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mom is really worried about me, but look at me, mom, i can still blog.

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All I want in life is for my family to be okay and happy

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This blog is basically dead but I guess I can use it to express all the thoughts I basically have to keep to myself cause I have no one to talk to. 1) most, if not, all my friends I have are people I dont really want to be friends with. My choices seem to be to hang out with them and hate that time spent or write bitchy posts on tumblr. What's worse is I put on some act I guess when hanging out with these people to be nice. 2 ) I don't want to be friends with these people cause our interests and priorities seem to be on other universes. Like really man, I dont give a fuck about whatever 16 or 17 yr old you like, thats effed up. Moreover, fuck off with the whole "wow this girl is so hot, what do you think?" or pointing out every girl you may come across and asking "what do you think? Can she get it?". Girls suck man, and when i say girls, I mean, temporary physical relations with another as a means to get off and fill up a so far pointless existence. I dont think we should lower anyone or ourselves to such a purpose. I can't expect for everyone to have the same priorities, but at least we can try to be decent effing people. Its just difficult to want to be friends with people who act or do actions that indicate they don't want to be friends with you. This leads me to the next point 3) I use to look at noticeably lonely, or weird, or crappy people and wonder if they ever went home and think about how lonely/weird/crappy they are. Did they even know? Well, after some self relfection, the answer to my question is yes, and no. No because I used to think I wasn't lonely, and felt certain I was not weird, and no way could I be crappy. I spent my day thinking about normal things. Then it was harder to ignore the signs. Phone never rings. People dont really respond to any questions i ask. Conversation is always short. Ive finished like 5 or so tv series in two months. At first I was like "well that's because everyone sucks, and is a bore". But the more I thought about it, the closer I got to looking in the mirror and realizing holy eff, im the problem! So yes, people realize such self awareness, and think about it at home. Its a horrible feeling realizing you just are a shitty person. I feel like most of my conscience interactions with others are driven by the idea of being a nice person, and wanting the best for the other. In my heart, that's what I really care about. But then there are reactions, or feelings, and a lack of self awareness, or perhaps the mental capacity, that demonstrate im just a crappy person. I recognise these flaws I have, and hate them, but feel helpless doing anything about them outside of sharing through a blog post to limited random audience I don't know on the internet. It just doesn't make sense. K sleep time

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no no no no no no no no fucking NO this is SO WRONG

it’s not technology that makes “magic” like this is the most problematic thing i have maybe ever heard anyone say about music like have they even thought about this? like if you define “magic” or like the quality that makes music affecting or interesting or worth listening to as something that is purely the result of someone using tools or operating technology, a process that can be fully and completely democratized to the point where every single person on earth no longer needs to listen to music made by other people because they can hit a few buttons at punch up a masterpiece themselves not through creativity or cognitive breakthroughs or god forbid any kind of emotional/spiritual anything but through the straightforward application of technology, then what are they ACTUALLY doing by holding 70’s soft rock on a pedestal above everybody? what are they actually saying when they imply that period of time was more “magical” than the one we live in now because if recording technology being less accessible and therefore more exclusive  makes things more “magical” then making a record glorifying and romanticizing a more “magical” time is basically like glorifying and romanticizing the idea that pop music is more “magical” and interesting if class/race/gender barriers prevent most people from even being allowed to try and make it

did not like the record either, discovery and the accompanying film are one of the greatest accomplishments in the history of pop music and i love everything that was happening there, i mean if you’re creating a monument to the relationship you had with music in your childhood then creating a revisionist history of disco from the point of view of white europeans can create dazzling results but when it comes to dudes actually straightforwardly purporting to offer a history lesson i’ll take terre thaemlitz every fucking time thanks

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Kanye walks on stage in front of like, every important person in the entertainment industry and yells “I am God” for about 5 minutes while everybody cheered.  definitely one of the best sets I’ve ever seen

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This one time I painted a living room with a girl.

This was a handful of years back. It was about eight months before the huge, flame-out of a breakup. That day, though? That day we painted the living room? It was pretty uneventful. We painted my parents living room for $50 between us and a pizza. That was it. I think we watched Anchorman or something after that.

But it still holds as on of the most indelible memories I have. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not still in love, it happened, it was good, it ended, and we’ve both moved on. But I’ll never forget that day. Because it’s never, in the long run, about the grand gestures. You can fly across the world and show up on her doorstep with a rose in your teeth and a ring in a little velvet box but I can guarantee you that - more often than not - she’s going to remember the time you built the birdhouse in the back yard, or what have you, a whole lot more.

Life wasn’t meant to be taken in large movements. The next day will inevitably arrive, you’ll sleep, and the moment will have passed. But when you have a hundred thousand small moments, you can step back and appreciate the picture a lot more than metaphorically blowing your load on some grand moment that, in all honesty, look, you’re not Bruce Fucking Springsteen, you’re not going to be able to blow everyone’s mind every single night. You’re not Romeo and/or Juliet. There’s no reason to drink the poison together in some flame-out gesture. So that leaves us with the small stuff. It’s all about the detail.

That’s what love is. Attention to detail.

And the moment will end. And then things will get boring. And it might get a little quiet. And it might all end horribly. And you might hate eachother at the end. And you might walk away from eachother one day and never speak again. But that’s just how it goes.

But she’ll remember the time you held the door open for her on your first date. She’ll remember the time you laughed at her impression of the landlady. She’ll remember the time you stayed up all night that first time. She’ll remember the small things a lot longer than the big ones.

But everything ends. And I’ll tell you why you have to make the small things, the small moments count so much more:

One day, probably a while longer from now, when old age takes ahold of someone, she might just only remember your smile. Everything you ever did together, every second, every moment, every beat, every morning spent in bed, every evening spent together on the sofa, all of that - gone. Everything you ever did will be reduced to the head of a pin. She won’t remember your name. She’ll just remember your smile, and she’ll smile. She won’t know why. It’s a base, gut reaction. But she’ll smile, uncontrollably, and it will come from somewhere so deep as to know that you touched her on a primal, honest, and true level that no scientist, scholar, or savant could ever begin to explain. There is no more. There is nothing else. There is just this: She’ll remember your smile, and she’ll smile.

And you know what? That’s all that really matters in the end.

Arguably the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read on tumblr.

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i was about to cry from exhaustion and then i found out that i am meeting G dragon and members of 2ne1 and girls gen tomorrow and now im crying from joy :’0 oh my god o m  g

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Drake | 5 AM in Toronto Oh, so that's what he means by 'here'. Nice.

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Cokiyu | Twinkle Way [Ft. Baths] I don't know how many times I get on here to complain about life, but usually stop halfway and never post. It's a good thing. Overall, things are not such a big deal. My biggest gripe is I feel stuck in a life I don't want to live. I'm trying to make changes, but I just feel there's always something that appears in the way no matter which direction I go. Kinda like that scene in the Truman Show. Oh well, Truman eventually escapes, right? Anyway, this track makes everything feel okay.

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Usher | My Boo [Ft. Alicia Keys] Man, props to Jermaine Dupri on the production for this song. Can't believe this song is almost a decade old.

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Tank | Emergency (Jerome LOL Edit) Just chill, okay?

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Chvrches | Recover For the longest time now I've been trying to find a song that reminds me the feeling of LOVING a song upon a first listen. It's a very particular feeling to listen to a song for the first time, and know you already love it within the first 5 seconds . Anyway, this is the song that brought back that feeling.

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Taylor Swift | The Way I Loved You The violins in the back really make the song, don't you think?

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Taylor Swift | Our Song Strip away everything that 'Taylor Swift' is associated with now, at her very essence, she's just an wonderfully awesome songwriter. It really is the foundation that superstar now has built her empire on.

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Ahhhh about to see toro y moi in like ten minutes!!!!!!!!!!

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Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. On Monday I can and will "kill myself" and I won't have to worry about frivolous matters like wondering why people are so fucking lame and weird and hard to connect with or what the fuck a "friend" is. - Blahhhhhhhhhhhhh