cometothecatbureau
Musical Snackfood
If you find yourself troubled by something mysterious or a problem that's hard to solve, there's a place you can go where you always find help. You just need to look for it.
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where they rest 🧸🧵🧺
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BORN TO BE HUMAN
OCEAN IS A FUCK
Bring Back The Devonian Period
410, 757, 864, 530 DEAD WIZARDS
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saw a poll about dry/humid heat and like OBVIOUSLY everyone preferred dry heat but. would love to know what everyone considers to be “too hot”
me personally it’s a hard cutoff at 75°F. don’t need anything more than that thank you 🫶🫶🫶
#god remembering that time when I lived in FL and it was fucking 104#and my dumb ass had to be OUTSIDE#and the crappy bus I was on that day BROKE DOWN on my way back from work#and it was just me and a bunch of other Disney schlubs standing by the side of the road#fucking baking to death in this concrete wasteland without a tree in sight#like you know that anywhere america picture and it's just fast food and gas and strip malls and pavement? we were in the orlando version#of that so like no shade no air no relief no nothing#and they were sending another bus to us but it was going to take forever#and then me and like the eight or nine people stuck there collectively tried to see if Disney had paid us enough to eat AND order an uber#to get out of that hellscape#and each of us pitched in like ten dollars and managed to call one#which got there JUST as the other bus came#but anyway if I think about it I can still feel what it was like to stand there#breathing in this thick ass air that tasted like gas and death#slowly melting onto the pavement not even able to walk to a corner store or something to get a drink#because it was like six lanes of oncoming traffic or some shit#it was in that moment I looked the folly of humanity in the eye and flipped it off#we were idiots for trying to live there and I'm a bigger idiot for moving there at all.
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the continued adventures of an internet user who was frozen in 2004 and defrosted in 2021: some things are just the way you left them
previous 2004 internet user comics are here: one, two, three, four, five; or just in my 2004 tag
#god this hits different after getting my original account from 2006 back and seeing the items I purchased in middle school exactly where#they've been for the past 18 years like holy shit
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#god fucking dammit this just unlocked a memory#of when I worked with the co teacher from Hell roughly two years ago#there was a girl in our preschool room who I pegged#as being undiagnosed autistic like right away#PLUS you know she had first time parents who didn’t parent very well AND she was a COVID baby#on top of all of that so yeah this girl was a handful but so sweet and imaginative#anyway she had issues respecting other people’s boundaries especially when it came to their stuff in their backpacks in the cubby area#we found her sneaking in there so many times just messing with whatever#and my co teacher HATED this kid for existing which also by conicidence#hated my autistic ass and regularly humiliated me for being autistic in front of everyone including the kids#but yeah we were getting frustrated with this whole cubby situation#and so my idiot co teacher was like…literally verbratim this let’s name#and shame her#and I was like BRO WHAT JS WRONG WITH YOU#she wanted to parade this poor kid in front of everyone and be like N is touching your stuff how do you fee#about it? what do you want to tell N?#like no???? what does that accomplish besides making N feel like shit#you hateful cow like goddamit#anyway she’s been uhhhh let go aka FIRED for being a total bint#but I think about that sometimes and my blood#boils
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baby snoopy this, baby clifford that, baby gromit blah blah blah. what about baby kermit???????
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what if unicorns were the size of cats?
and they just… lived with us, in our homes?
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[AGGRESSIVELY TRIES TO SING LEAD VOCALS AND BACK UP VOCALS AT THE SAME TIME]
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I'd like to introduce everyone to this horrid thing I created about a year ago but haven't shown many people yet (probably for the best).
This is Baby. AKA The Monster. AKA Sight Tremendous and Abhorred, AKA Vile Insect, AKA A Thing Such As Even Dante Could Not Have Conceived, etc, etc. It's made from bits of scrap fabric I scrounged from various sources and is roughly the size of a human toddler. Its design is based on Mary Shelly's original descriptions of Frankenstein's creature.
But that's not all! Behold!
You can dissect this little abomination to reveal a full set of crocheted, knitted, and scrap fabric organs, all hand-stitched by yours truly!
It has a heart, stomach, lungs, liver, small and large intestine, kidneys, bladder, and, of course, a brain! So it can ponder the horrors of its own existence!
I used this pattern by Less Than Three for the heart. I ended up felting it because I screwed up most of the stitches (I was relatively new to crochet at the time). The result was a bit of a blobby mess, but oh well.
So yeah. This thing lives in my house now (my family hates it). I have yet to reap the full consequences of my hubris.
#op this is fucking transcendent#this is EXACTLY the kind of fucked up little guy I'd end up making if left unsupervised with my fibre crafting materials for too long#also as an early childhood educator the learning value of this is unparalleled#thinking specifically about that one preschool kiddo I had who's special interest was medical anatomy and would carry around a#strep bacteria plushie#honestly I love this and may or may not be off to crochet a teeny heart pendant for myself right hecking now
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#excuse my potty mouth but where in the FUCK#is the cat returns?????#the fucking grip this movie had on me in middle school like jesus christ#beautiful animation#STUNNING voice actors#Tim Curry Anne Hathaway AND Carey Elwes in the same movie fuck yes#THE SOUNDTRACK????#also being this vaguely reverse beauty and the beast type story didn't help#like look at my URL#god the cat returns is and always will be everything to me#baron humbert von gikkingen#beloved dandy prince of my heart and soul
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character in a movie: Oh no, angry dog, please don’t bite me!
the dog: I’m at work! I’m doing so good at being at work! I’m barking because my handler gave the sign ‘bark’! I am going to get such a good grade in being a dog actor, which is completely possible to achieve, and normal to want! I am doing a great job! I am proud of myself for doing such a great job! I love this, because I’d make it physically impossible to get anything done if I wasn’t enjoying it! I’m barking!
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