ctrltarik-blog - Tumblr blog

[ctrltarik-blog]

really ?? that.. doesn’t make me feel very good about myself, eden, geez. yeah ?? does my face make you sexually frustrated, eden, is that it ?? what gave it away ?? the fact that i admitted to people not liking me or me calling myself an asshole ??  oh, come on, the new regime in france started the french revolution, didn’t it ?? well i want you to eat it alone, if you love it so much.

you know, i think it may be your face that frustrates everyone. whether that be sexually or in the true meaning of the term. i sense a lot of self-negativity in that sentence and i don’t like it one bit. i don’t know what you are talking about, quite frankly. france? clueless. you are. it’s a condiment, it’s meant to go on things. not eaten alone.

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you would lick mayonnaise off my socks ?? is that what you’re saying, beatles ??

i would’ve licked it off.

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group chat ; everyone

kai: ......... who took a shit and didn't clean the toilet

tarik: do people really have to clean the toilet after every time they poop ??

tarik: anywaY my money is on eden tbh

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i think everyone. people just try to tolerate me because of my face, remember ?? but they actually don’t really like me because i’m an asshole. it reminds me of the old france ways with the new regime and shit. am i though ?? i’ll buy a bucket of mayo just for you, and i wanna watch you eat spoonfuls of it.

who else besides me have you been frustrating? regime sounds like a better word for it, you know i have to be right on this one. you’re missing out. more for me.

[ctrltarik-blog]

i found out that when i’m alone, there’s less of a chance of getting annoyed or pissing people off. so yeah, it’s a better system, or regime, whatever you said. mayo is disgusting and is a sad excuse for a condiment.

why were you eating in the park by yourself? is that your new stress-free regime? plus, mayo is a great addition to any sandwich. i’m ashamed of you.

[ctrltarik-blog]

it was, yeah. it was in my hair and some of it got in my shoes.

sounds disgusting.

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text >>> tarki

lennon: yeah i'd think that if i wasn't at a gay bar :((

lennon: god he just had big dick written all over him and iwanted that so badly

tarik: ... oh :/

tarik: maybe he's into old dudes with wrinkly balls idk

tarik: aw poor lennon :~( it'll be ok AY there are many gay fish in the sea !!

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so earlier today, i was eating lunch in the park because it was a sunny day, why not ?? and this six year old boy approached me and started making conversation about meaningless things. and then all of the sudden, i am being bombarded with water balloons full of mayonnaise, and i realized i have been pranked by a six year old and his buddies. and the last thing i heard him say before running off was “ that’s what you get for eating in the park by yourself, loser !! “ first of all, i fuckin’ hate mayo, so i was gagging all the way home, covered in this shit, and second of all, how the fuck did those little kids get the mayonnaise inside the balloons in the first place ?? also may i add, i am no loser. but i may still cry about it. it is just not my week. fuckin’ mayo, of all things. mayo. i have found a new reason to hate kids.

[ctrltarik-blog]

you know what, tarim ?? perhaps we’ll never really understand each others lives, we were split up and there’s nothing we can do about it now. i know you want to blame me, but i had my own problems, and i didn’t care about anyone, frankly. i only cared about what my father allowed me to care about. and i’ve lost not only you and mom, but i’ve lost myself along the way. you say imagine living with someone dad royally fucked up, but i am someone he’s royally fucked up. i’m not as bad as mom, and hopefully i never will be, but i’ll never be the same, and i never got to enjoy the things you got to, and i know things with mom were shit, but at least you got to have some sort of escape, tarim. but i would still prefer it be me over you any day. i did do you one favor, tarim, because at least you know enough about yourself to fill out a stupid bucket list. i hardly know anything about myself other than what dad has made of me. but, whatever, i don’t want wanna talk about it anymore. have fun with ocean, tarim.

you have the ability to not want to hear anything from anyone. how was i supposed to know you are unreasonably possessive over your friends? i expected you to be more lighthearted about the situation but say one wrong thing and you explode like a ticking time bomb. i don’t expect shit from you. growing up, all i expected was you at the very least but even that was too much to ask for. it doesn’t matter if you had a choice or not, the point is in the effort. fuck off, tarik, it’s not a competition. i get that you had it hard but you’re not the only one. you think mom is this fucking angel from heaven and she’s not. she’s sick, she always has been. she doesn’t know how to care for anyone, not even herself. it wasn’t flawless having to take care of someone who loathed you for trying to get them help. it wasn’t flawless trying to learn how to take care of myself and someone whose mindset is all sorts of fucked up; imagine living with someone who dad already royally fucked up. i know you had it bad, fuck, i guarantee had it worst, but no matter what you did, you weren’t doing me     us any favors. 

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first of all, you are tiny. less than half the size of the bed, so we are fine. second of all, i’ll keep them to myself, i swear.

first of all, they are tiny. second of all, you have wandering hands and i don’t trust them.

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what’s wrong with us sharing a bed ??

hush. i don’t think ocean will want you sleeping on her bed, though. so i can sleep on her bed and you can have mine. just don’t do anything weird on it.

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i know, but i obviously don’t want to hear about it, tarim. and you can’t just fuckin’ drop it, can you ?? why the hell would you need to know ?? you think teasing me about wanting to fuck her is gonna get any answers out of me ?? you’re fucked up, honestly. that’s what i was fuckin’ taught, tarim, what do you want from me ?? after all these years you want this brotherly bond where i tell you all of my problems ?? yeah, as if i had a fucking choice on that matter. i didn’t leave mom, i was practically taken away from her. i wish i could have stayed with you and mom, fuck, don’t you get that ?? your life is fucking flawless compared to mine, tarim. i took all the shit from dad so you didn’t fucking have to. so fuck off with that i never made an effort shit. you really think dad would ever let me see you guys ?? he worked me like a dog, day and night until i nearly forgot how to be human, tarim. so don’t sit there and tell me how i wasn’t around because i fucking know that, but i had no fucking choice. 

a hot girl that i had a crush on way back when. what about lions? lions are sassy. hell, even pugs are sassy when they want to be. okay, what judges are we talking about? i didn’t go into complete detail, i just said a plus. worse than you, isn’t that something new? i’m not trying to find a reason to fuck her, tarik, i’m trying to figure out why you are so damn defensive about her and the whole damn situation, in all honesty. i know all that you’ll let me know. you’re so fucking wound up in yourself, you’re the only person you let in. you don’t even know half of the shit that i went through trying to take care of mom because you were never around. you get that? i was, you weren’t. even if that is how i spent my nights, you wouldn’t understand. and you never will because you still don’t make an effort. so fuck off with your advice, mate, i’m not the one who needs it.

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alright, fine, i’ll come over, stop hassling me.

why? and do you expect me to sleep on the floor? i’ll have you know there is an extra bed in my room for the night, you can sleep in it if you’re desperate for a sleepover. 

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hm, how about you spend the night with me tonight, yeah ?? 

then smile.

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i can’t believe you remember which movie it is by some girl’s hair. because mule’s are cool and sassy. two, i think. sorry, you don’t get to decide. it’s up to the judges. yeah, but i’m not gonna sit here and have my brother tell me what her body is like, so fuck off. i swear to god, you’re worse than i am, tarim. i don’t know, why does it matter ?? if you really want to find a reason to fuck eden, then go ahead. there’s no fucking way she would ever allow it to happen, first of all, and second of all, if you do, just know you’ll then be a pretty shit brother. shut the fuck up, tarim. you’d like to think you know shit about me, but you haven’t known anything about who i am since we were ten years old. so shove it. but i guess we wouldn’t be so apart, would we ?? lemme guess how you spend your nights while mom wasn’t well. you probably went out, finding many woman to fuck and never acknowledge again. like you will do with ocean. little word of advice, never fuck a friend. it’ll only lead to destruction, especially for you.

oh yeah, that was the first one. i only remember because vanessa had long hair. what a babe. any other animal can have no worries or no bills to pay. i’m so perplexed on your reasoning for a mule. by two minutes. twelve? same thing. there will be no walking of the plank, sorry, bro. you can’t tell me you’re not the least bit curious. have a bit of a laugh, your uptight nature is bringing me down. but if i didn’t? what would the situation be, then? oh, come on, now. don’t blame your lack of control on me, destruction is in your nature, tarik. either you’re attracted to it or it’s attracted to you, but you’ve always had trouble keeping things right. 

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i think it was the first one. because the second one takes place during summer time. and the status quo song is in a cafeteria. i have every reason to be a mule. mule’s have no worries. no bills to be paid. what a wonderful life. hey, don’t tell me to shut up, i’m older than you. it’s true, though, we have to board a ship and make you walk a plank, it’s the ritual. shut up, tarim, you know i don’t like hearing shit like that. you’re such a dick sometimes, yeah ?? i don’t want ocean, nothing’s appealing to me about sloppy seconds anyway if you already got to her. because you never make things easy to ignore.

i thought that was from the second one. was it the first one? it may have been the first one. there is no reason to be a mule, shut up. first we need to board a ship, shut the fuck up. i wish i didn’t feel bad when i punch you because i would do it for that comment alone. it was an accident but just in case you were wondering, a plus on every subject. you’re right, being friends with benefits is better. oh no, i did. if you want ocean, i want eden. it’s how the world works, brother. you could have easily ignored me. why didn’t you?

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right, well, sorry.

no, well     sometimes, yes. more frustrated than anything.