confusion-is-my-middle-name

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

I think this movie should be shown in more schools. I learned about Anne Frank a million times, had several classes with Holocaust units, but this was this stuck with me, because “never again is now”.

The movie’s specific example is refugees in modern Amsterdam facing deportation. “Never again” is always and everywhere. “Never again” means asylum for refugees (did you know Anne Frank’s family tried to leave Germany for the United States?) “Never again” means providing aid to civilians, no matter which side they’re on. “Never again” means never again to anyone, no matter what Israel or the US may say.

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

Sometimes I wonder how my life might be different, had my parents been more supportive of little me. If they hadn’t told me not to sing because my voice was hideous. Had they not told me my drawings looked bad, said there was no artistic talent in our family, so I shouldn’t try. Had they not told six year old me that I had to quit dance lessons, I hadn’t started young enough, so I would never be good at it. Maybe then seven year old me wouldn’t have been afraid to draw, to sing, to dance. I think that they did it because they didn’t want their kid to grow up to be a struggling artist, but I feel like it was unnecessarily cruel.

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

I hate how when someone kills themself, we’re all supposed to act like it was some unpreventable tragedy. Maybe someone will talk about how they should’ve gone to therapy more, or taken anti-depressants. Maybe they’ll even lament about how it would’ve been nice if someone payed more attention.

Nobody talks about the kids that drove their classmate to kill themself, or the parents that mistreated or ignored their dead kid. You wouldn’t want them to feel guilty, right? So you’re just supposed to ignore the fact these people are objectively at fault. These people that go on and do the same shit to other people. Who knows, maybe they’ll get someone else to take their own life.

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

You remind me of him, to the point it scares me.

I barely know you. Trouble has always seemed drawn to you, so I stayed away.

I looked on from a distance as you were drowning.

Everyone said you were fine, who was I to question? I was just a child.

Then I looked you in the eyes for the first time. Both of us adults, both worse for the wear.

I saw him.

In the structure of your face, in the way you speak.

I saw him.

In the way you want to play peacemaker. In your unending loyalty.

I saw him.

In the way you are willing to give up everything, everything you've ever had for someone you love.

It scares me because I know how this story ends.

A sister or a daughter, whatever I was or am to him, you have someone you treat the same way.

He's going to tear you both to pieces. I can tell.

Once again, all I can do is sit and watch as disaster strikes you both.

For god's sake, we’re all still practically children.

And if you’re anything like him, my warning would go unheeded. You are going to destroy yourself for that boy.

All I can do is hope he makes something out of what you leave him.

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

win or wound me with a kiss

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

disabled intersex trans person needs help paying bills during winter

hello, my name is Equinox. it is currently winter where i live and it has been getting very cold, well into the freezing temperatures. i am a multiply disabled intersex trans person who deals with hypermobile ehlers danlos, arthritis, schizophrenia and other health issues. i am currently stabilizing after housing insecurity and money is very tight. i am incapable of working a conventional job, but i do have some online stores where i sell jewelry and art, and an eBay shop where i sell collectibles.

i also need to save up for my internet bill, which is required for my job. i also need to way for a ride to the pharmacy to pick up some of my medications, as well as some necessities like toilet paper and cleaning products. thank you for reading and supporting, i appreciate you more than words can express

cash app: $glitterGraphix pay pal: glittergraphicnightmare @ gmail. com venmo: $Equinoxian chime: $Equinoxian

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

The craziest thing about being genderfluid is that the dysphoria can go both ways

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

Please help my family

My name is Aisha

I never imagined I would find myself in a situation that would require me to write these words, but life has taken an unexpected and devastating turn. My family, consisting of my beloved husband and our eight children, is facing a crisis that we cannot overcome alone. Our home, once filled with love and laughter, has been shattered. The roof over our heads, the walls that protected us, and the place where our children grew up are lost. We lost not only our home, but the foundations of our lives. Now, we struggle every day to survive, with nowhere to go or a way to rebuild without help.

Our children, who should be focused on school and their dreams, worry instead about where they will sleep or when their next meal will be. The weight of their fear and confusion breaks my heart. As parents, we feel helpless and unable to provide basic necessities for our loved ones.

We are urgently asking for help because we cannot do this alone. We need to rebuild not only our home, but our lives. Every donation, no matter the size, will go directly to providing our children with a safe place to sleep, food to eat, and a chance to dream again. Please, if you can find it in your heart to help us during this desperate time, we will be forever grateful to you. May your kindness and generosity be the light that guides us through this darkness.

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

The best school I applied/got accepted to is a common backup for students applying to Ivys, and I guess at places like that a lot of admitted students choose somewhere else. I ended up going somewhere closer to home, but they’ve said their keeping my info on file until the 2025 fall semester, again, probably because of a lack of admitted students actually coming.

I keep thinking about it. For health reasons it just wasn’t realistic for me to go out of state, I would’ve needed to either get new doctors or come home for every appointment. I can’t stop thinking about it, though.

Objectively the school I'm attending has a better social work program, but it’s so new (~4 years) that it hasn’t been ranked or anything yet. If I want to stay in the area the rest of my life I'm pretty much set because some of my profs have connections like crazy and I've gotten to know some of them really well, but would having a more prestigious name attached to my degree be better? Do I aim higher when I get my masters?

I don’t know what the right answer is so I'm just rambling. I don’t know if I'd be happy at the better school, I really do like it here, I just don’t know if I'm making the best choice career wise.

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

It doesn’t matter if you check all the boxes. It doesn’t matter if you have a referral. It doesn’t matter if you’re clearly struggling. If you don’t fit the evaluator's stereotypes of what someone with that disorder should look or act like, you aren’t getting that diagnosis.

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

An update, for anyone thats been following this blog.

I believe I may have received several minsdiagnosises as a child. I’ve had several therapists believe my ADHD to have been a misdiagnosis. I had always told them they had to have been wrong, since I've been evaluated several times now (most recently 2-3 years ago) and aside from the initial autism misdiagnosis it’s been consistent.

I've been noticing delusions more than I used to. I wrote this off as depression or anxiety related- after all, for as long as I can remember, the hallucinations I experience have been attributed to anxiety. These episodes meet the criteria for psychotic episodes. I think maybe they always have, I just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

I don’t know if I actually have OSDD, or at least not alters. It’s hard, because I experience pretty severe dissociation at times, my therapist is confident that I at least have C-PTSD, and I think all of these things made me assume the voices I sometimes hear are alters. It made me assume the negative symptoms I experience (apathy, for instance) were other alters nearby. I assumed I couldn’t have a psychotic disorder, because I can function independently- but that would make sense for someone that’s experienced psychosis since childhood.

I'm sick of this. I just want a correct diagnosis. I'm also kind of angry, angry that growing up doctors told my parents it was normal for a child to wake up their parents every night because their hallucinations scared them so much they couldn’t sleep. I guess people just didn’t want to believe a child could have something like this.

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

Chat the psychosis is hitting tonight I'm so glad I have friends that put up with my nonsense bc I am not making sense the election stressed me out and my mental health is suffering. I'm in a psychotic episode, no particular delusions tonight but I keep seeing things my speech is disjointed and I am so dissociated. Chat what if I don’t have a dissociative disorder and its just psychosis I don’t know whats wrong anymore fml

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

I hate my home and I hate my dorm. No where feels safe. I used to take baths to relax when I lived at home. I came back from college only to find my sister intentionally broke the bathtub/shower so you couldn’t turn the shower head off. She literally told me it was intentional and got mad when I suggested fixing it.

My family won’t stop talking about politics. My father started a fight about transgender people today. I'm trans and he doesn’t know it. I try to keep myself from getting too invested in these conversations, I'm worried that he’ll find out, but I can’t seem to stop myself. I hate it. I hate that I have to sit there and listen to him talk about how people like me, people like my friends, are a danger to women and society. I understand why so many trans people kill themselves.

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

When they explicitly say your not invited to go to prom with the group and get mad when you don’t show up

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

Yeah I've thankfully never gotten to the driving across the country point but please please please monitor your reactions to any drugs you take, prescription or otherwise. Thankfully when something like this happened to me it came with a noticeable uptick in hallucinations so we caught it before anything bad really happened, but yeah, this stuff is no joke. I wasn’t even taking anything considered dangerous, just a new prescription drug that doesn’t usually come with any major side effects.

99% of "mysterious disappearances" esp of people in their 20s who start acting weird for 48 hours and then vanish are not mysterious, thats just when a lot of reality-obliterating mental illness tends to kick in and it's pretty easy to get a short circuit in your brain that makes you go family guy death pose in joshua tree national park. it's not any less tragic, it's just a documented phenomenon and not particularly predictable. its a big reason the medical advice is for people with a family history of schizophrenia to completely avoid weed and psychedelics. "people just go crazy sometimes" is a principle of human health that used to be a lot more accepted prior to the american midcentury and to a certain extent thats a healthier way to conceptualize and prepare for the risk, as opposed to the modern assertion that anyone acting weird is dangerous and broken forever.

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

I feel like neither a child nor an adult. I am a botched, failed creature, combining the worst qualities of each. All the helplessness and dependency of a child, with the cynicism and despair of an adult. My mind is stunted, malformed. My body outgrew me and now I wield it clumsily, hitting others with my overgrown arms as I stumble over my own feet. "I am sorry," I say, "But I was treated as something less than human and that is what I've become."

[confusion-is-my-middle-name]

TW- discussion of physical abuse and spanking

I never understood why spanking kids was legal/defended until recently, when I realized how vastly different families' definitions of a “spanking” could be. I still think hitting a kid should be illegal period, but I don’t think some people realize how extreme it gets in some families? I know some people had it a lot worse than this, but as a kid I was stripped naked and beat until I couldn’t breathe. Obviously because of how spankings work the bruises were always covered by clothing. I thought this was similar to everyone’s definition until recently, because I was raised thinking this was normal.

It occurred to me that people might be thinking about this the other way around- maybe spankings didn’t cause much physical harm in their families and they assume its like that in all households. Well, I'm here to tell you that it’s not. Kids go through what I did (and far worse) everyday, and it’s legal in many countries (and quite a few US states). Nobody helps these kids because spanking is seen as a normal form of discipline. There’s no way to prove that excessive force was used without taking a child's clothes off. Can we just stop hitting kids, please.