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i don’t trust men who are unable to maintain platonic relationships with women.
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Animals Dropping the Hottest Albums of the Year (via Star-spangled-Banner)
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Puppy: ”See, I told you we’d both fit on here comfortably.” 🔊
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Mon dessin ne représentait pas un chapeau. Il représentait un serpent boa qui digérait un im gay
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Conversation
Great Leaping Slugs!
Beth: [age 9] "...so I was walking through the woods and saw this really cool leaf, and when I picked it up, this slug leaped out at me, and..."
Me: "A slug /leaped/ out at you?"
Beth: "Yes."
Me: "I don't think I've ever seen a leaping slug."
Beth: "OK, OK, it didn't really leap."
Me: "It sounds like something a Dickens character might say: 'Great leaping slugs! Have you ever seen such a leaf?!'"
Beth: "I think it actually just fell out of the tree."
Me: "Oh great, now we have flying slugs?!"
Beth: "I don't think it was flying."
Me: "Did you check for wings?"
Beth: "Don't be gross! I don't pick up slugs! Besides, Tommy at school says if you step on a slug, they explode into yellow slime."
Me: "Well, they don't really explode, but they do squish into a gross, slimy yellow puddle."
Beth: "Really?"
Me: "Yeah, really. And I hope there aren't leaping winged exploding slugs, or else life on earth is about to get a lot more interesting."
Beth: "Maybe I should start wearing armor when I walk through the woods."
Me: "At least goggles and a haz-mat suit."
Beth: "You can never be too careful when it comes to slugs."
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Conversation
tarot cards: says something i don't want to hear but absolutely need to hear
me: "oops gotta try again later i guess"
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