cornfieldcryptiid

[cornfieldcryptiid]

why would i ever pay a professional when i can take advantage of a friend who's much smarter than me

[cornfieldcryptiid]

bleached + dyed my hair. took my t shot. slammed an energy drink. god i fucking love chemicals

[cornfieldcryptiid]

bootlicker is such a good insult. we really did good with that one guys

[cornfieldcryptiid]

spiritually i'm one of those motorcyclists who records themselves committing street crimes and giggling and singing silly little songs at 130 mph. physically i'm too disabled to drive

[cornfieldcryptiid]

grasshopper sounds like a slur for bugs and i'm tired of pretending it doesn't

[cornfieldcryptiid]

"i think you'll like this song" did you know im kissing you on the mouth, actually?

[cornfieldcryptiid]

ouugh.....30 hours awake......for my sins

hmmm yknow what would go really well with 11 hours of sleep? 6 more hours of it

[cornfieldcryptiid]

hmmm yknow what would go really well with 11 hours of sleep? 6 more hours of it

[cornfieldcryptiid]

i love when i drink cold water and feel it in my chest......fuck yeah baby remind me i'm hollow

[cornfieldcryptiid]

how do you even start a new hobby wdym i wasn't precoded with that?

[cornfieldcryptiid]

"time is a social construct and im under no obligation to follow it," i tell myself as im making mac and cheese at 10am

[cornfieldcryptiid]

anchors are so fucking funny. like what do you mean you're dropping this big fucking heavy thing into the water to stabilize a bigger, heavier, fuckier thing and it works?? fuck off

[cornfieldcryptiid]

just got told by my coworker that the way i talk is quote "fascinating" and when i asked her to elaborate she just shrugged and said "i mean, yknow" NO I DONT KNOW?

[cornfieldcryptiid]

if i ever have a child im going to teach them that dry pasta is actually crackers. just to see what happens

[cornfieldcryptiid]

"i'll remember it" that's the devil talking fucking write it down

[cornfieldcryptiid]

in 2025 i will be getting more sick + twisted

[cornfieldcryptiid]

no i think im good actually

hey quick question milk enthusiasts, what the fuck