In case youâre wondering, Iâm not dead. Iâm just the poster child for executive dysfunction.
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Happy Asexual Awareness Week
Literally every character on this blog is on the ace spectrum, unless I say otherwise
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âThatâs Egol?â
âYeah.... Hey Zoey?â
âHmm?â
âThatâs our home. Isnât that crazy?â
âYeah... Letâs go home before you fall off my back like a doofus.âÂ
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If youâre wondering why Car Heaven Chapter 8 is delayed, itâs because Iâve been hit with writerâs block.
Thanks, brain.
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Ughhhhh writerâs block is a jerrerrrk
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Car Heaven 7: Fitting In?
Tag: @ratwrites
I looked down at her, handing her the foam dart. âIs this yours? And uh... sorry. Iâm new here.â
The girl shook her head. âWhen you get hit, youâre supposed. To play. Dead!â She waved a reasonably-sized green gun at me, while standing on her toes to seem taller. She really didnât need to, as she was already close to my shoulders. âSarge goes on about it all the time!â
I nodded. She still hadnât taken her dart back. âIâll remember that. Whatâs your name?â
âMy name is Lilah!â Lilah said.
I nodded. âOkay, Lilah. Iâm new here, and I need to get settled in. Where is Miss Bell?â
Lilah pointed toward a woman with about ten kids around her. âThis way!â
âWhat about your dart?â I asked.
âKeep it! Youâll need all the darts you can get!â Lilah whispered over her shoulder, already setting off toward Miss Bell.
Miss Bell looked up when she heard us approaching. âHello, Lilah.â
Lilah jumped up, lifting her arms. âHi Miss Bell! I brought a friend!â
Miss Bell looked up at me. âHello, there.â
I waved awkwardly. âHi, Iâm-â I realized I had forgotten to whisper. âIâm new here.â
âIâm Miss Bell.â Miss Bell said. âIâm in charge of the kiddos, and defense.â
âThank you.â I whispered. âWould you happen to know of anyone who can tell me what I need to do to get settled in around here?â
Miss Bell nodded. âDefense classes are in the mornings, so youâve got me checked off. Youâll need to check with Doc in case you get injured, and Clara about a sleeping tent. Chex and Lawson are the food guys, so youâll hardly need to check with them on anything.â
I nodded. âWhere would those people be?â
Lilah jumped up, waving her hand. âI know! I know! Pick me!â
Miss Bell smiled. âLilah can show you around.â
I nodded. âOkay Lilah. Whereâs Clara?â
Lilah dragged me all over the Whispering Village, occasionally shooting me with her gun. She also chewed me out multiple times for kept forgetting to play dead.
Clara was a woman in her forties with a kind face and smart eyes. She wore a âYouâll get Phillipâs old tent, and Iâll request you a new sleeping bag immediately. Poor Philip, bless his heart. He tried to escape, but he got caught.â
I nodded hypocritically, knowing that I was already planning my escape. âAn unfortunate reminder to us all.â
âThatâs why this place exists.â Clara agreed.
âThatâs why we canât leave!â Lilah added. âTo the Doctor!â
Doc was taller, maybe in his late twenties, with black hair swept over to one side and vaguely Asian features. He simply wrote down my allergies and any medical information I might need him to know.
âIâm allergic to penicillin. And I do have blood sugar problems.â I told him.
âWhat the heck is pencil-in?â Lilah asked.
âItâs a kind of medicine.â Doc answered. âNo worries. Since cars donât get sick, germs donât exist down here.â He explained. âIncluding the nasties that I would use penicillin on.â
âThatâs weird.â I said.
âIt kind of is, and Iâm not sure how it works.â Doc mused.
âMagic!â Lilah exclaimed, grabbing my hand and dragging me. âCome on, I wanna show you my favorite place!â
âOkay, Iâll see you.â I said to Doc, and went with Lilah.
Lilah brought me to the fenced off area. âThis is the practice arena!â She exclaimed. âThis is where we learn to shoot and play dead!â She ran inside, grabbing a face mask off of a pile and throwing it at me. I did not succeed in catching it. âGo on, shoot me!â
I gave her a questioning look. âUh...â
âDo it!â Lilah exclaimed. âOr Iâll tell Sarge you donât play dead!â
âFine, fine.â I said. I pulled Jack the Jolt out of my bag, and one of my darts. I loaded it up gave her a glance.
She glared back impatiently, so I shot at her. Even with my aim, hit her in the left shoulder.
Lilah spun on her heel dramatically, obviously trying to copy the force of the bullet. âNooooooo! Iâm dead!â She exclaimed, flopping down onto the ground and not moving.
I poked her with my shoe.
She jumped up, picking up the bullet and loading it into her gun. âYour turn! Put on your mask!â
I picked up the mask and tried to put it on. It didnât fit over my glasses. âHouston, we have a problem.â I muttered. âDo they make these for people with glasses?â
âMy name. Is. Lilah! Not Houston!â Lilah exclaimed. She shot me in the stomach.
I made a choked noise, kneeling down and laying on my stomach in the dirt. I also immediately inhaled a bit of dust and started coughing.
âDead people donât cough! Also, you fell too slow.â Lilah whispered.
âSorry.â I muttered, getting up. âMy neck hurts. And my shoulders.â
âDo you need to see Doc?â Lilah asked.
I shook my head. âNo, no, itâs nothing the doctor will need to deal with.â
âWhy does your neck hurt?â Lilah asked.
I looked at her. âBecause I was in a car wreck? Thatâs why I ended up here. I was looking for my car.â
Lilah blinked. âWhy didnât it come back?â
I gave her a glance. âWhat?â
âWhenever a car gets wrecked, it comes back!â Lilah exclaimed. âDuh!â
I thought for a moment, though there was a very obvious reason that was her answer. âLilah, how long have you been here?â
Lilah shrugged. âLong as I can remember.â
âOh.â That confirmed that thought. âWell Lilah, where Iâm from, cars donât come back.â
âThatâs weird.â Lilah said. Then she jumped up and shot me again.
We practiced playing dead for a while, though by the end of it I never really got the hang of it.
The end of the day came, and I went to my new tent and tried to sleep. Someone a few tents over was playing Hey There Delilah on a guitar, so I made up new words to the tune until I fell asleep.
I woke up early that morning to Lilah shaking me. âWake up! LiveWire is here and she wants to see you!â
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Car Heaven 6: The Whispering Village
I stayed in the back of Licorice for a good while, mostly crying about Bug and Blue Boy.
Somewhere in that mess, I had made up my mind to absolutely despise the Whispering Village, and all of Bugâs associates. I was also very consciously aware that I was probably being ridiculous, but then I would remember that I had been lied to and was likely being kidnapped, which justified my feelings. I argued in circles with my own brain on that one for most of the drive.â¨â¨I had more or less cried myself out when the door at my feet opened. I could hear Bug explaining my situation to someone, which did nothing for my mental state.
âHey.â A male voice said. He sounded like he hadnât raised his voice above a whisper in his life. âYou must be the new kid, eh? Come on, head up. Someoneâs gotta show ya around, and Iâm your guy. Nameâs Sarge.â
I looked at him, but it was really a glare. He was tall and gangly, maybe my dadâs age, with a scraggly, patchy beard. His face alone looked like he hadnât slept in a month, then consumed eight Redbulls at once. He had a camouflaged army jacket, shredded jeans, sturdy boots, and an enormous Nerf gun on his back.â¨â¨He must have seen me looking at the gun. âTo fool your enemies, you gotta fool your friends. Now come on.â He offered me a hand.
I took it, begrudgingly. âWhere are we?â
âSHH!â Sarge hissed. âTone your voice down so unfriendly cars donât hear ya.â
I groaned internally. I had always had trouble with controlling the volume of my voice. âSorry. Where are we?â I whispered.
âThe Whispering Village. Those trucks out looking for us ainât gonna find us here. They canât get in, and we canât get out. Itâs perfectly safe.â Sarge whispered back. He brushed aside a wall of vines, which appeared to be made of intricately woven metal.
He was leading me into a clear area. Above us, a net with trees printed on it and all kinds of vines growing through it stretched over us. Trucks and race cars of all kinds rested around the perimeters, some driving between tents to carry people. There were more humans here than I thought- at least a hundred or so, but still more than I expected. Everyone looked like they needed a hot shower and a nap.
The sleeping area was designated by several rows of tents. To my immediate right was a closed off area with a fence I couldnât see through. There were a few pickup trucks roving along, carrying supplies to the people. In one corner, a big tent with a red plus sign on it designated the medical facility. I hoped I didnât get sick.
The entire area seemed to be hissing. It took me a moment to register the sound as a small crowd engaging in several conversations, but at a whisper. It was mildly off-putting.
Sarge piped up, quietly. âBack thereâs the sleeping. Over thereâs the doctor if you get sick. Eating can be anywhere, but we prefer it if you keep it near Chex.â He pointed at a newer model of truck with a stockpile of food in his tailgate, as well as a man grilling next to him. âAsk some of the kiddos if theyâll play with you if you get bored. Iâll be in my tent if you need anything.â He started off toward a large circular tent with two smaller tents attached. The large tent had a sign that read âLEADERSâ over the door.
âWait!â I exclaimed. âWhy are you all here? Is there no way out of Car Heaven?â
Sarge turned slightly. âOh thereâs a way. But that road is only for getting supplies, and youâre definitely not taking it.â
âWhat about the gun?â I asked. Looking around, I noticed that multiple people were carrying nerf guns.
âCars donât know the difference. Which reminds me, if someone hits you with a dart, youâre dead. Even if itâs a near miss. Actually, you know what? Come with me, Iâll give you a checklist.â
As much as I distrusted Sarge, I agreed to go to the leaderâs tent so I wouldnât be totally lost.
The inside had several fans going to cool it down. Four people (three women and another man in camouflage) sat in a circle, as well as a dark green Lincoln with the same tinted windows as Licorice. They all glanced up, and the woman at the head of the circle even waved.
Then they went back to discussing their business.
Behind the group, Sarge led me to an offshooting tunnel with a sign that read ARMORY.
âThis is the armory. Ainât no real guns here, just dart guns. See, a car ainât too keen on the difference between real and fake guns. If a foam bullet hits them, they explode all the same. But since weâre smarter than them, we know it doesnât do anything. Itâs weird, but itâs an advantage. Youâll want a gun in case something goes wrong, though. We have just about every gun you can get!â Sarge whisper-shouted as he threw aside the tent flap.â¨â¨The armory had several tables stockpiled with dart guns, though there really was no need as they spilled over onto the floor. Enormous laundry hampers rested between the tables, full to the brim with darts. There was very little organization, and the whole room was a neon mess- darts and guns of all colors on every available surface. I also saw two hampers full of satchels.
âGo on, pick your weapon.â Sarge said, shoving a nerf gun nearly as big as me into my arms, along with a satchel.â¨â¨I dropped the gun immediately. âI canât fire this.â I whispered. Looking around the room, I saw the tiniest gun Iâd ever seen- it was about the size of my hand, dark blue with the telltale bright orange tip, with the word JOLT written on the barrel in black letters.â¨â¨I stepped over a pile of green guns and lifted it up. âI like this one.ââ¨â¨Sarge gave me a strange look, but simply walked me over to a basket full of darts. âPut as many in that satchel of yours as you can, and thatâll be all you need here. I suggest talking to Doc next, just telling him about your allergies and whatnot. Or, chat with Miss Bell about target practice.â
With that, Sarge ushered me out of the armory and left me to my own devices.â¨â¨âI never even got my list.â I muttered. I placed my new weapon in my bag of darts, and gave it a pat. âIâmma call you Jack. Jack the Jolt.â
A nerf bullet hit me in the leg. I leaned down and lifted it up, looking to see if there was a name on the side. There wasnât.
âMiss!â A small girl, maybe ten, ran up to me. She had dark skin and bright purple glasses, and kept her hair up in two bouncy pigtails. She sounded like she hadnât raised her voice above a whisper in her life. âWhy didnât you play dead?â
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Car Heaven 5: Bugginâ Out
Tag: @ratwrites
Hair-raisingly, the closest hotel was only two blocks away from the Biomech building. The room me and Bug were in was a lot bigger than the garage on the ferry. It was also circular, meaning Bug could drive around a little if he wanted. I stayed in the backseat overnight to sleep.
Bug headed out early that morning, before I even woke up. When I did finally stir, he filled me in on his plan.
âOur best shot is through Mercury Square. Thatâs where the snobby, expensive Fords who think theyâre better than everyone else live. Theyâre pretty protective of their territory though, so we might have to sneak in.â He explained. âThey donât want âlesser carsâ mingling with them, ya know? I think they get that from their humans.â
I nodded. âThey let the price tag go to their heads.â
âI think the way is through Mustang Fields, then Newford. The only real problem is that Iâm not sure of anything past Mercury Square.â
I nodded. âThatâs okay. Weâll find some road signs or something.â
âIf it comes down to that, yeah. Before any of that, though, weâve gotta find a way into Mercury Square. Do you need to stretch your legs?â
âYes please.â I said.
Bug pulled over and I walked around him for a little bit. The road was raised here, so I was able to stand in the ditch without being seen. I tried to find more cool rocks, but there werenât many rocks in the ditch.â¨â¨âWhen you get back in, sit up front and play dead if anyone sees you. Theyâll think youâre an anxiety doll for cars who get nervous about driving without a human in control.â Bug explained.
We continued on to Mercury Square, which was rather easy to see due to a large, shimmering wall surrounding the entire community. As we got closer, I realized that it was covered in logos off of all sorts of brands- Toyota, Chevy, and even other Fords. It reminded me of the day after the accident, when my dad told me heâd been down at the crash site trying to find the Ford logo from the front end of Blue Boy. He hadnât found it, of course- I told him it was probably stuck in the engine.
âWhereâd they get so many logos?â I asked.
Bugâs engine stuttered, not that it affected his driving. âThese guys have certain âguard dogsâ for when average cars try to come through. See, when a car crashes down here, they vanish. Back to the Land of Rebuilding. Then they have to cross the ferry again and go back to wherever they were. Itâs pretty brutal, or so Iâve been told. But the high-end guys always take the insignias from trespassers as kind of a lesson. Then they put âem on this wall as a warning.â
âThat is literally horrifying.â I nodded along. âWhy doesnât anyone stop them?â
âThe sensible high-end Fords are off doing more noble stuff.â Bug explained.
I was debating how Bug was gonna get in. If the cars thought I was fake, then theyâd have no trouble doing whatever they did to Bug. They probably would do it if they knew the truth, too. There didnât seem to be any gaps in the walls, either, aside from checkpoint stations.
Bug drove off of the road before anyone could really question him. I had to question what he was thinking- Beetles were not made for off-roading. And yet he followed a set of ruts in the ground with all the confidence of a big stupid man in a big stupid truck.
âWhere are we going?â I exclaimed, my voice bouncing around. My neck and shoulders were beginning to hurt. The last thing I needed was more whiplash.
âI know what Iâm doing, kid.â Bug muttered. He didnât really seem to be enjoying this part of the drive either.
He stopped at a rather fake-looking thicket with the barest resemblance of a path cut through it. âThis is gonna be bumpy.â He said. âBut trust me, I know what Iâm doing. I learned from the best.ââ¨â¨He vanished into the bushes quickly, though once a good way inside he slowed down considerably. This made the ride less bumpy, which I was grateful for. We reached another checkpoint along the wall, but it was smaller, and manned by an green older Toyota.
âBuuuug.â The Toyota said. âHeard you got caught last week!â
âLast week?â I asked. Hadnât Bug been new?
Bug ignored me. âRavi, how have you been?ââ¨â¨âGood, good. Havenât been busy all day. Why donât you head on in, get that human settled?ââ¨â¨âI have a name.â I muttered. âHow do you two know each other?â
Ravi, despite having go face, seemed to grin. âWe work together. Oh, Bug. The next guy is Licorice. Heâll take you to the Whispering Village.â He opened the checkpoint gate.
I poked Bugâs dashboard. âWhispering Village?â
âA human-safe zone.â He responded, driving himself through the gate. â750âs Gang and the Biomechanics canât get to you there.ââ¨â¨âAnd what about you and Ravi knowing each other and working together? When this is what, your third day here?ââ¨â¨âAbout thatâŚâ Bug said, slowing down for a moment. âYou humans are so gullible. I guess I should start being honest. Iâve been down here since 2002.â
My blood turned cold. âWhat?â
âHey, before you get mad, just remember that Iâm doing this for your good. See, the Biomechanics have eyes all over the Land of Rebuilding. They know when humans arrive and where to catch them. But they canât be seen going through that place, because it ruins their image. So they have a gang ready to catch those humans on this side of the river. My job is to get to those humans before the gang does.â
âFor what?â I asked, slamming his brake. It didnât do anything to him.
âTo keep you guys safe, thatâs why! Listen, kid, you didnât come here on purpose, and I understand that.â
âSure you do.â I muttered, trying to steer him away. None of his controls were working.
âThe Biomechanics know that youâre here, and 750 and his henchmen are gonna be all over Car Heaven looking for you. But they canât come here, so this is where youâre gonna stay.â
âAnd what about Blue Boy?â I cried. âWhat about my life in the regular world?â
Bug growled. âKid. Stop.â
He pulled up next to a black Lincoln. âLicorice, weâve got a situation.â
Licoriceâs lights flashed. âSheâs mad?â
I glared at her, sniffling.
Bug did a car-nod. âShe just found out.â
âBug, my guy.â Licorice growled. âWeâve talked about this. You need to be more up-front with your intentions!â
âIâm gonna kidnap you and hold you hostage in a village of humans. Yep, that sounds great.â Bug muttered sarcastically.
âYou always run into problems right about here though.â Licorice responded flatly. âBut youâre in luck. Iâve got Elastagirl and Lariat with me.â
Within moments, a race car with The Incredibles airbrushed onto the front and an old Ford pickup flanked Licorice. âHuman, these are Elastagirl and Lariat. Theyâre going to bring us all to the Whispering village. Square formation, everyone.â
Bug moved backward slightly. Lariat drove up next, parking with their front bumper about ninety degrees with Bugâs. Elastagirl  likewise parked with her back bumper at ninety degrees to Bug, forming a big U. Licorice closed off the U, making something of an uneven rhombus of cars.
Licorice addressed me. âHuman, youâre gonna have to switch vehicles. If anyone catches us, they wonât be able to see you if Iâve got you.â She was right about that, at least. Her windows were tinted so darkly that I couldnât see into her interior through them.
She and Bug both opened their doors. I flung myself out of Bug, angrily kicking his door closed. I kicked his side for good measure. âThatâs for Blue Boy.â I spat.
Bug rolled back slightly, never leaving me enough room to escape without having to do some sick parkour. âIâm sure he appreciated it.â He said back.
âDonât tell me what Blue Boy thinks!â I shouted. It was impossible to not cry. He really was being sincere now, but I found it hard to accept any form of apology he had to offer.
I realized then that Bug was getting ready to drive between Elastagirl and Lariat, probably to give me the final push into Licoriceâs cab. I decided I wasnât going to give him the satisfaction and stormed into her backseat. She swung her door closed and locked it.
âNow weâre gonna bring you to your new home, human.â Licorice said. âItâll grow on you, I promise!â
Something told me that it would not grow on me, whether it was promised or not.
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Car Heaven 4: Carrian
Tag: @ratwrites
While I had a big city in mind when I had pictured Carrian, I hadnât accounted for the fact that the infrastructure and buildings would need to be accessible to cars. Therefore, when we reached the outskirts of Carrian, I realized that whatever size I had pictured, I should probably quadruple it.
To try and comprehend something that size that gave me a headache pretty quickly.
The streets were all about five lanes, which looked like a nightmare to drive on. The buildings had parking-garage style entrances, and I guessed the floors inside were similar to parking garages as well. Due to having to accommodate cars, though, each building itself was about eight city blocks.
âDo cars get jobs down here?â I asked.
âSome of âem. Iâve heard of cars that study any humans they get their tires on. I think theyâre called biomechanics? Anyway, you should probably stay clear of them. I think theyâre dedicated to studying humans about the same way you guys study us.â
I nodded, feeling sick. Iâd been on a ride that simulated a car test course, for accident avoidance and other things of that nature. âNoted.â
Bug rolled up to a relatively short, flat building with WELCOME CENTER #80 over the entrance. The entire building reminded me of a large version of a sixties diner, with a two pink neon stripes going around the top near the roof. The entire building was painted a shade of blue that painfully reminded me of Blue Boy, with a bright pink wavy stripe across it. Two large windows showed a long counter inside where several station wagons were working with what I could only assume were arrivals from the ferry.
âYou might wanna hide again, kid. In case your... humanness gets you in trouble.â Bug warned.
I patted his dash twice, climbing back into his backseat. âGot it.â
Bug went inside, casually parking himself in front of the counter. âHello!â He exclaimed cheerily.
âWhat can I do for you?â The wagon at the station droned. She didnât sound particularly enthusiastic about her job.
Bug tapped a wheel. âIâm looking for a certain car. He would be new in the system, so Iâm hoping youâd have a file?â
âWhat are his details?â The wagon said.
âA two-thousand sixteen Ford Focus, if Iâm not mistaken.â Bug said. âProbably blue.â
There was a long, awkward silence.
âHereâs a list. Youâve got the light and dark blue ones on there, go nuts.â
From my vantage point, I couldnât see much except for a holographic screen listing all of the cars that looked like Blue Boy. Something Bug was doing- turning his wheels, possibly, was helping him scroll through the results.
âTwo weeks agoâs the arrival date on this guy. That sounds....â Bug paused.
After a few seconds, caught on to what he was doing. I shook my head. âWrong.â I whispered.
âWrong. Three weeks?â Bug tried.
âFour or five.â I whispered.
âOh, right, silly me, heâd be further down. Hmmm....â Bug hummed.
âHe only had about six thousand miles on him.â I added.
Bug seemed to take this into consideration. Finally, after quite a while of looking, his engine rumbled. âAha! This guy: light blue two-thousand sixteen, bought in two thousand seventeen, crashed around four weeks ago. Two owners, six thousand miles...â
I gasped. âThatâs gotta be him!â
Bug nodded. âLooks like heâs in Newford. Thanks for your help.â
I huddled down into the floorboards. Bug did something else with the list, then backed out and left through the garage-door opening.
âWeâre gonna need to find a hotel for the night, then weâll figure out where Newford is. Are you excited?â
I was about to respond when there was a slight jolt.
âSorry kid. Trafficâs all wonky. Thereâs something going on up here at the Biomech building.â Bug muttered.
âBiomech?â I asked.
âThatâs what it says on the top. Hereâs hoping we never see the place again.â He responded. âI can only assume that thatâs where the Biomechanics work.â
I dared to peek up through Bugâs window. The Biomech building was a huge, light gray complex with small windows and BIOMECH LABS in blue lights on the top. At the bottom, though, several cars were gathered around two dark metal sliding doors, which were big enough to fit two semis. The doors were sliding open, revealing that the inside was brightly lit and very clean. Three large pickup trucks and a couple of old race cars were forming a barrier around a single man, forcing him into the building. The other cars seemed to be onlookers- though whether they were reveling in the procession or protesting was unclear.
âGet your head down.â Bug hissed. This is exactly where we donât need to get caught.â
I nodded, huddling back into the floorboards. I did not want to end up in the Biomech building.
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Car Heaven 3: The Road Ahead
Tag: @ratwrites
The unpleasant THUNK of wheels rolling over the threshold to the ferry startled me awake. I nearly sat up to complain before I remembered the ferryman (ferrycar?) would likely murder me given the chance.
âOh hey kid. Morninâ.â Bug mumbled once we were out of earshot of Caron. âHey, I never got to ask. Why do you humans need to sleep? It seems useless. You canât really do anything aside from breathe.â
In my half asleep state, I simply shrugged. âImagine if like, every time you turned off in the regular world, your fuel refilled itself. Thatâs why humans need to sleep.â
Bug nodded, kind of. âSo itâs like you recharge yourselves?â
âBasically.â I said.
âThatâs pretty cool.â Bug responded. âI think we donât need fuel down here, actually. You might, but good luck. I think your best bet is a gas station- those have all kinds of human stuff in em. By the way, you can sit up now. Caronâs long gone.â
I sat up. Above us was a bright blue sky and a road stretched in front of us for miles. âReminds me of home.â I said quietly.
Bug pulled over to the side of the road. âMe too. Why donât you hop out and stretch your legs? You humans do that, right?â
I nodded, climbing out. âThanks.â I was a little stiff from sleeping in the backseat, but it was better than if I spent the night on the bench. I took a quick walk around Bug, noticing that the gravel was all perfectly smooth, gray rocks- aside from a small yellow crystal on the ground next to his tire. I reached down and picked it up.
âWhatcha got there, kid?â Bug asked.
I held it out to him. âI think itâs quartz. Hey, it kind of matches you!â
Bug chuckled. âYouâre right, it does. You might wanna hang on to that, then. In case we get separated.â
I nodded, shoving the rock in my pocket. I leaned on his driver side door. âHanging on right now. Hey, so what happens after this? How are we gonna find Blue Boy?â
âSee that fuzzy outline on the horizon? Thatâs our central city, Carrian. Your wayward son probably started there.â
âHeâs not my son.â I said, looking ahead. Carrian was way off in the distance. âHow do you even know all this stuff? You said youâd never been here.â
âOlder cars get restored. Then they get passed around until they donât work anymore, and you humans are none the wiser. But they tell us stuff. Itâs mostly complaints, since everything is better down here. But word still gets around.â Bug explained. âThereâs been a few stories of humans showing up. That salesman that put you here? Probably not a regular salesman. Maybe an ambassador of some kind. Or sixty-five slimepods in a human suit.â
âSlimepods?â I asked.
âSome kind of weird creature covered in slime. They hang out in the Land of Rebuilding.â Bug explained.
âAh.â I said. I hadnât seen any slimepods in the Land of Rebuilding.
Bug continued. âAnyway, I know so much about this place because Iâve heard a lot. My and my first human, we went through an old car show.â Bug seemed to chuckle. âThose old guys, they were so mad. They kept saying that they were in âcar hellâ. Theyâd detail their journeys to anyone willing to listen. I picked up a lot.â
âI guess they were used to autonomy.â I said softly. In my head, I stored away the information Bug gave me. He had had more than one owner and a green lanyard. I wondered which owner had given him that.
Bug gave a quick jolt. âCome on, kid. The longer we wait, the further away Blue Boy gets.â
I nodded, stepping back. Bug opened his driverâs side door.
âShould I get in the back again?â I asked.
Bug chuckled. âNah, you can have a seat at the wheel. Just keep your feet off the brake, Iâll drive.â
I climbed back in and buckled my seatbelt. âYou got the wheel, Bug.â I said, patting his dashboard.
Bug started his engine. âIâd hope so. Now letâs go, the suspense is killing me.â
As Bug took off toward Carrian, I took the quartz crystal out of my pocket and put it in his glove compartment. âThanks for helping me get this far.â I said sincerely.
Bug seemed to have a smile in his voice. âNo problem, kid. If it werenât for you, I would have just been asking questions to an imaginary human on the ferry back there.â
I laughed. âAnd Iâd be sitting in the weeds and hoping those motorcycles didnât see me.â
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Car Heaven 2: Chat With a Bug
Tag: @ratwrites
âItâs a long story.â I said.
Bug did that car-shrug again. âItâs a wide river.â
I sighed. âA crazy car salesman tossed me through a portal to... what was it? The Land of Rebuilding.â
âSo whyâd you stay?â Bug asked.
I crossed my arms. âThe portal was only one-way. I couldnât get back.â
Bug didnât hesitate. âFair, but then why did you need to get on the ferry?â
He had me there. I steeled myself, pressing my back to the wall. âI was in a crash a few weeks ago. My car saved my life, no injuries aside from a bad bruise.â I touched my leg. âIâm here to return the favor.â
âHuh.â Bug said. âNeat.â
Confused, I leaned forward. âYouâre not even going to question it?â
Bug leaned toward me. âListen, you humans are fascinating- youâll get attached to anything that moves. Youâre also a determined bunch- so who am I to judge you?â
There was a short, yet comfortable, silence between us. I noticed an old green lanyard wrapped around Bugâs rear view mirror. It swayed softly, like something had tapped it. I wondered if Blue Boy had appeared with anything I had in him- My dashboard dragon, my textbooks, my drawing tablet, maybe even my own lanyard that had vanished in the crash.
âHey Bug?â I said quietly.
âHuh?â Bug
âDo you think Blue Boy will even want to see me?â I asked. âI mean, the crash wasnât my fault, the other guy was in my lane. But.... do you think he would know that? And would he hold it against me?â
Bug rolled back, pulling a quick turn to face me. âWhat exactly was Blue Boy?â
âA twenty-sixteen Ford Focus. He was bright blue, so I called him Blue Boy.â
âKid, Iâm gonna be brutally honest. Your Blue Boy is gonna be thrilled to see you.â Bug stated.
I looked up. âWhatâs brutally honest about- what?â
âAny car down hereâs gotta be lucky to find out their humans are safe. Weâre built to protect you guys. Your car, when you find him, is gonna be over the moon when he sees you.â
I looked up. âYou really think so?â
âKid, I know so.â Bug said. I could hear the smile in his voice. âI bet every car down here wants to see their old owners, at some point.â
âSo how was that brutally honest?â I asked.
Bug chuckled. âYou didnât sound like youâd be ready to accept that fact. But no matter what you say to convince yourself your friend is gonna hate your guts, youâre still gonna be wrong.â
âHow do you know that?â I asked.
Bug sighed. âItâs the way us cars are. At least the newer ones. Weâre made to care. I bet Blue Boyâs been worried sick about you.â
âBut-â I started.
âQuiet, kid. Any more self-doubt and Iâll stuff you in my trunk.â Bug commanded. It was incredible how expressive he could be with just his voice.
There was a small pause again. âHey, donât you humans need sleep? Is that toolbox even comfortable?â
I shook my head. âNot really.â
Bug paused. âAre leather seats any better?â
âBetter than the toolbox.â I said, standing up. My butt was numb from the hard surface.
Bugâs door swung open. âHop in. Weâve got a long way to go.â
I wasted no time doing that. I made myself comfortable on the backseat, and closed my eyes. Bug seemed to quiet down as well.
It wasnât comfortable, sure, but it was still better than the toolbox.
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Car Heaven 1: The Land of Rebuilding
No sooner did I land on the other side of the door than I found myself smelling something absolutely horrifying.
The closest thing I could think of was the crash site, but ten times worse. My natural instinct was to hold my breath, but of course my brain wanted to fight me on that. I wouldnât be able to hold my breath the whole time, no matter what. But there was a good chance whatever I was breathing wasnât exactly good for me. Maybe, though, it wouldnât really matter.
I slowly got to my feet, being mindful of sharp objects and my own back. Judging from the spot Iâd landed at, I wasnât the first person to enter Car Heaven, as most of the dangerous debris had been swept away. I brushed off my hands and looked around for a hint of where Blue Boy might be.
The place looked like a junkyard, if junkyards had strange reddish skies and piles upon piles upon piles of car parts scattered everywhere. The smell matched, at least. The trash piles, I noted, had clear cut paths through them. They were big enough for a few cars to drive through, or maybe a monster truck. All of the paths seemed to lead to one specific road, which was wide enough for at least two monster trucks.
The wide road seemed like a good place to start.
As I walked down the road, I began to notice a few things. For one, the stench was getting worse, which meant I was probably getting closer to the source. The second was that the view was rather plain- wide open spaces with no real points of interest and scrubby vegetation for miles around. The third was that cars would pass me, going in the same direction I was going. None of them had drivers. Most had their windows down. Some even passed in pairs. They all appeared to be in pristine condition, as if theyâd been taken from the factory.
Also, they could move much faster than me. In fact, they seemed to speed up when they got close.
After hours of walking, I began to see bushes and tall grasses springing up along the road. I could also see some kind of endpoint, an enormous gray structure in the distance.
The gray structure was a ferry, guarded by an ancient black car. Iâd only ever been on a ferry once, but that was a small one. This one was absolutely enormous, and made of a substance I couldnât quite place. Actually, a lot of things down here felt like their makeup was a little off. I couldnât explain why, but somehow I guessed it had to do with the cars.
What wasnât okay was that the ferry was floating in a river of sludge. This was the source of what I was smelling- it looked like it was made up of gas, oil, and any other liquid that went into an engine. I severely hoped that this river didnât have a real-world outlet. That would be no good for climate change.
I approached the ferry. The cars were driving themselves onto it, so it stood to reason I should get on, too.
The black car suddenly sputtered and revved itâs engine. Two old motorcycles immediately jumped to block me. âOY YOU!â The car roared in a wheezy, raspy voice.
I stopped in my tracks. âHuh?â Despite being able to talk, the car didnât seem to have a mouth.
The old car rolled toward me, his headlights flashing. âI MAY BE BLIND, BUT IâM NOT DUMB! I KNOW WHAT A DAMN CAR LOOKS LIKE, AND YOU ARE NO CAR!â He paused to shake dust off of his roof. âTHIS FERRY ISNâT BRINGING YOU ANYWHERE!â
I frowned. âHow do I get across then?â
âSWIM!â The car shouted. âYOU HUMANS SURVIVE EVERYTHING, SURELY SOME GAS WONT HURT!â He completed a full circle around me, then returned to his post. âNOW GET LOST!â
The motorcycles started advancing, and I ran back to the tall grasses along the side of the road.
I stood for a minute, debating how best to get past the guard. I wondered if a bush of grasses would escape his notice, but the motorcycles were still an issue.
âI donât like Caron either, kid.â A smooth voice said behind me. âIâve been trying to find a way past him myself. Were you planning on trying the bush method, too?â
I whirled around. There was no one there except a pastel yellow Volkswagen Beetle. âHello?â I asked, having expected to see a human. âWhere are you?â
âRight here. I saw that guy yell at you, canât say I blame you for backing down.â
I started to turn again. âWha-?â
âNope, back.â I turned back toward the Beetle again. âBack back back back- perfect.â
I frowned. âAll I see is a car.â
âWhat? You never saw a talking car before?â
I jumped slightly. âThatâs you?â
The Volkswagenâs motor sputtered and started up. âThe nameâs Bug.â He responded.
I slowly calmed down. âOooh- okay. Well, uh... you sounded like a person!â
Bug sounded like he was smiling. âItâs okay, kid. Youâre out of your element, I bet. I wonât lie, I am too.â
I squinted. âYouâre a car. This is Car Heaven.â
Bugâs front half went up, then down. It was like a car shrug. âAinât Heaven kind of a one-time thing for you humans?â
I continued squinting. â....... you have a point. So uh, you called that guy Caron-â
Bug shrugged again; or maybe it was a nod this time. âHeâs an old myth to us cars. First steam engine car ever made- hates anything after and especially hates humans. But he controls the ferry between the Land of Rebuilding and Car Heaven.â He smacked the ground with a front tire. âWeâre in the Land of Rebuilding, in case you were wondering.â
I nodded. Iâd already hit my weirdness limit today, so this information was relatively easy to process. âAnd we need to get past that ferry.â
Bug opened his driver door. âHop in. Caronâs old and blind, he wonât notice I have an extra passenger. Just hide in the backseat.â
I took a step forward. âOkay. Iâm trusting you here, barely.â
Bug chuckled. âEh, sounds about right.â
I climbed into Bugâs driver seat, then crawled over into the back, touching the heat patch on my shoulders when I landed. âNow what?â
Bug started rolling forward. âNow I get on the ferry and we get across the river.â
I hunkered down into the floorboards. I did not want to deal with Caron or his motorcycles again.
âYOU!â Caron roared. âWHAT ARE YOU, A LADYBUG? GET YOUR TAILPIPE ON THE DAMN BOAT!â
âIâm trying, sir.â Bug mumbled. I felt his wheels roll over the threshold to the ferry.
âGARAGES ARE ON THE LOWER DECK, WE LEAVE IN... TWO MINUTES!â Caron shouted.
âNoted.â Bug drove down several ramps, before finally coming to a stop in a garage-like room. He did something to put the door down, and a light flickered on. His door opened up again. âHop on out, kid. Thereâs a toolbox you can sit on over there.â The door shook slightly.
I climbed out of the backseat, going over to the box and sitting on top of it. âThank you. I would have had to jump in the back of a pickup if it wasnât for you.â
Bug turned his engine off. âNo problem. But hey, can I ask why I smuggled a human onto Caronâs ferry?â
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Believe it or not, Iâm not dead.
I had a little brush with death, though.
Even though Iâm miraculously okay, something I cared about a lot is gone. But it saved my life, in the process.
Iâm introducing a new story soon. Hopefully, I can return the favor. It may be stupid and silly but itâs what I need.
My love letter to Blue Boy: Car Heaven.
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Wait, what if-
Describe your writing process in three words or less.
âWell, fuck.â
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The very best writing tip you will ever hear is this: Â
       Analyze stories.
Donât just listen to what other storytellers say you should do, figure out what you like about the stories you enjoy and learn to replicate that.
Want to learn about pacing? Examine stories you think flow fantastically.
Want to learn about description? Study your favorite authorâs descriptions.
Want to learn about characterization? Critique your favorite characters.Â
Want to learn about foreshadowing? Explore how itâs done in stories where the plot twist blew your mind.
Storytellers giving advice to other storytellers is fantastic and useful, but you will never know something as thoroughly as you know the things you figure out for yourself.Â
And by analyzing the stories you love instead of listening blindly to advice, youâll never be swayed by the bias of other writers and youâll never take in advice thatâs suited for a story you wouldnât enjoy writing.
So put on some thinking caps and go analyze those stories.
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Explore
914âs optimism wasnât running thin anytime soon, however it was getting replaced with curiosity rather quickly.
About an hour in, they found old wooden tracks from some kind of cart. The tracks had worn away, however, which obviously meant that they hadnât been used in a long time.
The possibility that the cavern was uninhabited was in the back of 914âs mind and moving to the forefront. If that was the case, the buildings inside would still be standing. And if there were buildings, there would possibly be rations hidden in them.
The spiral tunnel came to an end quite a while later, and 914 took a deep breath. They pushed through the old door, holding their breath to see what was on the other side.
The sight that met them, however, was beyond anything they had imagined. A bustling city or an abandoned ghost town was in the realm of possibility, sure.
But the only thing they could see was the cavern wall on the other side of the cavern. There was absolutely nothing between them.
âWhat the⌠what?â 914 said aloud. âSomethingâs not rightâŚâ They looked around.
The floor was flat, which was a small comfort. There was a human-made foundation. There was also a worn path leading out into the cave, meaning that more or less there was human life here at some point. To the right were at least two tunnels, and there was a third to the left. The third seemed shorter, with the added bonus of the faint sounds of water coming from it.
914 was not equipped to go several hours without water, so they set out that way. They found themselves in a  narrower tunnel, at the end of which was an enormous lake.
There was a large slab of rectangular stone jutting out into the water, which was clearly man-made.
914 decided to take their chances and drink it. The water was fine, and there were even small fish swimming about near the surface. They decided that they could set up a camp here, then possibly explore the cave some more.
Though⌠the gathering groups were set up so that each member had different survival items in case of emergency. 914 had cookware and a backup knife. 498 had a tent. 762 had all kinds of nets for catching small creatures.
Luckily, survival tips were a staple of their daily routines. The cave would be good cover from the elements, and they could catch fish for food in the lake, which also covered water.
They set their bags down by the lake and looked back the way they came. They were going to need some kind of netting, which could be made from plant matter- which was possible to find under the glass panel, hopefully. The logic made sense to them. The light coming through the window was strong enough to let some plants grow in here, hopefully.
If not, they could harvest some of the vines from the surface.
They began walking back the way they came, scanning the walls for any signs of plants. This time, though, they noticed a shimmering banner of golden pendants. They moved against the far wall, looking as far as they could into the ignored tunnels.
They moved closer, curiosity overtaking them. The sign looked too new for it to be left over. But peering around a sharp corner, they realized that the cavern was effectively unlivable to them.
A table the size of Timber Base, with boulders the size of buildings around it. A fire pit the size of the town square a little behind it. On the back wall, several cupboards, each bigger than the boulders, and an ice block with shelves carved into it. Enormous shelves on most walls with a mixture of giant books and scrolls.
Only one species was big and smart enough to live here.
A Monster.
914 darted back the way they came, hoping to get their stuff and go. Where they would go, they werenât sure, but anything was better than a monster. Suddenly everything made sense- there was no city because whatever lived here destroyed it and used the cave as a home.
They were somewhere between the door and the lake when they heard the lake churn. They watched on helplessly as an enormous set of claws grabbed the dock. With an incredible splash, an enormous dragon rose from the water, bigger than anything living that they had ever seen. Worse, the beast had an enormous fish clasped in their jaws- at least ten humans long and four humans wide.
The dragon tilted its head back and swallowed the poor fish easily. 914 was horrified, and started to back away to the door-
âWhat the- whatâs this stuff?â The dragon asked, their voice sounding about as feminine as a giant flying monster could.
914 ran faster, spurred by the beast shouting âHEY!â after them. The human felt her huge talons scraping the ground as she gave chase.
914 dove into the doorway, kicking it closed and panting. The dragon, more or less, had all of their stuff aside from the extra knife. They unsheathed it, debating what to do.
Suddenly, however, enormous black claws burst through the door. 914 ducked, but something hit their leg hard. They could smell blood.
The claws retreated, replaced by an enormous golden eye. âHello!â The dragon chirped. âCome on out, I think I can fix your leg!â
914 just glared.
âSeriously, that looks pretty bad. I wonât eatcha, promise!â The dragon tried.
914 turned to climb over the rubble and get out.
âFine, weâll just do this the hard way.â The dragon muttered. Claws wrapped around 914, and they were pulled out of their hiding spot.
And suddenly staring at the snout of a colossal dragon.
âIâm trying to help you, human.â The dragon said flatly. She began carrying them toward the kitchen area. âAnd I know you guys are smart enough to talk, so⌠My nameâs Broken Wings, whatâs yours?â
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