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[costofwar-a]

Hello everyone, apologizes for the wait but unfortunately I think this blog and my others are going to be on hold for awhile. I’m not sure how long or if it’s going to be something that’s permanent. It’s not an easy decision to make, but to be honest I haven’t had true fun roleplaying in a long time. I’ve been doing this since 2012. To some that’s not a very long time and to others it is. But this feeling has been sitting with me for at least half of the time that I’ve been roleplaying. I’ve found spaces and moments where I feel accepted. The same could be said for happy moments and memories. Hell, most of the friends I’ve made have been through roleplay. But I’m not happy anymore.

I still love writing and making friends, that part will always be true. But any time I thought of writing I always put this horrendous pressure on myself. I began to tell myself that I wasn’t worth anything if I wasn’t responding back to roleplay replies, or that people will just be upset because I wasn’t writing or finishing threads. I never felt adequate enough and felt like people could always find others that’d write my muses better than I do. I also began convincing myself that people only liked me or said nice things to me out of pity. And logically I know it’s not true, but the continuous self-deprecating thoughts still hurt all the same. Roleplaying has felt like a chore. An obligation that if I’m not roleplaying nobody will care about me or they’ll just be upset with me. And it killed my love for roleplaying.

So taking almost a month off from it has been freeing. Yes, I’m still severely struggling as this break didn’t completely erase my deep insecurities and self-hatred, but it’s nice not to feel that heavy weight on my shoulders. Sure, it’s sad to think it’s become this way, but it’s exhausting feeling the way I have been for years. I don’t think I’ve ever taken this much of a break since I even started roleplaying, not even two years ago when it felt like the world was going to cave in because of my anxiety.

But I think it’s been eye-opening for me and something that’s been a very long time coming. So once again, I apologize to those who were waiting or expecting things from me. But I think I need to finally start concentrating on what actually makes me happy and what I can do to continue bettering myself. And at this moment I don’t think it’s roleplay. That’s not to say I won’t ever come back. Perhaps one day I will, but for now I need to focus on myself and what I need. So thank you to everyone that has stuck with me these past few years. It truly means more than you could ever know. Love you lots, and hopefully I’ll see you guys soon. ♥

[costofwar-a]

Hello everyone, apologizes for the wait but unfortunately I think this blog and my others are going to be on hold for awhile. I’m not sure how long or if it’s going to be something that’s permanent. It’s not an easy decision to make, but to be honest I haven’t had true fun roleplaying in a long time. I’ve been doing this since 2012. To some that’s not a very long time and to others it is. But this feeling has been sitting with me for at least half of the time that I’ve been roleplaying. I’ve found spaces and moments where I feel accepted. The same could be said for happy moments and memories. Hell, most of the friends I’ve made have been through roleplay. But I’m not happy anymore.

I still love writing and making friends, that part will always be true. But any time I thought of writing I always put this horrendous pressure on myself. I began to tell myself that I wasn’t worth anything if I wasn’t responding back to roleplay replies, or that people will just be upset because I wasn’t writing or finishing threads. I never felt adequate enough and felt like people could always find others that’d write my muses better than I do. I also began convincing myself that people only liked me or said nice things to me out of pity. And logically I know it’s not true, but the continuous self-deprecating thoughts still hurt all the same. Roleplaying has felt like a chore. An obligation that if I’m not roleplaying nobody will care about me or they’ll just be upset with me. And it killed my love for roleplaying.

So taking almost a month off from it has been freeing. Yes, I’m still severely struggling as this break didn’t completely erase my deep insecurities and self-hatred, but it’s nice not to feel that heavy weight on my shoulders. Sure, it’s sad to think it’s become this way, but it’s exhausting feeling the way I have been for years. I don’t think I’ve ever taken this much of a break since I even started roleplaying, not even two years ago when it felt like the world was going to cave in because of my anxiety.

But I think it’s been eye-opening for me and something that’s been a very long time coming. So once again, I apologize to those who were waiting or expecting things from me. But I think I need to finally start concentrating on what actually makes me happy and what I can do to continue bettering myself. And at this moment I don’t think it’s roleplay. That’s not to say I won’t ever come back. Perhaps one day I will, but for now I need to focus on myself and what I need. So thank you to everyone that has stuck with me these past few years. It truly means more than you could ever know. Love you lots, and hopefully I’ll see you guys soon. ♥

[costofwar-a]

Hello everyone, apologizes for the wait but unfortunately I think this blog and my others are going to be on hold for awhile. I’m not sure how long or if it’s going to be something that’s permanent. It’s not an easy decision to make, but to be honest I haven’t had true fun roleplaying in a long time. I’ve been doing this since 2012. To some that’s not a very long time and to others it is. But this feeling has been sitting with me for at least half of the time that I’ve been roleplaying. I’ve found spaces and moments where I feel accepted. The same could be said for happy moments and memories. Hell, most of the friends I’ve made have been through roleplay. But I’m not happy anymore.

I still love writing and making friends, that part will always be true. But any time I thought of writing I always put this horrendous pressure on myself. I began to tell myself that I wasn’t worth anything if I wasn’t responding back to roleplay replies, or that people will just be upset because I wasn’t writing or finishing threads. I never felt adequate enough and felt like people could always find others that’d write my muses better than I do. I also began convincing myself that people only liked me or said nice things to me out of pity. And logically I know it’s not true, but the continuous self-deprecating thoughts still hurt all the same. Roleplaying has felt like a chore. An obligation that if I’m not roleplaying nobody will care about me or they’ll just be upset with me. And it killed my love for roleplaying.

So taking almost a month off from it has been freeing. Yes, I’m still severely struggling as this break didn’t completely erase my deep insecurities and self-hatred, but it’s nice not to feel that heavy weight on my shoulders. Sure, it’s sad to think it’s become this way, but it’s exhausting feeling the way I have been for years. I don’t think I’ve ever taken this much of a break since I even started roleplaying, not even two years ago when it felt like the world was going to cave in because of my anxiety.

But I think it’s been eye-opening for me and something that’s been a very long time coming. So once again, I apologize to those who were waiting or expecting things from me. But I think I need to finally start concentrating on what actually makes me happy and what I can do to continue bettering myself. And at this moment I don’t think it’s roleplay. That’s not to say I won’t ever come back. Perhaps one day I will, but for now I need to focus on myself and what I need. So thank you to everyone that has stuck with me these past few years. It truly means more than you could ever know. Love you lots, and hopefully I’ll see you guys soon. ♥

[costofwar-a]

Just a quick PSA, but I think I’m gonna put all my blogs on a semi-hiatus at least until the end of the holidays.

There may still be days where I’m around more, but honestly I’m really struggling. Holidays are never really friends with my anxiety/depression no matter how bad I wanna be festive and celebrate. And I already have a hard time concentrating when it’s not that time of year. But this month I can just feel myself especially struggling and unable to focus to the point I’m just starting to get extremely frustrated with myself. So I just want to try taking care of myself for the rest of the holiday season by trying not to stress out more than I already am. I apologize that it’ll effect when I reply to threads (and even just IMs/messages as well because I’m not doing so hot there either).

If you want my Dis/cord or even my Twi/tter to try keeping up with me just let me know! But other than that I hope everyone’s having a good December and that you’re staying healthy. ♥

[costofwar-a]

Just a quick PSA, but I think I’m gonna put all my blogs on a semi-hiatus at least until the end of the holidays.

There may still be days where I’m around more, but honestly I’m really struggling. Holidays are never really friends with my anxiety/depression no matter how bad I wanna be festive and celebrate. And I already have a hard time concentrating when it’s not that time of year. But this month I can just feel myself especially struggling and unable to focus to the point I’m just starting to get extremely frustrated with myself. So I just want to try taking care of myself for the rest of the holiday season by trying not to stress out more than I already am. I apologize that it’ll effect when I reply to threads (and even just IMs/messages as well because I’m not doing so hot there either).

If you want my Dis/cord or even my Twi/tter to try keeping up with me just let me know! But other than that I hope everyone’s having a good December and that you’re staying healthy. ♥

[costofwar-a]

why do i draw him like 👁👄👁 JDSKDHDJS

[costofwar-a]

I can’t believe they’re basically giving us steampunk in FEH. Like damn they really went there! I’m really interested to see how this all plays out. I wonder if this also sets down the carpet for something like this in future FE games?? I don’t know but hopefully this book will be good!

[costofwar-a]

I’m gonna be honest here, I love the fact that Ferdinand doesn’t feel the need to tell everyone who he is post-time skip. I know I’ve talked about this like a million times. But it just shows how much growth he goes through. That during the academy he just wanted to prove himself and to be somebody, to not be forgotten. And after the time skip he doesn’t seem like he wants that anymore (at least if he’s recruited). Because like during his supports with Byleth he mentions Pan and how despite all he did he wasn’t well known by history, and Ferdie admits that he wouldn’t mind having a similar fate.

He grows up so much during the war and it really shows. And I love that for him.

[costofwar-a]

LOOK AT THIS MAN!! Look how beautiful and perfect he is. ;3;

[costofwar-a]

[costofwar-a]

magicaes​:

With a huff, Dorothea crosses her arms and glares away from Ferdinand. She knew she wasn’t good at riding horses, but her pride wouldn’t let her give up. Shaking her head, she strode past Ferdinand, ignoring his outreached hand. Before either of them really knew it, Dorothea was trying to get back on the tall horse. Why was his horse so tall?!

Again, she lost her footing and fell straight onto her behind.

“Maybe I do need some help, Ferdie.”

          As she stomps passed him he drops his hand back to his side. The laughter that had plagued him for the last few minutes dissipates at her frustration. Though there’s still a tiny tug upward at the corner of his lips that only gets wiped away as she starts to fall again. He reaches out in an attempt to steady her but before he can get to her she’s already back to sitting in the dirt.

          “It is alright, Dorothea. Mounting a horse can prove to be difficult if you are not accustomed to doing so.” He extends his hand once more to help her off the ground. “It also will not be so easy if you are not wearing the proper attire as it will limit your mobility. Though it is not impossible if you want to give it another go.”

[costofwar-a]

I need to get stuff done with Ferdie but I just finished another run of Conquest...the itch to write some of my Fates muses is itching. Someone help.

[costofwar-a]

comms

I played fe3h (ing...)

[costofwar-a]

gemviribus​:

As he continued to laugh, the redder her cheeks grew and the more she pouted and sulked at the situation. She was worried the water would flatten her hair and her ears pay poke out and that would require a lot of explaining. Especially once he reached out to untangle the little creature from her locks. Watching carefully she stayed still to limit any stance to accidentally entangle him more. 

“I guess I am a sight, especially when that frog was in my hair. I wanted to catch a fish, not an amphibian,” she laughed at her own expense as she unlatched some kelp in her hair as well. 

“I swear if you tell anyone about this, I’ll tell my brother you pushed me in.” She never actually would lie and blame him, but she hoped the threat would limit any embarrassment. 

          At the mention of Seteth, Ferdinand’s face immediately begins to pale. She wasn’t serious was she? Surely this was a jest. It has to be! Or is it? Flayn has never been so cruel, especially not to go to the length about lying to her brother in such a manner. But what if she was? The thought alone seems to form a pit in his stomach as he stares at her.

          “I would not dare tell a soul about this unfortunate circumstance!” There’s a bit of panic in his voice and even he himself can hear it. He quickly reaches out a hand to further help tidy herself back up but he retracts it just as fast. Should he try to even help her further? What if that only caused more trouble? He has never truly had a reason to fear Seteth, but now...he’s not entirely sure.

          “We need not bring Seteth into this. I promise no one else shall catch wind of it.”

[costofwar-a]

Caspar: “wanna see how to make Ferdinand lose composure in less than 30 seconds?”

[costofwar-a]

[costofwar-a]

I’m trying to teach myself that I don’t owe anyone anything and that it’s okay to take my time on things. But I do apologize for the delay on replies! My head is just all over the place lately. And any time I wanna sit down and do replies my brain just goes “or I could do this other thing instead!” So it’s been kinda hard to just sit and focus on writing, but I’ll try to get some more replies and stuff out soon! Thank you all for being so patient with me. ♥