cynicaldom

[cynicaldom]

The health insurance industry has a term for this sadistic practice. It's called "step therapy." If the choice is between a more expensive medication that works and a cheaper one that doesn't work as well and might have worse side effects, the insurance company requires that the cheaper drug be used first.

One benefit to the insurance company is that the patient on the cheaper drug might die before they get a chance to use the drug that works but is more expensive. That's money in the bank for the insurance company.

Or, the patient might be so worn down and harmed by the cheaper drug that they just give up the fight to get the drug that will help them. Again, that's bank for the insurance company.

[cynicaldom]

Beginning Therapy Recommendations

I've had a really positive experience with therapy over the past two years. I recommend you try it if you haven't. I'm changing in ways I didn't think were possible. I'm full of hope and excitement about my future. I want to scream from the roof tops, "change is actually possible"!

After trying a few therapists, I accidentally fell ass-backwards into a great set of therapists and the types of therapy they practice that actually work. I wanted to write advice for someone looking to start therapy, or maybe in the middle of it but stuck and not going anywhere. Here's a few simple tips & tricks to finding the right therapist:

Avoid "life coaches", you want someone with at least some kind of counseling degree. There's a lot of people out there who will waste your time and money.

Telehealth therapy (therapy on the computer over the webcam) is great if you're socially awkward. Also puts less barriers between you and actually showing up for therapy.

You need to click with your therapist as a person for this to work. Finding the right therapist with the first person you try is not likely. I hated doing this part, it felt like I was insulting the therapists I tried & left, but it's just absolutely required. Part of what makes therapy works is feeling the empathy of your therapist, and that won't be effective unless you value their opinion.

CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) treats symptoms, not the cause. Useful to staunch the bleeding, but overreliance (only using CBT) can actually inflame the cause.

For best results in therapy, look for a therapist who lists the following key words on their website:

Trauma - Past difficult experiences shape our present behaviors and feelings, even if we don't remember them clearly.

Somatic - Our subconscious holds onto our experiences. This approach helps you notice and work with physical sensations, not just thoughts and emotions.

Attachment - Understanding how our parents influence our current relationships and emotional patterns.

I highly recommend requiring your therapist to have a familiarity with at least one of the following:

AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy) - Focuses on creating deep, lasting change by helping you experience and work through emotions that have felt too overwhelming to face.

Internal Family Systems (also known as IFS or parts work) - This approach works through the metaphor that we all have different "parts" of ourselves (like the critical voice, the scared child, the protector). Instead of trying to get rid of any parts, it helps you understand and heal them, leading to better internal harmony. Sounds like woo woo but it's legit.

In addition to therapy, we live in a golden age of technology. Once you have the key concepts down you can do a lot of incredible introspection with chatbot AI. It's not a replacement for a therapist though. Having an empathetic witness, a therapist, is required for therapy to work. Good luck!

[cynicaldom]

I think anon's point of view ironically comes from internalized misogyny. Women can be victim to systems because they are weaker, where as men are naturally stronger so if systems negatively impact them it's because of a moral failing.

This is a way of thinking that, while not singularly, has lead to Trump. It's time to change. Patriarchy is in an interesting lens, but it is simply not practiced as intersectionally as it is needed to be. Anon seriously lacks material interest & class in their analysis.

A lot of feminists are ironically financially comfortable in the patriarchy we have, and only want to change things on the margins that affect their identity or the identity they most identify with due to attachment wounds. And maybe some penny-ante economic changes on the margins.

Class-first intersectional feminism is the only way forward. You may not like it, but the question comes down to if you want to win or not.

“you know why some men are so full of shit? because the world has failed them.” yeah … this is bullshit, and honestly pretty insulting to “good” men, many of whom have been dealt a shitty lot in life, who aren’t toxic or abusive. some men are full of shit because it benefits them to be full of shit. if your reaction to having a shitty life is to become sexist (or racist, or homophobic, etc) you’re a bad person.

a world in which 91% of heads of state (and 92% of CEOs, and 72% of industry leaders) are male has not “failed men.” a world in which men own 50% more wealth than women, while women do 300% more unpaid labor than men, has not “failed men.” a world in which 50 countries allow men to legally rape their wives has not “failed men.”

Having privilege in one area doesn't exclude you from being failed in other areas. Look at the suicide rate, the shorter life expectancy, etc.

The fact that there are men who have had shitty lives who don't become racist or sexist doesn't mean that other men weren't failed by the individual people in their lives or society at large.

If one woman experienced trauma and didn't become a drug addict, that doesn't mean her sister who is a drug addict didn't become an addict because of their shared childhood trauma. That's really simplified black and white thinking to say if I turned out okay,they're just choosing to be an addict! Mental health and coping methods are so much more complex than that. Everyone who goes through trauma is just trying to survive as best as their brain and nervous system know how. Some of us end up with coping methods that are seen as pro-social and "good", and others end up with default trauma responses and coping methods that get labeled as "bad". Both are harmful in different ways. And I'm speaking as someone with a lifelong "good girl" coping method.

There are endless factors in how people turn out. As one simplified example, if a boy had abusive and neglectful parents who publicly claimed to be feminists, and then the first person in that kids life who REALLY made them feel cared for, seen, supported, encouraged was sexist? That kid is a lot more likely to grow up sexist than another kid who also had a traumatic childhood but didn't see examples of people being good to them personally who had shitty views. It's just bad logic to say if some men live under patriarchy and become feminist, then the sexist guys are just inherently shitty people...

I'm not trying to say we should look fondly at sexist people. Of course not. But if you really think that there are widespread problems in men and that those things aren't caused by a systemic failure in some way, then you're arguing that a larger portion of men are just born inherently 'bad' somehow compared to women. Believing that a group of people is just somehow inherently bad or lesser is damn near the definition of prejudice.

[cynicaldom]

As she continues to move to the right, and doesn't signal that she would stop the genocide in Gaza, the chances I'll vote for Kamala while living in a swing state are getting smaller and smaller. On a related note, you can pretty accurately gauge a person's income when they blame voters for voting or not, and not leaders for failing to lead. Oddly enough I've never seen a working class person do that, somehow it's always someone financially comfortable. Somehow it's always someone comfortable within the system that defends it.

[cynicaldom]

I deserve it

[cynicaldom]

sientists won't stop texting me asking for my ideas + research

[cynicaldom]

"Elderly Palestinian couple looking at their former home, now occupied by a couple from Brooklyn. 🇵🇸" [@/RamAbdu on X. April 4th, 2024.]

[cynicaldom]

[cynicaldom]

We signed up to attend a kink event months ago. Our first ever in-person kink event. It would include classes and "dungeon parties" for public play.

We both are turned on by the idea of public play but for ethical reasons, we've been very limited and cautious in what we've done, of course.

The idea of having the opportunity to do something publicly and ethically was really exciting. CD has teased me about it for months. At the same time, it was pretty scary. We had no real idea of what to expect at this event. With us both having social anxiety, we didn't know if we'd actually go through with trying anything or not. As it got closer, the feelings just amplified. The idea of submitting to him spanking me in public felt more real, and that certainly made it hotter at times. At other times, the reality of it made it scarier. Could I really go through with it? I really didn't know, and neither did he. We knew we'd just have to see how we felt once the time came.

We checked out the dungeon on the first day, as watching others is welcomed. Lots of people were being spanked with various implements on different kneeling tables. We didn't see anyone using their hands. We've never used a bench like this. This added to the anxiety.

At the same time, our anxiety had reduced some from the event overall. The vast majority of people seemed really comfortable to be doing what they were doing, to wear what they were wearing - to be visible with their kink or D/s dynamic. It was, of course, very different from anything we had experienced before, but it was really cool to experience a bunch of people doing what they wanted to do and not caring about fitting in with the social norms we've all grown accustomed to.

I still wasn't sure if I could really go through with it after walking around the dungeon that first day. On the second day though, I got thinking about how happy CD would be if I could do it. And how rare the opportunity was. And how hot it would be to be a little public with our kink. To let some strangers see how he dominates me, and how I submit to him.

So I told him I definitely wanted to do it. He started considering how to go about it. We hadn't seen empty benches at all when we had been through the other night, so we weren't sure how long we'd have to wait to find one. We assumed it might be busiest when the parties first start, but then slow down once it got late (the parties went past midnight). So we almost waited until later to even go look but then CD said we should go see just in case, and we'd probably go back later to try again. We took the stairs down to the area where the dungeon was, while most people take the elevator so we were alone in the stairway as we went down. Partway there CD said "Remember you can always change your mind." My pussy clenched. This sort of thing, the way he looks out for my needs and boundaries 24/7, even when his own pleasure is on the line, is so much of why I love submitting to him.

When we got down there, there was a bench available. CD said he thought we should just do it. So we did. He sat on the kneeling portion of the bench and took my bottoms off, and had me get onto the bench in my shirt and panties at first. My stomach was a mix of nerves and excitement.

He spanked me for a little bit and asked me to adjust. This thing was not made for 5'1" people, so when kneeling I wasn't all the way up on the bench. I climbed up higher as he asked. There were other benches perhaps 2-3 feet to each side of us. One of them was doing some sort of impact, but it sounded so much quieter than my own. I wondered if it only seemed that way to me or not. He used his fingers to trace over my ass and down my thighs every once in a while. Helping me to relax before going back to spanking me. He pulled my panties down and off. My mind buzzed with racing thoughts that basically equated to 'I'm naked...in public!'

I took off my glasses so I could lay more comfortably with my face against the bench. He kept slowly upping the intensity. For much of it, he was landing blows hard enough that my body was moving forward with each hit, but I was physically relaxed so I was just jostling back and forth on the bench as it absorbed the impact after it went through me. My ass burned, but the pain was muffled by my distraction. I couldn't see much from where I was, but all I could think about was that we were really doing this. We're really doing this thing that we do - in a room of 100+ other people. I saw people walk past a few times but couldn't really see if they looked or not. CD checked in with me to see how I was doing as it was running longer than usual. I told him I was fine to continue, so he did. He upped the intensity even more, hitting my thighs some. Shortly after a dungeon monitor walked by and stopped quite close to me. Some people came up to him to ask the dungeon monitor some questions. I closed my eyes. If I can't see them, that means they can't see me, right? Eventually CD told me I could get dressed. I did as quickly as I could. My ass was on fire and my brain was floaty. We tossed out the sheet that we had used to protect the bench, and then CD said we should walk through the dungeon to see what others were doing. As we made the round, I thought about how we were both looking at everyone we passed, at least briefly. This made me realize that in all likelihood, everyone who walked past probably saw us, too. CD said later that he had tried to stay focused on just me, but that he had noticed some people did stop to watch. I'm not sure if he meant the same people I saw or not. I wouldn't be surprised if this seems weird to those of you who follow me here because I tend to share a lot of private stuff on here. But, IRL we're both really reserved, private people. I'm still a little shocked that we really did this - but it was really fun. I'm not one to particularly enjoy bruises usually, but I did enjoy it when I realized my butt bruised pretty good. Mostly because I had felt like it was an intense spanking, but had wondered if my perception was skewed due to my nerves. It kinda felt like evidence that he really did give it to me good despite just using his hand. His hand felt slightly bruised after, too. We made a longtime fantasy come true, it was hot for us both, I was able to submit to CD in a somewhat new way that required a lot of trust and some embarrassment, and we let some other people see a part of us that we'd previously kept private. It's not all that often that you get the chance to make several things like that happen at once. I'm glad we took advantage of the opportunity while we had it.

[cynicaldom]

the thing is they really do let you hit because you're goofy.

[cynicaldom]

[cynicaldom]

The past six weeks have been a trial. Really. Hard as I can go, all day, every day. Took all of my vacation, all of my effort, all of my decorum in some instances. One of the hardest things I've ever done.

I moved my step mom's house after she passed, packed to the rafters with 50 years of memories and bullshit and old family pictures. Piles of old lady furniture and canning stuff, five fucking flat screen tv's because they'd buy a new one when the cable went out... into trucks, while her clueless second husband slept in his recliner, until we carted him over to a home which will suck up all of the inheritance that my dad worked to provide. A college professor, this guy, but fucking dumber than a mud fence. Just a waste of a dude.

I moved my house. Purchased at a pivotal, emotional time around when I became a widower. So many landmines, psychologically. Empty out a drawer, there's a pic of her smiling back at the camera, or her handwriting on a fucking grocery list. That's one of the reasons I decided to move. Clean break, new start. I can't keep finding that shit. Get it over with.

I moved the massive pole barn. Crammed full of three generations of man stuff. Not to be old fashioned, but in my family, women save pictures and report cards, dudes save a furnace they might put in the cabin. And a car they might fix up. And 12' countertops they bought in bulk at an auction because they were cheap. Buckets of wrenches because you need those. Enough shingles from a side job to finish another house. Heavy shit, hard physical labor to move.

I moved my woodworking business. Big heavy machine tools that require a forklift and a prayer because holy fuck I cannot recover financially if I drop this right now. Mountains of wood. Shit I saved that I shouldn't have, too. I'm not immune to being a pack rat either.

Tomorrow will be the final truck load on this house. Piddly, easy to move shit. Books and dishes and clothes. Pictures on the walls, empty out the fridge.

The real winner here is me for the fresh start. And people who like forearms because holy fuck, move hard shit for more than a month.

The real loser is the passenger footwell in my truck. That's just a portal to damnation now. Fast food wrappers, broken tools, screws and bolts and bits and stuff. A work boot with half the sole ripped off from when I fell out of one of 97(?) Uhaul trucks. A tool belt that I ripped off and threw during a fit... and just landed in there. Really. About an inch of caked mud. Probably bacteria normally only found in deep ocean vents. I think I heard a bat. It's a bad place right now.

Anyway, tomorrow will be my last two truck loads.

A new life. No more caretaking. Unlimited horizons.

[cynicaldom]

I have bipolar disorder

We set out last year to start therapy to get ready to have kids. I half jokingly wondered if I might have bipolar due to feeling like my emotions were on some kind of cycle. After talking it over for months with my therapist, she agreed. I scheduled a full psych eval, and I am indeed bipolar type II.

I take medications for it now. Seem like they largely work.

It's a little scary, and feels a little sad, to know I have this.

On the other hand my fucking god does it explain a lot. I've always felt some heavy limitations in my life, my fingers at the edge of their shape in the dark, feeling something there but unable to describe it. Now I can. And maybe now I can overcome some of those limitations.

[cynicaldom]

Hi 👋 vCD

The most hilarious moment with Amy was?

🥂

I've been wracking my head for an example, because she totally does crack me up completely randomly, but I just can't remember the details of any one example.

The funniest thing to happen recently was while we were having sex I asked her to tell me how she feels about my cock, and feeling awkward & on the spot, she said: "Your cock is... nice!"

ooooh baby! Don't get me TOO hot and bothered with that dirty talk!

[cynicaldom]