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And now that you’re not my baby I’ll go do whatever I want~

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My parents in Czech. Taken with a disposable camera, September 21, 2018.

These past few months have been the hardest in my life. Never have I wanted something so badly and in the end, I was forced to let it go. Not because I want to or because I think I should, in fact I might regret letting it go for the rest of my life. But I did anyway, for them. For these two people that had worked so hard so that I can become the person that I am now. I had a fight with my dad today. He repeatedly told me to apply to these companies where his nephew worked at or have a connection with, so that I could have a bigger chance getting in. Repeatedly, I said, shouted, a firm no. I know what I’m capable of doing, I don’t need this. Well maybe, yet. And they both know that I don’t want any of this. He had enough of me shouting, he raised his voice and said, annoyingly, “All that I want to do is to help you.” At the end of the day, Mama came to my room and told me, “You should know that everybody loves you, that we just want the best for you.” I know. I just wish that you’d try to understand me better. By the way, hello, Tumblr. I’ve missed you.

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April 8, 2018

Is the day I went home from my Europe trip.

And also the day that I lost my phone, for the first time ever.

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Of all the time I’ve been here I’ve never felt this lonely

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In transit

Summer 2017, Romania

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Song is stuck in my head due to the dearly beloved fassya

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Photo was taken during the heaviest snow in years in Hatfield - Dec 10, 2017 with Fujifilm disposable camera ISO 400

I had always wished that I was a better person. I wish I was smarter. I wish my English was better. I wish I graduated with a good GPA. I wish I could make my parents proud. -er. I wish I excelled in what I do. I wish I excelled in other things too, like writing, playing music, singing, everything. And above all, I wish I had found my passion. I am greedy, way too greedy for my own liking.

Had you ask me this question, “are you happy?” I would say that I am content. Many times I found myself being ever so thankful for everything that I have. I do know that I don’t take things for granted, I know how extremely lucky I am to be where I am right now.

Some other time, I’d question my self, do I even deserve to be here? What have I done, contributed to the world, in my 22 years of existence? Many others that are way better than me-smarter, better GPA, passionate and excellent in what they do-deserve my place more than I do.

I am supposed to be the problem-solver. And yet here I am, writing without being able to come out with the solution. At the very least, I know that I am lacking. I know I want to be bigger than my self. I do hope that the spark will never die.

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out of the blue in December–

January, you gotta be careful

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it’s completely acceptable to stay alive for tiny reasons. because you want to hear your favorite song one more time. because your dog will miss you if you leave. because the moon is just too pretty to never see again. because you haven’t seen the next season of a really good tv show. because you want to see the christmas lights this year. if you’re alive, you’re doing enough. if you’re surviving, i’m proud of you.

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my loves

MY MOON LOVERS HEART 

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HAHAHAHAH too cute these two

Chanyeol, D.O - 171124 Exoplanet #4 - The EℓyXiOn in Seoul - [1, 2, 3, 4]

Credit: Ciao_do.

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<33333

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Heard this song when I was in the bank, waiting for the lady to figure out why the bloody hell my account is blocked. Stuck with the song since, been too long since I listen to this one.

Currently doing my dissertation and all I want to do is to just dig a hole and bury my self inside. Wish me luck!

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on a side note

I have been falling in and out of love with k-pop since 2009. Recently, I got back into it, looked up the news, and found out that Hoya left Infinite.

I have a soft spot for these babies, because Infinite is one of the few (by few I mean like 3 to 5) groups that keeps me falling back in love every time they come up with a new song.

Hoya, in particular, was kind of my favourite. Yes, kind of. He’s so talented he can rap sing dance and act, but at the same time I think he knows that he’s good. One arrogant bastard. So it’s a love and hate feeling, ha.

Anyways, him leaving Infinite left me heartbroken. My hatred towards him grows, my respect for him gone. Infinite is one of the few groups from my k-pop craze era that still have the same members as it was back then.

Well not anymore. Guess it’s actually time for me to say adios to these pretty boys

but lookie look- it’s still Tiffany’s wrist on my profile pict hahaha

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productive day

I baked some chocolate cookies. Despite the lack of utensils (I actually mixed the batter with a fork. Plus I had no measuring cup everything is converted into tablespoon duh) and ingredients (had margarine instead of butter (but I read through and my margarine consists of butter(?) so yay!) and no brown sugar, plus i only had self raising flour) I think my cookies turned out fine. Crispier than how I want it to be, but not bad. *pats self*

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so its another achievement of the day

made this post ytd but it wasnt posted so retyping zzz. Yesterday I did my first ever 5K. It wasnt that tiring, which means that all this time I'm just too lazy and too content with my 3K. During the last km I realised that I had lost my key, so I kind of lost the will to run. I track back the route and I saw the key from afar. Mind you I had no glasses nor contacts. When I picked up my key, simultaneously I hit 5K! Double the happiness. Some gorgeous sky below-

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so beautiful

another one that hasn’t been crossed off my list

one commented,

“This is what people listen in heaven“

HAHA true