crazyquotelist

[crazyquotelist]

"I am the most fashionable person in just underwear"

"...you know I do own a mirror, right?"

[crazyquotelist]

“Yes, clearly you need a murderboard of unfuckening.”

[crazyquotelist]

“I like you for your personality!” “Oh my God, WHY?!”

[crazyquotelist]

“I should never outsource my snooping.”

[crazyquotelist]

“What does being on that committee mean?”

“I don’t know. Right now I just go to a meeting once a month and look concerned.”

[crazyquotelist]

"Come see the violence inherent in the secretary!"

[crazyquotelist]

“Brought to you by playful oranges”

[crazyquotelist]

“It amuses me to think that when the Big Bang happened, the story of beauty and the beast was already being told.”

“By God?”

“Who was apparently also creating earwigs and Regis Philbin.”

[crazyquotelist]

“We could just do like the pre-internet era and argue about it until the end of time.”

“Screw that, I wanna be right.”

[crazyquotelist]

“I have no beds.  Only torture racks.”

[crazyquotelist]

“You wanna hear a story about my dad?  No? Well fuck you, listen up.”

[crazyquotelist]

“Mock me if you will, but – ”

“Okay!”

[crazyquotelist]

“You sound like an orc.  Like, not just any orc but one specific orc.”

[crazyquotelist]

"I said poodles are stereotyped and suddenly I'm taking flak for this!"

[crazyquotelist]

"When you've got nothing, go with cow-pies."

[crazyquotelist]

“I think this person genuinely wanted me to know that I can eat souls.”

[crazyquotelist]

"Man, I should put in my will that if I turn up murdered, it wasn't you. They always suspect the spouse, but you're way too lazy to kill anybody."