copper-16

[copper-16]

Remind Me That There’s A Room To Grow Part 4

Life looked different for the two of you now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t grow together.

(a/n: Hi guys! So just a little personal update - I had a bit of a mental health episode recently and as a result I'm now spending a solid 10-12 hours of my week in therapy to try and get some help with that! Appreciate those who have stuck with me.

This is the final part of this story - I hope you guys enjoyed these two :)

Subconsciously, you had resigned yourself to the fact that Alexia would be gone in the morning when you had fallen asleep last night. Even without having spent much time with her now, you knew how the brunette was. She was forever busy with training, extra training, media responsibilities, and that had been when you were both eighteen! You assumed there was even more placed on her shoulders now that she was a prominent member of a big club. 

However, when you felt yourself rising from sleep, you looked down and realized that there was still an arm wrapped around your torso. You blinked slowly, your mind whirling as you stared down at Alexia’s hand, her palm resting gently over your stomach. 

“G’Morning,” you turned your neck as far as you could back, realizing that Alexia was awake as well as she greeted you. The footballer pressed a kiss to the base of your neck before you flipped over in bed so that you could properly face her. 

You were pretty sure you’d never seen anything more gorgeous than Alexia in that moment, a tender smile on her face. Her hair was mused with sleep but not messy, her eyes still half lidded with sleep. They trailed down your face, as though she was attempting to commit every single ounce of you to her memory. 

“Hi Flori,” she whispered softly, and you ducked your head in a vague pursuit to hide the flush that adorned your cheeks. The footballer didn’t seem to like that though, reaching her hand forward as she tucked her fingers under your chin and lifted your head back up. 

Despite your initial shyness, you couldn’t help but bask in the openness of it all as you looked up. No longer was it a dream to wish for her to be here - she was here. Right next to you, looking at you as though no amount of time had passed. As though she still adored you just as much now as she had when you were both eighteen. 

“I love you,” you murmured gently as you reached one of your own hands up to card through some of her hair. You allowed your fingers to come back to her face, to trail down her cheeks, her jaw, her neck. The warmth under your fingers proof that she remained here, that she was not a dream. 

The Catalan accepted the touch easily, taking it a step further as she pulled you into her. You allowed yourself to be moved and manipulated easily, until you were laying practically on top of the brunette, her arms tight around you. 

Her skin was warm against your own, and somehow she still smelled just as she did when she was eighteen. For every thing about her that seemed so vastly different, there was always something that had remained the same about her. It surprised you honestly, but you were grateful for it nonetheless. The strength and security with which she held you felt unyielding. After years of sleeping alone in your bed, you had forgotten what it was like to be held with such a reverent touch. 

You released a sigh that you hadn’t realized was building, lolling your head into Alexia as she pressed a soft kiss to your temple. The content feeling of just laying there soon gave way to a certain curiosity after several minutes had passed. You unlooped your arms from the midfielder, sitting up and looking down at her with a raised brow. 

“When did you get so…muscly?” You questioned suspiciously as you poked at her abdomen, your heart skipping a beat at the peal of laughter Alexia let out in response. She puffed her chest out a little, and you could feel her trying to flex in bed. 

“I train at the gym a lot more than I did before,” she smirked, clearly looking rather proud of herself. You rolled your eyes, wholly unimpressed. Alexia had always been attractive to you, and her being in the best or worst shape of her life meant nothing to you compared to having her there. 

“Alright, relax muchisimo,” you quipped, though trying to hold your laughter in was futile. Alexia leaned forward suddenly, snatching you at the waist and pulling you back onto the bed, squeezing you tightly. You allowed yourself to go willingly as you giggled, the sound ricocheting off the walls. 

Had they ever heard such happiness before? 

Surely they had not, because rarely had you been this happy without her. 

“But it means I get to do this,” Alexia explained as she finally sat up, but this time with you wrapped in her arms. You squealed as she carried you toward the kitchen with your legs wrapped around her tightly, setting you down on the kitchen counter as though you were the finest piece of porcelain. 

She stepped back just a touch after she let you down. She allowed her hands to reach up as she tucked a lock of hair back behind your ear, her face softening as she did so. 

You watched as the footballer turned toward your fridge, finally giving you a moment to work up the courage to ask the question that has been on your mind ever since you had woken up. 

“Do you not have gym today? Or training, or anything like that?” You asked hesitantly, almost as though you were bracing for her to say she was leaving. 

It wasn’t as though you thought she could stay forever. But for whatever reason, the thought of her leaving at this very moment felt like it might tear you to shreds. The Catalan turned back toward you, instantly worried about the tone of your words. She shut the fridge, stepping closer to you as you slipped off the counter to stand in front of her. 

“I called in earlier and told them I wasn’t coming. I’m here with you for today, and as long as you’ll have me,” Alexia promised, and by the tone of her words, you knew she was talking about more than just football practice. 

You stepped forward at her words, wrapping your arms around her and hugging her tightly. She met you halfway easily, tucking her head into the side of your neck. The footballer allowed herself to breathe in deeply, grounded by the notes of violet and sandalwood in your perfume. 

Even when you tried to step away and release her after a few seconds, the midfielder only gripped you tighter. 

“Please, just a few more seconds. Just…stay. Just one more minute,” she nearly begged, and you stepped back into her body with a speed you were unaware you possessed. Your hands around her were firm and consistent, just as they always had been. 

Just as she remembered. You angled yourself into her, pressing a kiss to her cheek before you tucked her into your body even further. Alexia was certain in that moment that if she could have crawled into your skin she would have, but still you were here. 

“Thank you,” the brunette breathed out, and you only held her tighter. 

“Always,” you promised, and it was a promise you intended to keep this time. 

—

Alexia ended up staying for the entirety of the weekend, to your absolute delight. It didn’t even need to be anything special for the two of you to bask in the closeness that enveloped the two of you. 

The brunette was incessantly clingy, following you from room to room like a lost puppy. Even now, she dragged you into bed under the guise of taking a nap, but you knew that secretly she just liked the closeness. Some things never changed. 

You laid down flat on your back with Alexia climbing in after you. You turned your head toward the brunette, who was on her side with her elbow and hand propping her head up. She seemed to be holding something back, but what that was, you weren’t sure. 

“What is it?” You inquired, your eyebrows furrowed together at the way she worried her lip between her teeth. 

“I…I don’t know how to ask?” Alexia seemed to be questioning herself, as though she were lost in her own mind. You reached up to smooth the crinkle that had formed between her brows with the pad of your thumb, and felt as she relaxed slightly under your touch. 

“Try me,” you replied, ready for any question that the midfielder might ask. 

“How have…how have things been? Since…well, since, you know–” Alexia managed to cut herself off as she began to ramble, clamping her mouth shut as she shook her head with annoyance. She was getting frustrated, but for what you were not sure. 

You were confused about the request considering it seemed like a perfectly normal question to ask. You had asked her that earlier in the weekend, checking on how her family was and how football had been. For whatever reason though, Alexia seemed nervous to do the same with you. 

“What’s wrong, mi alma?” You asked after a beat, sensing there was more to the story than Alexia was letting on. 

“I just…I feel horrible for saying this. I don’t like thinking about you living your life in the last nine years. I feel as though there is this big gaping hole in my knowledge of you…this big gaping hole where…” 

“Where you were not there?” You finished for her gently after she trailed off. She nodded in defeat, the shame she felt rippling within her. You leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead, your hand coming to cradle her cheek as you sat up. “That is perfectly normal, Ale. It bothers me as well, of course it does. But when I think of it, I try to remember how much I know you missed me. For every good moment, I spent twice as many missing you, and I know that you were not far off,” she agreed instantly, and you smiled at her steadily. 

“I also know that I am not going anywhere, so we might as well fill in the time we missed and move on,” you described, something that seemed to renew some of the faith in the Catalan. 

She began asking you questions about everything she had missed. She asked about your diagnosis, how treatment had been. As much as she tried not to shy away from it, you could tell it pained her immensely to hear about the experience, so you sped through the details as much as you could. 

You informed her the whereabouts of your brothers, how their lives were going. You told her all about your university degree, how she had gotten the job to come to Barcelona. When you explained that you picked the job offer that got you here, she squeezed you just a touch tighter. 

But finally the heaviest question laid ahead, and you knew it was going to be a knife to Alexia’s stomach. There was simply no way around it, no matter how hard you tried to steer the conversation away. 

“How is your Mama?” Alexia asked hopefully, excited for the update on Paula. She was never particularly close with your mother, much like you yourself were not, but your mother had been nothing if not fun to be around. She had always loved you, and loved that you and Alexia were together immensely. 

Secretly, Paula loved the way that Alexia gave you the space to relax where she and your family could not. She knew it was something you needed, and though the two of you never spoke about it, Paula had felt that loss for you when the footballer had left. 

Secretly, she had always hoped that the two of you would find some way back to each other. 

“She…” you paused for a second, bracing yourself. Alexia tilted her head slightly, wondering why you had trailed off. “She passed away a little over a year and a half back, Ale.” 

The midfielder froze just a second after you had finished the sentence. Her heart skipped a beat, and her breathing ceased for several moments. Though her body did not move, her eyes were on you in a second. 

“What?” She asked, barely a whisper. All you did was nod, a sorrowful and apologetic look on your face. You watched as crack by crack appeared in the brunette’s expression, emotions spilling through until the whole thing collapsed. Not only had you lost your mother when she was not there, but you knew it would bring up all of the memories of her own father’s death. 

You hated yourself for saying it, even if you knew that the brunette needed to know eventually. 

You were right there to support the footballer as she began to cry. You knew her, and you knew that she would be taken aback by your statement. 

It still pained you to be right. 

You tucked the Catalan into your arms easily as silent tears slid down her cheeks. It was easy for you, to care for her and hold space for her. It was what you had always done, for as long as you had known. 

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you,” she whispered into your shoulder, and all you could do was turn your head to the side to kiss her cheek gently, moving one of your hands to wipe the tears that rained down from glossy eyes. 

“You didn’t know, mi alma,” you beseeched as you allowed her to lean back into you. Your forgiveness was endless, and you would throw it recklessly if you needed to. You would hold her for as long as she needed to be held, that was for certain. 

—

It was Friday afternoon, the day of Alexia’s first game back since you had come into her life once more. She had spent most of her time with you since the two of you had reunited, practically living out of your apartment in favor of her own. 

The brunette clung to you like a koala, and though you did not mind, you found it rather amusing. You’d all but had to shove her out the door for the game today, or else she would have been late. It took three kisses, two hugs, and a promise that you would find her directly after the match for her to finally step toward her car. 

The brunette had explained to you that she had gone over to her mother’s house after leaving your place last weekend to apologize to them. She had promised you that at the game you would sit with her family in the family and friends section of the stadium, which was where you had always belonged, according to the brunette. 

When Alexia had inevitably left your house on Sunday evening, the first place she went was to her Mami’s house. She knew that both Eli and Alba would be there, and she knew it was time that she apologized properly. 

The door was unlocked, leaving the brunette free to enter the house without needing an introduction. She toed off her shoes before she walked over to the living room, where she heard the voices of both her mother and sister. 

Both of their voices petered off when Alexia turned into the living room, and both of them seemed rather surprised to see the footballer standing there. 

“Um…hi?” Alexia tried, but she shook her head instantly. 

“That was awkward, I am sorry. I came here to apologize to both of you,” she explained swiftly, and though Alba started to interject, the brunette stopped her sister. 

“I came to both of you in a moment of anger, and I never should have done that. It was unfair of me to place blame on you guys when all you did was offer a perspective for me to consider. I’m really sorry for the way I treated you both, and I promise I will work to be better,” she pledged, with both Eli and Alba looking at her with compassion in their expressions. 

“No Ale, we are sorry. We were both very judgmental and unwilling to consider a different perspective. I am sorry it caused things to go poorly with Flori,” Alba expressed, and Alexia could simply see in both her mother and her sisters' faces that they were steadfast in their regret. 

The brunette walked over to both of them, sitting down on the couch between them and pulling them into a tight hug. 

“I love you guys,” she said gruffly, trying to hold back tears. God, she really had done a lot of crying this week. 

“We love you too honey. Have you had a chance to talk with Flori again?” Eli inquired as they all pulled away, genuine concern in her tone. Alexia nodded, a slight flush to her cheeks as she held back a smile. 

“We…we have. We’re back in each other's lives now, even all these years later. I know it might sound stupid but…I still love her,” the footballer admitted, much to the delight of her mother and sister. 

“She’s coming to the game on Friday, so the two of you need to be on your best behavior! I told her that she could sit with you guys,” Alexia looked at both Eli and Alba with a serious expression, and her sister held up her hands in surrender. 

“We will be nice Ale, we promise!” She declared as she looked over at Eli with excitement. 

You had felt secure in Alexia’s words and promises, until now. It was the day of the game, and suddenly your nerves were through the roof. You made it into the stadium just fine, allowing someone to escort you to the correct section before they left you to attend to other matters. 

For a second you allowed yourself to take a deep breath, trying and failing to center yourself. 

You made your way down to your seat slowly, watching Eli and Alba the whole time. They seemed lively, animated, whispering to each other and laughing afterward.

Your stomach twisted in anxiety, because despite Alexia’s apology to them, you had no clue if they still felt that you were a horrible person or not. Each step felt like it was torture, taking you closer to a reality you didn’t want to live in. 

You had always loved both Alba and Eli, and they had loved you. If you never saw them again, in your head they would love you forever. Even if it wasn’t realistic, it was a nice thought. 

Both Eli and Alba’s heads turned to look at you at the same time as you entered into the row of seats, and you paused in your movement. You didn’t even realize you were holding your breath until they stood, making their way over toward you. 

It was Eli who reached you first, and she immediately tugged you into a big hug. You stood stock still for a moment, not expecting that she would treat you so kindly. Your hand lay listless at your side, your body tense as you struggled to relax. 

After several moments your mind seemed to come back to you, and you relaxed into the hug as you wrapped your arms around the older woman. 

“Hola Flori,” Eli smiled as she pulled back, allowing Alba to rush past her to hug you tightly as she murmured a greeting in your ear. You were prepared this time, and returned the hug back with fervor. When the two women finally stepped back to truly take you in, you noticed how wet their eyes were. 

You looked away from them for a moment, swallowing thickly. You fought the urge to look at your shoes as you spoke, instead facing your fear directly. 

“You two aren’t…mad?” You questioned softly, trying to restrain the fear in your voice and failing spectacularly. Eli shook her head earnestly, and she reached forward to pat your cheek affectionately. 

“I think we were sad, and we missed you. We did not understand then, but Alexia told us what had happened. Now all that we wish is to be here with you, as we should have been the whole time,” she replied easily, as though her forgiveness was something to be given out freely. 

Perhaps it was, when it came to you. 

It was you who reached forward for a hug this time while you struggled to keep the tears at bay. 

“We love you Flori,” Alba added on, and you reached behind Eli to grasp her hand tightly, trying to convey all your gratitude in one glance.  

“Come on now, we have a football match to watch!” Eli declared as you pulled back from the hug. She dragged you back to your seats, squishing you in between Alba and herself. 

“It’s strange to see you here without a single piece of homework, I must admit,” the older woman teased, and you released the first real laugh in the afternoon, shaking your head as you knocked her shoulder with your own. 

No matter how hard you tried to convince yourself that you didn’t, you had missed this. You had missed spending time with them, being loved by them. They were so affectionate and kind, and despite all this time, it felt as though they had hardly changed. 

The three of you kept chatting as the players began to stream out onto the field. You were much closer than you typically were at these games. The three of you were sat basically right above the end of the tunnel, so much that you could see the highlights in some of their hair as they ran out onto the pitch. 

While you were engaged in the conversation, it was obvious to both Eli and Alba that you always kept one eye on the field, waiting. 

She was one of the last ones out onto the field, and instead of just running straight into her warm up, the brunette stopped and looked back at the stands. Given that the three of you were seated practically front and center, you were not hard to find. 

You tried not to let it show, but there was a rush of relief within you when Alexia’s whole body seemed to light up at the sight of you. Her very essence seemed to relax, and suddenly she became so incredibly settled. 

She was settled for the warm up, she was settled for the game. 

So settled in fact, that when she scored the first of her two goals, she turned to the stands and blew you a kiss. When you realized what she was doing you could feel the flush rising on your cheeks, coupled with the unhelpful fact that both Eli and Alba turned to you in excitement. You ducked your head to hide your smile, though your heart soared. 

It seemed to stay there after the game as well. Instead of going to sign and take pictures as the Catalan sometimes did, she opted to make a beeline for the stands - for you. 

And there you were, more than prepared and willing to accept the hug as the footballer took the steps up two at a time, clattering in her boots as she came to give you a huge hug. 

You didn’t say a thing when she pulled back and kissed you soundly on the lips either, despite the fact that there was a crowd. 

—

You knew this was coming eventually. 

It was a day off, and you and Alexia had spent the morning in bed together, snuggled under the covers  and pressed into one another. It had been a few weeks of peace, and still, you hadn’t slept together. 

The brunette seemed in no hurry to rush you, but at the same time you could tell she was waiting. Your anxiety transcended every logical thought that you had, steam rolling it until all you felt was worry. 

Sure, at one point you had known one another's bodies, but a lot can change in nine years. Where Alexia had toned, gained muscle, become something solid and secure, you felt innumerably more delicate. Scars littered different areas of your chest, back, and ribs, and they were not something you typically shared. 

You wore high cut tops to cover them, avoiding crop tops and swimsuits. 

But there was something about the way Alexia pressed her lips to you that morning, a sweetness and curiosity that had you pressing further, deepening the kiss. Despite your worries, you still wanted her. There was a closeness in sex that you found familiar and comforting, and you wanted that with Alexia. 

The Catalan met you stride for stride, easily leaning into the kiss while still allowing for you to take control at the same time. It was only when she started to move closer to you that you pulled away from her, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. 

When you looked over at the midfielder, you expected judgment but received only concern in response. 

“What is it?” She questioned gently. Nine years didn’t change the fact that she knew you like the back of her hand. The footballer could tell that something was off, and you weren’t feeling right. You flushed, looking away for just a moment before you shrugged slightly. 

“My body has…changed from the last time you’ve seen it,” you admitted quietly, as though it was a secret rather than just a fact of growing throughout life. “You’ve gotten fitter, and I…well I just look different now.” 

Alexia watched you for a moment, noting the discomfort that seemed to ripple through you with every movement. Admittedly, she cared little for what your body looked like, no matter the shape, size, marks, whatever it was. 

“I love you not because of how your body looks, but for you,” she explained softly, placing her hand palm up on the blankets. It was an open invitation, and the footballer watched as you stared at it for several minutes, almost as though you were considering a business deal. 

You fought with yourself internally. You knew Alexia would never lie to you. At the same time, insecurity felt as though it would overwhelm you. 

But above all, you trusted her. You really wanted to continue doing so. 

When you reached out to take her hand, it was tentative, gentle, and slightly fleeting. The brunette moved toward you carefully, leaning in to kiss you carefully. You allowed yourself to relax into the motion, into the familiarity of it all. 

Alexia knew you. 

Even now, she still did. 

When her hand tucked under your shirt and splayed over your hip bone, you felt yourself arching into the warmth of it. Her hands trailed upward as her lips trailed down, sucking gently at the juncture between your jaw and neck as your shirt was pulled upward. 

The midfielder pulled back for long enough to gauge your reaction, and she waited until you gave her express permission before she removed your shirt carefully. 

You braced her for to be appalled at your body, your eyes screwed tightly shut. But when her hands returned to your body, it was with a gentle, fluttering touch that caused the entirety of your being to relax. 

She traced your scars, the physical presence of everything you had been through since she had been in your life. There was reverence in her touch, an aching sincerity as tears shimmered in her eyes at the sight of you. Not repulsed by you, but rather upset that she hadn’t been there. 

When you were just about to finally break the silence, the footballer dipped her head, pressing a featherlight kiss to your old port scar. She did the exact same to every single foreign mark on your body as you felt yourself melting back into the mattress at the feeling. 

It was such a strange feeling, to be worshipped and loved with such an effortless touch. 

Alexia’s hands were everywhere and yet nowhere at all, nothing but gentle and loving and reverent. She kissed down your body, deliberate in her faith in you, in her care. You found yourself growing relaxed, the insecurity you once felt giving way to something akin to need. 

You arched into her, tugging at the sheets and fighting the urge to chant her name like a prayer. Perhaps it wasn’t a prayer but rather one answered, especially when her mouth met where you needed her the most. 

She was gentle at first, as though trying to remember exactly what you preferred. But as much as you were changed, some things had stayed the same, and it took barely any time at all for her to be reminded of exactly what you needed. 

The brunette was gentle with you. It was not hot and heavy, not by any means. But the two of you had time for that, and she knew that what you needed now was something entirely different. 

You found yourself grinding down against her, your back curled off the bed as you struggled to keep the whimpers and wanton moans at bay. 

When you felt her hand tap at your ribs, you instantly reached down to interlace it with hers, a place of tether as you felt the heat building within you. It was reminiscent of something younger, the tapping at the ribs that meant she wanted you to hold her hand. 

The familiarity of it gave you peace, a tether to know she was there with you, that she still loved you. It was when she finally pressed two of her fingers into you that you felt yourself start to collapse. 

You moaned her name as you came, and she followed your body off its precipice, never once leaving you. You crashed over the edge violently despite her softness, your entire body shuddering as you let out a cry, a rush of intensity followed by an instant soothing as your body relaxed. 

When Alexia had cleaned up the mess she made, she moved herself to lay beside you, cleaning her fingers before she stroked your forehead, down your cheek, over your neck and chest before she tugged you closer to her. She wrapped her arm around you protectively, and you met her easily as you collapsed into her, heady off the smell of sex and Alexia. 

“I’m yours,” you whimpered slightly as you pressed a chaste kiss to her neck, and you could feel her tremble under your touch. Whether it was with emotions or want, you weren’t entirely sure. The arm that kept you close to her tightened, and when you finally opened your eyes slowly, you found her staring down at you with adoration you never thought you’d get again. 

It lit a fire within you, and suddenly you found yourself sitting up and slipping your hands under her shirt, trying to keep yourself from moaning when all you found were muscles that seemed to ripple under your hands, as though they belonged to you. 

If you were to ask the brunette as you straddled her, they did belong to you in that moment. 

Wholly and completely. 

—

You were supposed to be at her apartment at half past nine. After a full day of training and a dinner that was necessary for a sponsorship she was doing, Alexia was so excited to see you and decompress. 

The footballer honestly had forgotten the joy in how nice it was to have someone to come home to. She felt that it had made her more whole, more relaxed, and allowed for peace she was unaware was possible with her lifestyle. 

That was, until it was ten in the evening and you still hadn’t arrived. Alexia had tried calling you several times, but received no answer. You weren’t the kind of person to do that. You never stood up plans without alerting someone, and you were not the type to arrive late without at least a warning. 

Before she could spiral further, the brunette simply decided to drive over to your apartment. She gathered her wallet and keys, jogging down to her car and pulling out of the car park. It was possible she was overreacting, but something felt off. 

You wouldn’t just leave her. 

Would you? 

She gripped the steering wheel with a vice while she drove, counting down the seconds until she arrived at your place. 

The drive over was quick, helped in part by Alexia’s not-so-subtle speeding on the way over. She didn’t care though, throwing her car into park as she bound up the steps to your second floor apartment before she knocked on the door. 

There was no answer. 

She paused for a moment, knocking once, twice, three times. Each more aggressive than the next, and still there was no response from inside. 

Alexia found herself growing uneasy, and she finally fished for her keys. She had no clue if she was overstepping boundaries wildly, or making a very intelligent choice. You had given her a key in case of emergency, and right now this felt like an emergency to her. 

Regardless, she unlocked the door and stepped inside, announcing herself loudly as she entered. 

“Flori? Flori, are you here?” She asked, looking around at the kitchen and sitting room, both of which were entirely empty. 

“Ale?” You called out, the sound vaguely weak and coming from your bedroom, changing the path of the Catalan instantly. The brunette pushed the door open, enveloped into darkness as you sat up slightly in bed. 

“Flori, my love,” she breathed out in relief before she walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. She twisted slightly to turn the bedside table lamp on, and she frowned only when she turned back to you and found that your cheeks were flushed. When the two of you spoke, it was at the same exact time. 

“Are you feeling okay?” 

“What are you doing here?” 

Alexia raised an eyebrow as she glanced at the clock, and you followed her line of sight before your eyes bulged, realizing your error. 

“Oh God, I am so sorry! I was feeling a little under the weather and I came in here to lay down and must have fallen asleep,” you admitted sheepishly. The midfielder could feel her own heart rate regulating at the sight of you in one piece. 

“No, no, it’s okay, I was just worried about you,” Alexia promised simply, and you seemed to relax at her words, tucking your head down at the sweetness of them. However, the feeling left your body in a rush as you realized the implication of Alexia’s presence. 

“Ale, I am sick. You have a game in two days, you need to go home before you catch what I have,” you insisted, which went over as well as you expected. The footballer acted as though she had not heard you, getting you water and medicine before she pulled on some of your pajamas and laid down in bed with you. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” she insisted, feeling something within herself ease at the feeling of having you right up against her. If she was there, nothing bad could happen to you, and she would make sure of that. 

—

When the brunette woke up in the morning to her alarm, it was immediately noticeable that you were warmer than the night before. In fact, it was the first thing she noticed as she blinked her eyes open, and concern flooded through her at the thought. 

She sat up, shaking your shoulders impossibly softly to rouse you from sleep. The only response she received was a grumble about the time, and you rolling toward her looking for solace. When you found nothing, you cracked an eye open to look for the Catalan. 

Alexia did not miss the way that you winced at the light coming in from the curtains, or the fact that you seemed out of breath just sitting up to greet her. But still, you smiled warmly, the picture of sincerity. 

“Good morning mi alma,” you breathed gently, delighted at the smile you received in response. It was easy to tell that the footballer was nervous about you being sick, but you did your best to assuage her fears as you rested a hand on sternum comfortingly. Even as her eyes flitted nervously over you, your voice was soothing. 

“I am fine Ale. You have practice soon, you have to go if you are going to be on time love,” you said matter of factly as you looked over at the clock. Alexia didn’t even spare a glance at it, too focused on observing every single moment you made. 

Everything was screaming at her to stay. Her anxiety was bubbling in her throat, threatening to overwhelm her. What if you were sick again? What did it say about her if she left? What if something serious happened in her absence? 

The pit in her stomach grew larger and larger, and her eyebrows twisted in worry. You reached a hand out to soothe them with your thumb, but all the Catalan could focus on was the slight tremble in your fingers as you did so. 

“I am worried,” she stated plainly, as though the fact wasn’t written into the very lines of her face. You nodded, trying to stave yourself of any symptoms and reassure the brunette of your health. 

“I am okay, Alexia. It is normal to get sick, it is probably just a cold. I will be okay, and when you come back from practice we can cuddle on the couch and watch a movie, alright?” You promised her, conviction in your tone. You knew she needed to go to practice today to prepare for the match the following day. 

“Are you sure? It is a double today with recovery, I will not be home until later today?” She explained, but still you gently pushed her out of bed. 

“This is your job Ale, you need to go. I will call if anything goes wrong, I promise,” you implored, and though she didn’t seem to agree with you, the midfielder finally walked toward your closet to retrieve clothes. 

Even as she dressed, all Alexia did was watch you with thinly veiled anxiety. Every single movement you made, she was just one step behind you as though she were your shadow. When she trailed behind you to the kitchen like a lost puppy, you finally turned around and fixed her with a glare. 

“Alexia,” you said with exasperation. 

“What?” She asked, playing dumb as she looked at you with innocence. There was too much worry swirling around in her stomach to play it well though, and she stepped forward to press her hands to your forehead in a clear show of anxiety. 

“You’re too warm,” she declared, worrying her lip between her teeth as she moved past you to grab medicine and dole out the pills to you. Though you took them willingly, you placed your hand on the brunette’s arm. 

She was practically vibrating with concern, her eyebrows having seemingly collected a permanent crease in between them as she took you in. 

“It is only a few hours. I promise to call if anything is wrong, okay? It is just a cold, I will be perfectly fine,” you insisted once more, and finally the footballer forced herself to relax, even if it was just a tiny bit. 

She stepped forward, wrapping her arms around you tightly, her hand cradling the back of your head with care. 

“Okay, okay,” she said after a moment, more to herself than anyone else though. You relaxed into her, relishing in the coolness of her body. In truth, you felt like shit and didn’t want her to go anywhere. But you knew she had a life, an important one, and you weren’t going to ask her to stop her entire day simply because your body felt like it was on fire. 

“You call me if anything is bothering you, okay? I do not care about training, just call me, please,” she begged as she cradled your cheeks in her hands, watching with intensity as you nodded your head in understanding. She moved forward to press a kiss to your forehead, internally trying to fight the wave of anxiety she felt at how warm you were. 

Even after she had left and was driving to training, her entire system felt as though it was pushed off its equilibrium. You were ill and it was her job to take care of you, and yet she wasn’t there. 

How many times had she not been there? 

She tried not to think about it as she arrived at training, forcing herself to place a mask of indifference and orderliness on her face as she made her way toward the changing room. 

“Good morning Capi!” Jana sang out, a greeting echoed by the rest of the team as they watched their vice captain step into the locker room. 

“Morning,” she replied curtly, making a beeline for her locker. She grabbed her phone, turning it off of silent mode and checking for any messages or calls from you, only to see there were none.

Everyone watched as she clutched her phone even as she changed and walked out to the pitch, clearly looking for someone. When she finally found who she was searching for, the Catalan split off from her teammates, moving toward Cata. 

The goalkeeper was out with a meniscus injury, though she tried to observe practice as much as she could. The young woman straightened up when Alexia approached her, sitting up in her chair. 

“Yes Alexia?” She inquired, looking down at the older woman’s phone in her hand. 

“Here is my phone,” the brunette explained cautiously, the worry clear in her tone. “If anyone calls during practice, speak up and let me know, please? It’s really important,” the vice captain explained, her voice edging on desperate. 

The goalkeeper had never heard Alexia with such concern in her tone, and she nodded wordlessly, clearly grasping the importance of the request. When Alexia felt she had appropriately showcased the gravity of the situation, she turned back toward practice. 

“What was that about?” Leila asked her as the midfielder walked onto the pitch, falling into line with the defender. 

“Nothing,” Alexia snapped, instantly softening as she realized her rudeness. “I’m sorry Leila, I didn’t mean that. It’s just something personal, that’s all,” she amended concisely. The tension between her shoulders betrayed her, and something about her face seemed more pinched with worry than it usually was. 

Personally, Leila held no animosity but only rather curiosity. It was unlike Alexia to be so concerned about something not to do with the pitch. 

The defender gently patted her on the back, silently accepting her apology with ease. But Alexia remained the same for the rest of practice. She was unfocused, often peering over at Cata as though the keeper was her lifeline. 

She played fine, nothing for the team to complain about. But it was clear to everyone her head wasn’t in it, that there was unease in her heart. 

As it turned out, it was Mariona and Vicky who managed to get out of her what was wrong. 

“What is going on Alexia?” Vicky questioned as she approached the midfielder with Mariona during a water break. Alexia was torn from her doom spiral, physically jumping at the arrival of the two. They looked at her with clear surprise, instantly followed with apprehension at her behavior. An uncomfortable silence settled over them for a moment as all three of them looked at each other.

“Flori is sick,” Alexia blurted out after a second, ending the awkward silence abruptly. Both Vicky and Mariona nodded in understanding, despite the oddness of the vice captain's words. It was common for people to get sick. Nothing about this should have been alarming. 

But Vicky and Mariona seemed to understand despite Alexia’s vagueness, glancing at one another for a beat before they turned to their friend, who was very clearly in distress. 

“Alexia, are you sure you don’t want to go h–” 

“Alexia!” 

It was Cata who cut Vicky off, her voice filled with alarm. The midfielder didn’t even bother with formalities before she was sprinting toward the keeper, slamming to a stop in front of her. 

“Someone named Flori called, but just as I answered the phone hung up,” Cata explained, handing the phone off to the brunette as though it were a hot potato. Alexia opened it quickly, hitting your contact as Vicky, Jenni, Mariona, and Marta came jogging over. 

“Come on, come on, pick up for God's sake!” Alexia ground out desperately, trying to calm the rapid beating of her heart. The phone rang and rang, but you didn’t answer. She tried once more, with the same result. 

When the midfielder turned around, her eyes were wild with stress, and she seemed almost lost. Like a prey animal that was caught between a rock and a hard place, with nowhere to go. 

“I have to get home,” Alexia announced abruptly, barely waiting for a reply before she was taking off for the locker room, Jenni and Vicky hot on her heels. 

The vice captain stopped abruptly as she turned toward the two women who had followed her, still on the pitch. Her mind had caught up to her, and formalities taunted her need for urgency. 

“Can I go home, please?” She asked Vicky, the woman nodding instantly at the begging tone present in the brunette’s words. 

Vicky wasn’t sure she had ever heard Alexia Putellas beg for something. She was the picture of sophistication and grace in moments like this, as a professional. There was nothing professional about her voice now, about the way she looked on the precipice of tears. 

“Go, Alexia, go,” Jenni all but shoved the brunette toward the locker room, pressing her to head home. She certainly didn’t wait for another instruction, taking off toward the changing room with a speed she usually reserved for balls coming in from the wing. 

Jenni and Vicky watched her as she went, something akin to sadness in their expressions as they turned back to practice, a sea of equally concerned faces staring back at them. 

—

Alexia’s heart raced as she drove home, and it soared as she flew up the steps. She all but kicked the door down to get into the apartment, immediately calling out your name. 

“Flori? Flori? Estás aquí? Flori!” She thundered as she moved from room to room as she attempted to find you. It was only when she entered the bedroom that she noticed the ensuite light was on, and she nearly sent herself crashing to the ground she moved so quickly. 

There you were, passed out on the floor of the bathroom. 

“Fuck, fuck, no,” Alexia all but sobbed as she fell to her knees in the bathroom besides you. Her hands were everywhere and nowhere all at the same time, ghosting over your body with panic. The brunette finally settled on your face and shoulders, shaking you gently and trying to get you to stir. You were breathing but not responsive to her, as though you had fallen into a deep sleep. 

Your face, your entire body was unbearably hot. Alexia looked around in a panic with the realization that she had no clue what to do. You stirred slightly under her, wincing at the light and the overwhelming pain all over your body. 

“Help,” you croaked out, unsure of who exactly you were talking to or what you were instructing, but also knowing this wasn’t bearable. 

“Right, help, oh God,” Alexia repeated breathlessly, looking around the bathroom before she made an executive decision. She stood up, rushing back through the apartment to gather her keys and wallet once more. The footballer barreled back into the bathroom, lifting you up with the urgency of a 96th minute goal and the gentleness of a soft breeze. 

Although you were relatively similar in stature to Alexia, she picked you up with ease and began to move back through the apartment. Suddenly, each and every session she spent weightlifting felt as though it was worth it. 

You were awake now, tucked safely into Alexia’s chest as she hurried you down and into the car. She placed you in the passenger seat before reclining it back for you. The midfielder buckled you in, glancing around her car before she finally saw her sunglasses. She tugged them from their case, easing them over your eyes with cool fingers. 

You brought your hand up, holding her hand there in place as you let out a relieved sigh and leaned into it. The Catalan allowed herself a moment to take a deep breath before she bowed her head to place a gentle kiss to your forehead. 

“You’re going to be just fine, Flori, okay? I am right here. I’ve got you, I love you, I love you so much,” she commanded, more than thrilled when she got even just a small nod from you as you tried your hardest to smile. 

The pain was both everywhere and nowhere at the same time, and you despised it. The ride to the hospital, every pothole and turn was agony as it jostled your body. 

Alexia was barely keeping it together, knowing that she was the one bringing you pain as she drove. She sped slightly, despite her aversion to doing so on a regular basis. Her Cupra flew into the hospital parking lot, and the footballer gave no mind as she illegally parked in a reserved spot. 

You were the only thing she cared about. 

By the time she had come over to your door, you had slipped the sunglasses off, opened the car door, and were trying to stand up. It ended up being a good thing that Alexia got there when she did, because as soon as you placed weight on your feet, you faltered. 

The brunette wasn’t interested in playing games, all she wanted was to get you inside so you could get help. She dipped down to pick you up once again as she ignored your slight protests, charging you into the hospital as her heart struggled to match the amount of anxiety that swirled in her veins. 

“Help, she needs help!” Alexia barked as she marched into the emergency room, and immediately you were met with a swarm of doctors, a gurney she placed you on, and nurses who tried to pull her away. 

“No, no! I need to stay with her,” Alexia pleaded as she pushed the nurses off to stay with you, trying not to be cruel in spite of the fact that she was stronger than they were. 

“You need to let the doctors do their work first, Miss. As soon as she is stable, we will take you back to see her. Right now I need you to help me fill out some intake forms,” the nurse coached  carefully, and finally the Catalan allowed herself to be pulled away from you. Her eyes stayed on you as they briskly wheeled you back though, until you had completely disappeared from sight. 

She took the forms from the nurse, settling down in the empty waiting room and attempting to get started on them. If only they could have distracted her from the haywire feeling she had inside of her entire body. 

—

“Hello? I’m here for my sister, she was admitted about an hour ago.” 

Alexia recognized that voice. 

The forms she hadn’t managed to complete were sitting in front of her, woefully filled out. Turns out, the best of her ability wasn’t very much when it came to information on you. She knew so little about your medical background, it was pathetic. She couldn’t sit here and claim you were the love of her life if she knew nothing about you. 

But that voice, that voice took her back ten years. It took her back to sunny afternoons spent in the park running after each other, fighting over who was the fastest. 

It reminded her of summers spent with an ice cream cone dripping down her hand, the hand of one of littler kids in her hand. 

“Leo?” She called out, and his head snapped to greet her own. There was surprise in his features before he schooled it expertly, an air of calm settling over him. He turned to apologize to the nurse before he walked toward her, the footballer standing as Leo approached her. 

“Alexia, it is good to see you,” Leo admitted as he hugged her. The midfielder took the hug graciously, trying to hide the fact that her hands shook with worry. Even with your brother in front of her, all she could think of was you. 

Were you okay? Were you in pain? 

Were you safe? 

It was a harsh realization, understanding that no matter how hard she tried, she could not protect you from the world. She hated it, even if she knew it was something she had to accept. 

“Good to see you as well,” Alexia answered, offering a brief smile before she sat back down heavily. Leo sat next to her, leaning forward only to grab the remaining forms and beginning to fill them out. 

The Catalan looked over at your brother for a moment, her eyebrows furrowed together. He seemed so calm, so prepared for this. She didn’t understand where his concern was. Your brother seemed…more resigned than anything. 

“You didn’t ask what happened,” she pointed out, and Leo paused in the middle of his writing. He glanced over at the brunette, looking at how tense she was, practically vibrating in her seat. He set the clipboard in his lap while turning more fully toward the footballer. 

“She’s going to be just fine Alexia,” Leo stated clearly, but it was clear in her expression that Alexia didn’t really believe him. The younger man sighed before he placed the clipboard down on the table once more. 

“After she was declared in remission, and eventually cancer-free, the doctors told us everything would go back to normal for her. But her immune system has never been quite the same after that. Sometimes she gets sick and she’s fine, other times she goes downhill fast and has to come into the hospital,” he explained, sympathy oozing out of his tone as he tried to assuage Alexia’s fears. 

“How often does this happen?” The hazel-eyed woman inquired as she stole a glimpse toward the hospital wing. She hated this, hated that you had been forced to live like this for years. She swallowed thickly, trying to stave off the tears she knew were fighting to release. 

“Once, maybe twice a year. It doesn’t happen every time she gets sick, but when it does, it comes on quickly. She called me and told me I would need to come this morning,” Leo described, and Alexia shifted nervously in her seat. You hadn’t told her a thing, and insecurity rose within her unbridled from logic. 

“Alexia,” Leo’s hand on her arm interrupted her thought process in its tracks. “She wouldn’t have wanted you to know. She was hoping I would get here before it got bad so that way you wouldn’t have to miss training or any games.” 

“Screw work! She’s in there, in pain, football is the last thing on my mind! All I want is to see her,” Alexia started loud, rising from her chair with a bite to her tone. The energy drained out of her by the end of her last sentence, and she collapsed back into the chair beside Leo with a wobbling lip. 

Your brother reached forward to place a hand over hers, quiet about his support. With his other hand he returned to filling out the forms the doctors had asked for. After having a few minutes to collect herself, Alexia peered over at the paper, and eventually leaned in and began asking questions. 

If she had to come here again, she would know every single small detail about you down to the tiniest freckle on your back. She was sure of that, if nothing else. 

—

You were fast asleep by the time Leo and Alexia were allowed to see you, but they went in anyway. Alexia pulled her chair up right close to your bedside, gently taking your hand in her own and staring at it as though it were her lifeline. 

The doctor came in not long after to explain everything. You had been dehydrated with an overly elevated fever on account of a virus that your body had struggled to fight. The hospital gave you fluids and some medication, and said you would be fine to leave tomorrow. You just were not supposed to do any strenuous activities as you healed in the next few days, and you would likely be low energy. 

Alexia hung on his every word in a way that Leo did not. Your brother was understanding, warm, and followed the doctor's instructions perfectly. The footballer was practically a disciple, hanging off every word that left the man’s lips. Leo looked over at your girlfriend with a thin layer of amusement, but deep down he understood. 

He remembered the first time this had happened and how he had been there, how beside himself he was. You were his big sister, and seeing you knocked down to your knees was more unsettling that he remembered it being when you were sick. 

It didn’t sit right with him, it tore away at him until he felt raw. Over the years it just became…normal. 

Somehow. 

It was just a part of your life they had come to accept, he supposed. 

Seeing Alexia suddenly reminded him of how nauseous he had been that first time, and even the second time. It brought back his intense fear that you were going to die, taken from this earth entirely too soon. 

“I’m going to step out just for a moment,” he said suddenly, only a few minutes after the doctor had left. Alexia nodded absentmindedly, far too enraptured by you to notice the dread that had settled over your younger brother. 

It had only been a few minutes of Leo being gone before you began to shift in bed, squeezing Alexia’s hand in your own. A few seconds later you were blinking your eyes open, and the rush of relief that released in Alexia’s body felt like a high. 

“Hey you,” you rasped as you opened your eyes slowly, squeezing her hand once more. The footballer stood, leaning down into your face to tuck your hair back and press a kiss to your cheek. 

“Hi hermosa,” she breathed out after a moment, her smile unwavering. You closed your eyes briefly before you opened them once more, taking in your surroundings. 

“I’m sorry for scaring you,” you murmured after a moment, but Alexia shook her head vehemently. 

“No apologies Flori. You are okay right now, and I am here with you and not going anywhere,” she promised, gripping your hand tightly in her own. You smiled up at her softly, before you paused for a moment. 

“No, no, you have a game tomorrow Ale, you cannot mis–” 

“I’m not going. You’re more important than some game Flori, and I say that with all the truth in the world,” Alexia proclaimed, and she didn’t miss the nearly imperceptible way that you relaxed at her words. She knew at that moment she had made the right decision, and it was not one she regretted. 

“I love you very much,” you said in a hushed tone, bringing the midfielder's hand to your lips so you could kiss the back of it before you placed it down on the hospital bed without your own. When Alexia began to protest at the lack of contact, you shushed her gently as you began to move over in bed. 

When you’d finally managed to shift over, you patted the space next to you with a silent invitation. 

Alexia did not need to be told twice, sliding into the bed on her side and instantly pulling you into her. It didn’t matter that she was squashed, or that in twenty minutes she wouldn’t be able to feel one of her arms, she didn’t care. 

She rested her forehead against the top of your head, breathing in deeply and finally allowing herself to relax into the feeling. 

You were okay. 

You were safe. 

You were going to be fine. 

She was right here with you. 

When Leo returned from his momentary break, he found you and Alexia curled up in the bed together. Where one of you ended and the other began, he wasn’t entirely sure.  

—

A week and a half later, you had made a full recovery. Leo stayed for a few days to help, especially when you forced Alexia to return to training. You regained strength day by day until you were fully functioning once more, given the full green light. 

Alexia had planned a casual dinner for you to meet her teammates later in the week, but it seemed that the universe had other plans. 

You were waiting in the parking lot, leaned back against your car when the first person stepped out of the building. Practice was just now ending, and Alexia had instructed you to wait in the parking lot for her before the two of you drove to your lunch reservation. She had given you a guest pass to park in their lot, and instructed you to wait there. 

The one thing she had forgotten to do, however, was explain to her teammates that you would be there. 

When the first woman stepped out of the building, you knew instantly who it was. 

However, Vicky Losada had no idea who you were, and she was not the kind of person to be polite in her displeasure. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked suspiciously as she approached you, looking around as though she was expecting someone else to pop out from behind your car. 

“I am waiting for someon–” you couldn’t even finish your sentence before she was cutting you off with a huff. 

“Fans are not allowed to wait in this parking lot, it is forbidden!” She exclaimed with frustration, and you could do nothing but blink back at her in surprise. You were a fan, technically, but you were here for a player. 

“I’m just here for one of the players, I am with–” you tried to explain, but the older captain just shook her head. 

“So is everyone else! That does not give you the right to our parking lot! Speaking of parking lots, how on earth did you even get in here? There aren’t supposed to be passes for random peo–” 

“Vicky?” Alexia called out, a clear amount of confusion present in her tone. When Vicky stepped away to reveal you, the midfielder’s eyes widened in surprise at who her captain was speaking to. 

You looked like a deer in the headlights, frozen and too scared to speak up for yourself, leaving your girlfriend to handle the situation. 

“This random woman was here, just loitering in the parking lot and waiting for one of us to…what are you doing?” Vicky trailed off before she hissed the latter part of her sentence to Alexia, who began to walk forward with focus. 

She bypassed the older woman completely, brushing off Vicky’s vague attempts to stop her as she enveloped you in a huge hug, turning her head to press a kiss to your temple. 

“Hi you,” she murmured into your skin, and your body finally managed to unclench as you melted into her arms, burrowing your head into her shoulder for a delicious moment. When the brunette stepped back, she kept an arm around you protectively, raising an eyebrow at her captain. 

“Vicky, this is my…my Flori,” she explained with emphasis, struggling over what exactly to introduce you as. Meanwhile, you were just fighting to keep your own laughter at bay, considering how panicked both of the women looked. 

Now it was Vicky’s turn to look like a deer in the headlights. Most of the girls had stepped out of the building and were greeted with the sight of Vicky completely floundering as she realized the implications of her actions. 

“I am so sorry,” Vicky stumbled over her words, turning bright red as she looked from you to Alexia and back again. She couldn’t even seem to gather the correct words, fighting to finish sentence after sentence and still seemingly coming up empty. 

After staring at her sternly for a moment, Alexia finally released you solely so she could double over with laughter. She couldn’t control her breath with how hard she was laughing, and she shook her head with clear amusement as she kept her hands on her knees and caught her breath. You patted her on the back with a roll of your eyes, stepping forward to hold out your hand. 

“Nice to meet you Vicky,” you offered with an apologetic smile, looking back at the brunette in amusement. The Barcelona captain stepped forward to take your hand gratefully, her entire face sheepish. You were nothing if not understanding, and you waved to the rest of the team with a kind but reserved expression on your face, as the eyes of twenty women stared back at you in surprise. 

“Hi!” Mapi finally called out, breaking the silence with relative excitement. It was in a rush that the team stepped forward, thrilled to meet you after hearing so many good things from Alexia. 

It was easy to understand how easily Alexia loved if these were the people she surrounded herself with every single day. 

—

When the first goal went in, Alexia was relieved. 

When the second goal went in, her goal, Alexia was floored, filled with euphoria as she turned toward the stands and let out a euphoric cry. 

She screamed and celebrated for her family, for her Mami and Papi and Alba. 

She screamed for the fans who had been with her every step of the way. 

She screamed for the hundreds of thousands of girls who never had the chance to be here. 

She screamed for you, for second chances and a love she had never imagined having once more. 

When the third goal went in, her joy was unbridled. 

When the fourth goal went in, all she felt was euphoria. 

Sure they had to play another sixty minutes, but it didn’t matter, did it? They held control, they remained calm and sure footed. And when the final whistle inevitably went off, she fell to the ground in relief. 

For everyone who had been a part of her journey, for herself, for the team. 

The booze flowed freely, champagne poured down her throat and a medal placed around her neck. The feeling of the cool metal of the trophy underneath her fingertips, as she clutched it tightly. 

The relief and exhilaration she felt when she finally found you hours later, clutching you to herself. It was an accomplishment for herself, but she had done it with you, and that somehow felt like so, so much more. 

She found the trophy eventually, dragging it back to her table and pressing it into your hands. She snapped picture after picture, nearly heady off the idea that she had the two great loves of her life in one photo. 

No sacrifice. Just a relative moment of peace, the understanding that two things can, in fact, exist all at once. 

“I love you,” you whispered to her, a softness to your voice despite the loud music that pounded around you. She pressed her face into the side of yours, her nose pressed into your cheek as tears slipped down her cheeks. 

“Go away with me?” She asked after a moment, and you pulled back to look at her directly. She stared back at you earnestly, and you reached up with one hand to brush the tears from her cheeks. The midfielder’s eyes fluttered shut at the warmth of your hand, and she leaned into your touch as though she was addicted to it. 

“Always,” you murmured, passing the trophy back to her, an encouragement to go party. She didn’t care, however, much more content to spend the time here with you than partying. 

“I love you,” she vowed softly, ignoring the trophy in front of her in favor of holding you, pressing your body as close to her as physically possible while the trophy was cast aside. 

Sure, the trophy might be proof of one of her biggest achievements with her and the team, but it was just a moment. 

You? 

Well as far as she was concerned, you were the rest of her life. 

—

“Nope, no swimming. You stay right here,” Alexia declared, her arms a cage as they wrapped around you tightly. You squirmed in her hold, managing to flip over so your chest was pressed into hers and you were face to face. 

It was the summer, and Alexia made good on her promise of going away with you. There was nothing but the two of you and this private villa for kilometers, and you used it to the fullest. 

Neither you were bothering with tops, roaming around in just your bikini bottoms. It was a view Alexia certainly was not complaining about, and neither were you for that matter. 

That was, until the Catalan had decided that the only appropriate location for you was to be attached to her side at every moment. If you had thought Alexia was clingy before, it had nothing on now. You hardly took a step without the brunette trailing after you, trotting after you gleefully wherever you went. 

“You are supposed to be right here Flori,” Alexia continued, and you acquiesced as you melted back into her body, your face tucked into her neck. 

You peppered light kisses along the skin there, relishing in the way it made Alexia’s whole body shiver. The midfielder had hardly so much as looked at a football since the two of you had arrived, far too focused on having your full attention and presence. 

The brunette leaned back slightly, and she looked down at you with glossy eyes. 

“Thank God I found you again,” she whispered, her voice broken with emotion. You reached up to swipe a singular tear with your thumb, leaning forward to press a kiss where your fingertip had been. “You are my salvation.” 

“As you are mine,” you echoed, allowing your arms to wrap tightly around Alexia and fall into her embrace with complete trust. 

[copper-16]

This feel like an accurate representation of how the writing process has been going when someone has a good suggestion 😭

You guys have SUCH good ideas - I have to admit I was scared I wasn’t going to finish Part 4 of RMMTTARTG but I busted out like 8,000 words in the last 36 hours so it should be on time! I just have to edit (please pray for me)

[copper-16]

Okay, I think that later today I am going to start writing Part 4 for RMTTARTG - its a LOT of fluff (like...probably a sickening amount).

But if anyone has any thoughts or additions they would like me to add, now would be the time to let me know! I am ALL ears!

[copper-16]

Remind Me That There’s A Room To Grow Part 3

Broken, rueful, and mended as it should have been.

(a/n: Part 3, here we come! Thank you to everyone who has been reading and commenting on these, I'm so grateful! Reminder for anyone who likes a musical touch that you can find the Spotify playlist here, if you would like. Please enjoy this part, and I would love to hear your feedback about the note at the end!)

Alexia sat on that damn park bench for God knows how long. 

She didn’t care if she got no sleep or looked absolutely insane sitting there for hours on end. The things you had told her rattled around in her brain disconcertedly, unending every single thought that attempted to interrupt. The brunette had gone from feeling like she was the most stable and vindicated person on the planet to a feeling as though she were a shell of herself. 

This whole time, there had been so much more to the story than she ever could have imagined. And though she knew it really wasn’t their fault, resentment flared within her at how quick Eli and Alba were to blame you for everything. 

Everything in Alexia felt anguished. Just thinking about looking at your face made the Catalan feel nauseous, stuck on how distraught you had been. It wasn’t as though she could blame you either, not when she had been so irate. 

She had allowed herself to be influenced by every single person around her instead of trusting you, as she always had. She should have trusted herself, should have trusted the fact that she knew something was wrong. The last nine years had been spent giving you the benefit of the doubt, but when it came to it, she had treated you with such animosity. 

Never in a million years had she expected the reasoning behind all of this. 

Cancer. It seemed impossible for someone who was only eighteen years old, but it wasn’t as though stranger things hadn’t occurred. Now all Alexia managed to think of was how scared and alone you must have felt. She had lost you, but she did so when she was chasing her dreams. You had to watch her leave you behind because of a situation entirely out of your hands. 

All this time where she had felt abandoned, and in reality it was the other way around. 

What an absolutely fucked up situation. 

When the footballer finally stood, a chill wrapped around her and caused her to shiver violently. She didn’t remember it getting cold, but it wasn’t as though she cared about the temperature when her mind was a ruction of emotions. 

She booked it back to her car, driving herself toward her Mami’s house in what would have been considered a fury. The brunette knew that her sister was there as well, so she could kill two birds with one stone.  

When she arrived, the brunette barged through the door with no care at all for the hinges, her inner turmoil gathering and growing with each and every step she took. She found her family in the kitchen, enjoying some dessert with a glass of wine in each of their hands. 

“You were wrong,” Alexia seethed, almost heady with the amount of wrath she felt within her. Eli and Alba both turned to her in an instant, instantly confused at the animosity in her tone. It was so rare to hear the brunette truly upset in the way she was right now, and they glanced at each other for a second before they turned to Alexia fully. 

“What happened?” Alba asked, very confused as to what her sister was talking about. They had no idea that the pair of you had talked, but Alexia didn’t care to give them context. 

“You both blamed her for leaving me behind, you made her out to be the villain and she never was! This was all of your fault, how could you do this to me? How could you twist my mind in such a way?” Alexia snapped, her whole body tense with rage. 

“Alexia, what the hell are you talking about?” Alba demanded, understanding dawning on the subject her sister spoke about but still confused as to the circumstances. 

“She was fucking sick, you two. She let me go alone because she had cancer, and she didn’t want me to have to live through it when I was moving away. She broke up with me so I could go chase my dreams and build my career without being bogged down. She gave up her own happiness so that I could have my own,” the brunette spat, her face red with exertion. Whether it was to keep her anger inwards or to stop the tears that burned in the back of her eyes, the Catalan was unsure.   

“She did it to protect me, and I gave her the benefit of the doubt for her decision for a decade before you two got so defensive and twisted my mind. She was never the selfish person you made her out to be, she was always the most selfless, empathetic, compassionate of all of us!” Alexia argued, and she seemed only to be growing more and more in her anger. 

“Alexia–” Eli tried to interrupt, but she was quickly cut off. 

“No! I don’t even want to hear you two attempt to explain yourselves. I don’t want to hear it. I loved her, I love her now, and I’ve fucked it all up with your words in my mouth! She left the conversation in tears, she told me to leave her alone. If you two hadn’t been so horrible about the whole thing, I never would have been so skeptical in the first place!” Alexia was ready to burst at the seams, and she couldn’t handle it. 

“Now Ale, we only did that because we wanted to protect y–” Alba attempted to interject, failing just as her mother had. 

“I don’t even want to hear it! I am so angry at the two of you, especially considering that you hardly let me get a word in edgewise about her character. She grew up with us, she loves us, and she trusted you with her heart just as much as you trusted her with mine. So don’t sit there and say anything, but maybe think about your own actions!” Alexia finally demanded, her words fervent in manner. 

When her mother and sister said nothing but looked at her in shock, the brunette shook her head and chuckled austerely, not a trace of humor in her tone. 

“God, and now you don’t even have anything to say for yourselves,” she looked around at her mother’s kitchen as she bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. The midfielder was aware she was only redirecting her anger onto two people whose blame was minimal, but the affliction in her heart needed somewhere to go. 

“I have to go, I will talk to you two later,” Alexia said after a second, defeat heavy in her expression as the anger began to drain out of her. It was replaced by an excruciating misery that weighed on her shoulders exactingly, as though it knew that she was really the one to blame in all of this. 

She felt as though she had lead in her shoes as she walked out to her car. The drive back to her apartment was done in complete silence, the Catalan unable to deal with anything other than the chaos in her mind. 

She barely made it one step in the door before the first sob bubbled up her throat. She finally allowed herself to succumb to it, sobbing so hard that her ribs ached and her eyes swelled, and she had nobody to blame for everything except for herself. 

—

Every single person on the team could immediately tell something was wrong with Alexia when she showed up at training the next day. 

Alexia had always been the most dedicated of them all, relentless in her pursuit to be better. She was endlessly pushing herself and those around her to be their best selves, and it paid off. The team worked hard, and they looked better than ever. The Catalan had helped to lift them from relative obscurity into a team that people feared to play, and as much as Vicky was their fearless leader, every single player would tell you that the Catalan was their beating heart. 

But today? Well, today the brunette looked about two steps away from death as she walked into the changing room.  

Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot. Her hair was mildly unkempt, her skin sullen, the bags under her eyes endlessly listless. She kept her head down, and changed as though she wished she could curl up into a ball and never be seen again. The midfielder was usually a quiet person, but today she seemed…unobservant. 

Somehow, that made all of it seem worse. 

Jenni and Mariona were instantly alarmed because they knew what had happened, while the other girls were both confused and in a state of shock. Nobody had ever seen Alexia this clearly upset, considering the fact that she typically kept things close to her chest. 

To be this outwardly downtrodden was incomprehensible, to the point where the rest of the team wasn’t sure how to act toward her. They all seemed to avoid her as though she was radioactive, and she made no attempt to engage with any of them. 

Jenni, Mariona, and Vicky, however, had no problem marching over to the Catalan as they created a concerned cocoon around her. 

“What happened Alexia?” Vicky questioned gently, only to receive nothing short of the death glare back from Jenni and Mariona in response. 

“How did it go?” Mariona amended quietly, hopeful that they might have been able to draw out some sort of reaction from the midfielder. It was clear the conversation had not gone well, but they did not know why. 

And sure enough, Alexia’s entire face flashed into something nearly venomous, and she shook her head with what looked to be a clearly concerted effort to remain in control. 

“Nothing. I would appreciate it if everyone left me alone and we could conduct training as normal, like we are supposed to be doing,” she managed to grit out pointedly, her voice bolstered with hostility and malice. The three women looked around at each other, none of them in the least bit convinced, but the mutually agreed upon decision seemed to be that they clearly weren’t going to get anything out of the brunette right now. 

The midfielder was a monster at training that day, and not in a good way. 

Every single ball was launched with a lethal ferocity. Every single pass was too hard, every single first touch sloppy and heavy.  

None of the movements were reminiscent of the Alexia that everyone had come to know. It wasn’t great football, it wasn’t even good football. The midfielder was clearly angry at something, and the longer practice went on, the worse it got. The Catalan was frustrated with herself, bitter and enraged at how she seemed unable to play with any ounce of grace. 

It felt ironically similar to how she seemed unable to converse with you without accusation, a thought she was ruefully reminded of. 

It was when she sent a ball flying angled toward Caro’s head that Vicky and Marta finally pulled the midfielder aside brashly. The captain of the team had taken one look at their manager, whose expression agreed with her own, to know what needed to be done. 

“You’re done for the day,” Vicky stated without an ounce of discussion left in the conversation. Alexia certainly wasn’t in the mood to be ordered around as she decisively brushed them off. 

“I’m fine, we still have another half hou–” The brunette was cut off without even managing to finish her sentence. 

“No. You are done, you’re going to go back to the changing room and take a long shower. You’re going to get dressed and go home and process whatever you’re trying to avoid right now by almost murdering your teammates,” the Barcelona captain dictated with even greater finality, her eyebrow raised as though she dared the younger woman to argue with her. 

Alexia looked posed to respond, but when she caught Marta looking back at the Norwegian with worried eyes, she felt the fight drain out of her. The older Spaniard had always had a sweet spot for the nervous Wolfsburg transfer, and seeing it right in front of her eyes made her deflate like a balloon. 

She knew that look. 

She had lived that look before, when she hadn’t fucked all of this up seven ways to Sunday. 

With a reluctant, apologetic glance at Marta, the midfielder nodded her head. She turned on her heels, much to the surprise of her co-captains, who were honestly expecting more of a pushback. 

As they watched the midfielder walk off the pitch, they stared at the way her body seemed to curl in on herself, almost as though the brunette couldn’t bear to stand up straight as she stared down at her feet. 

“What the hell happened?” Marta asked Vicky as she looked over at her captain. But the Barcelona captain was unable to tear her eyes away from Alexia’s retreating form until it disappeared into the building. It was only then that she looked over at Jenni, who hovered a short distance away from them with a look of unease on her face. 

Vicky shook her head before she turned back to the pitch. 

“I honestly have no idea,” she replied curtly as she made direct eye contact with Jenni, who seemed to understand the silent request of her captain as she turned back toward practice. 

When the team filed in after training was done, Alexia and all of her stuff were gone, nowhere to be seen. 

—

Nine years. 

You had lived with the grief of losing her for nine years. You would never change your mind on the decision, but God did it feel as though you were sucking the blood out of your body. Even all of these years later, it still stung to think about how much you had lost in that moment. 

Alexia took every ounce of happiness and peace with her when she left. While you still had other friends, you were by no means alone, it was never the same without her there. You hardly had to speak a single word for the brunette to understand where your mind was at. There was a closeness to the two of you that was impossible to replace. It hadn’t been the same after she had left, no longer having a confidant who held space for you. 

Your father, while a lovely man, was never terribly involved in your life. He loved you, but having children was never his dream, and with how much he worked, you rarely saw him. It was a loss that you didn’t feel rather acutely, especially not when Jaume had swept you into his orbit through your friendship with Alexia. He had loved you like a daughter, and you cherished him for it in a way you had never managed with your own father. 

Your two younger brothers, Leo and Adan, had struggled when you had gotten sick. They always looked up to you as their protector and ring leader. Seeing you unable to help, organize, and work as you usually did was strange for them, especially considering the fact that they were only fifteen and fourteen at the time. And while you spent much of your childhood watching over them with a loving gaze, it was your mother who stepped up to take care of them more. 

Your mother Paula was a lovely, exuberant woman, if not a touch frazzled. She was a better entertainer than she was a mother, but there was no question she loved the three of you. The two of you had been a team in helping to raise the boys, because while your mother had wisdom you were steadfast in your ability to calm. You had been a significant help in raising the two boys, and your mother had come to rely on you as a result. It had all gotten thrown out of place when you had gotten sick. Your mother tried to pick up the slack, bless her, but she struggled. She did as best as she could until you were declared cancer free, and able to help pick up some of the slack that had been created. It helped that your brothers were compassionate and kind, never one to try and cause too much trouble. 

Your mother passed away just a few years ago because of a brain aneurysm, much to the devastation of your father. While you missed her terribly, you never needed her for stability and strength. That was found on your own. 

Chemo treatments were mostly done on your own, a book and a sick bag in hand. It was a tough three months, but you made it through with as big of a smile as you could muster. A friend would accompany you occasionally, but they never quite knew what to do when they were there with you. Not that you faulted them for it, but it only made you more exhausted having to entertain on top of feeling ill. 

After a grueling few months, the tumor had shrunk enough to be surgically removed, and a few rounds of radiation killed off the last of it. It had been less than a year to get rid of everything, though in your mind it had felt much longer. 

Overall, the treatment had gone well from a medical perspective. You had responded well and were declared to be in remission swiftly. You were young and otherwise healthy, making you the perfect candidate to respond to treatment. 

That didn’t seem to account for the ache that persisted deep in your chest, but it wasn’t as a result of your sickness. The sense of loss that pervaded your mind for years afterward was impossible to banish. You had not made a mistake, and yet your mind and body betrayed you with a wanton amount of unearned yearning.

There was a restlessness that existed within you, a restlessness that needed to be solved and yet had nowhere to go.  

You had begun university toward the end of your treatments and sped through a track in finance, turning heads each and every way you went. There was always a level of intelligence to you that you were aware of, but investment analysis and management came naturally to you it seemed. 

Though you had the opportunity to go earlier, you waited dutifully for your brothers to finish school and go off to university before you left your hometown. Leo ended up in Valencia for school, and a year later Adan made the decision to stay in Madrid for his degree. 

Once you were certain your brothers were settled, you began to dig for opportunities in your own career. The work you had put in paid off, and you had offers not only in Spain but France, Italy, the United States as well. 

You didn’t care about any of that, though. You took the one job that put you directly in Barcelona and decided to figure it out from there. 

There was a safety and security to being in the same city as Alexia, even if she had no clue you were there. You were thankful for the move, honestly, thankful for the opportunity to meet new friends and build your own life. The sun forever shined and the city was exciting and vibrant, devoid of the reminders that face you everywhere in Madrid. 

Both of your brothers ended up staying in or returning to Madrid, living near your mother until her death and trying to stay vaguely connected to your father. He had struggled immensely in the wake of her passing, but both Leo and Adan never seemed to mind stepping in to keep him on the right path. 

By all logical standards, you had a wonderful life. An amazing group of friends, a job you really enjoyed, hobbies you found interesting. It felt like the whole package of what someone would want in their life. 

But you found in the morning after your talk with Alexia, there was nothing you wanted to do with this life. You simply wanted to be left alone to rot, and you found that you didn’t care who disagreed. The longing in your heart threatened to swallow you whole, your hatred for your decisions every single day of the last nine years. 

You had finally been honest with Alexia, you had told her the truth…but was it worth it? 

Based on the feeling inside of you right now, it wasn’t worth it. 

You would have taken anger over devastation on her face any day. 

You loved her too much to care about your own peace of mind. 

And yet…

—

Alexia nearly jumped out of her skin when she unlocked the door of her apartment, only to find that Jenni was sitting on her couch with a glass of lemonade and a raised brow. The midfielder did a complete double take, confounded when she reminded herself that the door had in fact been locked before she came in here.  

“How the hell did you get in here?” The Catalan asked with confusion as her heart rate struggled to return to an acceptable level. She looked around her apartment with a perplexed glint to her expression, as though she expected to find the answer laying in front of her in the form of a crowbar or something. 

“Oh please, we’ve been friends for many years. We are both allowed to have our little secrets, no?” Jenni diverted, and Alexia shook her head instantly, looking toward the striker with a lost expression. 

“What – no?! That doesn’t mean you get to break into my apartment! How did you even get in her–” 

“This is not the point of this conversation, Alexia,” Jenni cut her friend off easily, ignoring how bewildered the brunette was as a result of her surprise appearance. The striker settled, a concerned look flashing across her features. “You fucked up that conversation, didn’t you?” 

“You’re not allowed to just barge in here whenever you want!” Alexia spat, a sudden rush of anger coursing through her at Jenni’s words. Defensiveness coursed through her veins with a fury, and nobody had managed to pin her down for long enough to have a real conversation with her. 

Until now, apparently. 

When the raven-haired woman leveled her with a disbelieving stare, the Catalan’s shoulders collapsed just slightly. When Jenni wanted something, she was like a dog with a bone. She would stop at absolutely nothing to get it, and the midfielder knew there was no way of getting out of this conversation with anger or deflections. She sighed forcefully, settling her keys down on her kitchen counter and pressing her head into her hands. 

“I did,” she conceded after a moment, her voice shaky and impossibly quiet. When she finally looked up, the torment inside her entire body seemed to reflect in her expression. Jenni felt horrible, seeing how torn up her friend was. 

“I fucked everything up Jenni, everything. I came into it with so much aggression and fear, and made all these accusations I don’t even really think I meant,” she admitted with a humorless chuckle, an echo of agony in her words. 

Silence cascaded around them, the air thick with regret and despondency. 

“She was sick,” Alexia revealed after a moment. She glanced up at Jenni, struggling to control herself. “She was sick, and so she broke things off because she couldn’t leave, but she wanted me to. She saved my career, made a sacrifice for my own happiness, and in return I screamed horrible things at her. What kind of person does that make me?” Alexia pleaded, her voice cracking over the last sentence. 

Jenni thought about the question for a moment before she shook her head and looked back at Alexia. There was a compassion in her expression, and the Catalan forced herself to look away in the face of it. She didn’t deserve it. 

“It makes you human, Alexia,” the raven-haired woman countered, her words soft and sympathetic, almost saccharine in their amount of sweetness. 

“No it doesn’t,” Alexia grumbled under her breath, but Jenni was quick to continue. 

“Yes it does. You did not have all the information at the time. And okay, you said some things you regret? Go apologize for them then! You made a mistake, and you feel remorse, Alexia. That in and of itself means that there is love and compassion in your heart.” 

“And if she doesn’t accept that apology?” Alexia shot back, fighting to be kind as she was gripped with fear. She looked over at Jenni with a flame in her eyes, anything to hide how upset she truly was. It was easier to mask it than it was to face it, after all. 

“Then she doesn’t accept the apology, and life moves on. But you won’t know if you don’t even bother to try,” Jenni offered as she walked over and placed a hand on her friend's shoulder comfortingly. 

“Forgive yourself enough to give her the opportunity to forgive you. If she was in your spot, you would do the same. If she cares as much about you as you say she does, I think you have a fighting chance,” the striker suggested, her voice gentle. The brunette remained deep in thought, thinking hard about Jenni’s words. The raven-haired woman let herself out before Alexia could even formulate a response. 

And while there were a lot of thoughts swirling around in Alexia’s mind, perhaps the top of the list was that she really, really needed to get a locksmith to her apartment. 

—

It was a thought that often consumed the brunette as her career began to take off. It had been a question, something that weighed on her mind in the dark of night when she lay alone. 

Was it worth it? 

The duty to herself, to her career pulled at her endlessly. Everyone around her was dedicated to their career, putting it above their family at nearly all cost. And she understood, she wanted to be the best. The pull to change the sport, to leave a legacy behind that made women’s football better than where she had started. 

But what was the cost? 

How many family dinners had she missed? How many birthdays? How many celebrations? 

How many moments had she missed, even just the mundane, small things in life. How many inside jokes and how much late night laughter had evaded her because of this choice? 

And she knew that her family loved her, and that they understood how important her career was to her. But it never took away from the fact that she was gone often. That unlike her teammates and peers, she spent the least amount of time with her family as the years had passed. Whereas many of her friends grew more committed to their families, getting married and even having children, football had become her sole focus in life.  

Other than you, she had never been in a committed relationship with anyone. Her friendships were from football, everything in her life had revolved around football. Protecting her image, embracing the game, doing whatever she could to advance the team and herself to perfection. 

It wasn’t until you had stumbled back into her life that suddenly she remembered what it had been like to live a life. And sure, she knew that her career was different now, much more intense. But the Catalan also knew that you never would have allowed her to become so overwhelmingly immersed into her career. 

It was less the time commitment and more the mindset she approached her career with that had changed in your absence. Alexia had always assumed that in order to be the best, she had to be so devoted to football in every aspect of her entire life. That there was no room outside of it for distractions. 

Her friends hadn’t become worse because they had loved ones, because they took a step back. They were still dedicated, but also well rested and prepared. 

The two of you had been together for so many years, and then football had been the thing to divide you. It was Alexia’s career that had been prioritized above you, a decision that you had made and believed in. 

Had you really ever thought you were more important than football? 

Had she done that? Had she felt that you were more important than football? 

All she could think of was how you were sick and alone, a burden to bear alone when you should have been loved and supported. 

Alexia was not angry that you hadn’t told her, not by a long shot. But she was furious with the circumstances, with her own choices, with everything else in the situation besides you. 

You had meant so much to her, and she had let you go without any recourse. She never even considered that there was so much depth to the decision you had made. 

And now here she stood, trying to pick up the pieces of something that had gone from broken to shattered entirely. 

Alexia knew that she loved you. 

That she still loves you, even after all this time. There were parts of a person that never changed, and she saw it in your expression. 

Even after all this time. 

Her career came first in every aspect of her life, but maybe just this once it didn’t have to. Maybe some personal happiness was deserved, maybe it could be her choice to try and fix this. 

Maybe she deserved a break, or some peace, or to undo all of the mistakes she had made in the last decade. Maybe the choice she made here would make her better, and not worse. 

The brunette had no idea if you still loved her anymore, not after the appalling things she had said, but she couldn’t let it go without at least trying to get you back. 

She had lost you once, and she wasn’t prepared to let it happen again without a fight. 

—

Alexia can’t bring herself to pick up the phone and dial, so she took the coward's way out and texted you to ask for your address. 

Much to her surprise, you answered her. It’s nothing more than the address rattled off, but it’s there. The brunette felt her heart constrict for a moment at the thought that it wasn’t really your address, that you had sent her a fake location. 

But at the same time, even if that were the case, a part of her would understand. For all the years that she had been hurt and alone and yearning desperately for you, it had been the same for you. 

The choice you had made was impossible, indescribable even, and Alexia knows in her heart that her career wouldn’t be where it was without your sacrifice. You had sacrificed your own dream so that she could live hers, and when it all came back to the two of you all these years later, she had completely desecrated that sacrifice without a second thought. 

She continued to be appalled with herself over that entire conversation. It was all she saw every time she closed her eyes, the words she had said rattling around in her brain all night long. 

The look on your face as she dug herself into a deeper hole, filled with disregard for how much care you had tried to give the situation. It was never going to be perfect, but you had tried to be perfect. And in that moment, she had acted as though it wasn’t enough. 

It was. 

You had always been more than enough for her, regardless of whether you two were together or not. 

Every single time she had laid in bed since, memories both good and bad of the two of you had pooled in her eyes, rolling down her cheek and escaping onto the pillow beneath her. 

She had lost her curiosity inside the ferocity of her own judgement, and she regretted it with every molecule inside of her. She regretted it so much that it made her feel physically ill, to the point where she no longer cared about being appropriate or saving face. 

It was late in the evening when she drove over to your apartment. She had a plan to go on Sunday morning, but it was Friday night and her self restraint had ground away until it no longer existed. 

The Catalan took the steps two at a time up to the third floor, knowing that each moment likely brought her closer to you. She hoped it did, at least. It was highly possible that you were out with friends or doing something fun, as you should be. 

But still hope gripped her with a strength she was unaware she ever had. Loving you was never the detractor she had spent the last decade convincing herself it was, but was where she got her strength. 

Loving you had breathed life into her and she was silly to have ever thought differently. 

She knocked on the door to your apartment before she could stop herself from overthinking every single one of her life choices. Her knuckles struck against the wooden door exactly three times, each one more forceful than the lost. 

The brunette waited with everything in her for the sound of anything in the wake of knocking. Any movement, any sign of life, anything. The seconds felt like hours and years as her heart rammed its way into her throat. 

And then she heard it, the softness of your voice as you called out that you were coming. 

Alexia was known for being a stoic person, never one to overly show emotion. She kept everything close to her chest, and rarely did she express how she was feeling. It took hours of knowing her, and even then she was still hesitant to show weakness. 

But the tears were pooling in her eyes even before you opened the door. 

And there you were. 

Standing in your pajamas, a book in your hand and an expression of mild surprise at the sight of Alexia nearly in tears at your door. It certainly wasn’t what you were expecting, though you knew the footballer had your address.  

“Ale?” You questioned softly, your voice barely there. The brunette swallowed thickly, trying and failing to conjure an apologetic smile. 

“I am sorry…I meant to come later but I couldn’t…wait,” she finished lamely, rather breathless as she fought to keep the pressure in her throat from turning into full blown sobs. You stared at her for a second, at how tense she was, at the anxiety written across her face. After you had tucked some of the hair away from your face, you stepped back into your apartment and widened the opening of the door. 

“Would you like to come in?” You proposed, and the footballer took your offer up with a shaky nod of her head. 

The brunette trailed after you further into the apartment. It was a large apartment, but it felt cozy and lived in. Half-burned candles and ear-marked books were strewn around the space, and a throw blanket could be found on every surface. 

She remembered that you had always run cold. When the two of you were young and in love, she would whisper to you about the warmth Barcelona would offer, even as she provided you plenty of her own body heat as she laid curled around you. 

“Alexia?” You probed lightly, and she shook her head as she glanced up, realizing that she had let her mind wander. Concern and compassion stared right back at her. 

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” she replied harshly, trying and failing to be discreet as she wiped at her eyes. 

“You don’t have to be,” you said delicately, gesturing toward the couch. “Why don’t we sit down?” 

You couldn’t help but realize that right now with just one look at Alexia, you already forgave her. Every line etched into her skin was written with devastation and contrition. Somewhere deep within you knew how she felt, and knew that she did not mean the things she had said. 

There was so much information to process, so much confusion and chaos, that you had both lost yourselves. 

Maybe there was an opportunity to be found again. 

You weren’t going to let the weakness of one moment detract from the opportunity that lay in front of you. 

You led her over to the couch, and the pair of you settled down across from one another. You sat with your back against one arm of the couch, while Alexia was across from you, her hands on her knees. Her knuckles were nearly white, and you wished in that moment to reach out and soothe the ache in her heart, even if you knew that you couldn’t. When the midfielder turned toward you, all you found facing you was suppliance. 

“I cannot explain to you how sorry I am,” she whispered, her voice choked with emotion. “I had no idea the sacrifice you had made for me, I had no idea that there was so much more behind all of this. I was foolish to believe that you broke up with me over something selfish or petty.” 

She seemed to bite her words back, as though her self-loathing was simply too great of a burden to contain for a moment. When she settled, the Catalan continued. 

“I never should have spoken to you that way. The truth is that I’ve spent the last nine years missing you, thinking about you, unable to get myself over the years we spent together. It feels as though you’ve been out of my life as long as you were in it, and I hate that. I hate that I haven’t been able to grow with you. I hate that when I lay awake at night I miss you with an ache I cannot even begin to describe to you. I hate that I wasn’t able to be there for you when you needed me. I hate that your sacrifice probably saved my career, even though I wish with everything in me that I was there for you when you needed me,” Alexia finally admitted, deciding to be nothing but brutally honest. 

“And I won’t lie to you and say there haven’t been other women in the years without you, but God it never compared to you. I didn’t give a shit about any of them, and I never really expected to. You’re intertwined within my soul in a way I don’t even fully understand, and living without you feels like walking around missing a limb. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over you, and I tried to force football down my throat because if it was the reason I lost you, it had to be worth it.” 

“I miss your smile and your laugh. I miss the way you roll your eyes at me when I do something ridiculous, or how patient you are with me when I get frustrated. I still find myself looking for you in every crowd, at every family gathering, everywhere. When I finally did see you again, it felt like a fever dream. The one thing I’ve wanted for the last nine years was granted to me, and there you were.” 

“You were standing there so perfectly and in one piece, and inexplicably, you seem to care about me still. I never could have imagined that happening, even if I dreamt about it every single night of my life that you haven’t been in,” Alexia continued, allowing herself to take a deep breath and center herself. Frustration passed over her face for a moment, entirely  

“I fucked this up royally, I know. I let the fear in my heart and the fear that those around me held get in the way of seeing the truth, and I need you to know how sorry I am. I never should have treated you that way. I never should have acted toward you with such hostility. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I need you to know that everything I said, I don’t believe. You are brave and wonderful and empathetic, and so, so, extraordinary. Please do not let anyone else ever say that you are not,” Alexia urged, looking at you with such clear intent you couldn’t tear your eyes away. 

“I still love you, Flori. I think that I always will. My heart knows what it means to love and be loved by you, and nothing will ever compare to that feeling. My heart was always yours to break, and I don’t care if you do it once or twice or a million times. All I know is that even if you don’t feel the same way, I need you to know that I love you,” Alexia said with finality, barely able to see against the blur of tears that swarmed in her eyes. 

You stood up from your end of the couch slowly while her eyes tracked every single one of your movements. You walked closer to her, settling down next to her as closely as you could while you reached over to place your shaking hands against the frame of her face. 

“You big, blithering idiot, of course I still love you,” you whispered fiercely, your face scrunched up somewhere between disbelief and teasing. Alexia let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was even holding, the entire upper half of her body collapsing into you. 

It was easy for you to catch the brunette, cradling her against you as she sobbed without restraint against you. It was easy to rock her back and forth softly, while you whispered sweet nothings into her ears. And it was just as easy to pull her away from you and utter the words she never thought she would hear. 

“I forgive you, and of course I still love you Ale. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and you still are. I’m right here, and I don’t plan on going anywhere, if you’ll have me. We might have lost our chance when we were young, but maybe we can have another one?” You proposed hopefully, almost with disbelief. Neither of you ever expected for this to be anywhere near possible, but here you both were. 

The Catalan’s expression broke entirely, silent tears rolling down her cheeks in defiance as she placed a hand on your arm and held it tightly. 

“I’m here,” was all she could manage, but it was enough. 

You leaned into her slowly as you glanced down at her lips, giving her time to pull away. It was a concern you needn't be worried about when she met you halfway, the feeling one of muscle memory even after all this time. You could taste the salt from her tears and yours as you kissed her. 

“Please stay,” you murmured through the ball in your throat as you pulled away just a touch, and Alexia gripped you impossibly tighter as she pulled you into a hug. 

For the first time in nine years, you fell asleep that night with the footballer’s body curled around your own, the feel of her chest breathing steadily against your back as she held you in her arms with content. 

It was the first time in a long while that you had felt warm enough when going to sleep, and hope ballooned inside you fervently. 

[copper-16]

Part 3 of "Remind Me That There's A Room To Grow" is coming out tomorrow (Monday the 17th) at 7pm EST.

For those who have been postponing reading because they can't handle the angst without some sort of resolution...might not be a bad idea to catch up before the third part is posted! Just a suggestion though :) There might even be a Copper monologue in there, who knows!

I'm really strongly considering continuing the story further, it's been a lot of fun to write. I think people are continuing to enjoy it, and I'd be able to add in a love more fluff and cuteness as well as a little bit more of a drawn out story line. But let me know what you guys think! Always curious where your heads are at.

See everyone tomorrow evening!

[copper-16]

hi! i cannot tell you how happy i was when i saw that you wrote a new fic, and just like all the ones before, it was beyond phenomenal. im so happy you'll be writing more of it too! i hope you'll have lots of fun writing it, and best believe that there will be a bunch of us that'll enjoy reading it!

Oh this is so sweet - thank you so much!! It's been fun to be back and writing even if it feels a little weird doing it in a different format! I'm so glad that people have enjoyed it, and it feels fun to be in it again with everyone!

I adore hearing peoples thoughts, suggestions, and critiques. Thank you guys so much for the support!!

[copper-16]

your fics never fail not to make cry. this chapter was beautifully written, and the build-up to the revelation had me holding my breath. i'm starting to regret reading it early because that means i have to wait awhile for the new chapter. not that i'm trying to rush you or anything, please take your time and do as you wish with your writing. take as long as you need, and i will still be waiting regardless because, again, it's fantastic. this chapter was amazing, i'll probably re-read it a couple times before your next update, and i'll probably get emotional about it again. thanks for sharing this with the rest of us. but yeah, i'm looking forward to it, and i hope you have a good week ahead!

Oh goodness me, this is so incredibly sweet! Thank you so much for your kind words, I am so glad that you enjoyed it at all. I hope the next part brings both the sad and the happy together for you!

I really, really appreciate all of the support. It means the world to me, thank you so much! Messages like this mean more than you could ever know <3

[copper-16]

Everyone's gonna feel so bad in the next part, poor r. Alexia's guilt is going to kill her. (I love the story so far!!l

We gotta get through the worst to get to a point where it gets better...but it still sucks! (I can't say I disagree with your thought on Alexia's guilt...)

Thank you so so much!

[copper-16]

oh my heart is broken for these two

crossing my fingers for a happy ending 💞💞💞

Don't you worry buddy - I've got your back here. In the club, we all get a happy ending ;)

Resolution to the angst coming soon!

[copper-16]

i loved part 2! i thought the reason for leaving was so well done and not expected!

Thank you so so much! I really appreciate it!

[copper-16]

Can we please please get part 3 of Reminds Me That There's A Room To Grow 😫 ITS SO GOOD THE ANGST IS PERFECT WOW I NEED MORE

Oh babes you bet!! Part 3 is coming tomorrow, I have everything written I just need to edit it! (I promise there is happiness coming).

I'm really thinking about writing the full ten parts honestly, I've had so much fun writing it!

[copper-16]

Reminds Me That There's A Room To Grow Part 2

A love unraveled and yet incomparable. Where are two people to go from here?

(a/n: Here is part 2! I am so glad everyone is enjoying this so far, I've had a lot of fun writing it and getting to be creative! I’ll see everyone next Monday for installment 3 - can’t wait to hear everyone’s thoughts!)

Alexia wasn’t sure exactly what she had expected when she barged into her Mami's house the morning after seeing you at the event, dragging Alba behind her.  

But it definitely wasn’t this. 

She had explained everything to the two of them, with a carefully constructed amount of excitement. The footballer didn’t want to seem overeager, but she also found elation building within herself the more she thought about what had occurred. 

She had never expected to see you again, but there you were. Not only that, you weren’t with anyone. You still had the capacity to love her. There was a chance that Alexia hadn’t lost you, and she held onto that hope like a fire lit deep within her chest. She was almost delirious with relief at the realization that maybe the last nine years hadn’t been a total waste, that maybe she had just been waiting for you to return. It threatened to consume her, and she felt as though nothing could break the jouissance that filled her. 

At least, that was what she thought, until Eli and Alba brought her back to reality with their contradicting opinions. 

“She’s here you guys, she’s here in Barcelona. After all these years, Flori is still here and she wants to see me,” Alexia told her family, a brightness in her eyes that hadn’t been present in years. Despite this, Eli and Alba both had a frown on their face as they glanced at each other with skepticism. There was an awkward pause before Alba finally turned toward her sister with a charged look. 

“Ale,” Alba started lightly, trying not to sound too negative. “It has been nine years. Is it possible that Flori has moved on? She was the one who stayed behind, after all.” 

Her younger sister's words were pointed if not entirely incorrect. 

“Do you even know what happened? You never got an answer from her, and now she has shown up at this event with absolutely no warning,” Eli continued, a point that Alba quickly found herself agreeing with. 

When they had all left Madrid, Eli and Alba never expected to lose you so suddenly. 

Where Alexia was upset, they were angry. Angry that you had hurt Alexia for no logical reason, angry that you had done it when Alexia was at her most vulnerable, angry that you were no longer there. They had trusted you with Alexia’s heart, and you had betrayed them. Forgiveness was not possible in their eyes, not after what had occurred. 

Eli missed your mother, who had grown to become a dear friend. Alba had lost your younger brothers, Adan and Leo, who she had been close with. The breakup had been a clean break in the literal sense, but emotionally it had been so much more complex than that. There was nothing but frustrating feelings and a wretched sense of loss for all of them. Where Alexia had softened over time, becoming more sympathetic, the rest of her family had hardened in their negative feelings toward you. 

It was valiant if not feeble that the footballer tried to argue on your behalf. 

“She is here now, and time has passed. Why would I not at least give her the chance to atone or explain herself?” Alexia argued as she furrowed her brows. She looked between her sister and Mami, feeling disheartened by their reaction. 

“She gave up that right years ago Ale, when she let you leave in the midst of Papi dying and you moving to go to your dream club. She let you go, she never reached out, she never explained herself. Does that not bother you?” Alba pressed, unyielding in her temperament. 

“It has been a decade practically, and she never tried. She let you go, ripped up your heart into pieces, and walked out of that door with no remorse. We were all hurt by it, but you should be the most betrayed! She was supposed to love you, and she left you instead. Don’t tell me that hasn’t been the thing that stuck out to you the most in the past nine years?” Alba continued as her words lashed out like a whip, threatening to send Alexia’s sense of stability and hope crashing to the ground. 

“I have a chance to be happy, and you want me to give it away! Does that not bother you?” Alexia spat back as her defensiveness mounted. She stared her sister down with an intensity that usually was only found when she was playing football, not speaking to a member of her family. 

“No, what you have is a chance to be hurt again, and based on past events, that is exactly what is going to happen Alexia. Don’t be stupid,” Alba shot back, and Eli quickly placed a hand on her younger daughter's arm to stop her. 

The room came to a hard stop, but the brunette’s heart beat too fast in her chest to notice. 

Had she made a mistake in trying to be forgiving toward you? 

What if her family had a point? 

“Alba is critical but what she says is in your best interest Alexia. Regardless of how you felt about your relationship, Flori hurt you irreparably. Are you sure you want to let her in again? Is that a risk you want to take?” Eli inquired gently, her voice much softer than the loud argument of her daughters. Alexia took a deep breath, forcing herself to be calm outwardly even if she felt anything but on the inside. 

You had hurt her a lot. And they said it was irreparable, but the brunette was beginning to wonder if only you could be the one to soothe the ache. It had been nine years, and she had never once come close to feeling the same way about anyone else as you. 

But you had hurt her. 

Her mother and sister were not wrong in their basis of judgment. Alexia was beginning to wonder if she had been too naive, too focused on not looking a gift horse in the mouth to see the points her family had laid out. 

The Catalan wondered if you would explain yourself fully to her if asked. She hoped dearly that the answer would be yes, but maybe she didn’t know you as well as she thought she did. 

Maybe it was stupid to trust you after all these years. As much as Alexia had wanted to be mad about everything, she could never bring herself to fault you for what happened when you were both eighteen years old. She had always just assumed that the reason had to be big for you to make the choice you had. 

But maybe it wasn’t like that at all. Maybe she had just been too trusting, too loving.

“I…I’ve spent the last nine years thinking about her, loving her, whether I wanted to or not. I know you aren’t as trusting as I am, and maybe I shouldn’t be so hopeful. But I at least want to know what happened to us that led to her making the decision she did. I need that, at the very least,” Alexia decided as her mother and sister nodded wearily. 

Alexia had always taken the blame for what had happened, even if it had been a subconscious realization. She had simply assumed that whatever it was had been her fault. The brunette must have done something for you to make such a drastic choice not to be with her after so long together. 

Eli and Alba’s arguments rang in her head, creating a commotion in her mind of conflicting information. Perhaps it wasn’t her fault, but rather something on your end. 

She wasn’t sure now. 

All that the footballer knew was that by the time she left her Mami’s house, she felt a lot more lost than she had last night. Lost, confused, and drained of any excitement that had been present just an hour previously. 

—

You had woken up the morning after the event in a trance, unable to place your own feelings. 

Had last night really happened? 

Your dress was still on the hanger, just as you had placed it last night. The ghosting of mascara under your eyes left proof of your makeup, proof of the tears you had shed on the walk home. 

All of these years later, and there she was. Somehow just as perfect and illustrious as you had remembered her to be. Nine years on and she remained unchanged, unyielding despite her newfound fame. 

You had changed a lot in those nine years. And truth be told, you thought often of the footballer, though you tried impossibly hard not to. After all, it had been you who had left. It had been your own choice to sever everything the two of you had. 

You had your reasons, sure, but it had still been you. The choice for you to make decisions in your relationship with Alexia had been revoked in that instance, and you forced yourself to try and forget all that you had lost. 

To try and forget the feeling of being held in her arms. To forget the way she curled around you as you slept, or crawled into your lap to take a nap after a long day of training. To forget how much you two laughed together, how exceedingly happy she had made you. 

You had lost all of that, and there was nothing that changed that fact. 

It was ostensibly clear why you had moved to Barcelona five years ago, even if you vehemently denied that the move was because of the Catalan you once called home. But her dream had been yours as well, and even if you were later, you still had to come. 

You found yourself in the stands of her games often, tucked in the back with a hat pulled over your head, avoiding her gaze and that of her family as well. You probably shouldn’t have been there, but you had turned into quite the masochist in the wake of losing her. 

She looked free on the field, exactly as you remembered her. Focused, ardent, driven, mirthful, intelligent, protective. 

Everything you had loved and lost. 

It’s not that there hadn’t been opportunities to see her again, especially when you had first moved and you both were young. But you never took them, knowing that it wasn’t your right. Alexia was happy, and you would never interrupt her peace for your own yearning. 

After last night though…you weren’t sure if the word you would describe her as was peaceful. It was possible you were reading too much into things, but there was an air of longing present in the brunette that confused you more than you expected. 

You wondered if she would call you, but you had no way of knowing. 

It needed to be that way. This needed to be her choice, her decision. You had been the one to take it away, and you gave it back to her almost a decade later. 

There was hope in your body, a nascent festering that took root no matter how hard you attempted to stop it in its tracks. But at the end of the day, you would gladly give back to her the right to choose in favor of everything you dreamed and desired. 

You would make peace with whatever decision that was, no matter the cost to your own happiness. 

—

“You–I’m sorry, you what?” Jenni blurted out as she glimpsed over at Mariona, who found herself just as confused and taken aback by what the brunette had just described. 

Alexia leaned back in her chair as she let out a forced breath. Her participation in this lunch was more compulsory than anything else after an entire practice of her “acting weird,” according to the striker. 

Mariona had been dragged along for a second opinion, though the midfielder had found herself growing more and more curious as Jenni’s pestering turned into real answers from the brunette. The raven-haired woman, while annoying at times, had been friends with Alexia for long enough to know when she needed a bit of a push to talk. 

For Alexia to admit that the reason she was bothered was because she had a long lost childhood lover was not exactly what Jenni was expecting. But the striker was nothing if not able to work with what she was given. 

“Let me get this straight,” the older woman began as she leaned forward against the table. “You met when you guys were like five, grew up together, started dating when you were teenagers, then were supposed to move here together, but she broke things off suddenly right before you left and you haven’t seen her since?” 

“That is correct,” Alexia conceded warily, well aware of how slightly ridiculous it seemed as a story. 

“And all of these years, you haven’t stopped thinking about her? A decade later and you’re still hung up on her?” Jenni asked incredulously, her voice nearly an octave higher than it usually was. She seemed to be out of her mind at the thought, and the brunette slunk down further into her chair, feeling overly barren. 

“You hook up with women like there is a prize for who gets the highest body count,” Alexia shot back, trying to come off as more annoyed than exposed. 

Mariona looked miffed at the vulgarity of the statement while Jenni shrugged, acquiescence in her expression. 

“Low blow Alexia,” the midfielder noted briefly, but the striker waved her off easily. 

“The woman isn’t entirely wrong, but more importantly she’s deflecting. Okay, so you’re still in love with the woman. And it just so happens that she’s randomly at the Spotify event they sent you to, and she’s still in love with you as well?” 

“Well not quite but…” Alexia started to disagree before she trailed off, her friends eyeing her with unconvinced expressions. 

“Yes, fine, sure,” she amended crossly. 

“She just happened to be at the same event? What does she do for work?” Mariona raised her eyebrow, suspicious of a coincidence that large. Alexia paused for a moment as she struggled to think of an answer. All she was drawing was a big blank, and the realization that maybe she should have been more suspicious about this whole thing. 

“I…I have no idea. I didn’t ask! She was just right in front of me, and I panicked, I didn’t know what to do!” Alexia said restlessly, the amount of fidgeting in her seat a clear indication of her nervousness. 

“Wow…she made the great Alexia Putellas panic? I’ve seen you send away more girls than a persnickety Playboy photographer.” 

“Jennifer!”

“Sorry, sorry! Anywho, you panicked, and then what happened?” Jenni amended, a saccharine smile plastered on her face. The raven-haired woman was absolutely devouring this, fighting valiantly not to smile like the cheshire cat. 

“And then we went on a walk and talked for a few minutes, she gave me her number and told me to call her, and she left,” Alexia finished lamely, sinking back into her seat. She surveyed her two friends, who only looked at her with interested expressions. 

“Okay…and what are you going to do?” Mariona inquired once she realized that Alexia wasn’t going to say anything more. 

“I don’t know what to do! My family thinks that I shouldn’t call her, that she has hurt me too much. That maybe she doesn’t deserve to be in my life anymore. What do you guys think I should do?” Alexia. 

“Listen, it seems to be a weird coincidence to me personally. All of the sudden you start to get famous and she just happens to pop up? That is a little weird to me. It sounds like this person hurt you deeply Ale, and it has stuck with you. Are you sure you want to rehash everything?” Mariona pressed, her words strict and condemning.

“I’m not sure if I do. I’ve spent the last decade thinking of her, and then suddenly she was there and I just…I didn’t know what to do with myself. I never imagined her being in my life again, and there she was! I spent my whole childhood loving her. I never saw myself with anyone else,” Alexia admitted quietly as she wrung her hands together for a moment before setting them down in her lap, unable to make her own mind up. 

The vast majority of Alexia’s teammates had never heard of you at all. Jenni was a little too old, Mariona a little too young. Those who had known of you had forgotten, easily deterred by Alexia telling them you had broken up, unrealizing of how much it meant for the midfielder to lose you. 

Mariona had begun to speak again, but the striker had tuned the two of them out, thinking quietly to herself for once. 

As much as she teased, Jenni watched her friend with a keen, knowing eye. There had to be a damn good reason for Alexia to turn away all of those girls. It wasn’t just their looks, some of them were lovely and intelligent and hilarious, and still the star midfielder had absolutely no interest in them whatsoever. 

Almost as if she was waiting for something else. 

Someone else. 

All these years there had been something missing in her, as though she looked for someone who never came through the door. Jenni had never known what was wrong enough to ask, but now she was beginning to piece together the importance of you to Alexia. Where everyone else saw reasons to criticize and judge, the striker was stuck on Alexia’s words. 

How the desire and longing seemed unable to be contained and reasoned with, despite all of the evidence to the contrary. 

“What do you want?” Jenni cut both of them off suddenly, eliciting a frustrated noise from Mariona and a surprised look from the brunette. 

“I don’t know what I want!” Alexia huffed out with frustration, but the raven-haired didn’t accept that quite so easily. There were too many hands in the pot here. Alexia had always known what she wanted to do, she was simply being deterred. 

“No, you do. You’re convoluted with everyone else’s opinions, but I think you know exactly what you want. What is it that you want Alexia?” Jenni’s eyes never wavered from Alexias, as if daring her to look away. 

She knew that the Catalan wouldn’t, and she was right. 

Alexia stared right at her friend, knowing exactly what choice she needed to make for herself. Not for anyone else, but for herself. 

At the very least, she needed to know what had happened to lose you the first time.

—

Alexia told herself she would call you in a few days, giving herself some time to cool off and think things through. 

She couldn’t even make it through a few hours before she was digging up the card you had given her and typing the number into her phone. The phone rang once, twice, three times before you picked up, and despite herself the Catalan let out a sigh of relief that you had picked up at all. 

“Hello?” You said dutifully as you held your ear to the phone, unaware of who was on the end of the line. There was silence for a long moment, long enough that you questioned if anyone was even there, before sound finally came through.

“Hi,” Alexia choked out, failing to keep her voice as calm and unbothered as she had told herself she would be. 

“Hi Alexia,” you replied, fighting to seem as unphased as possible. You were shocked she had called you, and your heart beat so rapidly in your chest it felt as though it was fluttering. 

“I know it’s sudden…but can you talk tonight?” The footballer blurted out after a few seconds. Your heart constricted with panic, but you swallowed it down and forced yourself to remain agreeable and steady. 

“Absolutely. What time and where should I meet you?” You questioned as you took a deep, bracing breath. You listened as Alexia rattled off an address and the two of you agreed to meet in an hour before she hung up. 

This might be your last chance to tell her the truth. Would it be worth it though? Was the possibility of creating an ache in her chest worth revealing what had really occurred? 

You knew her, and you knew that her guilt would be immense even if the situation was completely out of her control. You made the choice for her, knowing that it was the right one. But you were unsure if she would see it that way. Perhaps she would only see the hurt you had caused her unnecessarily, and that would be the end of it. Maybe that should just be the end of it, allowing her some answers while allowing her to move forward with her life. 

It had been nearly a decade. You had been without her nearly as long as you had been with her, and a piece of you knew that the ache would never disappear. You would always yearn for her, even if she decided to move on. 

But that was a right she had earned, and you had lost. 

It had been your own fault after all, that turned you two into this unsure, bumbling mess of emotions and challenges and strife. You would have done anything to change that if you could have. 

It was your fault but not your doing, at the end of the day. 

You arrived at the beach where Alexia told you to meet her a little early, which allowed you to sit down at a bench and look out at the ocean waves that poured in and out. You granted yourself that small moment of grace on the nearly empty beach as you slipped your sandals off and felt the lingering warmth of the sand under your feet as the sun slid behind the ocean. 

You didn’t notice Alexia’s approach until she was in front of you, and though you offered her the seat next to you silently, she didn’t take it. 

It should have been this that informed you that it would go downhill from there, but you clung to the hope that maybe this would be a productive conversation. You still didn’t know what to say exactly, but you knew you were not going to be dishonest. 

Alexia’s eyes examined you critically, as if she didn’t believe that it was really you. 

“How did you end up at the event the other day in the first place?” She inquired after a moment, and you can’t help but furrow your brows in confusion, lost as to why this was the first question she asked. Lost as to where all of this hostility came from, when you had yet to say a single thing. 

You had expected her to become angered as the conversation went on, but she already seemed cross and you had yet to say a word. 

“I work for Morgan Stanley doing investment consulting and management specifically with Spotify. I’ve become close with the people at the company as I work with them most days, and they invited me to the event. There were investors and important stakeholders that I was able to meet in person. I’ve come to the same event every year for the last three years,” you disclosed to the brunette, but the skepticism and hostility in her eyes never wavered despite your clarity. 

“Did you see me before we ran into each other?” She interrogated, and you settled into your seat uneasily. This felt less like a conversation and more like she was drilling you, waiting for you to slip up and say the wrong thing. 

“At the event, or in general?” You replied, wanting nothing but honesty in your responses. You could give her that, even if the air between you two was charged with more tension than you expected. 

“Both.” Alexia crossed her arms, everything in her posture defensive and frustrated. 

“At the event, no. I didn’t know until I was standing right in front of you,” you clarified, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear to avoid fidgeting nervously. “In general, yes I had seen you. Only from afar though, at your games over the years. I never would have approached you.” 

I never would have approached you. 

Alexia felt every defense in her mind light up at that statement. When had you decided you were so utterly done with having her in your life? All the Catalan could think of was her mother and sister warning her that this was going to be a mistake. All she could think of was Mariona who talked about how strange the coincidence was that the two of you had run into her, as though it was so suspicious. 

You had left and hurt her. 

It had been your fault, that is what all the evidence seemed to tell her. 

Something pulled at the brunette’s mind though, something that begged her not to be so bellicose. Something that screamed at her that there was more to the story, and that handling everything this way was a horrible idea. 

Fear seemed to rule her though, rearing an ugly head that the midfielder was not proud of. 

“How many years,” she beseeched, fighting the wave of tears she could feel stinging at the back of her eyes. Her voice was low, wavering in a way that betrayed her emotions more than she cared to admit. You had let out a low sigh as you hung your head. 

“Five years. I’ve been in Barcelona for five years, and I’ve been coming to your games on and off for five years” you finally confessed as you shook your head. You looked up at the Catalan, who seemed caught between devastation and outrage. 

“You moved here five years ago and didn’t even think to come and talk to me? You never thought to check on me, to try and reach out?” Alexia seethed, burying her hurt behind a mask of fury. More than anything, the footballer felt like her whole chest had caved in. 

“No I didn’t. I had broken up with you Alexia, that was the choice I made. I wasn’t going to come barging back in four years later and demand that you take me back,” You tried gallantly to remain calm, even in the face of Alexia’s vexation. The brunette hated your answer, throwing her hands up in acute frustration. 

“You never even bothered to ask! You might have taken away my choice once, but you’ve spent five more years taking that choice away. You are a coward,” Alexia accused, pointing a finger at you even as everything in her screamed not to. She would regret what she said in the light of day, but all she felt right now was wounded. There was an intense urge to protect what little pride still remained inside her, and apparently in order to accomplish that she needed to lash out.��

You met her toe for toe though, not giving her the anger she wanted exactly but rather a sense of indignation. 

“I am a coward Alexia, you’re right. I wanted you to live your life, to move on, and I made the choice I thought was best for everyone at the time, including you. Don’t stand here and act like I made the choice without consideration for your feelings, because I have,” you fought, because even if you were at fault, you had tried so hard not to be selfish. If the Catalan got a single thing out of this conversation, you wanted it to be that. 

“No you haven’t, you’ve been selfish for the last decade! I lost my father, my community, and then you all in the span of one month. You disappeared, just like that. You were like a ghost, and I was on my own, and right when I needed you, you weren’t there!” She practically yelled, and it looked almost like her entire body vibrated with resentment. 

The footballer took a deep breath as she both tried and failed to remain calm. But every time she had more than a second to think, anger and vitriol seemed to flow out of her. 

“I hate myself for how much I needed you all these years, how much I longed for you. I can’t believe I didn’t see what was going on right in front of me. And now you’re back here…for what? A celebrity status? To be a WAG? I don’t have time for that, and I don’t want you anymore if you see me as such a transactional person. I don’t even recognize you anymore,” Alexia explained with an air of indignance. 

Though you had tried to remain calm, something finally snapped inside of you at that. You simply couldn’t allow for the brunette to say such things about you, and finally you allowed yourself the candor you’d held in all these years. 

“Oh for God's sake Alexia, really? I haven’t come here to be your WAG, or for your fucking money! I’m in investment banking for Christ's sake, I am fine financially! I don’t like football, but I spent my childhood going to games because you loved it and I loved you! You think it didn’t kill me to let you leave like that?” 

“You were my forever. We were young but you were the love of my life, and even now I can’t find myself ever connecting with anyone the way I did with you. I know I am older now, but I still have the same heart as I did when I was eighteen. You loved that person, and I’m not saying you need to love me anymore, but do not stand here and act like I have changed into someone unrecognizable when I have not!” You articulated, unwilling to allow yourself to be trodden over with disrespect. 

You were not the same person as you were at eighteen, but you were also not the person Alexia had made you out to be. 

The fight seemed to drain out of your body in an instance. Any hope that had been clung to was lost entirely as you decided just to be honest. You knew the brunette didn’t want anything to do with you, and in that moment you made peace with that. 

You would give her the truth, and nothing else but the truth. When you looked up at the Catalan, there were tears shining in your eyes. 

“I was sick, Alexia. I found out two days before I broke up with you that I had breast cancer, and I needed to stay in Madrid for treatment. You had just lost your father, you were moving to a whole new area of the country. You didn’t need to be worried about your sick girlfriend, trying to travel back and forth to Madrid, to have even more on your plate,” you revealed slowly as you aggressively wiped away the tears that flowed down your cheeks. 

Oh. 

Oh. 

“So yes, I made a decision for you. In all honesty, it was a decision I would happily make again and again if it came down to it. I wanted to preserve what little peace and happiness you had left before the move. I ached for you afterward, but I knew that this was the right choice. I wanted you to live your dreams, with or without me. And by the time I finished treatment and came to Barcelona, I felt that it was too late. I had broken us, it was my fault entirely that we had broken up, and I didn’t feel like I had the right to come to you and explain.”

“So no, I haven't approached you for the last five years. I come to your games and I see you play with joy and happiness, and I see you with your family, and I want to leave you with that. So don’t look at me and call me a coward or a gold digger or whatever the hell you think I am, because at the end of the day I tried to make the best choices for you and me, and I can’t take them back anymore,” you released, and suddenly you felt much older than your twenty-seven years. You head hung, and you shrugged before you spoke again, your tone bitter and defeated. 

“If you’re so intent to see all of the reasons I fucked up, fine. If you need to tell yourself that I am a selfish whore to sleep at night, fine. But I sincerely hope that when you go to sleep at night you at least remember for a second that the decisions I made were for you, not because of you. Maybe it was the wrong choice to control that for you, but I can’t go back and change it now. So please, just leave me alone if this is all you want from me. I don’t have anything more to give you, not anymore,” You stated with exhaustion, spinning around to walk away. You disappeared into the night before the brunette even had a chance to say anything, left far too shell shocked to even begin to process your words. 

You were gone without a glance backward, and Alexia sunk down onto the bench you had once occupied as remorse purged every other feeling in her body.

(Part 3)

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Remind Me That There's A Room To Grow Part 2 will be posted tomorrow at 7pm EST, for those who are waiting for it! I will see you there!

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Decided to keep going with Remind Me That There’s A Room To Grow, and I’ll be posting chapters every Monday evening 💃🙏🏼

See everyone on Monday night for part 2!

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Pls pls pls post more parts to that fic

I feel the yearning crawling on my skin

This ask made me laugh out loud, but also I absolutely understand the feeling!

More parts coming soon, I promise!

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OBSESSED W THE NEW STORY !!!!!!

in my personal opinion i'd love 10 more parts but pls tell me its a happy ending tho i love them sm

love your workkkkkkkk :) :)

Do not worry - I might write some angst in there but I’m not big on sad endings. This story will definitely have a happier one!

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it!

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I'm so hooked already! Plus more.

More more more

❤️

You got it! Thank you so much for the kind words, it’s so appreciated!!