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Incomplete soul

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I recently started playing slow damage, so I did a lazy sketch 🙏 I'm so looking forward to reading Fujieda's route

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there are people who act like bourgeois & petty-bourgeois are like. tax brackets

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Yearly reminder that uhh. That umm. Yeah

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❦

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It’s sei’s world and we’re just living in it

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poor guy

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birthday art <3

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Yeah

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happy birthday to them and ONLY THEM

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one thing ive been very relieved by with hrt is how slow it is. that can be a bad thing but in my case i have needed a lot of time to adjust to the changes and get comfortable. if things had happened anywhere as fast i expected it wouldve been way too much for me

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personal so under the cut

i desperately need to get checked for ocd at this point like jesus. there is way too much going on in my brain thats a red flag for it. i feel like my other mental health was covering it up a bit and now that im moved out and got my ptsd fairly in check its these symptoms that are causing me the worst issues, next to depression and anxiety.

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you seem like you unironically enjoyed electroswing circa 2012

this website's hate mail game is insane

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more top surgery yapping, tmi. body image/weight discussion

got my top surgery consult scheduled and im really hoping all goes well. insurance estimated an oop cost of around 800-900 which is extremely good. my mom also offered to help me so i wouldnt have to get a hotel so thats a whole 1k saved right there. gas both ways isnt very expensive, only about 100-ish. and food shouldnt be bad either. its 250 for the therapy letter. and consultation is free with my insurance.

overall i thought id be looking at something like 10k. but with insurance and my mom it should be closer to like 3-5k if that. which i can do no problem. i wont need to crowdfund or try to scrounge up the money. though i do need to save.

work is a little scary because i may need to go on short term disability and im 100% going to use up all my pto which is a bit upsetting. but all i can do is try my best to make it work. ill be work from home soon which definitely helps.

the big thing that scares me is just bmi. im under my surgeons weight limit but ive gotta really focus on weight loss now which is stressful and a little scary in its own right. ironically this will help me in saving money because i spend a lot on restaurants so losing weight and saving money go hand in hand. i was feeling really unmotivated in my weight loss for a while so this was the kick i really needed, in a way.

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while im thinking about it let me talk about seimink real quick because i feel insane about this ship in a way that i dont think enough people are

i feel like the narrative really doesnt capitalize on sei very much so he tends to be the subject of my brain rotating. dmmd thematically is about either overcoming or succumbing to trauma. its extremely straightforward when looking at the bad ends versus good ends. ill use noiz as one example. he can live in a world full of pain, a flat world with no feeling, or a real world with pleasure and pain equally. succumb (all is pain, no feeling) or overcome (a world of nuance and feeling).

sei feels like a bit of an outlier because hes a side character rather than a main character so he doesnt really get a chance to succumb or overcome. he is a character who is outright disabled, experimented on so much that he had to dissociate away from his physical body. hes also hopeless in a way that is very similar to mink.

mink goes to oval tower with intent to die. its 100% a suicide mission for him and thats part of what makes him so brutal to aoba. he doesnt care who he uses or who he hurts because he desperately needs revenge and (once enacted) he will not be around to see the results. similarly, sei intends to help aoba kill toue, end his suffering, and end the mind control. he is on a suicide mission to save midorijima.

functionally i think mink and sei are very similar characters with very similar reactions to their trauma. toue harmed them, took away their normal lives, and for differing reasons (revenge, protection of others) they seek to kill toue. and crucially, neither intends to survive. the main difference comes down to their position in the narrative.

mink has the narrative significance as a love interest to be able to survive. but sei is largely a plot device. he does get some characterization in the true end, but hes mainly there to ensure oval tower gets blown up, to help explain aobas powers, and so ren can get a body in the true end. and while i would not argue this is a waste of his character exactly, i do think it is a shame that there is no possibility for him to live at all.

in terms of narrative potential, sei is similar to aoba in position to mink. he is both a victim of toue and a representative of pain. except sei comes into the picture after mink has already had his revenge. mink would inherently approach him differently, not as a tool as he did for aoba. they both need to learn how to live and be people beyond their goals.

i could talk for hours about different narrative tensions and threads. in the true end theres tension for aoba in choosing a fundamental part of himself (ren) versus an equally significantly part of himself (his twin and once a literal part of his body in sei). in the mink route theres tension between sei knowing how mink treated aoba versus how mink is treating sei. i think theres also a lot of exploration of disability that could be interesting with sei and with mink finding a sense of purpose in helping and loving another person.

they just fit so well together and im surprised this seems to be a bit of a rarepair because sei and mink have the perfect mix of similarities and differences for them to live in my brain forever. i love them.