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I truly go into housewife mode when im someones girlfriend like I will make u pancakes and bacon every morning and suck u up whenever u want

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opal-creek-after-rain by Josh Taylor

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believe me when I say I get the frustration of people who say they’re gluten free ordering things that contain gluten and not caring, but I will always always always assume someone who orders gluten free is being deadly serious. if I’m wrong, the worst thing I’ve done is wasted a bit of my time; if I assume they aren’t serious and they are, then I’ve increased a stranger’s risk of colon cancer

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when ppl defend the hypersexualization of female characters by acting like they r sentient real ppl who make their own choices instead of being written and drawn by gross men  

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Our universe is, in fact, one of many parallel universes happening at the exact same time. Every choice that we make would create countless other possibilities. A what-if to infinity.

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I’m terrified. Why? I’ve been looking out a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what it might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be? It will be. And what if it is? What do I do then? Well, that’s the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream.

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[Two police officers] maybe pretending to make out, or maybe they’re actually making out. Or pre-recorded noises of smoochin’ noises. Oh, like a Ferris Bueller situation. 

THE HORRIFYING TEXARKANA PHANTOM KILLER (2019)

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boys complimenting me:

me: :// 

my teacher leaving an ‘excellent work!!!’ on my essay: 

me, holding a wall for support: bro i’m just…..bro i’m just really teary i’m ghjdgfsdhjfjsdhf i’m hgjggjkhfkdjgj wow thank you idk what to say….bro idk why i’m fjhdsfkjdfg crying right now 

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There’s a lot of things you’ve done that Becky doesn’t know about

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it is always soooo funny to me when people like actually get mad at you or think youre some kind of dumbass for believing in astrology when its like… out of the two of us who is having more fun right now? who is getting a greater kick out of life? is it you, who is trying to convince me that nothing is real and we live in a meaningless universe, or is it me, who is telling you that that is an incredibly virgo thing you just said???

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since this is a new Cool-io Meme on twitter, here are some…………….. ship dynamics i quite enjoy

tag your ship ig? lmao

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okay, there, enjoy

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i mean this in the nicest way possible you guys but you NEED to take better care of yourselves online. getting severely anxious about mass quantities of horrible things you cant change every single day is normal considering the internet’s ability to educate on worldwide issues, it shows that you have empathy and that you truly do care. but relentless knowledge of constant suffering on this scale is NOT something humans are psychologically equipped to handle. it’s okay to shut off. it’s okay to just take a break and enjoy yourself for a while in your own localized space

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*friends car is locked*

Friend: stop pulling the handle

Me: