cuttlerykingdoms

[cuttlerykingdoms]

Spoon: Oh please you wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Knife: You’re right. A fly is an innocent creature who never knowingly did anything to anybody.

Knife: You however, I would maim.

[cuttlerykingdoms]

Spoon: You’re my rock.

Knife: And you’re my roll.

[cuttlerykingdoms]

Fork Working in a Restaurant

Spoon: Hello, do you serve happy meals?

Fork: The only true happiness comes in death.

Spoon: .....oh.

[cuttlerykingdoms]

On Knife’s B-Day

Fork: I invited everyone in Knife’s contacts but most of them said they wouldn’t come, because Knife had had sex with their boyfriend

Fork: Or their dad

Fork: Or their boyfriend and their dad.

[cuttlerykingdoms]

Knife: You bitches better watch the way that you’re talking

Knife: Because I got no problem fucking your dads and breaking up your family.

[cuttlerykingdoms]

Spoon: Let’s say grace.

Spoon: Dear God, thank you for the food, thank you for my family,

Spoon: and if you let us lose the battle tonight, I swear to your son Jesus Christ, I will personally go up there and rip your fucking balls off! Amen.

Knife: Amen. That was my kind of grace! A little bit of thanks, and a whole lot of thinly veiled threats.

[cuttlerykingdoms]

Spoon: Hey Baroness!!!

Knife: God fucking damn it- Hey King!

Spoon: Hey, did you know Knife and kick both start with ‘K’?

Knife: ...yes?

*Spoon kicks Knife in the shin*

*Knife doubles over not in pain, but with laughter*

Knife: Fool! I’m wearing metal plating under my leggings. If I’m within a 5 mile radius of you I wear armor, you know that!

*Knife stops laughing for a moment and smiles*

Knife: Thanks though. I needed the laugh.

[cuttlerykingdoms]

Spoon: I think Fork might be a vampire.

Spoon: She’s drinking that guy’s blood.

Knife:Hmmm... an interesting practice for a ruler... perhaps I can use this to my advantage

Spoon: I think not. Dabbling in vampirism will only lead to a revolt of your citizens. Trust me.

Knife: I meant I was going to blackmail her! And what the fuck, Spoon!

Spoon:Well, with you I never know!

Knife:....

Spoon:....

Knife:Oh please, Spoon. I have some restraint.

[cuttlerykingdoms]

“I was just trying to put myself into a coma so I wouldn’t have to listen to the two of you dipshits trying to talk and breathe at the same time.”

— Fork, when asked by Knife and Spoon why she was banging her head on the wall.

[cuttlerykingdoms]

“Revenge. Fear. The merciless infliction of pain. These are my kingdoms.”

— Spoon, at some point

[cuttlerykingdoms]

*When asked why she puts up with Knife and Spoon*

Fork: I’ve been huffing paint with homeless guys behind Po’s Pizza just to feel alive.

Fork: I’ve got nothing to lose

[cuttlerykingdoms]

*Fork and Knife are spying on Spoon for blackmail*

Fork: I swear to god if this blows up in your face you better believe it, I’ll take the microphone and shove it up your ass.

[cuttlerykingdoms]

Knife: Hello King.

Spoon: Hello Baroness.

Knife: I am confused.

Spoon: This doesn’t surprise me.

Knife: I’m confused as to whether you are the leader of a Spork revolution, or just holding secret operations.

Spoon: ...

Knife: Perhaps you could clarify.

*Knife holds a microphone close to Spoon’s mouth. The microphone lets off a few sparks, and as Knife drops the microphone it explodes*

Spoon: Nice try.

Knife: *takes out a notepad and pencil* The King seems to have unknown supernatural abilities. Need more data.