cycloniic

[cycloniic]

this has been a long time coming. 

i believe it’s time for me to move on. tumblr rp, for the most part, was a good experience for me. but i don’t feel comfortable here anymore for a vast array of reasons. i almost always dread logging on anymore, and on the rare occasions that i don’t, i still feel as though i’m not getting what i used to out of this.

i wish you all well. i am sorry for any inconvenience this may cause for anyone i had ongoing threads or plots with. you can write him yourself, make him an npc, kill him off, retcon any relationships your muse(s) had with him, idc at this point.

[cycloniic]

this has been a long time coming. 

i believe it’s time for me to move on. tumblr rp, for the most part, was a good experience for me. but i don’t feel comfortable here anymore for a vast array of reasons. i almost always dread logging on anymore, and on the rare occasions that i don’t, i still feel as though i’m not getting what i used to out of this.

i wish you all well. i am sorry for any inconvenience this may cause for anyone i had ongoing threads or plots with. you can write him yourself, make him an npc, kill him off, retcon any relationships your muse(s) had with him, idc at this point.

[cycloniic]

this has been a long time coming. 

i believe it’s time for me to move on. tumblr rp, for the most part, was a good experience for me. but i don’t feel comfortable here anymore for a vast array of reasons. i almost always dread logging on anymore, and on the rare occasions that i don’t, i still feel as though i’m not getting what i used to out of this.

i wish you all well. i am sorry for any inconvenience this may cause for anyone i had ongoing threads or plots with. you can write him yourself, make him an npc, kill him off, retcon any relationships your muse(s) had with him, idc at this point.

[cycloniic]

this has been a long time coming. 

i believe it’s time for me to move on. tumblr rp, for the most part, was a good experience for me. but i don’t feel comfortable here anymore for a vast array of reasons. i almost always dread logging on anymore, and on the rare occasions that i don’t, i still feel as though i’m not getting what i used to out of this.

i wish you all well. i am sorry for any inconvenience this may cause for anyone i had ongoing threads or plots with. you can write him yourself, make him an npc, kill him off, retcon any relationships your muse(s) had with him, idc at this point.

[cycloniic]

this has been a long time coming. 

i believe it’s time for me to move on. tumblr rp, for the most part, was a good experience for me. but i don’t feel comfortable here anymore for a vast array of reasons. i almost always dread logging on anymore, and on the rare occasions that i don’t, i still feel as though i’m not getting what i used to out of this.

i wish you all well. i am sorry for any inconvenience this may cause for anyone i had ongoing threads or plots with. you can write him yourself, make him an npc, kill him off, retcon any relationships your muse(s) had with him, idc at this point.

[cycloniic]

this has been a long time coming. 

i believe it’s time for me to move on. tumblr rp, for the most part, was a good experience for me. but i don’t feel comfortable here anymore for a vast array of reasons. i almost always dread logging on anymore, and on the rare occasions that i don’t, i still feel as though i’m not getting what i used to out of this.

i wish you all well. i am sorry for any inconvenience this may cause for anyone i had ongoing threads or plots with. you can write him yourself, make him an npc, kill him off, retcon any relationships your muse(s) had with him, idc at this point.

[cycloniic]

UPDATE

i convinced my parents to split the bill with me. i will update the goal amount again.

cw – injured animal

okay so. i know there are a lot of donation pages floating around right now, but. i need help and im not afraid to ask. anything you can spare comfortably will help, even if that’s just a reblog/signal boost.

my parents have an injured cat that they refuse to take in to the vet for proper care because they dont want to pay vet bills. its not that they cant, they just wont. which is obviously fucked up beyond belief.

i cannot sit back and watch this poor innocent cat suffer any longer. there are details on the donation pages itself, but ill recap here: he has a broken leg that’s causing him tremendous pain, and hes licked the area completely raw, leaving him vulnerable to infection + im worried that since the injury occurred several days ago, he may need an amputation.

i plan to either adopt him myself, or find him a suitable home after this, because i cannot in good conscience allow him to go back to my parents’ home. they are cruel, thoughtless people, and they dont deserve to own pets if they arent going to provide for all their needs.

again, please. i know i havent been around here much, and i cant even offer anything in return, but if you can spare even a dollar, micro and i will be eternally grateful.

donation link here.

[cycloniic]

UPDATE

xrays were taken this morning, and apparently there is no break. however, while this sounds like good news, its not. micro had a dislocation severe enough to require an amputation. i updated the goal amount to reflect the expense of the amputation and xrays.

cw – injured animal

okay so. i know there are a lot of donation pages floating around right now, but. i need help and im not afraid to ask. anything you can spare comfortably will help, even if that’s just a reblog/signal boost.

my parents have an injured cat that they refuse to take in to the vet for proper care because they dont want to pay vet bills. its not that they cant, they just wont. which is obviously fucked up beyond belief.

i cannot sit back and watch this poor innocent cat suffer any longer. there are details on the donation pages itself, but ill recap here: he has a broken leg that’s causing him tremendous pain, and hes licked the area completely raw, leaving him vulnerable to infection + im worried that since the injury occurred several days ago, he may need an amputation.

i plan to either adopt him myself, or find him a suitable home after this, because i cannot in good conscience allow him to go back to my parents’ home. they are cruel, thoughtless people, and they dont deserve to own pets if they arent going to provide for all their needs.

again, please. i know i havent been around here much, and i cant even offer anything in return, but if you can spare even a dollar, micro and i will be eternally grateful.

donation link here.

[cycloniic]

cw -- injured animal

okay so. i know there are a lot of donation pages floating around right now, but. i need help and im not afraid to ask. anything you can spare comfortably will help, even if that’s just a reblog/signal boost.

my parents have an injured cat that they refuse to take in to the vet for proper care because they dont want to pay vet bills. its not that they cant, they just wont. which is obviously fucked up beyond belief.

i cannot sit back and watch this poor innocent cat suffer any longer. there are details on the donation pages itself, but ill recap here: he has a broken leg that’s causing him tremendous pain, and hes licked the area completely raw, leaving him vulnerable to infection + im worried that since the injury occurred several days ago, he may need an amputation.

i plan to either adopt him myself, or find him a suitable home after this, because i cannot in good conscience allow him to go back to my parents’ home. they are cruel, thoughtless people, and they dont deserve to own pets if they arent going to provide for all their needs.

again, please. i know i havent been around here much, and i cant even offer anything in return, but if you can spare even a dollar, micro and i will be eternally grateful.

donation link here.

[cycloniic]

i see it, and i know ive been a part of it as well. i know that my privilege as a white woman have made this less of an issue for me than it is for many poc/woc muns, especially those of you who write female/fem-aligned characters of color. i am not trying to speak over you; i simply want to amplify your message.

my first tumblr muse was t.ony sta.rk. i started his blog in september 2012, according to the archive on that blog. i gained a lot of followers--quickly. plenty of people were liking my starter calls, jumping into my inbox with ideas and ic interactions. my notifications were off the charts. in a time in which t.ony sta.rk blogs were probably most abundant, i was never short on options. i could approach just about anyone with even the shittiest idea, and expect a thread to come of it. and it felt good. i had my favorite muns, but i did try to write with just about anyone, for at least a thread or two, to see if we clicked. i did, however, give mlm ships preferential treatment. i dont think i did so knowingly, but that doesnt really matter. i was part of the problem.

my next muse was an oc (est december 2012). a young mutant runway looking for a place to belong. and that was when i first noticed it. finding people willing to write with me on her blog was difficult. i would write starters for everyone who followed me, but it was rare to have anything come of them. for a long, long time, i wondered what i was doing wrong: was she not likable or relatable enough?; why was my ‘talent’ being recognized and praised on tony, but not on luz?; was it because she was an oc?; was it because the powers i picked for her were trite, boring?; was she a dreaded “mary sue” that everyone was (and lets face it, IS STILL) so vehemently against?; or was it simply because she was a woman? i finally found a small group of muns willing to do so, and stuck to them like glue. but still, after loads of rejection, i couldnt shake the feeling that they were only interacting with me out of pity. i nearly gave up on her many, many times, preferring how i was treated on tony’s blog.

( after a while, i decided to create au (that ended up becoming its own blog, and its own canon) for an aged up version of luz. i thought maybe that would help. but it was still just the same few people who were willing interact with me--unless i brought up ns.fw headcanons or posted ns.fw askbox prompts. that was one way i was sure to gain attention, but it felt desperate and... well, gross, to rely on that--especially as a fairly sex-repulsed person--even though that luz is very in touch with her sexuality. )

as time has passed, ive amassed a lot more blogs that belong in a lot of fandoms--ocs and canon characters, both. and invariably--repeatedly--my female characters have gotten less attention and less recognition. and my woc muses get less than my white female muses. even from people who have claimed to love my writing when im writing male muses.

i love carefully crafting characters, especially women; giving them depth; learning them as i go, and the research i put into them; putting a little bit of myself in them. but i get so discouraged when they’re not well received, and cowardly, i give up. i stop fighting, and i return to writing what’s well-received; male characters. but that’s not the message i want to send.

i like to think i’ve gotten better, and that with every new character i create, i push myself to interact with more people, and with a greater variety of muns and muses. and i think to a certain point, i have but its not been enough, and i need to keep pushing myself. cowardice is a huge flaw in my personality and i hate it, and i know i need to do better. i need to hold myself accountable.

[cycloniic]

I don’t get why you’re staying in this dump, brother. I would have thought that Pacho Herrera would be staying in a five star hotel with all the bells and whistles-

[cycloniic]

[cycloniic]

my anxiety spiked again because i knowingly triggered myself why do i do this shit to myself my heart is gonna explode

[cycloniic]

Leigh Bardugo Quote Starters

A collection of rp starters from all of Leigh Bardugo’s books, because I love her. And Six of Crows was an absolute masterpiece. Challenge; If you reblog this from an RP blog, send them one!

“What’s the easiest way to steal a man’s wallet?“ 

“Knife to the throat?”

“Gun to the back?”

“Poison in his cup?”

“Many boys will bring you flowers. But someday you’ll meet a boy who will learn your favorite flower, your favorite song, your favorite sweet. And even if he is too poor to give you any of them, it won’t matter because he will have taken the time to know you as no one else does. Only that boy earns your heart.” 

“I would have come for you. And if I couldn’t walk, I’d crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we’d fight our way out together-knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that’s what we do. We never stop fighting.”

“The heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true.”

“No mourners. No funerals.”

“I missed you every hour. And you know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise.”

“It’s not natural for women to fight.“

“It’s not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall, and yet there you stand.”

“I will have you without armor. Or I will not have you at all.”

“When everyone knows you’re a monster, you needn’t waste time doing every monstrous thing.”

“My ghost won’t associate with your ghost.”

“The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak.”

“The water hears and understands. The ice does not forgive.”

“I’m a business man. No more, no less.”

“You’re a thief.”

“Isn’t that what I just said?”

“When people say impossible, they usually mean improbable.”

“The less you say, the more weight your words will carry.”

“We are all someone’s monster.”

“Fear is a phoenix. You can watch it burn a thousand times and still it will return.”

“I am not ruined. I am ruination.”

“Please, my darling, treasure of my heart, won’t you do me the honor of acquiring me a new hat?”

“Watch yourself, princes bleed just like other men.”

“Yes. They just do it in better clothes.”

“I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept from this oath.”

“What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men.”

“Anything worth doing always starts as a bad idea.” 

“I will strip away all that you know, all that you love, until you have no shelter but mine.”

“Make me your villain.”

“Men mock the gods until they need them.”

“Crows remember human faces. They remember the people who feed them, who are kind to them. And the people who wrong them too. They don’t forget. They tell each other who to look after and who to watch out for.”

"Let’s not say things we don’t mean, my love.”

"You’re better than waffles.”

“But I’ve also been known to answer to ‘sweetheart’ or ‘handsome.’”

“Greed may do your bidding, but death serves no man.”

“You love trickery.”

“I love puzzles. Trickery is just my native tongue.”

“The easiest way to steal a man’s wallet is to tell him you’re going to steal his watch. You take his attention and direct it where you want it to go.”

“Scheming face.”

“Greed is your god.”

"Greed bows to me. It is my servant and my lever.”

"You and I are going to change the world.”

“And there’s nothing wrong with being a lizard either. Unless you were born to be a hawk.”

“How many times have you told me you’re a monster? So be a monster. Be the thing they all fear when they close their eyes at night.”

“Maybe love was superstition, a prayer we said to keep the truth of loneliness at bay.”

“You aren’t a flower, you’re every blossom in the wood blooming at once. You are a tidal wave. You’re a stampede. You are overwhelming.”  

“Oh, and the easiest way to make someone furious is to tell them to calm down.”

“And that was what destroyed you in the end: the longing for something you could never have.”

“I don’t hold a grudge. I cradle it. I coddle it. I feed it fine cuts of meat and send it to the best schools. I nurture my grudges.”

“There are two thrones on that dais. You could see me any time you liked.”

"I’m not used to people trying to kill me.”

“This action will have no echo.”

“I hope you weren’t looking to me to be the voice of reason. I keep to a strict diet of ill-advised enthusiasm and heartfelt regret.”

“I like to have powerful enemies. Makes me feel important.“

“You have a way of talking that makes me want to shoot someone. Preferably you.”

“People point guns at each other all the time here. It’s basically a handshake.”

“Do you answer a question directly?”

“Hard to say. Ah, there, I’ve done it again.”

“Weakness is a guise. Wear it when they need to know you’re human, but never when you feel it.”

“You can’t spend his money if you’re dead.”

“I’ll acquire expensive habits in the afterlife.”

"Everyone needs a hobby.”

“This whole ‘shoot me’ thing is starting to concern me.”

“Suffering is like anything else. Live with it long enough, you learn to like the taste.”

“You know the problem with heroes and saints? They always end up dead.”

“Where do think the money went?“

“I’m perfectly capable of being stupid on my own.”

"I came here for you. You’re my flag. You’re my nation.”

“We are alike as no one else is, as no one else will ever be.”

"I’ve had a lot of nicknames, but that one is easily the most accurate.”

“If only you could talk to girls in equations.”

“Always hit where the mark isn’t looking.”

“Who’s Mark?”

“I like to have powerful enemies. Makes me feel important.”

“It’s a vow that if I can’t be anything else to you, at least I can be a weapon in your hand.”

“What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men.”

“Do you have a different name for killing when you wear a uniform to do it?”

“Brick by brick, I will destroy you.” 

“Do you blame me for every mistake I made? For every girl I tumbled? For every dumb thing I’ve said? Because if we start running tallies on stupid, you know who’s going to come out ahead.”

“Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal, and I’ll get up on the banquet table, toss my skirt over my head, and do a little dance. That way no one will be looking at you.”

“Did you tell him what I showed you in the dark?”

“When we get our money, you can burn it to keep you warm.”

“I’m going to pay someone to burn my money for me.”

“Why don’t you pay someone else to pay someone to burn your money for you? That’s what the big players do.”

“I can’t decide if you’re a fearmonger or a coward.”

“And I can’t decide if you’re an idiot or an idiot.”

“Maybe your tutors didn’t cover this lesson, but you do not argue with a man covered in blood and a knife up his sleeve.”

“You wouldn’t know a good time if it sidled up to you and stuck a lollipop in your mouth.”

“Thanks for being my best friend and making my life bearable. Oh, and sorry I fell in love with you for a while there.”

“Facts are for the unimaginative.”

[cycloniic]

sapphirescales:

     she’s hoping there’s a shot ( or two ) of alcohol in there as raven snaps the folder shut. there’s a tenseness along her shoulders that doesn’t disappear, even when she rolls her shoulders. she welcomes the distraction that janos’ interruption is sure to become. “thanks. – my power’s most useful because i can easily shift into people who are already here but … yeah, i can make new faces if i want.” she leans in, to take a sip of the iced tea and to make it look like they’re up to something. “why? you need me to pose as someone?”

“Not currently, but--” He sips from his own glass, grimacing slightly as a sliver of ice slips past his lips and settles against his sensitive bottom teeth. "But this is very useful information.”

He’s glad he’s finally found a reason to ask; he’s always been curious about the abilities of those around them, how they work and if they run deeper than what he’s been shown. Or if they--like Janos himself--have completely unrelated abilities on top of what he’s already seen. But out of polite respect, he’s never found a reason to ask such potentially invasive questions until now.

“A woman I give lessons to is rumored to be involved with a certain married Senator. I am investigating, but if she is, I believe we could use the situation to our advantage somehow.”

[cycloniic]

Some of my favourite Pacho shots

[cycloniic]

my car broke down on top of everything so im not getting my laptop repaired after all. i was going to try to hold off rping until i go it fixed but i dont know now. i might post a starter call or something in a bit, either here or on another blog, but i cant promise i wont get frustrated with this hunk of junk and disappear again.

also mental health stuff after the break. its pretty negative, just fyi.

okay so i have been Struggling for a while now. every now and then i re-remember that i have like. No One. irl that i can turn to for genuine support. no one i can be my real self with and!! for whatever reason!! my brain tells me that the magic fix for that is to withdraw from my online friends too because!!! wouldnt it just be lovely for me to be completely isolated? alone and su.icidal?

so thats what ive been doing on my little hiatus-y thing. i went thru what i hope was the lowest part of that today and im going to be trying to resurface now that ive hit that low.