crazynormallife-blog

[crazynormallife-blog]

After months of applying to places more than once, I was finally contacted by a place that recently started hiring. That was a relief. So, I went and did the interview that was set up, and I think I did decently for someone that isn’t always good at answering questions on the spot. I gave common sense answers to the questions they had for me about what to do in certain job related situations that could occur. The questions I really dread are the ones where I have to talk about myself. My mind goes straight into blank mode. Like, under normal conditions I know that I’m friendly, funny, responsible, caring, can get along with anyone, and so on, but the minute I’m asked about myself for important things like job interviews, my mind is just gone. I can rehearse and rehearse beforehand and my mind will still go blank on me when the time comes. That drives me nuts. Now all I have to do is wait to be contacted. Hopefully, it happens soon and it will be good news. My main goal for getting a job is to take care of my medical related crap easier. Then there’s a kitten that I have had my eye on at the local shelter and I’d really love to adopt her. She needs a bit of work in becoming more social and I love working with kittens and cats that are like that. I’ve tamed and turned a lot of strays into happy cats that love socializing. I wanted to take a couple of my 8 kitties with me when I moved, but my mom wanted to keep them all together and I get it. So many of them are buddies with one another and I was feeling hesitant about separating them because of that. They are their own little family and I’d hate to disrupt that. Plus, it would be really hard for me to just pick two of them, because they each have something special about them that I love. Anyway, I am going to try to get some sleep. My stomach is feeling a bit messed up and uncomfortable. Nothing else I have tried has settled it, so I’m hoping that maybe sleep will help.

[crazynormallife-blog]

I really wish the people around me actually listened to me. I have discovered that I am typically the person that has to do all of the listening whether it’s from family, friends, or my S/O. However, when it comes time for me to say anything, I am automatically tuned out before I’m finished saying what I need to. I think that’s why I tend to hold as much in as I can, because I know it’s pointless to communicate whatever is on my mind. It’s frustrating and depressing. What I hate most is when I have a concern about something and it’s quickly dismissed as me worrying too much. I admit, I tend to worry and over think, but there are times where I just know my concern is real and no one hears me until it’s too late. Like, if I know something is wrong with me and won’t get better or just go away without some form of medical help, everyone around me insists I’m fine and proceeds to tell me what I do and don’t need. They all quickly forget that I almost died, because I had a illness that was misdiagnosed for years and caused me so many psychical and mental problems. I still have some recurring mental issues from it. That really set me behind on doing a lot of things that most people get to do in their teens and 20′s. Currently, I have to have to my wisdom teeth removed, because I could never clean one of them enough with the way it’s positioned and it broke apart a few months ago. I also have a deviated septum, which causes me constant sinus pain and ear pain. Then there’s my period from hell, which gets so painful that I feel like my legs and lower back are being hit with hammers. Constant headaches and nausea come with it. Sometimes it doesn’t seem to want to end, either. Plus, a little over a year ago I broke my tail bone and even though it healed, I still have a lot of pain from it, which makes doing a lot of things harder, especially sleeping. However, I don’t have much going for me. No job, no insurance, not married, no kids. Any government program that is supposed to help people like me rejects me, so nothing gets done and more problems pile up. The biggest rejections I get are based on the fact that I have no kids. You can only matter or qualify for help if you pop out kids with several different guys and have a drug habit. Those people get all of the help in the world, it seems. I suppose, I should probably stop now. I could go on venting for a long time, but it’s time to go back to searching for some form of a job that won’t reject me. Fun, fun. It’s been over a year and nothing has panned out, yet. Everything requires qualifications that I just don’t have. I had one interview and I tried my best with it and I wasn’t what they were looking for. That seems to be an ongoing theme in my life. Whether it’s people or a job, I just don’t have what it is that is needed.

[crazynormallife-blog]

My S/O and I live in an old building that has a business downstairs, a downstairs apartment, and two upstairs apartments. Since we got some new neighbors, almost every day and night the building fills up with the strong odor of pot. Now, I do not care what people do, as long as they aren’t bothering me or getting me involved in their shit. I can do the whole ‘live and let live’ thing. However, I’m struggling on this one, because the smell of pot makes me want to vomit and gives me a headache. It’s really unpleasant. I do not know these people and I don’t really want to approach them, because I’ve had to listen to their crazy fights and other shit, since they have moved in. They don’t seem like very nice people. I can only hope that they don’t live in this building for very long.

[crazynormallife-blog]

No matter how much I try to get on a normal sleep schedule, it never lasts very long. I can be a morning person for two weeks and then I slowly end up going back to being a night owl. I love the night, but I also love the day. I feel like I’m missing something no matter which sleep schedule that I am on. Like, if I sleep all day, I feel like I’m missing exciting day time things. Then if I sleep all night, I feel like I’m missing everything great that the night time brings, such as the moon, the stars, and the quiet. I’m not sure if I’ll ever have a normal sleep schedule.