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this is how i imagine their first meeting went

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one of my favorite things about selina is the fact that she’s one of the most successful ‘criminals’ in gotham for one very, very important reason-when she commits a crime, she does not leave little bullshit clues or threatens kids or whatever other thing gotham criminals usually do. she gets in there, does what she needs, kicks ass very efficiently if she has too, and she gets the fuck out of there. I think most importantly to mention though is that when she steals, she goes out of her way to donate to charities-predominantly charities helping poc women or just women in general. it makes me think that most DC writers refer to her as a thief rather than a criminal or villain; to be a true gotham criminal, you need to not care about people outside of your mission at all. selina, even though she is far from perfect, loves and cares for others. a tiny part of herself hates her for that. but an even bigger part of her loves how she’ll claw the face off of some asshole that threatened a little girl on one of her crime sprees.

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au 2848578 on how Jason’s revival gets snitched on

Bruce, on the phone to Talia: please, come on, you must at least have ONE. that’s my baby boy! i need to see photos of him when he was little!!!

Talia, not paying attention because she’s fighting like twelve men one handed: i don’t know what to tell you, i just never took any! there were more important things to do at the time.

Bruce: JUST ONE.

Talia: beloved, i didn’t- *distant scream and thud* *sigh* look why don’t you ask his brother, i’m pretty sure he took some when Damian was a babe,

Bruce, pausing: …what? Tim and Dick didn’t meet him until i did.

Talia: *distant gunshots* yes well maybe if you used that detective brain for once you could puzzle out that i mean MY other son; honestly beloved, sometimes you concern me.

Bruce:

Bruce, bluescreening: um.

Bruce: you have. you have another son?

Bruce: is he…?

Talia, abruptly coming back to herself and remembering Jason’s insistence on NOT telling the bats that he’s alive:

Talia: *winces* uhm.

Bruce: TALIA?!

Talia:

Talia: *hangs up*

-two days later-

Jason, talking to a video call on his phone that’s set leaning up against a crate of guns in a warehouse he’s clearing out: *upper cuts a guy* -she told me she fucking panicked, which is SUCH bullshit, so she told him i wasn’t his biological son, *roundhouse kicks three people at once*

Ra’s, watching boredly through the phone in his personal chambers at the compound: *hums in disinterest*

Jason: -and now he fucking knows Damian’s mysterious older brother is in Gotham and apparently he’s trying to figure out who i am so he can ask for baby photos- *shoots somebody* *redirects punch aimed at him*

Ra’s: to be honest i’m just surprised it wasn’t Damian who let it slip. i’ve been betting on him for months.

Damian, also in the call, watching while pacing the roof of Wayne Manor: RIGHT?! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT WASN’T ME THIS TIME!

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conversations overheard on the batkid com lines pt 13 (masterpost here)

Tim: guys, Batman is pissing me off tonight. i need revenge ideas, go.

Bruce: i am on this line- i'm literally standing right next to you, Red Robin.

Dick: shut up B, we're brain storming here.

Damian: you could hack the Batmobile's radio to only play that ad jingle that he hates so much.

Bruce: Robin?!

Tim: this is good, this is good,

Dick: just do what Hood used to do and write revenge porn.

Tim: sorry, Hood used to what now?!

Bruce: Oracle, kick Nightwing from this line.

Oracle: not a chance, please elaborate Nightwing.

Dick, giggling: yeah, he used to- O, get Hood in this call, he loves talking about this it's hysterical.

*ping*

Jason: -tell me where the site is or you'll be jerking off with a fucking prosthetic for the rest of your life, asshole, now- *distant scared whimpers* -TELL ME!

Tim, sweetly: hiya Hood~

Jason: the fu- what- *thump* ...when'd i join this line? why am i here?

Dick: i requested it, i want a Red Hood story-time.

Bruce, firmly: no.

Damian and Tim, simultaneously: yes!

Jason: eh?

Dick: they want to know about the revenge porn you did on B back when you were in Gotham Academy.

Bruce: NO.

Jason: OH- *wheezes*

distant unknown male voice, barely heard through Jason's laughter: c-can i- can i go...?

Jason: *cough* AHA- y-yeah man, fuckin- HA- *wheeze* go for it, i'll track you down later, *cackling*

Dick: this was the story that made me start liking Hood as a little brother, by the way.

Jason: so- *wheeze* so B really pissed me off this one time when i was Robin, i can't even remember why,

Dick: he grounded you for calling Mr Freeze a 'cunt' in front of a group of pre-schoolers you were rescuing.

Jason: OH YEAH-! and part of the grounding was that he forced me to take part in the theatre department bullshit going on down at the school for like, community service, where a bunch of kids in my class were writing an original musical to put on for the end of year show. i was pretty good at english lit, so when my teacher heard i had to join she put me on the writers squad or whatever and pretty much told us to have at it.

Jason: except i was really pissed off at B at the time, so i convinced everybody that the musical should be about Gotham's own Batman, and then i decided to add in Superman and make him Batman's gay love interest.

Damian: oh my god

Dick: *wheezing* it- it was so fucking cool-

Tim: holy- IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE SCHOOL?!

Jason: *cackle* *high pitched* yeah- that's not- that's not even- dude it gets so much worse-

Bruce: it was not funny.

Dick, crying: god it so was...

Jason: AND I MADE THAT SHIT- I MADE IT SO EMOTIONAL, TOO-

Dick: YOU REALLY DID- LIKE IT WAS GOOD, THAT WAS THE THING,

Tim: *laughing*

Damian: please tell me you have a copy of the script, Hood

Jason: annotated and signed, i'll drop it round the cave later

Damian: i love you.

Tim: *laughing harder*

Dick: even better, i still have the fuckin' video,

Tim: THERES A VIDEO?!

Bruce: *disgruntled groan*

Jason: holy shit- dude you still have it?! I LOST MY COPY WHEN I DIED!

Dick: oh Jay, i would not have deleted that video if it saved you from the fucking Joker.

Bruce, scandalised: NIGHTWING.

Jason: NO- NO, AS HE FUCKING SHOULD B, I SENT IT TO HIM TO KEEP SAFE, AS HE FUCKING SHOULD-

Damian: is the video of the whole play?

Dick: well kind of? but littlewing, littlewing's a fucking genius so he- *wheeze*

Jason: i didn't want to act in the actual musical, so they put me on stagehand shit and i ended up in charge of the official school's video production, and i just- *laughter* i just fuckin'- i fuckin filmed B's reaction in the audience for like- *wheeze* the whole fucking play-

Dick: THE BEST PART- best part was B 100% got sucked into the story,

Bruce: I DID NOT.

Jason: YOU CRIED DURING THE ENDING KISS.

Dick: *bursts out laughing*

Tim: SORRY-?!

Damian: Nightwing i want that video.

Dick: *still laughing*

Jason: to this day, best thing i ever did as a child. i don't care about my legacy as Robin, i'm just happy i got to produce such a masterpiece. i should write a sequel-,

Tim: PLEASE,

Bruce: ok that's it,

Tim: B, what are you-

*ping*

Dick: what'd- what-

Oracle: Batman, you can't kick Red Hood from the line.

Bruce: WELL YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING-!

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Horrific eldritch horror: I’m so sorry! It appears that we must get married due to reasons out of our control! I’m so sorry you have to be stuck with a monster like me for eternity ☹️

Jason- monster fucker -Todd: oh no! What a shame 😳😳😳😳🤭🤭🤭🤭

(he’s already picked out the names of their children)

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This happened in the end of countdown trust me I’ve read the whole entire thing

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Jason looking at Kyle with such in love expression but the SECOND Kyle looks back at him Jason looks at Kyle with disgust.

Kyle rolls his eyes and kisses him.

Jason looks stupid.

I’m so sorry this took me so long anon 😭😭😭

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It's been a while and I think this is funny enough to think about

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pookie who has been through unimaginable suffering still waves at farmers and cows

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whys combat and military gear always got to look so fucking cool when the people wearing them just objectively arent. thats unfair

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its only their 5th meeting...bro is not reciprocating (sorry for bad handwriting)

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Benji can't understand how people don't trust Ethan, for him it's too natural.

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headcanon that hal is afraid of commercial flights. flying with the lantern ring? fine, amazing, he loves it so much. flying for Ferris air? freeing, exhilarating absolutely wonderful. flying the javelin for the league? perfect, could do it all day. flying commercial airlines? no absolutely not

and its because hes not in control, he loves flying he loves being in the air and space, but thats because hes in control but commercial airlines? leaving the flying to someone else? absolutely not, he hates it

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i get lesbians

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*Tim walking past Jason's room*

Tim, pausing then taking a step back: What are all of you doing?

*Cass, Stephanie, Barbara and Jason look at him, Jason covered in makeup*

Barbara: Cass needed to practice with makeup for a cover-

Stephanie: She asked me to teach her how-

Cass: Needed mannequin-

Jason: And because I wasn't busy, they chose me.

Tim, nodding slowly: Okay... Why is Barbara here?

Barbara: I wanted to see Jason shift awkwardly because I think it's funny.

Tim:

Also Tim, stepping in: I want to watch this shit too-

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His best day

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dick: wyd?

tim: making a digital closet (he absolutely would, btw).

damian: wtf is a digital closet???

tim: a digital catalogue of all my clothing. it helps me pre-plan my outfits without having to physically go through my stuff—

jason: or, you could just choose your clothes the normal way—

tim: *drily* you mean like how you three end up with ninety-percent of your clothes on the floor from searching for something to wear every time you get dressed, but you usually still end up wearing the same thing you wore the day before??

jason: ...

damian: ...

dick: ...

tim: exactly, now please leave me and my slightly-ocd-tendencies alone.