crowwithacae

[crowwithacae]

i am afraid of good things happening to me. sometimes i want you to break me, just so this numbness might fade. even if it’s just for a moment.

- sk

[crowwithacae]

[crowwithacae]

[crowwithacae]

Every compliment, every word of praise I’ve been given, without my consent I’ve imagined they’ve all been from you

[crowwithacae]

[crowwithacae]

[crowwithacae]

I wish you the best

Reblog this and I’ll grant you one wish.

[crowwithacae]

It Feels Wrong

You sought your own peace, I extirpated the parts of myself I feared would take it away from you

I thought when you left I would be crushed under the weight of loving you through that pain

Now I realize that what's really suffocating is that the pain subsided long ago, but that love still burns inside my chest

I still think about you, still wonder if your life is turning out the way you wanted, and whether you still think back on the time we shared with the same melancholy nostalgia that I do

I could fill books with the poems and stories you've inspired in me, but it feels wrong to think that

It feels wrong to love you now as much as I did when I still woke up beside you

But most of all it feels wrong to admit defeat. To admit that I would come running if only you would call

[crowwithacae]

I Started-

I started smoking the cigarettes you used to just to remember what your kiss tasted like

I started and finished all the games you told me I would love, and you were right

I started drinking more water like you always wanted

I started comparing every woman I meet to you and realized they'll never measure up

I started understanding just how badly I let you leaving fuck me up

I'm nothing like the person I was back then.

Am I finally enough?

[crowwithacae]

[crowwithacae]

Caves are weirder and more varied than you think

[crowwithacae]

[crowwithacae]

Dance for Me

I am incapable of desiring anyone who would invite the disaster of wishing for my love. I will make you dance in the ashes of your ruined life, convinced that it is pure white snow. My love is vulgar and obsessive, a tool I use to pull myself from the abyss of absence. To want my love is to discard any that you may have for yourself.

[crowwithacae]

A brief moment of rationality from the bird place.

[crowwithacae]

"you're good at art you should go to college you should start animation you should get a job in the industry you have so much potential" I SHOULD BE IN THE WOODS. EATING POISONOUS BERRIES

[crowwithacae]

Do you ever miss a character from a show but not like in the way that you want to rewatch the whole show because theres so much stuff going on and thats not what youre looking for but you miss your boy

[crowwithacae]

A Twisted Mass

For the first time my nightly journey into the inverse tower of my subconscious granted me a glimpse of a new floor. When I descended in the elevator I stopped abruptly at the first floor below the surface. The inside resembled the floor of sacrifice I've grown so accustomed to. As such I surmise that every floor was laid out the same. A large open space with a single large window.

This room however had no adornments. No potted plants or decorations to speak of save two identical thrones poised to face one another, one with its back to the entrance the other facing away from the window. In the former sat a humanoid figure, black as the void as though the very sunlight refused to touch it.

Against every instinct I sat across from it. Nothing bound me to the chair aside from my own morbid curiosity as to the purpose of this first intrinsic layer of my mind. Even without a face I could tell the figure was staring me down, surmising my worth. After a long stretch of silence it finally spoke.

"Ask," it said. Its voice rasping and unpleasant like its very voice was composed of the reverberations of twisting metal.

I pondered for a long time, wondering what it expected of me all the while worrying that it would speak again.

"Why does this place allow only me," I finally said. "Why is nothing else from the outside world permitted entry?"

"You would rather kill someone that let them know the thoughts that ripple behind your eyes," it said, lacking any sense of hesitation. "If you did they would know that yours is a soul comprised of malice. A twisting mass of bones and blood filled with questions you would rather never have answered. You fear that, in learning this, no one would ever look at you as human again."

I trembled as it spoke, its voice causing the very center of my being to itch with disgust and anxiety.

"For you the simple act of thought is unforgivable. A sin that can never be washed away, serving only to mark you as filth."

Silence yet again stretched on for what seemed like eternity. When I once again felt the compulsion to stand I realized I now faced the window. The chair across from me sat uninhabited and from the corner of my eye I spotted it, a single orange lily sprouting from a crack in the floor. I will never be free from these thoughts. This tower serves not to keep others away but to keep me sealed in. It is meant to punish me for committing the sin of existing.

As I turn to leave I begin to ponder. What floor will the tower show me next? The very thought fills me with dread, such that it rouses me from sleep.