consecratedconfessions

[consecratedconfessions]

we're all faggots in the eyes of the Church

[consecratedconfessions]

I can post chronological posts for sure, but I also will be posting about how things felt during all this time.

Being consecrated was my dream. I wanted to give Christ everything and be loved for who I was in return. I was a true believer in many ways. I lost my faith when I was told, "You're a lesbian. It's a disease. You need therapy" because I couldn't comprehend how loving could be a sin.

I took a walk that day and killed off a part of me. It was brutal to wage war against my love for Mariana with my love for God as a weapon. If God had brought us together, how could our feelings be wrong? but the idea that I was hurting her by loving her was what convinced me to try conversion therapy. I wanted to protect her from me.

In the end, this is why I find infighting between queer so obnoxious.

We're all faggots in the eyes of the Church.

[consecratedconfessions]

Context:

My parents joined the lay movement Regnum Christi in 1992 when I was 3 after meeting some Legionaries of Christ at a Marriage Renewal retreat. They had recently returned to Catholicism and were looking for community. Regnum Christi provided that. By the time I was 5 or 6, I had met Consecrated Men and Women in Regnum Christi. By 8, I decided I wanted to be one. I wanted to give my life to Jesus and marry him. I told every Consecrated Woman I met that I had a vocation, and God had called me to be his spouse.

I was actually dealing with locked childhood trauma and neglect that led to religious delusions at a young age. I was hearing "God" talk to me and tell me things. All of the adults in my life thought it was cute, so they encouraged me to believe that I had a vocation.

By the time I was 13, I knew I was going to make promises at 18, so when I learned about the boarding school for girls who wanted to discern, I jumped at the chance to attend.

[consecratedconfessions]

the purpose of this blog is to record my experiences while a member of Regnum Christi, a lay movement in the Catholic Church, from then years 2002 until 2012.

Timeline

Spring 2002 - Visit Immaculate Conception Academy and Precandidacy (ICA) for the first time

Summer 2002 - Summer Program at ICA, stay for freshman year of highschool (I turn 14 in November 2002)

2002 - 2003 Freshman year

2003 - Sophmore year, Trip to Rome

Christmas 2003 - Come back home

2004 - 2006 - half of Sophmore year and Junior at home

Summer 2006 - return to ICA for Senior year

Summer 2007 - Graduation

2007-2008 - Coworker Year

Summer 2008 - make promises, attend Mater Ecclesiae College for 4 years as a Consecrated Woman

2008 - 2009 First Year

2009 - 2010 Second Year

2010 - 2011 Third Year

2011 - 2012 Fourth Year

June 2012 Graduation and leave for the final time