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The moment you actually start thinking about suicide again after being okay is so painful

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every year i reach new lows and wish i killed myself earlier

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crashing out like crazy bro

anxiety is on the verge of driving me actually insane oh my god like wtf. leaving the house feels like being watched by everyone and judged and i get the thought that people r following me/have violent intentions towards me and it’s SO FKN SCARY

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thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

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Sometimes you need to sleep, sleep a lot. Not to escape, but to rest your soul from your feelings. Because everything, absolutely everything devours you. Completely.

—Brain

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disgusting filthy girl. cant take care of urself can u? everyone can smell it on u. everyone knows.

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I don't want to wake up tomorrow morning

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i hope this is my last year

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what did i do that made u stop loving me? how can i fix it? i’ve tried so many times to fix it? what am i doing wrong? please god just tell me how to fix it?

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i’m actually so fuckign done

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i don’t want to live like this. i only exist at this point. all i do is distract my mind so i don’t kill myself

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sometimes i wish id die in a freak accident because im too cowardly to do it myself

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