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I was talking to someone who was diagnosed with ASPD, they use the term sociopath, and I realized talking to them that I don’t experience empathy either.

I have never experienced empathy.

I thought I did, because I didn’t think people actually felt what someone else was feeling, I thought it was hyperbole.

When people are upset around me, and they are a person I have deemed a friend, I feel negative when they are upset, but I’m upset because now I have to interact with them differently because they are upset and that’s just more work and false sincerity for me.

But I didn’t realize that was why I felt negative. I’m not that in touch with my emotions 😭.

And I show compassion. Albeit it comes from a selfish place because I want you to be normal again faster, but people can’t tell the difference.

I know for many people with ASPD, they developed it from a young age due to repeated childhood trauma.

But I had a good childhood.

So I wonder what this means for me.

Should I seek treatment? A therapist?

Does this make me a psychopath (which I know is a dated term but for simplicity sake)?

I want to make clear that I’m looking for a little direction, as there is a lot of stigma around having no empathy.

I don’t feel shame or anything in particular about having no empathy, it’s just how I live, and I accepted it immediately.

Should I seek a diagnosis? Is that beneficial for me?

I have a very good social mask, so I can function very well, as tiring as it is.

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Young Tom Welling why so pretty!!!

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Update on second semester

How am I doing worse?

I’ve made new friends, two I think will be keepers forever but we’ll see.

Situationship became a hater so I guess I got that going for me

He slept with my friend then got mad at me, for some reason.

I was on the news for the Dublin portal today.

Going good :))

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After finishing my first semester of college I have:

Made an enemy

Had a situation-ship

Got told I might be bipolar

And making new friends!

I also made the deans list or whatever.

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Me putting my characters in increasingly more fucked up situations that get worse and worse until eventually the plot has completely changed.

Writing!

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People say cats pretend they aren’t clingy and love you, but my cat meows his squeaky little meow every time I enter a room that he’s in and purrs when I’m next to him. Excuse me I’m gonna go cry now because this baby boy loves me so much.

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I hate having physical touch as my love language because when they aren’t there it’s just :(((((

I MISS MY BOI

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Lol people out here getting emotionally attached and feeling the existential dread of time passing and life moving forward.

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Started watching supernatural, I’m excited! Can’t wait to see whatever got people obsessed with this show for 15 years…

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Amasawa Seiji <3

Thats the post.

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I hope my enemies become nothing more than a forgotten memory. Because I refuse to give them the satisfaction of having affected me deeply. Because whether you hate or love someone, it means you care. And I want my enemies to know that I don’t care enough about them to even remember them in a couple of years.

Their names will mean nothing, they will not elicit any reaction. And then I would have won.

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Man, why are people so fucking opaque. I’m not a mind reader. I can assume as much as I want, and somehow I always get it wrong.

Sigh.

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1984 is a comedy.

I will elaborate only when asked to.

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I hope aliens aren’t evil, I really don’t want them to colonize and enslave or wipe out humanity.

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Seeing photos of your parents past is such an experience.

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If I am diagnosed, or maybe I should start saying when, with some flavor of neurodivergence, what happens?

I’m past the point where I need accommodations, I’ve learned what works and what doesn’t for me. Those who chose to stay around me look past my strangeness.

Is having a label for the constant uncomfortableness I feel going to be worth the money and time if virtually nothing changes in my day to day?

Do I just get the right to say I have something?

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Someone asked today how I see religion because I was raised atheist.

And I said, the same way everyone else views Mormonism.

You don’t really get it, the ideas seem a little strange and hard to believe, and I’m aware people believe in it wholeheartedly.

That’s how I view all religions.