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Punktector

ID: A flag with five horizontal stripes and a diagonal white line separating the stripes into halves. From top to bottom, on the left, the lines are light red, hot pink, lavender, purple, and navy. Similarly, on the right, they are white, light grey, medium grey, medium-dark grey, and dark grey. There is a black symbol in the middle depicting a side profile of a human head with Mohawk-styled spikes. /end ID

A punktector could be a protector who is punk (dresses punk, likes punk music, etc.), or a protector whose role is influenced by punk views and morals, or a combination of both. They could also be a protector whose gender is related to punk.

Flag meaning: The upper-left is the original protector flag, credited to @/humorsunbalanced. note: afaik, the flag is anti-endo, but I could be misinformed. The bottom right is every color from the flag in greyscale, representing popular colors of punk fashion as well as the spectrum of views, morals, and overall kinds of people within the punk community. It could also be considered to represent the spectrum of different things a protector could do for their system. The image in the center is the punk symbol.

Term made by me. Flag made by me.

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You are not a bad person for having used escapism as a coping mechanism when you were younger. You are not at fault for why you did. You did what you needed to in order to survive. It is not your fault you ended up developing it as an unhealthy coping mechanism. You were a child who needed to survive and cope.

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one of the most important things about dissociative identity disorder and generally being a system that i wish people would understand is that it truly isn’t as cut and dry as it may seem for member count.

you’ll see people who say they have “six alters” and then immediately assume it’s six fully fleshed out equal individuals with no confusion or fuzziness regarding identity. that’s simply not true in a majority of cases, as i have seen.

most systems still VERY much deal with confusion regarding potential splits, go through dissociative episodes where they’re unsure of who they are, sometimes feel no attachment towards any identities, feel like they might have split and then suddenly that person is gone, unsure if alters they haven’t heard from often have gone dormant, not sure how to react when alters do come out of dormancy, etc.

it’s not a fun feeling and it’s genuinely unfair in certain situations to force systems to list every single alter to you with full certainty, as if it will never change. because it will. for so many different reasons, systems will grow, they will shrink, they will fuse, they will develop. you can’t expect the person with the dissociative disorder and lack of core identity to be able to keep up a perfected list of forever, it’s simply impossible. you may have alters who stick with you, but that doesn’t mean changes won’t happen.

and systems who may be reading this — please don’t feel bad. you are not a hassle, you are not a headache, and you are not an inconvenience for simply coping with something like this. it’s out of your control and the only thing you can do is continue to cope to find ways to help yourself retrain from these reactions. please don’t allow yourself to be harmed by others who don’t understand what you are going through. there are people who will accept and love you for who you are, all of you.

past, present, and future.

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how it feels trying to daydream and escape from school, but all my parts are arguring about some random unrelated topic or whether we're faking or not

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system culture is being too familiar with the "forgot your password?" button 😭

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"the future is plural" "the future is singlet" the future is prioritizing healing. i hope the future is prioritizing healing, no matter what that healing looks like.

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Do things for your system offline.

Being a system affects life more than just online. (contrary to endo beliefs) While having some amazing resources online to help organize and track things, there are a million reasons to have your physical life have resources set up as well.

you'll never know if an alter might not even know what a phone is yet, and gods forbid if for some reason a new alter is alone without help. Trust me, we had a new alter try to just up and leave our fiance on a vacation. We have also had alters who definitely needed a picture guide on how to use the system discord lol.

Here are some ideas we do to help ensure our system is safe, but also helps alters feel more grounded and present with themselves!

Fronting Kandii bracelets, it can really help when you can't use your phone for switches, but also good for systems with significant barriers between alters and memory, so you can see who was here last!

a physical notebook labeled in bold for "if confused/lost read this" and inside keep important information; (what is a system, what the body name is, what your job is, and how to open and use a phone just in case, and also what to do to contact a gatekeeper or what to do if they can't, such as how to call out of work or avoid the family/friends asking what's wrong.)

another notebook might be helpful for alters to have fun decorating an 'about page' but also having your system journal individually as alters is REALLY IMPORTANT TO HAVE IN CASE YOU WANT TO TALK TO A DOCTOR ABOUT GETTING DIAGNOSED. It can really help the doctor see a track of things. We started our first journal in 2017, even outside of doctors, it's good for a physical medium for alters to express in.

these next ones are focused on alters having their own space and grounding in the real world!

having a small box or basket or something like that to keep their favorite or 'personal' items. our system likes having our own individual space and items, and for us it helps not only keep the peace, but also help us ground when we have our own things like clothes, comforts, snacks on hand, personal notebooks, etc.

remember kids, if your system is affecting you irl, when no one is looking then you are not faking! no sys doubting here pookies <3

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You are not a fake system because you can't hear your alters, most of us can't! Most people with DID have very limited communication between alters in general.

You are not a fake system because you don't know your headcount, or you don't know your alters names. That can take years! For some people, they need a long time in treatment to even get that ball rolling.

You are not a fake system because you don't know what other alters are doing. You don't need to know who dressed you this morning or who bought the food you're allergic to, high amnesia is normal.

Don't feel like any less of a system because of expectations set by the internet. You don't need to present the same way as people on the internet. The presentation of DID on the internet can be pretty atypical, so don't spend your time comparing.

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closeted system culture is SO much system doubt, holy crap (/lh)

yeaaahh, it be like that.

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I think what singlets forget when meeting systems Is that..

That system friend, has always been a system. DID/OSDD forms In childhood. Let's say your 18 year old friend came out as a system; they're not a 'system now'. They were always a system, they just found out, that doesn't mean they JUST became a system, they were always a system, they just discovered their disorder and alters. I think this type of misconception leads to a lot of things like: ''i don't wanna meet any of your alters'' ''i only wanna talk to you'' You have already talked to their alters before. They are an alter too, always has been. Their disorder didn't just pop out of nowhere. They're not the 'original' or 'core' because there never was one. You have already talked to their alters, and they're not any different from the other alters. Please don't disrespect them and their system. sorry this is kind of badly worded, let me know if you need any clarification

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The moment I hear someone accuse a disabled person of faking it, I lose all respect I previously had for them. I have absolutely zero tolerance for fakeclaimers.

People have passed out on buses after being denied seats, because people thought they were faking it. People in excruciating pain have been turned away from hospitals, because people thought they were faking it. People have been publicly shamed both online and in person for their disabilities, because people thought they were faking it. People have lost their jobs after being denied accomodations, because people thought they were faking it. And I'm partially talking from my own personal experiences. I've been yelled at for having meltdowns at school after being told I wasn't allowed to wear ear plugs, because people thought I was faking it. These aren't hypothetical situations. Lots and lots of real disabled people have suffered for the entertainment of fakeclaimers.

The harm from fakeclaiming real disabled people is much, much worse than the harm from taking the few fakers there are seriously. I would rather help a hundred disabled people when one person among them is actually faking it than fakeclaim a hundred fakers when one person among them is actually disabled.

Yes, there are people who fake disabilities, and yes, that's awful and harmful. But accusing people of faking it has never done anything good for anyone, while it has harmed a lot of disabled people who needed support but were ridiculed instead. There is no net positive to fakeclaiming. All it does is serve to stigmatize, mock, and encourage the neglect of disabled people. It's sickening.

I mean this all the time. Even if they do something you assumed they shouldn't be able to do (part-time AAC users, ambulatory wheelchair users, and other people whose disabilities aren't constantly visible exist). Even if you think their accommodations are excessive or unnecessary. Even if you think they have "too many" conditions. Even if it's DID or schizophrenia or any other disability that you're uncomfy acknowledging. Even if they have dyed hair or neopronouns or anything else you've decided is "attention-seeking behavior."

The moment I hear the phrase, "they're probably faking it," leave your lips, I know not to trust you. Because you want disabled people to earn their rights, their support, their ability to live, by first meeting your arbitrary standards for what disabled people must look like.

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nobody talks about how it feels to look around a place you’ve supposedly lived in for years and only vaguely know where you are and who these people are. pretending that your heart isn’t in your shoes as you try to act like everything’s fine because if you said anything you’d be called crazy. pretending to get the inside jokes passed between you and practically strangers. not knowing how you got there.

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the worst feeling is when someone you know points out inconstancies your behavior or talks about something you don't remember happening

it makes my heart sink into my gut

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I wish people understood that being a system doesn’t inherently make you feel less alone

We can try to help each other out as much as we want, but, no matter what we do, we’re all still trapped inside the same derailing train