constanciapaula

[constanciapaula]

AT the BEACH

Greetings old mighty friend!

Pretentious! those girls clearly were tripping with all the wrong vibrations. Oh my friend I do not find it pretentious at all, I find it beautifully expressed, for why would we have to choose the color of one, when one is all and all is one. 

My dear friend, I have painted a tote bag with avocados! it is a difficult process because the temperature minutes and amount and quality of avocados give out a specific type of pink (all though its more like peach than pink). I’ll show you the bag once im in England, you can have one if you wish. 

Conn, its been a week I left my house Monday in order to head to the beach but rafts parents had some things they had to deal with and we ended up staying until Wednesday, but here I am now Saturday my toes were submerged in sand, my hair and face carrying small particles of salt, the universe is in me, within me and around me. I am one with it he she it is one with me, the ocean penetrates my ears, its voice calls me out in the middle of the night, at dusk my unconscious mind fantoms places, people, feelings...I am scared, I am sad, I am happy, I worry... I worry too much, do I care too much? is there such thing as caring too much? At ease I want to feel then again time and time again I fail. I need to learn to meditate I need to truly lose and find myself in the moment in the now, just present. how can I live in the present just the present and nothing more than the present. I haven't been using my phone I feel like burning it, throwing it to a bonfire, here my fears, hopes, wishes I release to the power of the cosmos. But the idea of loosing friends and communication terrifies me...how must I solve this? I realised that Its the stomach of my anxiety, measuring the hours, counting on things, hoping for a message of someone...it makes me lust and linger instead of alive and present. 

I have been reading quite a lot for me I am finishing a book and I want to read all the other ones next. the artist, magician, lover, poet and writer of this book is Alejandro Jodorowsky...Im in Love, a vast source of Love, warmth, empathy, wisdom, trust. I am in love I am love we are love, I am learning to love myself much more...I thought I loved myself...truth is I just learned not to despite myself, but to truly love, adore me...I am not there yet, I feel my body alienated by years and years, I can't heal this relationship from one day to the other but I am embarking on the journey. I showered myself 7 times yesterday is supposed to free your body from a thin layer accumulated by daily activity (fears). while washing my body I asked her for forgiveness, I told him I loved her that I was sorry for all I have done to her, she is beautiful and deserves to be loved to its fullest. I also touched myself in ways I had never touch my hands, feet, legs, toes before with tender love and affection. Caressing my skin little by little from hand to arms to shoulders to spine. 

I am free will, will learning how to be free, what is freedom...freedom to be my truer inner self to express with no boundaries or fears. 

Anyways Conn, I feel, I am just feeling.

You are loved, in this and all other existences. 

[constanciapaula]

Pink

Good Morning my lovely wonderful friend who I miss dearly! It was nice to finally speak after ages yesterday. So, Pink is a really interesting colour for me. I am so drawn to it for some reason but I also don’t necessarily like it very much. Whenever I am painting or picking colours for graphics, I always use it, as if by accident. Especially bright pinks, almost red, my eyes are so drawn to that colour. But I do also like subtle pinks and skin tones. I once was asked by two girls who were really high what my favourite colour was. I was sober but I answered that I didn’t really have one but I loved the colours that are on the other side of the sun during sunset. Like the subtle grey-blues, pinks and oranges. They told me that was pretentious, they didn’t even know me so I was pretty offended. I admit that it was indeed a bit pretentious but how else was I to describe it? I’m sure a lot of other people would have appreciated my description. 

It’s amazing actually how much colour has a hold of us. Maybe we would be freer in a world without it. Oh but such a luxury! The greenery, the sea, the sky! Flowers! 

I was actually in a rush earlier and wrote this post super quickly but here I am writing this post again. I wanted to properly tell you about a method of dying that Ellie told me about where you use avocado pips and skin to create this beautiful pink colour! Can you believe it, avocados! From the pictures I have seen online, It is so beautiful, I would love to try it but think it would go beautifully with the yellow fabric you have been creating! I am going to try learn to crochet this week from my mum, maybe you could dye some wool/ string and next time we are together I can crocket you a pouch? 

(Avocados! I remember you once posted a picture of an avocado you were eating whole to wish me happy birthday because we didn’t have any photos together yet) Anyway! I have attached some pictures from the internet below but you should look it up - it looks so so beautiful the colours look amazingly natural and skin like. I will let you know if I learn of any other methods of naturally dying. 

[constanciapaula]

Sincere Apologies P

Dear Paula,

firstly, I am sorry it took me so long to write on here again! To be honest I think I just got complete burn out from finishing my hand in, it always takes all of my energy and leaves me questioning the work I do too much to feel motivated. But allas, I have taken a weeks break and now is time for me to slowly but surely start easing back into the productive and inspired mindset I was in before.

The manual sounds like a really lovely object. Do you still plan to go to the beach later on during the quarantine? I am wondering if you should still film these ideas that you’re having but only in the places you currently have access to. It could spark some relevance and connection to the current situation we are in/ quarantine/ pandemic?  Then you could use these alongside found or archival videos of the places you wish to perform them - or ask Rafa to send you some? A sign of the times perhaps.

Of course I know Andrea Fraser! You were the first to show me her video on Youtube - do you remember when You, Pablo and I were lying on your bed in Amsterdam - Pablo was so confused ahaha. But yes, Kristi and Maria reminded me of her work again for a Museum brief we were working on - also the brief I asked you to do these drawings for: These Ones :))! :

I did more research into her work - amazing she is so bold! I find the way she speaks so confusing but I think this is purposeful to some extent but also pushes her listeners to move up a level, push themselves to understand.

Yes! This could work! But we would have to really consider a lot, make sure we aren’t being ignorant to anything important I suppose. “And this is where queen Victoria fought her first dragon before she stole the dragon and claimed it as her own”.  

Con e 

[constanciapaula]

Dear Connie, I was cleaning my wall today, taking down notes and writing them in my new note book “Body Movements Handbook” Its like an instruction manual with visualised ideas that keep coming to my mind. Most of them are at the beach and they involve the wind or the ocean. I really wish I would have quarantined at the beach, I would be working on these movements all day long.

 There is one idea that came to mind, I really want to do it with you. Are you familiar with Andreas Fraser “Museum Highlights”? if not there are some YouTube videos about it. she dresses up and gives a tour around the Philadelphia Museum...

I want to do something similar yet different, I pictures us piking up tourist and giving them a free tour around London, yet we would adapt all the buildings to descriptions of our own (as if we where creating and re-inventing our own Country). 

We could remain all the building and create wonderful descriptions (what we would wish happened inside them). 

So many countries created, we should claim and re create our own! 

[constanciapaula]

My lovely Friend

One day I would like to photograph you in a river - This made me cry, tears of happiness don't worry, It’s just very personal I believe. I pictured an image in my head, Me - naked on top of a rock on the river (a tear fell down my face just now)- drip

                                - drip

                                                           - drip

I love the image of the green plant, beautiful lightning. Its like the spotlight was on her...she is the main character, the princess. 

Back to the “themes” in our practice...I was reading today about an artist called Tracey Rose, she gives a talk in ArtBasel (USA) very intense but I agreed with much of what she says. Now, she is passionate and aggressive but its interesting because she remains at her core happy (Like she laughs of her own reactions). she is not attacking anyone, she just stands strong. She talks about how artworks are magnificent and questions when did this word “Project” started to be used for artworks. she debates it’s terrible!  and I agree It makes it stand in an economic sector making it part of an industry. Anyway from there I thought about this analogy “themes also makes the art work captive and not free like”(I don't remember if it was from her or someone else). 

WOW conn this is crazy: My response on you from JOB 

Lives of artists. linked to their practices (their search). 

Most of the world neither live or think like this  - in terms of how their times is concerned and what they spend time thinking about.

I wanted to write about this on my in my first post after my quote on Theodore I just didn't knew how to articulate it.  Indeed I think of this all the time, we are so lucky... even if we suffer more than others by the process, I believe we are more awake and alive. But why do we suffer? why is it so easy to fall into sadness? because I believe our nature is sad upon all catastrophes that's surrounds us (unconsciously and consciously). We are lucky to think and question as unlucky by the grief this brings...

Is it a job title or is it something else?

it is sad that we must abide to think of our actions as Jobs..Don’t you think? This a consequence of the modern world. I know trust that what we aim for its actually something more...more natural...

Conn, Maybe the sky has been trying to tell us this, yet because we are almost never in open conversation with her we can’t hear.

[constanciapaula]

Hello Conn,

Science to look deeper so perhaps this is equally as natural as any other path we were “mean’t” to take…It does makes me question a lot and I am always unsure. Indeed how is this less natural than any other path?...I really don't want to get bloomy and negative but I actually surrender to the idea that I don't like “Modernisation” I have discussed this before with a friend. Let me share it with you:

 I told him how I thought that years ago humans started taking easy shortcuts or choosing paths which eventually lead to what we are today, and how I felt we are made out of the same magnificence as the earth yet we choose this path (a negative one) which saddens me because (quoting Theodore Kaczynski) the industrial revolution and it’s consequences have been a disaster to human race. They have greatly increased the life-expectancy of those of us who live in “advanced” countries, but have destabilised society, have made life unfulfilling, have subjected human beings to indignities, have led to widespread psychological suffering (In the third world to physical suffering as well (still starving children in the xx century!? this is unacceptable yet a reality)) and have inflicted severe damage on the natural world. Now it is A LOT, to discuss and its just very heavy because in order to  abide the subject we must accept realities and be ready to question our love for certain things and be at peace with the fact that if they were to be non existent out realities could be a better one (In a common good). 

Lets lay in the table first our reality, we are lucky to be in the position to Study and even more lucky” Art”, that which provides us with an open window of reflection and freedom. Not most people live like this...they have a routine (yes they live moments of happiness) yet out of the standard percentage not many people question politics of power and the systems that control them. 

We are slaves to the internet as much as it provides us with knowledge and freedom. (..)

We live in the xx century and poverty and hunger are still here, with us...food goes to waste every day yet a child dies of hunger everyday...It’s just not right, its really not a world I am proud to live in. Now the earth its beautiful, filled with things that nurture us and this is why I believe that this reality is the consequence of a bad turn along the path...(I’ll tell you more about this if you like but let me know, I don't want to be negative and rain on your day) 

Anyway to conclude my story...My friend answered me “Paula...I believe a spell fell into humanity a spell that forever doomed them and blinded them, they live in paradise yet they cannot see it” 

This has been rooted in me, it grown like a virus inside me...Sometimes is asleep other times active. 

[constanciapaula]

A Job

I just had a thought I wanted to share about lives of artists. Artists lives are so convolutedly linked to their practices. Everything is so dependent on another - experience and philosophies into pieces. Whereas most of the world neither live or think like this - their lives are completely separate from their jobs - in terms of how their times is concerned and what they spend time thinking about. 

Of course some people are more intertwined with their work than others but I think what I mean is that we are so dependent as artists on so many things. For example, when you said you were feeling sad yesterday and unmotivated - it’s harder to make or think about work because they are so intrinsically linked. 

Don’t you think it is such a different way of life? 

Is it a job title or is it something else? 

From when I started think independently (age 5ish/ maybe even before) I would tell everyone I wanted to be an artist when I grew up. When I was about 10/11 I told people I didn’t want to be an artist because I wanted to make money but I still wanted to be creative - I wonder what changed my mind? 

This is my favourite pic of me as a kid - your turn. 

Con 

[constanciapaula]

Vertical / Vulnerable

The poem is so beautiful...I have read it before during my studies but I read it now with a completely different appreciation. Makes me wonder about how much I appreciate knowledge and information now that I do not have to seek it out for school and to get good grades. 

“It is more natural to me, lying down.

Then the sky and I are in open conversation,”

....holy moly 

Aw I remember that was so sweet. I remember I was so annoying on the way back because I was hungry..or was that the first time we went maybe? Yes I think so and this was the second time. You know what, I was actually just thinking about this yesterday but you have found the words to describe it. There was this one time two friends came to visit me in London in first year and I wasn’t very close with them but we all accidentally fell asleep on the bed. There is such a strong, warm feeling I get when I sleep amongst others, especially in the day time and especially outdoors. Maybe this is our natural way. Being able to drift but know you’re surrounded by beautiful souls who you trust and love. It is so nourishing.  

not designed to see or hear as for a reason? hmmm...your comment here was really interesting about knowing versus knowing. To be honest, I haven’t thought about it great great depth and was sort of realising as we have this conversation. But one thing I am reminded of is evolution. I think I have been forced recently to consider a lot about our digital presence and technologies current role (I don’t mind though, I think its interesting) and to be honest, I am not sure its a good thing but we have evolved to be able to use this science to look deeper so perhaps this is equally as natural as any other path we were “mean’t” to take...no idea, first time thinking about this - please let me know what you think!

western knowledge and validation - Of course, it was really eye opening for me to see it written so straightforward (instead of being like a distant, vague and probably slightly dishonest thought I had not confronted). Because the nature of my practice takes me in and out of these “abstract ideas”, it’s incredibly important for me to consider their origins and how my own conditioning is impacting my perception of them. This is why I really love when you challenge anything I have written. 

How should we map out where we should listen to the recordings? Are we going to attempt to comment on something and if so what? 

爱

Con 

[constanciapaula]

RE: RE: Backwards to go forwards

Honestly, I am not sure I feel so trapped in it. I feel that it gives me a stronger sense of purpose and therefore drive but having said this actually, it also makes me feel trapped in a way that that if i start to experiment with different philosophies/ themes etc then I am almost intruding on that space and that those belong to others. This is particularly relevant to the times we live in because of our current image culture and how it makes it feel like “everything has been done”. But yes I am also not sure because when I discover themes to base my work on, it feels so good, like a discovery I was always meant to encounter. 

Interesting comparison between the concepts of Muybridge and Mendieta’s work - these concepts link a lot to the work I have been doing in response to the brief my university set for us - I would really like to get feedback from you on some images I took. I feel quite lucky actually to be able to do work back in the place/area where I grew up and where I first started to experience a deeper connection and appreciation to my surroundings. It is almost like everything I was experiencing was leading to the conclusions that I am coming to now. It makes me wonder if I will discover a different way of thinking and new philosophies in the future or keep these with me permanently.  

Beautiful analogy of the river. Living in both the current and the current. Thank you P. One day I would like to photograph you in a river. 

Cool, I will start scanning the book. I hope you don’t mind, I have been writing notes on some of the pages, they are easy enough to ignore though. 

A leaf I saw in the sunshine yesterday 

[constanciapaula]

[constanciapaula]

I used to have this amazing PDF that I once found online about Sylvia Plath, one they stole my computer I lost it...It was a wonderful text, talked about her life in such a personal way I think the one to wrote it maybe was a friend. Anyway this is the Poem, I love it, its one of my favourites...I think about it when im laying I feel most natural, I think about it when Im lying next to some I love, I thought about it that day at the woman pond in Hampstead (you, joss and me...remember?).

Back again with science...I do enjoy looking at these images of tears but I also wonder maybe they are thinks we as humans were not designed to see or hear as for a reason? I don't know...but. when I look at the tears something inside me kind of knew and didn't needed prove to phantom they were different, they feel different and In a way deep down made sense...and so my initial thought was...huh! makes sense...But do like and im curious about the synthesis to add to the bigger picture as a whole, enhancing the picture and making beautiful connections among. tell me more about this if you can..

also thank you for thanking me about my perspective of western knowledge and validation. Sometimes I try to explain it to friends and they are just to scientific head-stiffs that they just consider “valid” science and nothing else....I really like sharing and for people to explore the thought, not necessarily to agree but for them to show curiosity and to give the idea a chance on their minds. 

I like Maurice Mikkers, remains me of Rafas work...she has this microscope that she is always using on stuff..

About our video, yes that's the idea only to listen to our messages at a certain spot. :) visually we can plan communication ahead trough here, then select our spots and how to execute the photo direction record and edit. 

Okay I hope you get to read all this, love 

love, 

love. 

Paula

[constanciapaula]

RE: Backwards to go forwards

Dear connie,

I also don’t like the word photoshoot as much as I don’t like calling the actions I make performance…My tutor told me to write about it, she says it might lead to something new and great. I agree.

I am interested about togetherness and the search for a common place, more specially nowadays. This search of themes of our practice I found key but sometimes I get lost in it and feel trapped by it…does this ever happens to you? I actually really like that it happens more unconsciously it proves that you are not forcing yourself to seek for a theme and a them just inhabits you. 

Motion and motion picture by Edweard M. - As I told you in one of our talks, when I was a child we had this artefact where we would place images and then spin it around in order to see movement…Thinking about it now maybe this is one of my many reasons of fascination for movement. 

In regards to our constant search, I was giving this a lot of thought today after watching the story about Chef Virgilio Martinez (check it out on Netflix). Indeed we are in a search for happiness, understanding, meaning of life and it manifest differently in all of us. I really enjoy this quote “the world as we see it passing, but not as we understands its parts” I wrote something similar from a text I was reading about Ana Mendieta it went “We ought to be in the world, as much as of the world” its very different but similar in ways of binaries. The text was about yielding to nature, our concern for our place to ask ourselves “where am I?”  Rather than “who am I?”. 

I am very much enjoy this idea twirling around in your mind. Makes me wonder how when we see an image it is stable, it’s not like a flowing river unlike a canal it does not provide a meditative flow. maybe all the takes would provide this feeling but rarely do we see all the takes…For which final outcomes become segregated and images are extracted and then locked within boxes of selections. I must share that within this idea of images as opposites of flowing rivers I feel time “going Backwards to go forwards” its predominately present in this imagery. You see like a river time is fluent, time is flowing around is, colliding forces create new movement and it is as unstable as stable, balanced as unbalanced and must I dare to say never static. Is chaos and we float in it lost, found, contra corriente y con la corriente. So yes..I do a wonder a lot about this and is highly part of my practice…

 ps: I would love a copy of ways of seeing, it would be nice if you could dedicate it to me…(heart)

Double- ps: I love our texts, show or long, vertical or horizontal…sharing is caring. Love PAULA

[constanciapaula]

Backwards To Go Forwards & Edweard Muybridge

When I couldn’t sleep last night, an idea popped into my head that I wan’t to try on our facetime photoshoot (I really don’t like using the word photoshoot, how strange is that?). I trusted that I would remember it in the morning, which I did. I have attempted to illustrate here. Its an idea that started with thinking aesthetically it would be fun to create a circular shape with the images of the captured movements of your body. It inspired me however to research and dig deeper (nourish) the idea. 

Initial Sketch of idea. I use circular shapes a lot in my work for graphics because a prevalent theme of my work is togetherness and constantly searching for commonplace. (They have been encouraging us this term and last to identify our main themes of our practice). I almost can’t help but end up linking my work to these themes. A lot of the times I do it unconsciously and it’s a good feeling when I make the link consciously - i’m sure we have discussed something along these lines before but do you find this too?   

These drawings reminded me of Edweard Muybridge. My lecturers mention the work and life of Edweard Muybridge a lot. I understood the significance of his work but never too a direct interest (or at least enough of one to do my own research) until now. Wikipedia says he is: “important for his pioneering work in photographic studies of motion, and early work in motion-picture projection”. I have been reading articles about his work and life this morning. He is most famous for his photographs of horses in motion. 

The most interesting and noteworthy pieces of information I encountered were: “Muybridges work, at first, concerned itself with questions of understanding - a mostly scientific approach”. This made me think about how we are on a constant search - whether we should be or not? I suppose it is somewhat a predisposition for an artist to be, no? 

The second quote was about his “voyeuristic” approach. I thought this was an interesting choice of word but the writer of the article wrote about his work “revealing the world as we see it passing, but not as we understand its parts”. Again, thinking about my uni project i’m doing about how we view our present versus our future but also in terms of art, how we view images. And what it means to see an image of a person moving in a direction but not know any other context of the image. - We spoke about something along these lines before in relation to how artists photograph and capture their work. 

I found seeing these two images together particularly interesting - it reminded me of the phrase: Fight or Flight. The book I am reading at the moment - Ways of Seeing by Jhon Berger, discusses in a lot of detail, ideas surrounding seeing two images next to one another and how that changes how they are perceived. I wanted to get you a copy as a gift but I don’t know when you would receive it - I was thinking of photocopying it and sending you a PDF - would you be interested? 

Lastly, what I like most about referencing Muybridge’s work is its’ link to this idea of “going backwards to go forwards”. We are experiencing a truly new and new abnormal time at the moment. This is another theme or idea that I am constantly coming back to, again and again in my practice. What we can learn from the past in order to go forwards or alternatively, experience the present. Do you find yourself exploring this idea at all in your own practice? I like this idea and how it links to us attempting to create work at the moment in our new conditions. 

Sorry this was so long, I do feel the need to apologise because I haven’t been posting on here in a while and I feel like saving it all up like this takes away from the flow and conversation of our posts. Hope this has been somewhat interesting though and I am so excited to hear your thoughts tomorrow! Will probably speak to you before you see this. 

Lastly, reading back through this - I realise I speak a lot about these “themes”of my work and practice. What do you think of this? Its particularly in my mind because of what I am currently working on for uni work but do you think its restricting or a more positive thing? 

Ttyl, Con 

[constanciapaula]

Tears are for Crying

Keep pushing your poetry. Take the same lines and discover what they would be written like in different ways. What was the name of the Sylvia Plath poem that you were talking about the other day? 

Did you know that different tears have different molecular structures for different emotions? 

I became quite obsessed with this fact when I came across this image a while ago (below). I almost started a project on it but the link were tenuous to the brief I was given. An ongoing idea I suppose I may get around to nourishing it one day. 

Similarly, this sort of links to the scientific approval we were talking about earlier. Although I agree and really appreciated your comment on westernisation, I still get excited by seeing beauty like this and looking through science, zooming in and out on our natural world. For me, it sort of makes a connection between ideas of what we feel and see in terms of beauty and pattern in the world. I think westernisation has unfortunately taken away from these abstract ideas we are referencing but for me and I think the ideal would be to see them together (science + abstract ideas) and think about them in synthesis to add to the bigger picture as a whole, enhancing the picture and making beautiful connections among it. Would love to hear your thoughts on this. 

I stumbled across this artist, Maurice Mikkers whilst looking for above picture on google. He is an artist who explores tears and their structures. Creates these really beautiful images: https://www.sciencealert.com/your-tears-are-as-unique-and-as-beautiful-as-snowflakes : 

[constanciapaula]

Slow Morning Where Time Passed Quickly

Yes, I like that we have different platforms where we can speak/write in different styles and express ourselves differently. I really think its good practice too. You are a serious artists! (I actually already wrote half a reply to your last post but had to close all my tabs in a rush because my internet wasn’t loading when I had an online meeting with my tutor grrr). Ahaha we are playing intellectuals but I like to think of it as a fake it till you make it situation. I suppose no one is born an intellect, everyone is a pseudo intellectual to start with! 

I am glad to hear that, yes me too. I like this, “nourishment of ideas”. Describes it perfectly. I like to visualise that in my head. Might try illustrating it. Actually in my first version of this, I responded to the part about parents with a long paragraph and in great depth about how I feel I don’t have many friends here and I feel lonely and I subconsciously take it out on my family etc which I don’t like and always regret. But we spoke about this on the phone briefly, so let’s get back to art!! Iv got lots stored up from not posting for ages. 

Paula!...Your paragraph about science and approving ideas really opened my eyes to something I haven’t thought about before. So incredibly interesting, I feel slightly ignorant for not considering how westernisation has influenced the validation of abstract ideas. Thank you for brining this into my direct consciousness. Actually, it links very much to a project I have just started at uni where we have to create a time capsule about the present time and link it to the current climate crisis. My group was given the provocation: “Social - How is the crisis impacting our health”. And I think at the moment, i’m thinking a lot about future idealism. I have been thinking about collective consciousness and how a crisis like this can’t be properly fixed without a change to collective consciousness. But these are abstract ideas like you said, hard to prove and difficult to communicate. I’d like to try and explore it though. I guess it’s all connected to belief systems, something I think about often but also forget often and then consequently find hard to make sense of, like a cycle.  

!!!! 

Paula!! How funny, the video and what you talk about next is such a good reference for my project. Could you link me the film please. I like the comment on being site specific. Like we give each other messages but then maybe have to be in a certain place to then listen to them from our phone, which then the next part is recorded? I suppose this tumblr and us writing now is the conversation though? Then the imagery we create is the response.  

This ties in nicely to the ideas I have been thinking about this morning in regards to our Facetime photoshoot (I decided to talk about this more in a second blog post as this one is getting quite long). I wish our timezones were more aligned. This reminds me actually, from the summer when you sent me your location and I took screenshots of where we were in relation to the world. When I am talking to friends on the phone I like to imagine zooming out like on google maps and picturing how far away they are. Let me try find and attach the screenshots below. 

I struggling with naming, I think the best approach is to wait until something comes along, I never manage think of a name if I try to hard. I do like Paula Alpaca though. It rolls off the tongue and is memorable. 

My best, 

Con 

[constanciapaula]

Cried

[constanciapaula]

Banana Bread Mornings

Dear connie,

I have to admit in regards of our writing, when I read your first post my impression was “oh wow she is a very good writer, I must step up my game” and so I began writing more formal that I would with you. But I'm enjoying it! makes me feel as if we were serious artist hahaha whatever that is. It’s fun, like playing intellectuals. 

Yes this is fun...its like writing postcards but they reach each other on a faster speed. the exchange its an ideal space for feedback and nourishment of ideas, I find it easier to explain something to you who I trust than to tutors or other friends. 

About The sudden lack of freedom and dealing with family dynamics, I understand, I understand, I understand. I really wish I was be able to merge them! I wish you the best of luck on your odyssey. It is something that involves a lot of acceptance...I once told my Father “who I am in this house is not who I am outside in the world” and it hurt him but after a couple days he realised and began to accept me for who I am. It's still not ideal and he still tries to control me, my actions and some thoughts...the saddest part is that he is not realising it and if you try to speak to him he gets angry and completely shutters you off. Its difficult with parents, I find it so hard to make them realise Im not a kid, Im an adult with an independent mind and free will and choice. I do believe that this experience will make you grow exponentially...Let me know how it goes.

And about the need to find comfort in science or approved “sources” in order to be validated...it is sad but it is a consequence that came from westernised culture, there was a moment in history where they determined that what could be proved by sciences was “real” was “true” dooming everything else unreal or not trustable...consequentially I take part in it, because this is where we are in history, I have my beliefs and I think there are vast things that we will not be able to explain in our lifetime but that does not make then unreal. yet I have to use the tools in power today in my favour, so it understandable that we use back-up/ in order to explain these abstract ideas. 

In regards to our future plans, Maybe we could just make it our voices and then the collaborative part comes from the imagery? I love your idea...While I was reading it, this image of an old war talking device arose from my mind. Picture having this big machine with a specific colour focused/aligned on a particular unique place where you would go only to pick up your messages (something very site-specific from where you are located). This video from a film maker (kristofski) that I like, also surfaced from my memories. The third image is an old phone from the war I like. The device its only 20 pounds, here is the link is you wan to give it a closer look (https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/British-Army-PYE-704B-Linesmans-Field-Telephone-Tested-and-Working-TD2-/142413381370)

we could record ourselves leaving messages to one another and them hearing them by phone, so the viewer is always listening to the reply, never the recording. that could give him time and space to think on its own and not to be told what to think. 

let me know your thoughts, 

Con Amor Paula Paula

Ps: Im thinking of changing my Paula_Alpaca name to something else...I am not sure....