cruelsloth-blog

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Kailan mo kaya matutuklasan ang aking daigdig na ito, ang lihim kong ito? Mula ngayon, magpakailanman, ang daigdig mo'y daigdig ko na rin.

—Alma Fuertes // Ang Tundo Man May Langit Din

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bakit?

Hindi ko na maintindihan sarili ko. Gusto ko maging masaya, sobra. Pero kahit pilitin ko, may parang bubulong sakin na hindi ko deserve yun. Kasi hindi dapat. Hindi pwede. Kasi ako to. Hindi dapat ako maging masaya. Masasayang lang. Anong gagawin ko? Alam ko ang sagot. Labanan ko. Pero bakit ganon? Hindi ko magawa. Ang daming gumugulo sa utak ko. Yung mga hindi ko dapat iniisip, kusang ginugulo yung utak ko. Hahahahaha. Oo, yan na lang kasi ang masasabi ko. Nagsasawa na ko.

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flipped (2010)

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And I hate to break it to you but you will have to save yourself because no one else is going to do so. And if I know a thing for sure it’s that you can do it, you are brave and you are strong and you are worth it. A hero should never be a support actor, so be the one of your own story.

// pain is never permanent j.d.m. (via poetryandthesea)

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Has anyone else noticed how mental illness has been adorned and made the latest fashion trend? Wearing anxiety like the new skinny jean and wrapping depression around your neck like a black choker. The only thing is, when these trends go out of style, some of us are left with last seasons clothes for the rest of our lives.

skimmy-milk  (via wnq-writers)

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When you learned to walk on glass did you imagine this is who you’d become? A queen of ash happy to bend flames.

Cinderella // FAIRYTALES RE-IMAGINED #7 // L.H.Z (via lhzthepoet)

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i want to carve my wishes into the galaxies, trace stardust with my small fingertips, let my lungs inhale constellations.

i want to feel whole / a.a.m.l (via constllate)

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Oo, masaya ako.

Minsan ba natanong mo na sa sarili mo, masaya ka pa ba? Sa mga oras na naglalakad ka sa kalsada mag-isa, Habang magkasabay na naka-ngiti sa'yo ang mga bulaklak at araw, habang may mga boses na isa-isang nagsasalita sa'yong isipan, Masaya ka pa, hindi ba?

Hindi ba’t parang unti-unti kang iniipit ng isipan mo, na sa mga oras ng pag-biyahe mo biglang makakadama ka ng kalungkutan, na parang mag-isa mong nilalabanan ang mga kaisipang gusto kang saktan, Yung iisipin mong may mga bagay na gusto kang balikan, pero ayaw mo naring tumapak pa at sumilip sa nakaraan,

Minsan ba naisip mo, bt parang mas masaya pa sila? Yung mga taong walang matulugan, lagi nasa kalsada, mga taong walang pera, pero nakangiti pag sumikat na ang umaga, Siguro nga ang kahulugan ng kalungkutan ay ang hindi pagka kuntento sa mga bagay na nasa'yo Kaya minsan isipin mo..

Minsan isipin mo, masaya ka Masaya ka dahil laging may bagong umaga, dahil laging may bagong pag-asa, dahil may taong mahal ka, dahil laging may bagong bukas na hindi mo na iisipin, masaya ka pa ba talaga.. Dahil oo, masaya ako At kapag dumating ulit sa puntong tatanungin ko sa sarili ko, masaya ka pa ba? Oo, ang isasagot ko, oo, masaya pa ako, masaya ako, Oo, masaya ako, talaga…

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Illustrations by Yuschav Arly

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sorry pala

"ang bait mo kasi e. lumaban ka naman" sorry ha? hindi ko na kasi alam ang gagawin ko na kahit ako na ang naaapi, hindi ko magawang lumaban. hindi ako lagi makasagot. dahil..dahil ayaw kong makasakit. ayaw kong makapagsabi ng masama laban sa kanila. siguro kahit sobrang nasasaktan na ko, hindi ko pa rin kayang lumaban. ang gagawin ko tatahimik na lang ako. "takot ka sa kanila? sagutin mo!" sorry ha? kasi tahimik lang ako. ngumingiti lang ako. kahit nagpipigil ng luha, ngingiti pa rin. kahit asar na asar na. at nagdadasal na lang na tumigil na. ako na lang ang tatanggap ng mga salitang ganito.

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extra

i left these guys— or so my friends. i don't know the reasons. i felt happy when i'm with them. but there were days, i felt out of place. maybe it was because of that. yeah, i left them. and they didn't even seem to care. i started to hate them. i feel bad at myself.

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I think the stars are eyes. Singular white unblinking eyes, always staring, never averting their gaze, bright and piercing. I started thinking this way when I was a kid, perhaps because I’d decided that if a god does exist, it must be a cruel being. Rather than accept such a god, I went the other way, and decided there are no ‘gods’ like the ones mentioned in prevailing religious texts. Instead, there are just the eyes—all the eyes, forever watching us.

At night, they watch over us. Now there’s an interesting phrase. Watch over us. When most people hear it, they feel secure. Like a parent, or a guardian looking over, protecting you from the world you don’t understand, from dangers you don’t know, and from beings whose intentions you cannot guess. But also from errors within you, from the mistakes you made, from the poor judgement you exhibit. That’s what people want in life—a watchful eye.

I know all about watchful eyes. They’re not there to protect you, or stop you from making mistakes. They just wait, and watch, imagining horrors unimaginable. And when the time is right, the reach out, and touch you. And then, the darkness takes over, the coldness takes over, and all is gone in a swirling vortex. The worst part is, that isn’t death. That’s still life.

As I grew up, the opinion came and went. I sometimes believed it, I sometimes didn’t. I talked about it, a few times, but mostly people who heard it laughed at me. They thought it was absurd. People always think things are absurd when they don’t agree with the established order, so that is not surprising to me. What they don’t realise is that the absurd does not have to be untrue. If you look at it in a particular way, everything that is true is absurd.

Then, the star blinked. My body seized up, and after a brief pause, my heart began pounding with thunderous intensity. The star was blinking—at me. It was watching me, and it knew all about me, for it had seen what dark deeds I commit in the dark. I shut my eyes tight and opened them again, but the star continued to blink intermittently. I wanted to reach out to it and stab it in its bulbous white ball. But it was too far, too far.

After that, my obsession grew. I quit working in the caravan, and began working at the observatory. I cleaned the place, taking out the trash, making sure things were in order, and at night, sneaked into the library to read works I would never be allowed to read. I read about the stars, their positions, their constellations, about how they moved, how they appeared and disappeared. Much of the language was beyond my understanding, but I read.

And finally, I stood on the knoll, and stared at the blinking star, standing at attention. The eye watched. I watched it back.

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Jonathan Chiang Captures Singaporean Landscapes with the Lomo'Instant Automat

Landscape photographer Jonathan Chiang captures photos while incorporating his heritage of growing up in Singapore’s scenery. He holds the belief that light is the best photoshop, with the dramatic golden glimmer of morning light dragging him out of bed each day.

In this interview, Jonathan shares with us firsthand experience of the Lomo'Instant Automat.

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I’m a woman born from the feathers of the widest wings My heart is filled with freedom and my spirit lies beneath my own wings They try to tame me with sweet words but I’m no ordinary woman my love has no boundaries I fly beyond the horizon with those who choose to join me

wings // A.H. (via tender-souls)