crxwflowerwrites

[crxwflowerwrites]

Maybe I'm Alive Cuz I Really Didn't Wanna Die

Chapter One of Nutshell | Anakin Skywalker x NB!Reader

Fate: (1) : the will or principle or determining cause by which things in general are believed to come to be as they are or events to happen as they do, (2) an inevitable and often adverse outcome, condition, or end. Can fate—destiny—be avoided? That is the age-old question. When a unique opportunity presents itself, granting a second chance at life in exchange for trying to unravel the events leading to Anakin Skywalker's downfall, questions will be raised regarding accountability, compassion, metal health, and destiny. Can Anakin be saved from himself? Or was he always destined to bring ruin to the Galaxy?

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"I'm a freak, I am afraid that All the blood escaping me won't end the pain And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me I died to be the white ghost Of the man that I was meant to be."-Ghost, Badflower Sounds of blaster fire and people screaming in pain fade dully in the background. All I can hear are my own ragged breaths as I desperately try to calm my thundering heart. Sweat rolls down my face, drawing lines on my soot-stained skin while ash falls peacefully to the ground amidst a battle where people are getting blown apart by incendiaries and innocent civilians are cut down where they stand. If I didn’t know any better, I would think it was snowing. Darkness splotches the edges of my vision, and my trembling hands feel clammy as I clutch my lightsaber pathetically. Only enough focus remains to block the blaster fire beaming in my direction. My knees are weak and my stance is poor. I cannot do this much longer. I’m tired.

I’ve always hated fighting. As a padawan, I wanted to dedicate my life to helping people with my force healing abilities, or maybe discovering ancient secrets through psychometry. I even considered being a teacher and working with the younglings. But this? War? I could have never foreseen the destruction of the Jedi Order. I never fathomed the return of the Sith. I never thought that Anakin Skywalker would betray us all.

He was our Chosen One. Our General. Our Hope.

But he was none of those things, only our downfall. His anger, his arrogance, his fear; it killed him and now it’s killing us.

I shouldn’t know any of this. The official story is that our beloved General was killed during Order 66, but I know the truth. After Padme’s death, Obi-Wan reached out to me to aid him in hiding away her twin children—Anakin’s children. My reputation for having a gentle heart and cool discretion made me an easy choice for the mission and I was more than happy to help protect children from the terrible fighting that began spreading like a contagion across the galaxy. I didn’t know the whole story, but I noticed that Obi-Wan had Anakin’s lightsaber. Out of curiosity, I touched it and...and I wished I never had.

It’s been months since then. I took shelter on this unnamed planet, hiding from those who hunt down the last remaining Jedi. There was peace in helping the common folk; healing them of their ailments and protecting them from wildlife, but the Empire found me. Found us. I put these people in danger, and now I must watch them succumb to the horrors of the invasion while I try, and fail, to protect them.

I know my life is over when I hear a lightsaber blaze to life behind me. With leaden feet, I turn in the mud to face the man who has come to kill me: Darth Vader. Anakin Skywalker. Dog to the Empire. My former friend. A traitor. A puppet. A murderer.

“Don’t do this,” I plead, my voice a pathetic croak.

“It is already done,” Darth Vader replies ominously.

There is barely any time to raise my lightsaber before the Sith Lord begins swinging blow after blow. The heat from the sabers singes my skin as he forces all his strength down upon me. I’m not strong enough to withstand this, so I roll away just before the red saber slices into the ground where my body was just moments before.

I shouldn’t try to talk, but I am going to die. I know it in my bones, so I might as well ask my questions why I still draw breath.

“Why are you doing this?” I dodge to the right, tripping in my fatigue.

“Because you are weak.”

“The Anakin I knew wouldn’t do this!”

“You didn’t know him. Nobody did—” he lunges at me, and I’m too slow. The red saber blazes through sinew and bone, severing my hand from my body. I think I scream. I’m not sure. All I see is my hand still clutching my saber as it plummets to the ground, lodging itself in the mud.

“—Anakin was weak, so I killed him, just as I will kill you.”

I watch in slow motion as Darth Vader brings his lightsaber over his head and brings it down over me. All I can think about is how he separates himself from the man he used to be. Just as the energy from the weapon kisses my skin with a magnificent, terrible burning, I am overwhelmed with the realization that I don’t want to die . There are still so many unanswered questions. I want to know how we got to this point. I need to understand the moment Anakin stopped being the hero and started being the villain. I think...I think I feel guilty. I should’ve seen the signs. All of us in the Jedi Order should have noticed all those little red flags. Why didn’t I say anything? Why did we do anything to stop him?

My thoughts are filled with wishes to start again, to have a chance to make things right. I want to save myself. I want to save my friends. I want to save Anakin from himself. I think a silent prayer, pleading for just one more shot to discover where it all went wrong. But it doesn’t work. I am dying, and the Force is silent. My destiny is to die here, kneeling in the mud as I stare back and forth from my dismembered hand to my former peer. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to think of something hopeful. I am aware of my body splitting apart in searing agony when something incredible happens.

The world falls silent. No more screaming. No more humming of the lightsaber. I open my eyes and see...nothing. The world is no more. All I can see is empty blackness; an absence of light and life. It’s unlike anything I have ever experienced before, and yet I’m not scared. Stunned, I blink. Perhaps I was expecting a clearer image to emerge from that darkness, but my eyes open to the sight of my quarters at the Jedi Temple.

What?

I lurch forward with a ragged breath. My lower body is tangled in the sheets, clothes from earlier in the day strewn on the floor with the rest of my dirty laundry. Confusion and panic claw at my heart, strangling in my throat. I inspect my hands: both intact. No scar where my severed hand was reattached. No jagged line where Darth Vader sliced through my body as if it were water. I suddenly realize that many of my scars I obtained through padawan training and my eventual knighthood are missing. Upon further inspection, my body appears much younger than it was just moments ago when I was on the brink of death. It’s softer, rounder without all the hardened muscles—unmarred and unbroken.

I stagger out of bed on unsteady legs, moving on instinct into the adjoined bathroom. A cold shiver whispers down my spine when my gaze meets my own in the mirror. The truth strikes me like blaster fire to the heart. I am a padawan again.

[crxwflowerwrites]

Nutshell Masterlist

Anakin Skywalker x NB!Reader Fate: (1) : the will or principle or determining cause by which things in general are believed to come to be as they are or events to happen as they do, (2) an inevitable and often adverse outcome, condition, or end. Can fate—destiny—be avoided? That is the age-old question. When a unique opportunity presents itself, granting a second chance at life in exchange for trying to unravel the events leading to Anakin Skywalker's downfall, questions will be raised regarding accountability, compassion, metal health, and destiny. Can Anakin be saved from himself? Or was he always destined to bring ruin to the Galaxy? Chapter One:  Maybe I'm Alive Cuz I Really Didn't Wanna Die