comphet-critical

[comphet-critical]

i've been struggling quite a lot with this so i wanted to ask, what exactly would be the difference between a preference and an orientation? also, how can you tell the difference between wanting to be/be like a person, and wanting to actually be with them? TIA!

orientation: who you’re attracted to (men, women, both, no one)

preference: only for bisexuals, because they’re the only sexual orientation that experiences attraction to more than one gender, liking one more than the other.

[comphet-critical]

Do you belive aromantic and asexual lables are valid?

they’re not separate, it��s one sexual orientation.

[comphet-critical]

Comp-het is a weird concept to me because just the concept of homosexuality means that you cannot be attracted to the opposite sex, so why would anyone force themselves to? I’m not really in online/offline gay circles but I thought the whole “having sex with a partner of X many years then figuring out I was a homosexual” was like a thing that happened waaaay back in the day when people didn’t have any access of information around these things. I could see someone being super isolated and just not know that their attraction is normal, but in present day, it feels weird that it’s still happening. The only leeway I can see is if someone of preteen age had one of those “middle school crushes” that went nowhere (ended at confession/ hand holding) and then figured out they were homosexuals when they experienced actual sexual attraction for the first time during puberty. I don’t fault anyone for thinking they might be straight at that age, but I draw the line at actually having sexual relations with the opposite sex. It’s weird that this is a contentious thing. I thought this was just the general agreed upon thing.

And this is coming from someone who thought comp-het was describing how society pushes heterosexual relationships as the norm, not that homosexuals can have sex with and desire the opposite sex. Where did this come from?

Anyways sorry for the long ask, I’m just now catching up on some things and this baffled me .

it came from a bisexual woman who was a political lesbian, her essay about compulsory heterosexuality is literally telling women they can choose to be lesbians if they want to.

it made its way to tumblr in 2016-2017, then the masterdoc was created a few years later and blew up on all social media platforms.

[comphet-critical]

hi so i'm the anon who asked about the split attraction model.

i'm a woman. i've been in love and had intense relationships with women but am never sexually attracted to them. i've been sexually attracted to men but never had romantic feelings for them, never had any desire for emotional closeness or wanting to get to know them or to be in a relationship with them.

i consider myself to be homoromantic and heterosexual. but if you don't think that's real, then what am i? it wouldn't be accurate to call me bisexual, because i don't like women sexually.

you are bisexual though, romantic attraction is apart of your sexual orientation

[comphet-critical]

what do you think about women who claim to be lesbians but are attracted to fictional men

not lesbians, a lot of young lesbians realised they were gay because of fictional women

[comphet-critical]

hiii i found your blog while doing compulsions (i have hocd) and something in my brain clicked. i read the lesbian masterdoc and what i've noticed is that people will disguise issues like commitment issues and other relationship related issues as comphet and reduce it down to a lesbian only issue.

that was getting me stuck for the longest time because my brain went "oh you have commitment issues? you're a lesbian because these people said so!"

bingo

[comphet-critical]

also idk why but some lesbians (especially the ones on reddit) refuses to acknowledge what ocd is and the symptoms because when i do compulsions and look online, lesbians will immediately label someone who is showing obvious signs of hocd symptoms a lesbian. i'm literally so tired of them and hocd it sucks. 

labelling any women showing signs of anxiety/trauma/overthinking as a lesbian will always feel weird (and homophobic)

[comphet-critical]

um am i bisexual if i pursued men romantically but the minute it would get serious or "the chase was over" id get over them, but this never happens w women i like

yeah, that’s not really a sexuality thing.

you could just feel more comfortable with women, or be more attracted to them

[comphet-critical]

ik your blog is always talk about ssa-focused bisexual problem, but what do you define kinsley 1? how rare are they attracted to the same sex? is it 99/1? sorry if my english is not that good 🙏🏻

kinsey 1 to me is like “i kissed a girl once” and they weren’t completely repulsed by it, they wouldn’t date or sleep with the same sex

[comphet-critical]

I wish I had discovered your blog when the anxiety of not wanting to accept my bisexuality was killing me T-T

Thank you so much for what you do. I hope that more people will start criticizing this "comphet" thing because the damage they are doing is terrible.

I wish you the best!💗

<3

[comphet-critical]

Do you mind a little bit of a story time?

Having been on the receiving end of a double whammy of religious zealotry and online gendie politics really fucked with my head for a good while. One side was keen on telling me I'm just traumatised and will warm up to the idea of anything heterosexual eventually and the other just mindlessly chanted about inclusivity further diluting 'lesbian' as if it's not a perfectly crystal-clear label (cough, cough, Schrodinger's comphet doc: crushes on fictional female characters affirm your attraction to women but the reverse does not apply. curious).

Your tumblr helped me with pointing out something so obvious and I'm not too surprised I'm a strong case of kinsey 5. My tin-foil hat theory would say it's the reason why all things related to female separatism were so easy to embrace.

The top-secret febfem commune just gained a new member. Wooo!

Love ya <3

aw, i’m happy for you!

[comphet-critical]

do u happen to have the vid of the masterdoc author coming out as bi

i think she deleted it, it was around 2021 i think. she was talking about how she had a lot of trauma and made herself think she was gay.

she had a spiritual tiktok, that’s the only thing i remember about her

[comphet-critical]

i love you

mwah <3

[comphet-critical]

do you think having crushes on boys as a little kid, like pre puberty not yet able to experience sexual attraction "counts"

(btw i find your blog really interesting, i'm so confused of whether i'm a lesbian or febfem and at this point i'm over calling myself anything)

in my opinion no, i’d say puberty onwards, or atleast preteen onwards.

[comphet-critical]

COMEBACK I LOVE U

i’ve been so busy i’m so sorry!! i’ve tagged my asks with the topics they’re about, so if you check my tags you should be able to find what you’re looking for in the meantime! <3

[comphet-critical]

I am so glad I discovered this blog, it makes me feel sane lol. I am bisexual but have a very significant perference for women and chose to only date women and only have sex with women a few years ago. Wasn't a difficult descision because I was never in love with a man or had good sex with a man. All my prior romantic relationships were with women so this descision didn't really change much in my life. But since that descision and since I started being vocal about it, I had so many instances of people telling me that I am "a lesbian now" and that I am "in denial". Or the newest one "labels are so unimportant, you don't need that". This is of course lesbophobia. But it's also bad to tell a bi woman that she isn't bi anymore if she sets boundaries?? I will continue telling people that I am bi and only date women out of spite and also to show other bi women that they are allowed to have preferences, set boundaries and still be bi.

story of my life, it’s lesbophobia but also just plain old misogyny, they don’t understand why a woman that is capable of feeling attraction to men would mostly date women

[comphet-critical]

I'm not sure I agree that straight women don't ever watch lesbian porn. When i was younger and scared of dicks and especially piv, het porn terrified me (a lot of it is super violent too). I just imagined a vague male figure doing the things the porn actresses were doing to each other to me.

except that’s not what the majority of “straight” women are doing, they’re aroused by lesbian porn, their own words.