crypticspyder

[crypticspyder]

[crypticspyder]

when did bunlith's waist get more snatched than a baby from a crib 🫣🏖

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Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree was released a year ago.

This DLC was what finally got me into Elden Ring. Can't even fathom to describe the artistic impact this game had on me, one of my biggest inspirations so far. Here are some selected artworks on the occasion!

prints ✦ more art on patreon

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Wish I was a late bronze age girl

I would have my homeland invaded by the sea peoples. I would be lain siege to by the sea peoples. My cities would be sacked by the sea peoples. I would make bronze tools and pottery. My shores would be invaded by the mysterious sea peoples. I would be mustering my armies to fend off the sea peoples.

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the joy of creation :3 !! (anything worth doing is worth doing badly)

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I'm not going to bother reading the article to find out if this actually works or if anyone is actually trying it. I'm just happy we as a society are showing proper reverence for Orbs.

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Sometimes it feels like you've lived your whole life in a house that's always a little bit on fire. Like it's usually just in one room and you make sure to wet the walls around it so it doesn't spread and that usually works. You were expected to take more responsibility over fire containment when you were like seven because it's not like you can expect your parents to always be 100% on guard about making sure the whole house doesn't catch fire, and you figure that's just how things are like.

And sometimes as a kid you visit your friends' homes and some of then whisper to you - grimacing with embarrassment - about how they're not supposed to tell anyone this, but there's a whole room in their house that's currently on fire. And you're like yeah it's ok I'm not supposed to tell people about the way our house is a little bit on fire all the time, too. And then you visit some other friend's house and there's no trace of fire anywhere, and you think "wow, these people are really good at hiding their house fire."

And one day you show up to work like "hey sorry I'm late, I forgot to wet the walls before going to bed last night and my whole house burned down", and you're startled by the way people react, acting like that must be the worst thing that has ever happened to you. And you're just like "chill, it's been years since the last time this happened, and it wasn't even that bad this time", and that just makes people more shocked, acting like that's the weirdest and most concerning thing they've ever heard anyone say, which only confuses you more.

And then someone tries to explain to you that people aren't supposed to have an ongoing house fire. Most people actually never experience a house fire in their lives. Like not even once. Not even a little bit. The normal amount of having your house be currently on fire is zero.

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Excerpt from Marshall Othala-Haegl 1-12's datalogs, translated into standard Gothic narrative format by Lexmechanic Edda:

"Did you know that I was programmed to never be taken alive?"

It's a simple question, made alarming by the casual way the prisoner brought it up. Her hands were bound, her weapons had been removed, and scans had revealed her body to be almost entirely mechanical— there was nothing that would imply she was capable of self destruction, either. The T'au guarding her exchanged worried glances, while the odd Skitarii Marshall continued to speak.

"Every mission I am sent on is, by default, a suicide run. A lone Skitarius, sent to the heart of a T'au encampment? It makes you wonder why I surrendered. It makes you wonder why I'm telling you all of this."

"Shut up." A rifle butt meets the side of her head, but Othala ignores the order.

"Have you ever been gassed?" She continues. "I have. I have felt what little organic flesh I have twitch and spasm as my lungs rotted from the inside. I know what it feels like to cough up parts of your organs while your eyes cloud over as acid eats away at your corneas."

"Your mind games won't work on us."

"What mind games?" Othala asked, looking up. "I'm just making conversation."

"Are you trying to get shot?"

"Oh! Yes!" Othala can't smile. The metal of her face doesn't allow it. But she visibly brightens. "I'm glad you caught on. What's coming next is incredibly unpleasant, and I'd rather not be alive for it. Nothing personal, of course. Magos Verthandi just... requires your equipment. Aaany minute now."

An alarm blares, and Othala lunges for the nearest guard. The gun goes off and she collapses in a heap, smoke pouring from a clean shot to her optic, vitals flatlining while coughing starts in the room over.

Othala sits up and checks her chronometer. It's only about 30 minutes later, but her body had to reconstruct some delicate structures, so she only makes a mental note of the time it took for Verthandi's records. The air around her is still thick with gas, so she pulls a respirator up before taking her first breath.

Othala walks out of the room, humming an old Krieger song she isn't sure why she knows, and calls the Novite fleet above. The mission was a success.

(Originally written in discord dms, unedited)

[crypticspyder]

[crypticspyder]

yeah... this feels extra potent given current events. wow

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When I am appointed to represent a child, my first action is to separate them from their parents and tell them the following things:

1. I am their attorney. I do not work for their parent or the judge or the cops. I don’t care what any of those people want.

2. My job is to listen to them and try and make what they want happen in court. (At this point I make a joke about how most people want me to get them out of trouble but if someone wanted to be in trouble I would do my best.)

3. What they tell me is confidential. It goes nowhere unless they agree to it. (If old enough, I talk to them about mandatory reporters, and how I’m a mandatory non reporter.)

4. I will give them lots of advice because I’ve been doing court for a while and I know a lot about it, and they don’t. It’s all really complicated, and if they don’t understand what’s happening it’s my job to help them figure it out.

5. They will make the decisions. (At this point I usually have to reassure them that I’ll help, I’ll speak for them in front of the judge, and I’ve got their back. It’s scary to have an adult say you’re in charge, most of the time.)

6. I tell them I know it’s absolutely wild to have some stranger come in here and say “hey, you can trust me!” and that I get if they don’t believe everything right away, because I plan to show them through my actions and my words that I’ll fight for them.

7. But nonetheless, I will treat them like a person who can make decisions, because they are living their life and I am not.

I do not:

Pretend to be cool.

Try to be their BFF.

Overwhelm them with detail.

Let their parents in the room until the kid asks for them. (I provide openings for this, and ask if the kid wants their parent to help them remember and understand.)

I want to emphasize I went into this job knowing nothing about how to interact with vulnerable populations, especially children. The training was minimal, and my role means that I can literally walk into a facility and get an unmonitored visit with a minor client one on one.

In my years of practice I have never felt threatened by a child, even one that was “violent” and “unstable.” It turns out just saying “hi, I think you’re a person with thoughts” is wildly successful? Now people treat me like I have special Child Whisperer powers. My powers are that I ask the child what’s up and I’m not scared to say things that are objectively awkward. I know nothing about anything.

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how come my dashboard smells weird

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american society has us trannies in a blue whale challenge ran on a subconscious level. the disgusted stares from strangers, unreturned emails for job applications, the constant background radiation of 'detransition and assimilate, or die". its pretty rational that we're all thinking about the big S

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Weird when you first start paying attention to animal noises and realize they don't actually sound like the words we use

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Sharing space is nothing new. Sharing bathrooms is nothing new. The reactionary outrage is so manufactured.

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Reblog to give a trans person a fresh and perfectly ripe mango wait huh

It's the wikipedia image??? How big could it be

What

Huh???