friend's little girl, Lily, asleep in a bed and thought "finally, it's over", but this guy (I can't even remember what he looked like but he was terrifying, and was the same guy who drowned me) came after me and tortured me some more

There were so many more dream sequences, it'd take so long to list them... By the time I finally woke up, I wanted to fucking cry not only bc it was so mentally taxing but bc I was (and still am) exhausted.