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i wish i was born as someone who could handle life

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I am at such a loss of what to do. How to turn my life around. It’s all too tangled. Sticky cloying overwhelms me and I don’t even fight the web anymore.

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Y’all ever start thinking or talking about stuff that stresses you out the shit you don’t have a handle on, didn’t prepare and now it’s down to the last minute and you’re so overwhelmed that you feel like your gonna shit your pants and throw up at the same time? I can’t even throw a proper birthday party let alone co own a house? I can’t afford a car I don’t have any prospects how the fuck am I supposed to be able to do anything it makes no sense nothing feels right

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The way I would google “how to smile like a popular girl” says everything really

“How to greet people” how to dress emo2005 how to dress normal 2024 how should I dress in my professional setting how should my hair makeup and nails be groomed why don’t people like me why don’t people smile back

How I still don’t know how to smile correctly

How to lose weight but only in targeted areas

How to enjoy sex

How to relax how to listen when spoken to how to understand what people mean how to do this what does that mean how to determine if

How I turn people off by simple mannerisms like a smile a laugh a greeting.

I fucking hate myself. I’m not equipped I’m not adept I’m not enough. I don’t have it in me. No amount of googling how to do things normal or correct will help. I’m just a fucking freak who can’t grow who will never be a fully functional person. I’m not right I’m not right

I still urge to search for the simple answers. Maybe if I look different maybe if I pitch my voice up maybe if I cover the important skin but show just a little so I look normal. Maybe if I wear different colors maybe I should wear more makeup maybe if I go on meds. I would need a lot of medication and strong drugs because none of them would work before why would it work now?

Maybe if I could change lots of these “little” things that signal to normal people how off I am.. maybe that will cover up my freakness enough and I’ll be successful at my job. Maybe if i was on lots of drugs I could become someone different. What if I made too many missteps and now I’m stuck like this, stuck in the life built up all around me. I don’t feel like I can google enough questions that sometimes have answers. Why do I always slip out of friendships. Why do I only feel important to one person. And he doesn’t even like me I just think he doesn’t want to be alone. Maybe him being alone is better for him than being stuck with a loser like me.

He wants me to pick roof tiling for the house. The house that will one day be ours. His. It will be his. Just like everything feels like it’s his. My job is his. My family is his. My belongings are his. My good is his. All of my energy and focus is being held hostage since 15 years old.

Do straight women enjoy sex

How to relax how to enjoy for play how to make yourself wet how to visualize being somewhere else how to bathe properly how many times a day is too many times to masterbate. What constitutes a porn addiction

How to stop having repetitive dreams

How to stop being depressed

How to fall asleep which is the best sleeping position to not have nightmares

How to deal with sensory overload

What career paths are good for autists

How long should heterosexual sex be from start to finish am I doing something wrong yes I’m always doing something wrong that I need to google and see what normal people believe to be correct

How to stop compulsions how to stop pulling your hair out how to I find that doesn’t involve drugs and alcohol

How to make female friends

How to maintain female friendships late 20s

How to prepare for people to try and take advantage of you

How do credit cards work

Why am I always so on edge

Why do I struggle to connect to my family

As if googling any of these has actually helped me

How to treat blood stains how to air out a room how to fix my family how to make sure the head of the tick didn’t stay embedded under skin How to train your pets how to train your hair to curl nicely how to fix a shattered family structure

How to improve mental health how to say no

How to say yes how to communicate with any higher beings is there a gif is there any proof that Jesus existed as a real human being

Would He reject me or do I still serve a purpose

Does my life have any worth

How to gauge if people like you

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Got to be a record low for eating disorder meals. Like wtaf I’m so angry at everyone around me for eating what they they wanted to but I can’t afford to buy lunch and I’m embarrassed to eat this at work but people comment on whatever I do anything I do when it comes to food. Always some kind of fuckinng bullshit I hate people prompting me to eat I tell them no and they keep fucking asking or telling me that I need to eat. I do eat. I eat when I need to. I eat when I FUCKING WANT TK. IM NOT A CHILD THAT CAN BE FORCE FED IM AN ADULT AND YOU CAN THREATEN ME WITH DIABETES BUT I SMOKE WEED SO I DONT CARE

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feeling like pure shit today my cursed eye glowing red as fuck

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If I died my sister would have to COMB thru my phone and find out I actually have the best style and I’m very cool and big brain. But alas, I’m a fucking IDIOT WHO WILL END UP RUINING EVERYTHING WHEN I HAVE TO WEAR ORANGE AND WHY LET PPL IN WHY CONSUME ANYTHING IF IM NUMB. IF IM NOT AS COOL AS I THINK I AM. WHAT IF IM A HUSK

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When I’m finally dead I want my little sister to keep all of my coolest shit and make it her own in an even cooler way

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Being in your mid20s fucking sucks I’m sitting at work crying to goodbye horses and thinking about ending it all like this is fucking pathetic I wish a big piano would fall on my head I fucking hate my birthday

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Ladies if you knew what i was going to school for you would deglove my hands

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i love my fellow pretentious bitches. the gatekeepers. the wannabe intellectuals. the naysayers. the haters. the elitists. the contrarians. the cyberbullies. the girls with a superiority complex. i’m kissing all of u on the mouth. let’s form a clique together

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—about god

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good morning miserable women with mental problems

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they should invite ME to the criterion closet