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cursedcatchild · 4 days ago

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What D.I.D I Do Wrong? - Short: Therapy and Trauma

(see the end for notes)

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~One Year Post Krang Invasion~

"How long were you in the prison dimension?"

Leo shifted uncomfortably in his chair, shooting his eyes down and gripping the armrests a little tighter. He gave the cushioned couch in his yokai therapist's office a quick glance - wishing he had chosen to sit there instead when he first arrived because he could have cuddled into one of the pillows for comfort and hidden away a little bit behind it.

But he hadn't chosen that spot.

Why not?

Oh. Right. Orado had taken over the moment Jocelyn - Leo's skunk yokai therapist - opened the door and greeted him with her usual warm, grinning face.

As if he was in a robotic body and someone else had taken the controls, Leo had watched through his own eyes while Orado confidently walked into the office and promptly sat his turtle bum in the chair because it was the most defensible position out of the choice between the couch and the chair.

Orado - a dominate aspect of Leo's shattered personality - took control and picked to be in the best position possible to protect Leo.

Because apparently that was the sort of thing that happened to a person who was raised by an emotionally neglectful parent and later suffered through a series of traumatic events that triggered the symptoms of dissociative identity disorder.

Leo kept his eyes down, visibly curling in on himself and looking at the cuff to his hoodie sleeve as he picked at it.

"Who am I talking with now?" Jocelyn kindly asked him.

Boo.

Self conscious, insecure, passive, fearful little Boo, who felt like a manifestation of Leo as a child inside his teenage turtle mind.

There was no doubt in Leo's fractured mind that Boo was sitting up front with him right now - likely because some other aspect of his personality shoved him there to be a support because Boo never presented himself voluntarily unless he felt they were in a safe environment.

The thought of having to answer the first question Jocelyn asked (about the prison dimension) made Leo curl in on himself a little more - wishing he could shrink down into the size of the ink blot stained on his well-worn blue comfort hoodie and make himself all but disappear.

"Uh . . . I'm ah..."

He picked at his sleeve cuff some more, poking and pinching the wet spot from when his Cleo persona had been anxiously chewing on it in the waiting room, and told her: "I'm Leo, but Boo's here too."

"Thank you for telling me, Leo. I know that Boo likes to be heard, do you think I can ask him a question?"

"Mm hmm," Leo hummed in reply, nodding his head but keeping it pointed down with his eyes on the sleeve of his hoodie.

"I'm glad you're with us Boo, I have a question for you."

Jocelyn's voice took on a slightly high-pitched intonation as though she really was talking to a little child - all without losing the kindness and empathy she used that drew Leo to her in the first place (and helped him decide to stick with her after unsuccessfully going through five psychologists prior).

"Can you tell me about the bad place? Do you remember it?" Jocelyn asked, substituting the words 'prison dimension' with 'bad place' for Boo's sake.

Boo sniffled.

Cleo shared the front with them.

Leo closed his eyes to shut out the visual stimuli that was adding to his mounting fear because of how easily Cleo was overstimulated by lights and movements, and how the child-like Boo aspect of his personality was of the mindset that seeing meant being seen - aka not seeing meant not being seen.

And Leo slunk back a little into his mindscape.

This time when he spoke, the slider's voice came out sounding a little more high-pitched and childish because his fear was mounting, so he asked Boo to take the lead in talking - giving Leo a glass wall of sorts to hide behind.

"Yeah, I was there, I remember-WHAT did you DO to him!?"

Taking control of Leo's body Orado stood him on his feet, fists clenched and staring down Leo's therapist like he was a proud, mighty samurai staring down the enemy on the battle line.

Jocelyn tensed a little - not from anger but worry, not knowing exactly which personality was in the front right now but being aware that only Leo's dominate personas had the capacity to take control like that, and that one of Leo's two dominate personalities had the potential to explode in uncontrolled, violent outbursts.

That tension became slightly evident in her tone of voice when she asked: "Who in control now?"

Narrowing his eyes in anger, Orado answered: "Wouldn't you like to know."

Jocelyn breathed a sigh of relief because she knew now that she was talking to Orado and not the potentially explosive and wildly unpredictable Cleo.

But that also came with its own set of challenges because Orado firmly refused to share any information he believed could potentially threaten the person he swore to protect above all others - that person being Leo.

And in Orado's eyes Jocelyn was a stranger, an outsider to their family, so that made her more than someone to be distrustful of - it made her the enemy.

Orado pushed Leo from the mindscape where he was hiding into the back of his subconscious where he was the safest, so he wouldn't be present for this potentially triggering conversation. Meaning that once he was given back control of himself, Leo would have absolutely no memory of events that occured from the moment Orado pushed him away to whenever he decided it was safe to relinquish his control.

From Leo's perspective, no matter how much time passed in reality it would be nothing more than a split second flash of time - as though he had been teleported into the future in the blink of an eye.

Crossing his stiff arms and standing tall and erect in a way that showed off his confidence, Orado firmly demanded of Leo's psychologist:

"I turned my back for three seconds..."

He paused for emphasis and to glare at her.

"And when I come back Leo's hiding behind Boo because you," he thrust a hand out to point a finger at her before folding it back with the other flush to his chest, "...triggered him. A-gain."

Leo's therapist had years of experience helping patients who suffer from dissociative identity disorder, so her response - as always - was just as kind and gentle as the smile on her face.

"You are doing a good job protecting Leonardo."

"Lee-o, he's not Leonardo," Oredo corrected, indicating 'Leonardo' was a new budding distinct personality taking shape inside Leo's shattered mind - but relaxing his tone of voice slightly because he was arrogant and felt deserving of praise.

"Ah."

Jocelyn wrote something down in her notebook, commenting as she did so: "There's seven personalities inside Leo's mind now?"

"Eight. Get it right and learn to pay attention," Orado snapped with an angry scowl.

"My mistake," came the calm, gentle reply.

Orado looked her up and down condescendingly, keeping his stiff composure and scowl on his face as he watched her carefully for any sign that her presence might in some way pose a threat to the whole of him.

That 'whole' being Leo, who had hidden away in the dissociative void the moment Orado took control and pushed him to the far back of his subconscious.

Then, just as abruptly as Orado first presented himself Leo's body language shifted - relaxing but still standing confidently and uncrossing his arms to rest his hands on his hips - as Orado stepped aside to let another persona by the name of Leon take control on Leo's left side, while Cleo watched through his right eye.

In a smug, condescending tone of voice, Leon told Jocelyn: "If you wanna ask any of your silly little questions hurry up and get them over with cuz Leo's in the void and like the loser he is he's dragging me down."

Jocelyn knew from personal experience that when Leo went into what was referred to as 'the void' there was the risk of him dragging down all the other personalities with him, leaving him in a catatonic state for anywhere from minutes to hours - sometimes days at a time.

She also knew that both Orado and Leon were factual, blunt, and to the point, so if either one of them were going to answer any questions at all they had to be simple, straight-forward, and to the point without any of the fluff thrown in often referred to as 'pleasantries' or 'polite conversation'. So overlooking Leon's dig at the person who he was really a part of, she commented:

"According to the mystic scans we performed, Leo aged ten months in the time frame his brothers aged two, indicating he was in the prison dimension for eight months."

"Give her a cookie, she can do simple math," Leon replied as his sarcastic way of saying she was right.

Since Leo had already dipped into the void, Leon knew there was no time left for him to have a little 'fun' while the main person was away, so without another word he slipped back into the mindscape and let himself succumb to the void as well, and Orado took his place. Which was indicated by Leo's shift in body language - going back to tensing his body and crossing his arms. But when he opened his mouth to say something he too was pulled under - along Cleo and the rest of Leo's internal personalities - leaving one alone in his conscious mindscape.

Once again Leo's body language abruptly shifted as the kind-hearted Penelope took the front. His entire body language softened, she uncrossed his arms, and even offered a small smile to the one who was helping her dear Leo come to terms with the terrible atrocities he had to suffer through that led all of this happening to him.

"I need to sit," Penelope told Jocelyn in a soft, tender tone of voice that took on a slightly feminine tone - as much as Leo's vocal cords would allow - because this personality took on a female persona.

She was also a manifestation of all that was kind and good inside of Leo.

His empathy

tender compassion

love

kindness

and loyalty

all rolled into one gentle person.

Penelope sat hunched over a little with Leo's elbow on the arm of the chair, his hand covering his forehead and part of his face, and his head down with his eyes closed.

She also tugged on the bottom of Leo's blue hoodie to cover his legs a little more because she was by far the most modest of the bunch and didn't like that Leo (and his other personalities) chose to wear a much-too-short (in her opinion) pair of black shorts that didn't in any way cover his legs and also didn't as much as come down below the bottom lip of his shell - meaning it looked to others like he wasn't wearing anything at all below the waist.

"Who do I have now?" Jocelyn sweetly inquired.

"Pe . . .nelope, but..."

Penelope groaned, fighting against the pull dragging her under with Leo and the rest of his shattered mind.

"I'm . . . slipping . . . into the void. Mmmn . . . I don't have much time left."

Jocelyn tried to help by giving Penelope quiet to focus her thoughts on staying in the front of Leo's mind, hopeful she would be able to pull Leo out of the void - or at least to the edge of it so they didn't all go catatonic. But once this persona realized that would be impossible, she mustered her mental energy to ask: "Is Leo here alone?"

Not that she didn't remember Raph accompanied Leo to this appointment, but she wasn't sure if he was still there in the waiting room.

"Raphael came as well, he told me he'll stay in the waiting room until Leo's done," Jocelyn reassured.

"Good," came the one-word reply - but only because she didn't have the mental energy she needed to tack her usual 'thank you' on to the end.

At that confirmation that Leo would be cared for externally by his big brother - that he would be safe away from home without someone taking the lead inside his mind - Penelope gave in to the pull dragging her under into the void.

And everything went dark.

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Leo didn't know how long he had gone catatonic this time, the only frame of reference he had was that the familiar smell of freshly cooked eggs and bacon helped to rouse him back from the void, and that he was sitting at the kitchen table when he regained awareness, blinking the world into focus.

And there in front of him was a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, and hashbrowns.

The conversation abruptly hushed when Leo's family realized he was mentally there with them now, and after blinking away the hazy fog around his vision he gazed around at his family - his three turtle brothers and honorary human brother - who were one and all sitting with him at the table, each of them with a plate full of similar breakfast items, indicating their meal had just begun.

Pushing through the dazed confusion and grogginess of leaving the void, Leo came to realize they were eating breakfast, which meant they were either having one of their rare breakfast-for-supper evening meals or he had succumb to the void for the better part of a day and into the night.

"Good, you're awake I won't have to tube feed you now," was the first bland greeting he received from his family - that being his factually-minded twin Donnie who himself dealt with stress by hiding behind a facade of scientific data collecting and who at the moment was clicking on his wrist tech, inputting the time his traumatized brother mentally returned from his dissociative state of mental inactivity to add to the list.

Leo instantly felt self-conscious from that callous comment and Mikey roughly elbowed Donnie for his rude remark, prompting the softshell to stare at him while shrugging his shoulders and miming the word 'what' because he didn't understand what he did wrong.

That whole interaction combined by the uncomfortableness of being under eight sets of eyes made Cleo protectively rise to the surface.

Cleo being the most insecure, flighty aspect of Leo's personality who was basically a personification of his fears, anxieties, and intense emotions all rolled into one.

The one who was also super sensitive to lights, sounds, movements - any sensory input Leo's brain had to process.

She was also the one who felt every residual crack in Leo's shell from Krang Prime's murderous attacks, who felt the acid rise in Leo's throat from the anxiety and pain of too many eyes, too bright lights, too many scents, too much movement too much toomuchTOOMUCH!!!

And just to help tip him over the edge, Leo was at the breakfast table wearing his black shorts and nothing else.

Shorts!?

Leo wore his pyjamas to the breakfast table!

His pyjamas! Not his shorts!!!

He wore his pyjamas because he was supposed to wake up, scroll through short videos in bed on his phone, eat breaky with his fam, and then change after he showered - after breaky!

They all knew that! (Or if they didn't they should have!!)

But judging by the clean sense to his skin and the faint scent of Leo's raspberry body wash, someone had showered him during his catatonic state not too long ago.

"Where's my pyjamas?"

The shy voice coming out sounding like a barely audible whisper stopped the conversation that was directed his way but had faded into the background in Leo's mind because of the internal torment he was currently dealing with.

With a big, toothy, nervous grin Raph asked his little brother: "Whaaat was that buddy?"

Leo - or rather Cleo - snapped his head up to glare at Raph.

"My pyjamas my pyjamas WHERE ARE MY PYJAMAS!!?"

Everybody tensed at that sudden outburst, worried the food, dishes, anything within reach was about to go flying.

Donnie pulled his plate closer and protectively shielded it from his unpredictable brother with his arm before stuffing food in his face as quickly as possible before Leo inevitably turned violent and smashed every plate, glass, and mug on the table.

"Uhhh, you showered and..." "NONONONOOOOO!!!"

Cleo grasped the sides of Leo's head so tightly his nails were digging in, threatening to draw blood.

"We shower AFTER breakfast! AFTER!!! HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THAT YET!!!" Cleo screamed at Raph, with Leo's voice sounding hoarse as she gave him a sore throat from the intensity and volume of her words.

"I'll get them for you!" Mikey instantly offered. He jumped up to zip out of the room and Leo sat back in his chair, lowered his hands, blinked a few times in quick succession, and then looked in shock at his family who were all staring at him expectantly with their mouths agape and their eyes wide open.

"What did I do wrong?" Leo asked them fearfully, having no memory of the past few minutes when Cleo was in control that ended by Mikey doing the simple but significant task of offering to fix this whole mental breakdown by getting Leo's pjs for him.

The only thing he knew was that he blinked into awareness from the void, looked down at himself to see that he wasn't wearing his pyjamas, and then the next thing he knew his family were all staring at him like they had seen a ghost.

Raph was about to reassure him that he didn't do anything wrong (this time), but when he reached a hand out to rest it on top of his brother's Leo pulled away, jumped to his feet, blurted out: "I don't wanna know," and high-tailed it to his room - ignoring Mikey along the way who was heading back to the kitchen carrying his stripped blue pyjamas for some reason.

Mikey said something to him on his way past - or at least Leo thought he said something to him, his little brother might have been taking to himself, he wasn't paying attention. Instead he ran into his bedroom and slammed the door shut behind him - the one he asked Donnie to install sometime after the invasion in place of the blue curtain he previously had for a door, so he could be afforded more privacy when he needed it.

Leo proceeded to hide away in his room for the rest of that day, doom scrolling on his phone and hiding under his blankets any time anyone came in - not even leaving to eat, so Mikey kindly brought his meals to him.

Again.

Because this wasn't an uncommon occurrence for the traumatized turtle whose life had been completely turned upside down and who just wanted to be normal again.

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Notes:

There's more background info on Leo's alternate personalities you can find in the masterpost linked below.

I don't know if I'm ever going to write a full au based on Leo having dissociative identity disorder, as of now the plan is to post a few short stories here on tumblr as I write them 💚🐢

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🔹What D.I.D I Do Wrong? Masterpost

🔹My Main Masterpost

#reblogging so I don't loose this #I tend to loose stuff here XD #rottmnt fic #it ain't mine tho #not this time

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