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crouchingapple · 4 months ago

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THE BEST THING I’VE READ ALL DAY

(poly 141 x recluse reader)

I wrote this in a rush sorry yall 😔

The wind howled through the valley, carrying flurries of ice that bit at your skin as you trudged through the knee-deep snow. This high up in the mountains, winter never truly loosened its grip. It had been a quiet season, with little to disturb the peace of your secluded home.

Until tonight, that is.

You first saw the blood, stark against the pristine white. Then the trail- a jagged, uneven path of someone desperate and wounded.

And then him.

A man, half-buried in the snow, shivering and barely conscious. His beard was flecked with frost, tactical gear dark with blood. You crouched beside him, pressing two fingers to his throat. His pulse was weak but steady.

A survivor.

It wasn’t the first time the wilderness had delivered a lost soul to your doorstep, but at least it wasn’t a dead one. With a sigh, you hoisted his near-dead weight onto your back and carried him home.

It took a week and a half before he finally woke up, time in which you spent tending to him and his injuries.

John awoke to the smell of burning wood and the distant sound of a knife slicing through something firm. His head was still heavy with fever, but the warmth wrapped around him was unlike anything he had felt in what seemed like weeks.

He shifted, and immediately, a voice cut through the quiet.

“Don’t.”

His eyes flickered open.

You stood over a table, back turned to him, methodically cutting strips of dried venison. You didn’t look at him, but your tone was firm, yet still kind.

“You’re not strong enough to get up.”

John blinked, sluggishly taking in his surroundings. The cabin was small but sturdy, the stone fireplace crackling with warmth. Fur-lined blankets weighed down his aching body. He had been stripped of his heavy gear, left in a thick knit sweater that was definitely not his. It smelled faintly of vanilla.

He tried to sit up anyway. As a result, sharp pain lanced through his ribs, and he bit back a curse.

“See?” you said dryly, finally turning to look at him fully. “Told you.”

John exhaled roughly, running a hand over his face. “Where- ?”

“Somewhere safe.”

That was all you offered.

John studied you in the firelight, his tactical mind still sluggish but observant. You weren’t military- your clothes were practical, but not issued. You moved with practiced efficiency, your cabin well-kept, stocked with supplies only someone used to self-sufficiency would have.

A recluse.

He had met people like you before. Ones who chose to live outside the world. And your cabin reminded him of an emergency hut that belonged to Nikolai, though yours was definitely far more lived in.

But what struck him was the quiet steadiness in which you handled him. Not fearful. Not overly kind. Just… there.

And that, more than anything, settled something deep in his bones. Warm and deep- and far better than the fever plaguing him at the moment.

Said fever that when broke, the first thing he asked for was his team.

You hesitated, watching him from where you stirred a pot over the fire.

“Did they know where you were?” you asked.

John exhaled through his nose. “They knew we were in the mountains. We got separated when the things went sideways.” His jaw clenched. “They’ll be looking.”

You nodded once. “Then they’ll find you- I have a flare gun that can be used.”

And true to your words, they did.

It started with footprints. You noticed them even before John did, your senses tuned to the quiet of the land.

Then the feeling. A weight in the air. Something watching, watching, watching- until they decided you were not a threat.

John was already moving- slower than he would have liked, but determined. He stepped onto the porch, breath misting in the cold. His sharp eyes scanned the tree line.

Then-

“Price!”

A flash of movement.

The first one to break from the trees was- as he-d later introduce himself- Soap. He moved fast, determined, boots crunching through the snow.

Price barely had time to brace himself before the Scot barreled into him, gripping his shoulders in an almost bruising hold.

“Steamin’ Jesus, Cap,” Soap breathed, eyes scanning over him, searching for injuries. “You- bloody hell- we thought-“

The others emerged next, more controlled but no less frantic. Gaz exhaled sharply, tension visibly draining from his shoulders. Ghost had an unmistakable tightness in his jaw as he stopped beside them.

(Strange military callsigns, you’ll think to yourself later).

Price huffed, patting Soap’s arm. “I’m alright, Johnny.”

Soap didn’t look convinced. Neither did the others, and that’s when their attention finally shifted- to you, leaning against the doorway, arms crossed, watching the reunion silently.

The weight of their collective scrutiny settled heavily, and John noticed the way their stances changed- protective, defensive. And then, realization.

It wasn’t just that they had found him. It was where they had found him. With you.

“You took care of him.” Gaz finally said.

It wasn’t quite a question.

You met his gaze, steady and unflinching. “He was half-dead on my doorstep.” A pause, to give them just enough time to understand that you weren’t a threat. “Seemed wasteful to let him die.”

A muscle in Ghost’s jaw twitched. Soap was still looking at you like he was trying to solve a puzzle, and then coming up empty-handed when he realized there were lost pieces.

Then John chuckled, low and warm, and that shifted the tension. “She’s got a point.”

Their Captain was alive. That was what mattered.

For now.

You thought they would leave, truthfully.

You had done your part; John was healed. He had his pack again. The logical thing would be for them to disappear back into whatever world they had come from, far away from your life of safe, quiet solitude. The snow would cover their footprints and their presence eventually.

But they didn’t.

At first, it was excuses. John still needed time to fully recover. The blizzard made travel dangerous. They needed a place to regroup fully.

Then, it was something else.

John started reinforcing your cabin’s defenses- setting up more tripwires than the ones they’d ruined in their pursuit of finding John, repositioning the perimeter to make it more secure. “Just in case, lass. Ya can never be too sure.” He’d said with a grin.

Gaz took to handling supply runs. He was always attentive, always watching. He learned your habits, how you did your things, quicker than you expected, somehow always anticipating what you might need before you asked.

Ghost was quieter, but his presence was constant. He lingered. Observed. You often caught his gaze on you, sharp and unreadable beneath his mask. And then he’d silently picked up the duty of hunting.

And John acted like he had always been here.

He had an ease about him that made it hard to argue. He helped where it was needed, spoke when he had something worth saying, and settled into your space like he belonged. And simultaneously had such command about him that you’d find yourself tongue-tied when you’d truly attempt to argue and kick them out.

It was unsettling.

Because you knew what this was; they weren’t just staying.

They were claiming- even if they’d have to leave for their military job, eventually. Claiming your time, your space, your presence.

You saw it in the way they positioned themselves- between you and the outside world. The way their sharp gazes tracked any movement that wasn’t theirs. The way they subtly adjusted to your routines, not forcing their presence, but weaving into your life as if it was inevitable.

You weren’t stupid. You knew how wolves like them worked.

John was the leader. Their Captain. And where he went, the others followed.

And now, they had set their sights on you.

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crouchingapple · 4 months ago

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Eli???? Where did you go…?

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crouchingapple · 5 months ago

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i fear this would be me

because college starts soon for me

struggling college student reader that watches this youtuber professor who can explain science subjects so well (think of "The Organic Chemistry Tutor").

you watch him often, the faceless youtuber that draws organic structures of compounds, explains why reduction does not equal reducing agent, so on so forth.

and then, school starts, and your first class is that God foresaken chem class.

you walk in and take a seat in the far back, the mere thought of conversing with others making you gag.

you hear the shuffling feet of incoming undergrads, shaken ice in plastic coffee cups, and the occasional yawn from a couple of students as you all wait for your professor.

he walks in, and you were not expecting a fit man, a little bit of a belly, but he looks active. he's got a beard, and little hairs stick out like porcupine needles. but when you look at his arms, they look almost untouchable with the amount of hair lining his forearms and biceps.

(or maybe he's untouchable because of his forearms and biceps).

he sets his things down, takes a long sip of his pungent black coffee, and he goes up to the board with minimal colored markers.

his shirt is supposed to be loose fitting, but every move of his arm, the way his wrist bends and his muscles following suit, his body reacts and you see the intricate lines of his hard work peeking through the fabric. but his extremities aren't the only thing distracting you...

that handwriting, it definitely looks familiar, like you've seen it somewhere before. his name is written on the board.

Mr. Price - Organic Chemistry 1412

and then he introduces himself.

in other words, struggling college student!reader who figures out her favorite youtube tutoring channel is a professor, and a hot one at that

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crouchingapple · 5 months ago

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was that piss kink during johnny

Snow Days with the COD Men

pairing: ghost, gaz, price, soap AND KEEGAN! x reader

synopsis: Some cute snow days with your favs!

warnings: sexual innuendo for soap, pregnancy with price

a/n: inspired by the actual snowstorm that's kept me inside for two days now lol

Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt List

requests open for call of duty

—

Ghost:

“Hey,” You said softly, opening the door to your porch.

Simon doesn’t bat an eye, continuing to sit on your couch and stare at the pine trees in front of you. “Hi, love.”

“What are you doing?” You ask, coming to take a seat next to him. The hot chocolate is warm in your hands, and you take a small sip. Your eyes remain trained on your husband, his cup in hand, as he watches the glittering snowflakes.

“Just watching,” He hums.

You set your cup on the table, leaning your head on his shoulder as he wraps an arm around you. You’re not sure how long he’s been sitting outside, but it’s impossible to tell because he’s as warm as ever. You can feel the heat on him through your puffer jacket as you turn to watch the snowfall. Already, a few inches have covered the grass and your driveway. The snow comes down in big plumps, twirling in the wind as they make landfall.

His hand squeezes your shoulder, rubbing soothing circles as he sips at his drink. “Think we should get married in the winter.”

“Yeah?” You said, glancing at the ring on your finger. You hold up for both of you to admire against the snowy backdrop.

Simon smiles at it, the diamond glinting in the snow. “Yeah. A couple of pine trees, string lights, and plush snow.”

“Sounds cold.”

Your fiancee wraps your hand in his, pressing a kiss to the back. “Sounds bloody perfect,” he corrects. “A nice cabin trip for our honeymoon. Far off in the mountains, away from everyone.”

You can’t deny the temptation of that. Your mind wanders to the idea of you in a white dress, in an even whiter background—bridesmaids in a dark green dress and pinecones as decor.

“As long as there’s a hot tub,” You said.

“I’d make one for you.” A piece of snow lands on your nose, and Simon’s hand comes up to brush it away. His touch was gentle as always like you were made of porcelain. He cups your cheek, pressing a tender kiss to your nose. “I love you.”

The snow falls harder, the wind picking up and blowing it in your direction. But you feel warm inside at his words. “I love you too.”

Gaz:

Your cheeks sting from the cold, little needles pressing their way into the fragile parts of your face. It doesn’t matter though, your determination keeps you hot. You cup your hands tightly, pressing the snow together as you scan your backyard for your opponent.

A plight of snow hits you in the back, making you spin around. You chuck your snowball at your boyfriend, who laughs as he ducks.

Kyle is already scooping up more snow as you huff and waddle through the snow towards him. You scoop up another ball on your way, hiking your feet in and out of the 2 feet of snow.

“Get back here!” You shout at him, tossing the ball at his arm. It explodes in a flurry of white, and he chucks one back at you.

You drop to the snow, already forming more artillery. Meanwhile, Kyle is scooping up huge amounts of snow with his hands and making a wall. You keep scooping up more snow, trudging towards him. You can see his blue puffer in the waves of white, slightly peeking over the fortress he’s built for himself.

Another snowball is hurled at you, leaving flecks of snow in your eyelashes. “Kyle!”

He laughs, hearing the sharp pitching of your voice. “What, babe?”

You push yourself faster through the snow, gripping your snowball until you get the perfect angle and nail him in the back of his head. He gasps, rubbing the ice off of him and spinning to face you.

You give him a friendly wave, holding another snowball in your hand.

“We can talk about this,” He said, holding up both of his hands.

“Really? Should’ve thought about that an hour ago.”

Kyle tilts his head. “Yeah, probably. But—”

He rushes at you through the snow, tackling you into it with a soft “poof” as you sink into it.

You shriek, snow falling into your face as Kyle wraps his hands around your waist. He smiles down at you, lips widening at the scowl on your face. Before you can scorn him again, his lips find yours. They’re ice against yours, but you can’t deny the way you melt into it anyway.

“I’ll make it up to you, babe,” he said, standing up and offering you a hand. He pulls you into his chest, hands flying to your waist. “How does a warm bath sound?”

You shake your head. “It sounds like a good start to an apology.”

Soap:

You watch your boyfriend dart around the yard, shoveling more snow into his ever-growing dome-shaped monstrosity. Johnny’s cheeks are tinted red from the cold, frost nipping at his nose, but he doesn’t care. He’s smoothing out the edges of his soon-to-be igloo, piling more snow on and pressing in.

You’re carrying over the pre-made snow bricks like some animal crossing task as he stacks them on one another. As soon as you’d woken up, Johnny was shoving himself into a snowsuit and rushing for the door. You had gotten a good foot of snow, and he was determined to make a creation.

You suggested a simple snowman, but he denied it.

He pats them down, using nimble fingers to carve out the caking between each brick.

“’s gonna be a real beauty,” He said, standing back to admire his work. “Gonna have tea parties in here, aye?”

You tilt your head. “I don’t know about that. Think it’ll freeze.”

Johnny’s nods. “You’re right. Well, then we can have… a snow cone party.”

You snort, handing him another brick. “What flavor?”

Your boyfriend gives you a devilish grin, once you’ve gotten used to that translates to no good. “Yellow, my favorite.”

“You’re gross,” You scoff, coming to stand next to him as he carves more patterns into your backyard igloo.

Johnny tosses an arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to let you rest on him. “That’s not what you said last night when I—”

“Okay!” You said loudly, glaring at him. “That’s different.”

“I suppose.” He reaches a hand forward to tweak one of the snow bricks. “Think we should live in the Arctic.”

“Think you’re fucking crazy,” You quip back. “You’re almost frozen solid, babe.” You place a hand on his cheek, rubbing it to try and warm him up. Despite the snow gloves, you could feel the biting sting of the cold on him. Johnny was invincible, as ever, and didn’t seem to notice. Or care.

“This igloo won’t build itself.”

You cup his face, making him face you. “It won’t be built period, if you die of hypothermia.”

“May I remind you, lassie, I’ve been swimming in the Arctic before?”

You roll your eyes. “The igloo will still be here tomorrow. Besides.” You drop your hands to his arms, tracing them up and down. “Got a few ways we could warm up.”

Johnny’s eyes light up. Within seconds, he hauls you over his shoulder, trudging back to the house. “Forget the igloo. I like the sounds of that much more.”

Price:

“Are you sure you don’t want any help?” You ask as your husband clears another line of snow out of your driveway.

John grunts in response, stopping to rest on the handle of his shovel. “Honey, you shouldn’t even be out here in the first place.”

You pout. “But I feel horrible leaving out to shovel our whole driveway.”

John sighs, picking up his shovel and scooping another line. “Don’t. It’s the least I can do after everything you do for me.”

“But it’s cold,” You continue to protest. “And I can help. Then it would get done faster and—”

Your husband gives you a stern look. “No. Call me traditional, but I’d rather you stay warm inside cooking a nice meal than freezing your ass off and the little one.”

Your hand comes to rest at the bulge of your stomach. “I already have cookies in the oven, and we’re fine.”

He gives you that smile with his lips pressed together. “Then I don’t need anything else.”

The snow begins to pick up again, flurries dancing and twirling in the air in huge fluffs. You watch as they stick to the driveway, and make a home in your husband's beard. Your mind drifts to next winter when you’ll have a little girl wrapped in bundles of jackets, marching through the snow.

Your heart clenches at the thought of your husband helping her make snow angels rather than shoveling the driveway. The snow begins to pick up, and you step further into the garage, feeling the familiar twinge of frost on your nose.

You frown as your husband continues to shovel. “My love?” You call out to him.

He stops, turning to face you. Plumes of snowfall in front of your face as you look out to him, lip jutted outward and hand rubbing your growing belly. Well, fuck him. He grabs his shovel, dragging it back to the garage as you smile and press a kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you.”

“I’m going back out there in the morning.” John’s hand falls to your back, a warmth you’ve come to know carrying his kid as he leads you inside.

“And leave me and the bugger all alone in bed?”

John huffs a laugh, closing the door behind the two of you. He wraps both his arms around you, resting them on your stomach and placing his chin on your shoulder. He receives a little kick in response and sighs. “The snow can wait, I suppose.”

Keegan:

Keegan tugs on his mask, tilting his head from side to side. He leaves his snow gloves attached to his hip. “Need any help, baby?”

You huff, fumbling to turn and face him. His eyes crinkle at the sight of you all bundled up in layers of warmth. “I can’t get the zipper.”

He strides forward, tugging the zipper up to its proper place just below your chin. He leans forward to press a chaste kiss through his mask on your lips. He pulls back and grabs your hand, leading you out the door and fastening his gloves on. He yanks the string of your sled, dragging it behind him. A few kids run towards the hill at the edge of your neighborhood, sleds, toboggans, and snowboards with them. They shout excitedly to their friends, waving hands frantically.

“What if we take out a kid?” You asked, feet crunching in the snow.

Keegan shrugs. “They should’ve kept an eye out.”

You swat him on the arm, but neither of you feels a thing beneath all the layers.

He just laughs as you approach the hill. “C’mon. You doubt my steering skills?”

“I doubt your driving skills, in general,” You reply as he secures the sled in place, using a foot to keep it in place.

“In you go.” He holds out a hand, letting you grab it as you sit down in the sled. You place both your feet outside it to let Keegan slide into the space in front of you. He grabs the string, making a slapping motion like he’s Santa with the reindeer, and you roll your eyes. You slip your arms around his middle, leaning your head on his back as you push off the hill.

He cheers like a little kid as you both go flying down the hill, snow caressing your cheeks and splaying everywhere.

“Hold on!” He shouts, suddenly pulling right.

“What?” You shriek.

You jerk to the right suddenly, and the sled topples over, and you both land in the plush snow. The cold envelops you for a second, nudging part of your epidermis and deep into your veins before you push yourself into a sitting position.

Keegan is sitting in front of you, brushing snow off his jacket, and you can see the faint outline of a cheeky grin under his mask. “Whoops. You okay?”

“I’m fine,” you assure him as he helps you up and grabs the sled. He turns to face you, raising his gloved thumb to brush some snow from your face.

“Wanna go again?”

You sigh, lips quirking upward, unable to deny your boyfriend. “Always.”

– END –

Read more, HERE. Never wanna miss a fic? Join HERE.

🏷 COD taglist: @looking1016 @Bitchyzombietaco @lilwinchester67 @crypticlxrsh @echo9821 @trxpslxt @the-kakawshi-bird @gaz-oline

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crouchingapple · 6 months ago

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IS THAT AUBREY FUCKING PLAZA?????

This is Agatha.

She loves her personal space.

And Rio?

Rio also loves Agatha's personal space.

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crouchingapple · 6 months ago

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me with @beloveds-embrace 🫶 please never stop writing fics

truly nothing more magical than finding a good fic and then going to their profile and finding out there’s a whole goldmine in there of fics just begging to be read. what a beautiful world we live in.

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crouchingapple · 6 months ago

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ITS PERFECT ELI!!! I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE ITTTTT!!!!!!

ALVIN!!! if i’m allowed, ive had this thought for a while. What if the reader and louis has been married then the whole final problem happened and because of william’s gone, albert in jail then louis be the head of mi6, like the whole situation fucks louis up?

LIKE he suddenly filed for divorce, (reason is up to you if youd like) BUT THEN, when the brothers are reunited again, SUDDENLY LOUIS BEGS FOR THE READER TO COME BACK???? AND SURPRISE, THE READER SECRETLY HAS A CHILD???? and been keeping it ever since the divorce then louis tried desperately to beg her to come back lmao and like the whole “you can be in the child’s life but not in mine”

you can write it however you’d like! just a thought hehe SORRY IF ITSS TOO JUMBLED OR OVERWHELMING

HERE 🙏🙏 I HOPE YOU ENJOY RAHH

EDIT: ESHIT I THINK I GOT THE THE THE THE CHILD'S LIFE PART A LITTLE MIXED IP I HOPE YOU'RE OK EITH IT ☹️

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crouchingapple · 6 months ago

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SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP 😭😭😭😭😭 I LOVE YOU ELI THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! I WILL READ THIS FOREVER AND EVER THIS IS EXACTLY LIKE HOW I PLANNED IT URE AMAZING U MADE MY DAY 😭😭😭😭 I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!!

i once held the sun — louis j. moriarty x f!reader

: afraid of losing you too, louis decides to push you away first. but things change once his brothers return. he finds himself doing everything in his power to try with you once more. what he doesn't know, is that, after his absence of three years—another presence, a little one had been budding besides you.

: okay i did not expect to stretch this out for so long 😭 i'm sorry for the wait, but here's your fic @crouchingapple :) when i first started this i didn't write it with the intention of writing this long, but i hope you'll like it 🗣️

: 4k+ words. damn....

: louis james moriarty x f!reader, angst, divorce, louis tries to win you back, mentions of death and terrorism, ambiguous ending. i think that's it?

if anybody asked what louis's deepest fear was, you'd—or anyone else really, joke about how it could range from 'finding suspicious marks in the laundry' or 'wilted greens in his cooking'.

but if you delved deeper past the high walls he puts up, looked at the core of the hollow space he could call his heart, it would spell one thing only 'abandonment'. for as long as he knows, he's been bestowed the gift of life, promoted by his brothers' protection. yet, has anybody, in all of the years of his life really asked him if he wanted this? a chance at life and once again?

"good mornin'...." your slurry voice pulled him back from his thoughts, well—most of them. some still lingered in the back of his head. on most mornings, louis simply spends a long time in bed getting ready to exist for the day. his existence is heavy.

the surgery that saved his life, then the protection of his brothers that lasted up until his older brother fell from the bridge and his eldest brother was prosecuted for the crimes that they all committed, that they all were a part of. why is he the only one left behind? why is he the only one that survives?

and yes, perhaps he should be grateful—but what use is a gift he does not want? what use is a life where his family isn't together?

"good morning, (name)." he pulled your body closer to him, embracing the warmth that your body provided. you were so soft early in the mornings, and felt nothing short of heavenly to touch and simply be with. "did you have a good sleep?"

"i did," you smiled at him—lazy and sleepy all at once. it was an endearing sight. louis vowed to protect you in his mind. no matter what it would cost him. after all, you were the only alive presence in the walls of this house. "did you?"

louis nodded. "more or less." and then the telephone rang.

he, quickly alerted, propped himself up on his elbows, picking the telephone that was on the nightstand beside him. both you and him knew who would call so early in the morning.

"yes.... yes, of course... alright then, i will be right there." he would answer back between every few pauses, the caller speaking between them. eventually, he put the telephone down and looked at you, shooting you an apologetic glance.

he'd planned to take the day off and spend the entire day with you, and with that in mind, you'd taken your day off at your job too. but duty calls. perhaps at the worst of times.

"it's okay, louis." you said to him, sending him an encouraging smile. with a hand gesture, you dismissed him. "i'll be fine. at least i'll have the day to spoil myself. you go on."

with furrowed eyebrows, he got off the bed, changing into his outdoor clothes. he pressed a kiss to your forehead. "i'm sorry." he mumbled anyway. "i'll see you later this evening. i love you."

"of course." you answered back, although your voice was slightly tighter. monotonous. rehearsed. you both knew he was lying when he would say he would come home soon or anywhere around the evening/afternoon during job days. "i love you, too."

the door clicked shut.

"absolutely not." louis exclaimed, but you would not listen to him. he was feeling frustrated. infact, why should you? nobody gets to dictate what things you do or how you do them.

"are you even listening to yourself?" you shot back. you gestured towards his body, which was a bandaged, bloody mess. crime rates had risen after the fall of the lord of crime, and crime syndicates and organized crime would often fall into wars—with the M16 trying to eradicate the groups and ease the fear that had been simmering in the minds of the people of britain.

and this was the outcome of it—a terrorist attack.

"you can't go out there again," you were firm. it was one of the things that made louis fall in love with you. "not in this state."

"i have a job to do out there, (name). lives are at stake. it's dangerous out there. people are dying." louis huffed.

"i understand, i do, but you're not in the state to lead M16 right now. i have experience with this, i've done this with you and the others before. i can do this, louis. please. trust me, won't you?"

"it's not about trust, god— it's—" louis snapped his mouth shut. you shot him an inquisitive look, raising an eyebrow, waiting for him to say something. but he didn't. how could he say anything to you at all? you were right. you were capable in every sense, you were smart, had a good relationship with everyone else.. it's almost like you were perfect for the job. he was just afraid.

afraid of something happening to you. to you, of all people. terrified, absolutely terrified you would leave him as well.

"well..?"

louis sighed, resigned and tired. he'd been out there for 24 hours. the wounds and the fatigue was getting to him. "alright..."

"i'm glad!" you squealed, hugging him (perhaps too tightly) and forcing a pained groan to leave his chapped lips.

the fluorescent lights of the emergency shelter burned into your eyes as you sit on the edge of the bed. it's too bright here—too clean. too still. you can still hear the dull hum of the explosion.

that constant ringing in your ears, as if the sound had been carved into your skull. you can't shake it. it won't leave you. it's all you can hear. the doctor is speaking to you, but her lips are moving like she's underwater. the words don’t reach you, just echoes in the distance, hollow and thin. incomprehensible.

"can you hear me? hello? blink if you can hear me."

you look down at your hands, fingers trembling. the blood on your shirt isn’t yours—at least you don’t think it is. everything around you feels strange. the fabric feels sticky and damp, clinging to your skin. you're shaking violently. you can't feel it.

everything that was said was a low hum. the doctor spoke to her nurses in a quiet yet determined manner. "patient’s non-responsive. let’s check for any signs of head trauma or further shock. we may need a sedative or anything to stabilize."

the doctor waved a hand in front of your face. "can you try to hold my hand? anything at all to tell us you're aware?"

she’s checking your vitals, but you're not here. you're back there. in the smoke. in the chaos. among the dead bodies.

"(name)?!" your name was being shouted at the top of somebody's lungs. familiar, you think. there's panic in the voice. great horror and fear. desperation. hope. "(name)— where are you? (name)! please, please tell me where you are!"

you want to call out but your tongue feels heavy.

the new voice finally cuts through the static. you blinked and saw the doctor, her face blurry at the edges. her words slowly filtered in, but you didn't understand them. you see, but you don't register. the doctor turns to face a new face. it's louis. they exchanged a few words, he turns towards you and—

"thank god— thank god you're safe," louis was clutching tightly onto you, as if you would be gone forever if he let go. his face was buried into your neck, shuddering breaths leaving him. tears from his eyes pool down the length of your neck. "(name), i was so worried, i— i thought i would lose you.."

and suddenly it clicks. you're pulled back from the depths of your mind. and the memories come flashing in bursts; screams. crying. wails of injured stray animals. smoke. the rush of people, the press of piles upon piles of bodies trying to get away, the chaos swallowing them whole. you think you saw several people go down, but everything after that is a blur. there was no time to react, no time to process. just running. just trying to survive.

a tear trickles down your cheek. your throat feels tight. then more tears: an incessant waterfall that refuses to stop. the moment his hands touch you, something inside you snaps. the numbness, the disconnection, all of it shatters, and you feel everything all at once. overwhelmingly so. your body collapses into him, shaking uncontrollably. you don’t even realize your fingernails are digging into him, but you can’t let go. you can’t.

"louis— louis i was so scared, i— there were so many bodies. so much blood. so much gore," everything rushes past you like a broken dam. "i should've known! i should've done something! i should've been able to save all those people— i failed! i failed!"

"nonono— please, pretty, it wasn't your fault. none of it was. it never will be." louis says hurriedly, brows furrowed in worry. his breath hitches as he holds you, his own panic simmering beneath the surface — but he tries to stay steady for you. "oh, (name)..." he whispers, voice breaking. "shhh.. you're okay, you’re okay now, (name)… you're safe here. i'm here with you, shh..."

you should feel relief, right? you made it out. you're alive. louis is right here, holding you. but instead there’s this emptiness, this strange void where the emotions should've been. maybe this is what shock feels like. maybe this is just how it is now. you wonder if you'll ever hear anything besides this ringing again.

survivor's guilt is an all consuming thing.

you could have never in a hundred years prepared yourself for the news he dropped on you friday night. you knew he had been acting strange for some time now: tense, heavy and conflicted. but you certainly never would've expected this, of all. he was terrified. terrified of something happening to you, especially after what happened only a few weeks ago.

"mr. louis wishes to file a divorce with you," the lawyer placed the divorce papers on the table in front of you.

"what?" your tome of voice was sharp. unbelieving. the very notion of divorce seemed absurd to you. "divorce? please, i don't like jokes like these— where's louis? i want to meet louis."

"my client does not wish to talk to you, mrs. (name)." his lawyer looked at you, unfeeling and cold, as if you were some sort of unworthy pest. "all we require from you is your signature," he tapped at the lower end of the page. "....right here."

you could feel tears pooling at the corners of your eyes. how could he? rage and anguish were a heavy combination and you, standing, had to grasp onto a chair to ground yourself. he didn't even bother coming here himself? was he ever such a coward?

after a rather lengthy talk with louis's lawyer, you finally relented and picked up the pen he'd passed to you. your tears had dried long ago. now all that remained was numbness. "fine." you said flatly, voice hoarse, and imprinted your signature on the paper.

"should we get more apples?"

"damnit, we've been walking around and buying things all day. this wasn't why i accompanied the two of you, ya know."

fred and louis exchanged glances amongst each other, then shrugged, nodding amongst themselves. louis had sworn to himself that he wouldn't return to this part of the city again, but the venue was already set and he didn't want to inconvenience his reunited brothers. "you're right... perhaps we have been buying a little too much."

"thank god for common sense," moran exclaims, sarcastic yet grateful.

"it's just... my brothers have come home after years. i thought we could have dinner together. like the old days." louis muttered.

moran slung an arm around louis's shoulder, to which the blond flinched, visibly annoyed—but held his tongue. fred smiled. the three chatted amongst themselves until moran pointed something out. "hey, wait.. hold on. ain't that your ex-wife?"

but perhaps he shouldn't have, because he watched the subtle, barely noticeable smile on louis's face drop, eyes widening.

there you were, after three years—strolling around the afternoon market as well. you looked more tired than before. aged. but yet there was still a smile present on your face. softer, but heavy.

"please put these in the bag as well.." "of course, miss."

what hit louis harder in the guts was when a little girl, not older than three years came rushing up to you and wrapped his little fingers around your index. "can we go home please?"

"alright, my dear," you ruffle the girl's hair a bit and smile down at her. "i'm almost done here, okay? and we'll go home."

the world shifted for louis. his pulse roared in his ears, drowning out the bustling sounds of the market. his heart was beating unusually fast. this child, there was something about her that took louis's breath away from a suspicion.

"louis?" moran’s voice broke through the haze, but louis didn’t respond. his gaze stayed fixed on you, on the child. your back was turned as you carefully handed the grocer another item, a calm smile still gracing your face, but your shoulders were tense—always ready, as if you were carrying something heavier than the bag you clutched. and louis couldn’t look away.

"fred—do you see this?" moran murmured, his voice hushed.

"she has a kid." fred frowned, stealing a glance at louis before muttering, "we should go. louis—" but louis stepped forward, barely hearing them. his legs moved on instinct, his heart in his throat. he'd practiced this speech several times, the apologies he'd say to you, the amends he'd make.. but now that you're all of a sudden infront of louis, louis's words fail himself too easily.

"(name)..?"

your name came out hoarse, like a breath dragged from his chest. you froze. slowly, you turned, the smile slipping from your lips as your gaze locked with his.

your eyes widened, then narrowed slightly, guarded. "louis." the girl tugged at your hand, looking up at you with innocent curiosity. "mom? who’s that?"

mom.

the word sliced a blade of guilt through his ribs.

"just... an old friend, darling." your voice was steady, but louis didn’t miss the slight tremor underneath. you smoothed the girl’s hair gently before straightening, pulling her just a little closer.

"is she—?" louis started, but his voice cracked, and he couldn’t finish. the question hung between you, heavy and unspoken.

"don't." you whispered sharply, the softness in your expression replaced with something colder. protective.

louis swallowed hard. "why didn’t you tell me?" you stared at him, and for a moment, he thought you might break—that you’d shout, cry, something. but instead, you took a steady breath.

"i didn’t know," you said quietly, your voice laced with exhaustion. "not until after." the weight of your words hit him like a freight train. he stumbled back a step, his hands trembling at his sides. three years. three years of absence. three years of her growing up without him. without knowing who he was.

"i—" he tried, but you shook your head.

"it doesn’t change anything, louis."

"but it does," he croaked. his gaze fell to the little girl now peeking curiously from behind your leg. his daughter. his daughter. his chest constricted painfully. "what’s her name?"

you hesitated, as though you didn’t want to give him that much, but you sighed softly. "amelia."

amelia. it sounded so sweet and delicate, and the ache in his chest deepened. she glanced up at him again, her big, inquisitive eyes so achingly familiar—his eyes. louis blinked, his throat tightening. "(name,) listen, i..." he said softly, desperately.

"please." you tensed again, fingers curling protectively around amelia’s small hand. "louis..." there was a warning in your tone, but it faltered as you looked at him—really looked at him. and for a fleeting moment, he saw the pain you’d carried, the years that hadn’t been kind to you.

"please, hear me out. i.. i want to know her. and you, again. she’s not just anyone, she's my daughter." he whispered, taking another tentative step closer. "and you—" he took in a sharp breath. "you're the love of my life."

"you mean to say i was." you hissed. "and where were you, louis? how can you be so shameful?" your voice cracked this time, tears threatening to spill as your gaze hardened. "where were you when i needed you most? when i thought i was alone? you left me. you didn't even bother telling me yourself!"

louis couldn’t answer. he could only stare at you with pained eyes, shattered by the truth of it. he knew you were right. he hadn’t been there. he had walked away. like a fool. like a coward. and now, he had to face the cost. you pulled amelia closer and glanced over your shoulder. "we should go."

"wait... please—" he choked out.

"goodbye, louis."

louis didn’t see you again for weeks after that day at the market, but it was as though his entire world had shifted. every second, every thought, every sleepless night brought him back to you and to amelia. he could still see her curious eyes looking up at him, so achingly familiar, and it only made the guilt weigh heavier. he had to see you again. had to try.

it started small. a knock at your door one rainy evening startled you, and when you opened it, there was nothing but a basket of your favourite fruits resting on your doorstep with a note tucked inside. "thought you might need these. - L."

you stared at the familiar scrawl for far too long before shutting the door with a sigh, leaving the basket there.

a week later, he showed up at the market where you often shopped, hands shoved nervously into his pockets as he watched you from afar. you noticed him immediately—how could you not?—but you ignored him, pretending not to care as you handed amelia a light bag to carry.

"mom? that man’s looking at you," she whispered loudly. you shot louis a glare over your shoulder, and he had the decency to look sheepish.

"he’s no one, darling," you muttered under your breath, though your chest tightened painfully when amelia turned to give louis a small wave. "but you said he was your friend." "not anymore."

and so it continued. louis didn’t push, didn’t demand answers or try to force his way into your life. instead, he lingered on the edges, trying to prove himself in the only ways he knew how. he offered to help when he saw you struggling to carry groceries. he left small bouquets of your favorite flowers at your door—nothing extravagant, just thoughtful. he even fixed the broken hinge on your garden gate one morning while you were out, leaving behind no trace but a silent repair.

you wanted to be angry. you tried to be angry. but as the days turned to weeks, that sharp edge you’d held onto for years began to dull. louis didn’t ask for forgiveness. he didn’t demand anything from you. he just showed up, day after day, carrying the weight of his mistakes quietly, trying to make amends.

then one evening, you found him sitting on the stone steps outside your door, soaked to the bone from the sudden downpour. you let out a deep sigh. "what are you doing here, louis?" your voice was tired, but not sharp this time.

he flinched, then looked up at you—hair plastered to his forehead, eyes softer than you'd ever seen them. "i needed to talk to you."

"there's nothing to talk about," you replied, crossing your arms.

"please," he breathed, standing slowly. "i know i don’t deserve this. any of this. any of you, and her. i don't even deserve to be standing in front of you here right now. but i—” he ran a hand through his wet hair, words failing him as his chest heaved. "i need you to know that i’m sorry... for everything."

you stared at him for a long while, your resolve trembling as you caught the raw desperation in his gaze. "sorry doesn’t change what happened, louis. it doesn’t change the years we lost."

"i know, i know" he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. "i know it doesn’t. but i promise— i swear i’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it right, if you’ll let me."

you swallowed hard, unable to look away as he stepped closer. you didn't know what to say, nor what to do. "and amelia?"

louis blinked, his expression softening even more at the sound of her name. "i want to know her. i want to be there for her, for both of you. i don’t want to miss anything else. i can't."

you felt your walls cracking. "it’s not that simple, louis."

"i know." he said, voice steady now but quiet at the same time. "i'm not walking away this time. you don't need to take me back, just... give me a chance to prove myself to you."

silence hung between you, heavy and uncertain. part of you still wanted to push him away, to protect yourself from the pain you"d carried for so long. but the other part—the part that had never stopped loving him, no matter how much you tried—wanted to believe him. "we’ll see," you said finally, your voice barely above a whisper. "that’s all i can give you right now."

louis exhaled shakily, nodding as though you’d just given him the world. and perhaps you really did. he ran a hand through his wet hair. you were the sun in his life, the most bright and beautiful thing in it. and because of what he did, he lost you. and he knows. he knows what he did wrong. "that's more than enough."

your heart was thumping in your chest. you weren’t sure what the future held as louis turned to leave, but for the first time in three entire years, you let yourself feel something close to hope.

louis didn’t take your "we'll see" lightly. in fact, he treated it like a promise. a mission. from that day on, he made it his journey to prove to you—and to amelia—that he wasn’t the man he used to be. afraid and insecure. he wasn’t going to walk away again.

it started with the little things, because louis knew you well enough to understand you wouldn’t be won over with grand, material gestures. so he showed up in the ways that mattered.

one morning, you stepped out onto your porch to find a neatly packed lunch sitting on the steps with a note: "thought you might have a busy day. take care of yourself. - L." you rolled your eyes, but this time—you took it. inside was your favorite food and a thermos of your favourite drink, perfectly made—just how you used to like it. it was louis's cooking, you were sure. it'd been years since you had that, and it made you a little emotional.

another time, you came home from work to find your garden neatly weeded, the flowers you'd neglected blooming brighter than before. when you asked your neighbor if she'd seen anyone around, she only shrugged and said to you, "a blond man came by. seemed determined to get his hands dirty. i thought you knew him. should i stop him if he comes next time?"

you paused, then shook your head. "no... it's okay."

amelia noticed too. "mom, who fixed the swing in the backyard?" she asked one afternoon, gleefully testing the sturdy rope. you didn’t answer, though you had a pretty good idea.

"i'm not so sure, dear." you said as you gave her a push.

then there was the day he showed up again, not watching you from afar this time, but waiting with two bags of apples in his hands. you gave him a wary look. "you’re still at this, huh?"

"what can i say? i’m stubborn," he replied softly, a tiny smile tugging at his lips as he held out one of the bags. "for amelia. i hear she likes apple pie."

"did the neighbours tell you that?"

louis shrugged, keeping quiet.

"and you think you can win her over with apples?" you scoffed, unable to hide your own smile. you took the bag anyway.

"no," he said quietly, holding your gaze. "but i"ll try."

then he'd take you out to lunch, dinner—any meal he could take you too. any time you showed interest in any particular item, next thing you knew, he'd be whipping out his wallet.

what broke you, though, was the day amelia came home from school with stars in her eyes. "mom!" she shouted, dropping her backpack with a thud. "guess who picked me up today?"

your heart dropped. “who?”

"that man who always looks at you at the market. uh—what'd he say his name was..? oh right! louis!” she said excitedly. "he said he used to know you and that he wanted to help you out today since you were busy."

your hands froze as you held onto the dish you were scrubbing, water dripping off your fingertips. "he... what?"

"he bought me ice cream too." amelia added happily, completely unaware of the storm that's begun building inside you at that.

louis showed up at your door that evening before you could call him. "you overstepped." you snapped as soon as you opened it, crossing your arms and blocking the doorway. but he didn’t flinch. he looked earnest, as though he’d prepared for this. "i asked you not to meet her. atleast not yet. why don't you listen? why don't you give a damn about what i think?"

"you're right. and i'm sorry." he said, hands raised in surrender. "but you said you had an important meeting today. i couldn’t just sit back and do nothing. she’s my daughter too."

"she could've stayed at school with the teachers. they stay at least until five pm. i would've been done by then." your chest ached, and you turned your eyes away from him. "you don’t get to act like her father just because it’s convenient now."

"this isn’t about convenience." he shot back, his voice low, but steady. "it's about her. it's about you. i missed three years, (name). three years i can’t get back, no matter how hard i try. but i am trying. and i won’t stop."

louis's words hung heavy in the air. when you finally turned to look at him, his expression was softer, raw with emotion. "i don’t expect you to forgive me overnight." he whispered. "you don't even need to. but i want to be here... in your life. in her's. as much as you'll allow me to. but please, atleast for amelia's sake.. please try to give me a chance. even if just a little."

for a long moment, neither of you spoke. then, quietly, you asked, "why now, louis? why does this matter to you so much?"

he hesitated, searching for the right words. "because i still love you," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "i always have. i was just too much of a coward back then. i.. i thought that if i continued to stay by your side, you'd get hurt. that something would happen again. i thought i had lost my brothers, (name). i couldn't lose you—not you too. never you."

you felt the tears sting your eyes, but you blinked them away. "but you did anyway. you lost me when you sent your lawyer to collect my signature on the divorce papers."

louis exhaled, furrowed eyebrows and nodding. "i did.. but i thought it would be much better than find you—" he couldn't even get the words out. so, he whispered. "dead."

"..." you paused. "love can't always fix everything."

"but maybe it's a start."

for the next few months, he took things slow, giving you space when you needed it, but always making sure you knew he was there. he learned amelia’s favorite bedtime stories and showed up to watch her school performances. he memorized your routine, leaving small, thoughtful surprises in his wake—fresh flowers on fridays, your favorite pastry waiting for you at the café. it wasn’t flashy, it wasn’t grand, but it was louis.

slowly, something began to shift. you let him walk you and amelia home from the market one evening. you let him sit with you on the porch while the little girl played. you even let him make dinner one night when you were too tired to argue. amelia beamed the whole time, delighted by the way louis taught her how to fold dumplings properly.

"he's nice, mom," she whispered later that night, curling into your side as you tucked her in. "and he makes you smile more too."

you didn’t have an answer for that.

the first time you invited louis inside on a rainy afternoon, he nearly dropped the umbrella he was holding. "are you coming or not?" you teased, raising an eyebrow.

louis was flustered, he didn't know what to say—the colour pink coated his cheeks. "i... yes— yes. okay. i am. i'm.. i'm coming in."

when you handed him a steaming mug of tea, his fingers brushed yours, and for the first time in years, it didn’t hurt to let him close. amelia came rushing in from her bedroom, excited to show a clumsy drawing she'd made of you, her and him. he took a small sip from his cup, and picked amelia onto his lap.

"we'll see." you'd said months ago. now louis let himself believe that maybe—just maybe, he was earning his second chance.

@ELIASORCHARD — do not steal, retranslate or repost.

#moriarty the patriot #THANK YOU ELI

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