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whatever i'll post this here too. swag // @nosomatsu

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all my haters become alligators when I see em later

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"...My bad, I didn't hear any of that. I was thinking about a reverse centaur. Like, horse head on top, but it's all human from the neck down...?" Actually, she's getting dangerously close to getting lost in that thought all over again, now that she's voiced it aloud. Yuzu shakes her head a little sluggishly and brings herself back down to the matter at hand. Whatever that is. "...What was your question?"

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*whips my head around so my very large and tacky dangly earrings slap you in the face, cutting you off mid-sentence* anyways,

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I've made an adjustment to Anzu's bio! TLDR, her current job has changed from hostess to working at a more standard bar (albeit one that still staffs mostly women as a draw and where chatting with regulars is a fairly significant part of the job), and establishing that she was working as a hostess for a while in her early 20s before making this switch (despite the pay cut).

(I've been mulling this over for a while and came to the conclusion that she realistically wouldn't be able to keep up with the demands/expectations of a full-on hostess gig for more than a year or two, so I've adjusted things so that she did work the hostess gig in her early 20s but has since switched to working at a bar after the hostess gig got to be too much for her. I think this suits her strengths (and needs) better despite the difference in pay as interactions are focused on more "natural" conversation and there also tends to be firmer boundaries on customer-staff dynamics, or at least less pressure to play into a nonexistent relationship. I can see Anzu realizing this is genuinely important to her once she actually gets something of a support system/outside perspective from Ran (and vice versa--these two essentially spent the first 2-3 years of their friendship volleying the sliver of mental health between one another and goading each other into quitting their jobs that were making them miserable in favour of something at least marginally less miserable. You know how it is.)

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Your Most Beautiful Feature

Diagnosis results: Ran's most beautiful feature is their intelligence.

"Which gets me nowhere in a world that spawns a legendary roster of idiot customers every time I clock in. Forget intelligence, give me a taser."

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Your Most Beautiful Feature

Diagnosis results: Anzu's most beautiful feature is their left ear.

"I'm constantly saying this." Common utterance of a woman who has never said this even once in her life.

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surely the conses wont quence

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Your Most Beautiful Feature

Diagnosis results: Yuzu's most beautiful feature is their fake aura.

"Fake aura... Sounds kinda cool. Like a special move, or something." She braces a thoughtful hand under her chin and looks gravely off into the middle distance at nothing in particular. "I'm moving so fast there's an afterimage of me that you hit instead because your brain can't keep up with my speed... something like that...?"

Not even close.

tagged by // nabbed from @historias-multorum on the dash tagging // nab it from me. no rules just right outback dashgame. house

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starter call // mutuals like this post and i'll write you a little something!

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"Okay, so, hiiiii! You kinda got right into it, so i didn't get a chance to say this, but obviously I'm, like, not the person you were trying to call, 'cause I have no idea who this is." Now to be fair, she did answer a call from an unknown number, so this is partially on her. "Buuuut, it sounds like you've got a lot on your mind T-B-H, and I'm waiting for this top coat on my nails to dry anyway, so! If you wanna gimme the deets, I give great scandalized gasp in all the right parts of a story, first sesh' is free, et cetera et cetera. Thoughts?"

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✰   —  —  —  THE GOOD PLACE SENTENCE STARTERS

‘  hi, guys! i’m broken.  ’ ‘  send nude pics of your heart to me.  ’ ‘  man, repressing your feelings is great.  ’ ‘  i just want to sit and stare at nothing and silently scream for the rest of time.  ’ ‘  birth is a curse and existence is a prison.  ’ ‘  it’s ancient history? it was happening until twenty seconds ago.  ’ ‘  one of the perks of living alone is that i get to just walk around naked.  ’ ‘  i’ll miss you too, you sexy skyscraper.  ’ ‘  you were already at almost-maximum hotness, but now you look like a sexy, tan rapunzel. ugh, the dream.  ’ ‘  well, hooking up with someone with the exact same name, it is kind of a fun, narcissistic fantasy… i could be into it.  ’ ‘  so far, i’m the best student. i’m gonna be the velociraptor.  ’ ‘  i feel like ‘friends’ in season eight, out of ideas and forcing joey and rachel together, even though it made no sense.  ’ ‘  i once got lost on an escalator, so i’m not exactly christopher columbus.  ’ ‘  we’ve been through this thousands of times. i mean, can you… just chill out? is that possible?  ’ ‘  you deserve to be happy because you are an impressive, thoughtful, and special person… not to mention, you have a rockin’ bod.  ’ ‘  any place or thing in the universe can be up to 104% perfect. that’s how we got beyonce.  ’ ‘  because of reasons. there are reasons! they exist and i don’t want to explain them right now.  ’ ‘  i’m a canyon… full of poo-poo.  ’ ‘  they are a couple and i am a third part of that couple.  ’ ‘  it’s suddenly very important that i get drunk.  ’ ‘  you got dreams in life? that’s lit.  ’ ‘  be nicer to yourself.  ’ ‘  how can i say no? …can i say no?  ’ ‘  i don’t have a house. i live in a boundless void.  ’ ‘  i have no idea what’s going on, but everyone is talking and i should too.  ’ ‘  be nicer to yourself.  ’ ‘  i’m too young to die and too old to eat off the kid’s menu. what a stupid age i am!  ’ ‘  is this a game? i go first. i call blue!  ’ ‘  aw, man. i wanted to push that button. not cool, dude.  ’ ‘  we know everything. i don’t understand much of it, but you know, i know it.  ’ ‘  that was my first time as a fashion ‘don’t’ and i did not care for it.  ’ ‘  i’m just a girl, towering over a boy, asking him to admit he loves me.  ’ ‘  hey there hot stuff, can i get you a cup of coffee?  ’ ‘  do you have any feelings like that for me again now?  ’ ‘  no, no, no, dude, dude, dude, you don’t have to explain yourself. we are on the same page.  ’ ‘  i am revved up to learn, man. my brain is horny!  ’ ‘  i used to think about how it’s weird they don’t make pants that are just one big pant leg for both your legs.  ’ ‘  i felt bad about what i did. it was a weird feeling. not used to it. didn’t love it.  ’ ‘  yeah, i love you. ugh, that’s embarrassing. i feel so itchy.  ’ ‘  go fork yourself, you mean giraffe.  ’ ‘  who needs a soulmate anyway? my soulmate will be… books.  ’ ‘  what do we do? panic? freak? i usually panic, but i am happy to freak!  ’ ‘  we’re gonna have assignments and quizzes and papers… it’s gonna be so much fun!  ’ ‘  i’m in a perfect utopia and i have a stomachache.  ’ ‘  i need to step outside for some air. and… i will not be back. for many days.  ’ ‘  the point is, you’re cool, dope, fresh, and smart-brained.  ’ ‘  yeah, dude. i’m not a monster… anymore.  ’ ‘  i’m good. just hang out with her and name constellations after each other or whatever it is nerds do. i’m fine on my own.  ’ ‘  i’m in this. we’re a team.  ’ ‘  she makes the bass drop… in my heart.  ’ ‘  is that some kind of nerd pick-up line? because it’s only kind of working.  ’ ‘  ugh, of course your hugs are amazing.  ’ ‘  okay, that’s really specific and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.  ’ ‘  yeah, mm-hmm, everything is fine, it’s okay, yeah. i’m fine. so, it’s all fine.  ’ ‘  look away! everybody look away. i’m going to keep watching, but you guys look away.  ’ ‘  ugh, talking about your feelings is the worst.  ’ ‘  i’ve been keeping a secret from you… about you. the thing is, it’s not even harming you and if i tell you i feel like it might harm you. so, uh, ethically speaking, i don’t think i have to tell you.  ’ ‘  has anyone ever told you what a drag you are?  ’ ‘  ‘bearer of bad news’? uh, i think you mean ‘bad news bear’.  ’ ‘  honestly, the best move is to get another dude and just go to town. rebound guy.  ’ ‘  but i am happy for them! i am! i am! am i? i am! i am not. i am not. i am not that. i am not happy for them.  ’ ‘  i totally get it. i mean, he’s a ding dong, but also a straight hottie.  ’ ‘  you want to hear his side? oh, no, no, no. that’ll only slow things down.  ’ ‘  no! right? no, it felt like a no when i was doing it.  ’ ‘  here’s the thing, i’m nice to you and you’re mean to me. there’s something wrong about that, but i can’t put my finger on it.  ’ ‘  how am i doing? oh, well, you know… stomach’s in knots, i’m stress-grinding my teeth, and it feels like i’m being suffocated.  ’ ‘  just shove your feelings way deep down, plaster on a smile, and pretend your having fun.  ’ ‘  just shove your feelings way deep down, plaster on a smile, and pretend your having fun… just like i do when someone starts talking about their kids.  ’ ‘  how do i put this delicately… it’s all stupid garbage!  ’ ‘  i’m sorry i dragged you into this.  ’ ‘  i’m sorry that i never did laundry… and that i waited until you were about to do yours and secretly tossed mine into the basket to trick you into doing it.  ’ ‘  that’s a very, very bad idea. don’t be yourself!  ’ ‘  great. yet again, it’s everyone against me because everyone except me is an idiot. why am i the only person who clearly sees what’s going on here?  ’

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God, this person's been wrestling with the buttons of the vending machine for what feels like hours (though it's probably only been a minute or two in reality), trying to get the machine to release their drink with no success. Luckily, Ran's familiar enough with the temperament of this particular machine from repeat visits--and just impatient enough in her post-work state to implement the One True Fix™.

"...You gotta kick it." Ran grumbles from her place standing behind them, and swings a leg forward to do just that (though she's mindful not to get the other person caught in the crossfire). The chunky heel of her boot connects with the lower right side of the machine with a vicious whack. It shakes out a whirring noise of protest in return and shakes out a few feeble rattles before mercifully--finally--dropping the purchased drink into the receiving area. "...Like that. Otherwise the stuff in the middle rows never drop. Just takes your cash."

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autism unawareness. what's happening lol