comfortcrowd8-blog

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🎀 Kate Kusmina 🎀

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I live so much in my head that sometimes when I touch my body I’m surprised to remember I’m solid. 

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Vent

Ok so I am constantly binging these days and it’s gotta stop , like imma be eating 123 kcal a day until the end of the year now , except december I will only eat one apple a day .

I’m so sick of having that guilty feeling and it’s not that I’m hungry it’s just I have no taste in my mouth and that’s what I crave :/

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me on my 5th hour of a fast

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when there’s skeletons everywhere because it’s october

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finally ...

So

I told my parents counseling isn’t working and said it’s pointless , and I told them I don’t want to go anymore and they said alright . So hell yeah !

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If I don’t make it

If I don’t make it to 35kg at the end of 2019 , I won’t see the point in living anymore , or maybe I won’t have to see the point maybe I’ll already be gone ...

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Breakfast 🍳

I put a chip in my mouth and spat it out .

Then I covered my food in salt so I wouldn’t eat itㅜㅜ

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I don’t want to be a burden

I just want people to understand that at the moment I don’t want their help , I don’t need their advice , I don’t have time for their lectures !!

Like sure take me to counseling but I’m fine I’m not gonna listen ? Why should I ? Bc someone els thinks I’m messed up ? Bc someone said I’m Mental? Bc my grades are dropping ? I’m becoming isolated ? Bc my friend told my mum I have scars on my body ?

Well sure all those things are bad , but the feeling of just haven given in to the hunger drives me crazier and I fall deeper than I ever did before ....

If I’m affecting you , than just leave me alone , I didn’t ask to be helped (even though a part of me is screaming for it ) when I ask than we can talk .

Sorry I’m just a bit ticked off I ate so much have school tomorrow I’m gonna be so anxious I can’t skip bc then they will start questioning my absence and I don’t want them to know

No one should know

I should keep things to myself .

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U can make death a choice

Living is scary , but so is dying

I love learning , but I hate school ?(it’s the fudging peple )-except some ...

Toxic friends are the worst but also keep me motivated lmao

I wanna tell my parents I’m not ok when they ask

But I seem to think it’s alright , I will get better some day

Happiness is a choice :(,but I choose otherwise .....

This life , is coffee o never ordered

It feels so exilerating to eat after not eating a full day but then that normal sized portion grows and u lose control , but then you can fix it just throw all of it away , but that’s the bot I hate it gets easier but mentally harder ,after the high you always get the low ...

Stars don’t shine without darkness

Rainbows are full of expression and to do with happiness

But rainbows are created with rain and sun ?

So hows the god damn thing so bright if it’s got a hint of sadness 2:(((

Sorry about my assumptions I’m just going loco after I just binged but no purge 😴😪

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Just think

Your a really shy person, you don’t like to be seen or pointed at or laughed at . You don’t ever wanna draw attention to yourself and you prefer your own company even if you need others ...

Well just imagine being so thin you are almost invisible .

Imagine lying in bed looking up at the ceiling feeling a bit cold , your mum walks in looking for you but your so flat in the bed she doesn’t even notice you ?

Imagine being able to sit behind the tallest skinniest boy and still be able to sleep through lessons bc your so thin ?

You wanna be invisible, go unoticed , be alone

Well I want that , and so I shall be skinny ✨🦋

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Not allowed 👌

I’m not allowed to eat

I’m not allowed to eat

I’m not allowed to eat

I’m not allowed to eat

I’m not allowed to eat

I’m not allowed to eat

I’m not allowed to eat

I’m not allowed to eat

I’m not allowed to eat

I’m not allowed to eat

I’m not allowed to eat

I’m not allowed to eat

I’m not allowed to eat

I’m not allowed to eat

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To the demons in my head

Curse me with being so thin that I can fit through the bars of a gate

Make me so disgusted of food I can’t even look at it

Give me a head where my hair shines and bounces and give me teeth as white as snow

Cast me a spell that will remove the sadness that comes with thinness

Give me a potion that will shrink my waist to 25 inches and lower

GOD DAMIT MAKE ME SKINNY DEMONS !🎃🎇🦋

My demon be like

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Fat girl regretting today’s choices hour

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Flat

Just wanna be able to lay in bed so flat that no one will know I’m there ,or ever existed 🦋