dailymediary

[dailymediary]

Life update

You see I really like flashbacks, so here it is.......

I spent my whole December 2021 enjoying life and taking a vacation at home. While I always look forward to breaks because my undergrad took so much of my time for the last three years, a month of not doing anything is a bother (???) and unsettling (???). Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed all the days of not worrying about deadlines and requirements but it felt so new. I felt the need to adjust and at the same time, I don't want to adjust because my 2022 would be so hectic (expecting). And so, I spent my unsettling days planning and thinking of what's gonna come. Believe me, when I say, I was chill but really bothered about not doing anything productive. It's as if I have so much energy, I'm about to explode because there is just no outlet. So I looked for what I can do. I cleaned my room, reflected on myself, my goals, and how I can achieve my dreams. I spent the other days reading novels (which I love so much), playing with my niece, having fun with the fam, or spending a whole lot of time talking to my guy or to my bestie. Then, with news about the possible publication of our undergrad thesis, NMAT coming the following month, and some part-time job offers, I worked on some revisions and requirements (when I felt like working on them). Well, I guess, it's actually a productive December.

Come the third day of January 2022, I felt a boost of motivation to start the year right. I submitted the requirements needed for the part-time teaching job and made sure I am studying for the NMAT that's coming. After several emails, we received a notice to prepare for a teaching demo which was kinda scary, I really didn't know what to expect so I just made sure I prepared my best. Soon after, we got interviewed and then, the next thing was so quick we already have a teaching schedule. So yes, I'm a part-time instructor now. I got a Latin honor and that helped a lot with the application process. I was so happy when we got the official list of ranking and Latin honors. I felt like all the tiring days of studying were worth it.

Teaching experience I was assigned to teach biochemistry laboratory. There was a lot to prepare for every session and a lot of adjustments happened. I got a little bit overwhelmed but, that's part of the whole experience. One thing is for sure, I want my students to learn something from me. So I will keep on doing my best to give them quality discussions.

NMAT January 23, Sunday, was NMAT day, and I tried my very best not to panic. I made sure to finish all the teaching stuff I need to accomplish so I can focus on my exam. Twenty days after, I received the results. While it's not what I was hoping to get, I'm still grateful.

First salary I'm the type of person who really wants to save but, spends a lot. I already knew my first salary is coming so (again), I planned and conditioned myself ahead of time. The first thing I did was to deduct a certain amount of money to save. I have the rest to spend on something I need and/or want (LOL). I vow not to spend my savings and keep that until I graduate from med school (please!!).

Board Exam Review We had our first review session last weekend and that's how it will be until August. It was tiring. Spending 8 hours both Saturday and Sunday to review was tiring. But, I guess that's for the best. I really hope I could pass the board exam in one take so I can focus in med school.

So, that's it for this very long post! LESSSGOO PEYT! YOU GOT THIS!!

[dailymediary]

Finally done with BCH

It has been two weeks since my vacation started, or rather, since I passed my last final exam in undergrad. It made reflect a lot on what I had been through to make it this far, to just waiting for my graduation to finally happen. Somehow, it makes me scared to think that in the next months or years, there's no definite path or guide anymore. I'll be on my own to experience and learn about how the real world works. Gone are the days where I can still have an excuse for taking things for granted. Gone are the days filled with considerations. On the contrary, I'm excited for this freedom and for the opportunities on the way. I'm hopeful of what's coming and I want to live my best life

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Election is coming

Do your research, rely on facts, engage in a healthy discussion

Our family has been on NUMEROUS spontaneous discussions on who to vote as president and whys. I have a different bet and they ALL have the same person in mind. And I've been asking why that person, (bec. srsly, change my mind if that person's worthy of my vote) but they keep on using the past as justification, even mentioning names that should have not been, in any way, involved. Additionally, they focus on inconsequential details against my bet, completely irrelevant on platforms, projects, advocacy, and goals.

Our country is at the lowest in terms of recovery. Even lower than those which had critical surge of cases. Clearly, if we had a better one up there, pandemic responses would have been prioritized. Healthcare would have been prioritized and treated also as part of the economic recovery. Maybe, we wouldn't have to suffer the numerous quarantine cycles.

Seriously, we need someone who works for the better, despite limitations. We need someone with clear records to serve the people, one with action, one who listens and accepts criticisms, one with pure intentions.

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October 1st

I can't wait to graduate.

While I've heard stories about how after graduation, you'd actually want to go back. What's important to me right now is to have that feeling of accomplishment. Because no matter how hard it would be in the future, I'd always be proud to have something I know I worked hard to achieve.

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Eron

How lucky I am to have someone who lifts me up when I'm deep-seated down to have someone who calms me when my mind is raging with thoughts to have someone who frees me when I feel imprisoned with my own walls to have someone who supports me believes in me when I no longer feel capable to have someone who gives me peace

I am lucky to have someone I can laugh with to have someone I can share every little thought to have someone I can trust and lean on to have someone I can love without any doubt to have someone I can call my person

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Lucky Me

Yesterday, I had my follow up exit interview with our college counselor. She gave me an interpretation of my psych test, one which I took around February of this year. A part of me is scared because, maybe, I didn't do well or was not in my best state during that time. I was trying hard to recall what I was feeling then. I know a simple test would not represent the whole of me or everything about me but, it will surely tell something about my being. Also, I know deep inside that the pandemic affected my mental and emotional welfare. The lack of social interactions and all the restrictions for the sake of our safety took a toll on me. I even remember being overly emotional about a news I saw on twitter. I took it to heart, so much that it haunted me even in my sleep. I was anxious and my overthinking got worse. Thank God I was done with that phase.

So back to my psych test interpretation, the counselor told me I'm generally optimistic and while there are difficult or frustrating moments for me, I generally have a good emotional control. I was told I'm calm even at stressful moments, adaptable and empathetic with some slight timidity which I could really work on. I was told I am fitted with the profession I am planning to take and that made me so happy.

The first thing I thought of after hearing about my interpretation was, I am grateful for having my family, my guy and my friends. I'm lucky to be surrounded with good people. I know I'm thriving and I know I can do what it takes to reach my goals and dreams because I have a good support system. I have the best people with me so, nothing could stop me

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The pandemic robbed me

I was a 2nd year student taking my 2nd term, when the country had to be put on lockdown. I remember being excited at first because finally, I can go home after spending two weekends in my dorm. I thought, finally, I can have a rest from my stressful course. I even remember some of my friends being excited to go home to their province because it is a week-long suspension (vacation). It was like an earlier term break for us. But, that one week turned into two weeks, which later on became a month, and now, it has been one year and 6 months since we last saw each other.

On the first three months of lockdown, we were hopeful of going back to normal. Not to mention the difficulty of online classes and the adjustments all of us had to deal with. We relied on each other and we are still relying on each other. Grateful for the gift of friendship and the relationship we were able to establish pre-pandemic. Still, it's saddening how we lost all the chances of creating memories together. No matter how hard we try to be with each other through video calls and chat groups, celebrating birthdays through games. It's still different compared to having each other's presence. I feel like I was robbed of what was supposed to be the best part of my college life.

Now, we already stopped counting days or months. We already stopped idealizing what we would do to bond with each other when all of this is over. Most of them have already graduated and are taking their new journey (we took different programs under the same course). As we go on with our lives, with the pandemic's end not yet in sight, all I am hoping is to not lose the connection we have; and to still have even the slightest chance of creating the memories we yearn to have.

Also, I really miss wearing this uniform and I don't have a chance to wear it again. Okay, maybe I have my last chance on the graduation pictorial.

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Last one week vacation

So, I have one week of vacation every after term because I am taking a trimestral course (which will end in December!! YAYY!!). And I know, I'm supposed to rest and do all sorts of "healing" in that period, which I actually did, in a lot of ways but, when the 3rd or 4th day comes, I just ran out of things to do. It feels weird to me when I'm not busy or I don't have school works to finish. I have books to read and some sort of KDrama/series to watch but, nothing seems so interesting to do. Don't get me wrong, I clean the house, my room, I wash dishes, water plants, and play with my niece sometimes but, it feels weird to not have a plan.

Speaking of having "plans", I admit to being structured (but not too much) and it might seem boring and all but, being organized makes me calm. Knowing what I have to do next, listing everything out allows me to maximize my time. It works better for me. Also, don't get me wrong (again), I make plans and lists but I'm always open to changes, to adjustments when I have to.

As of writing this entry, my "vacation" is over (but my schedule is so free, I feel like I'm still on vacay) and I spent the week thinking, reflecting, and doing more chores. And, I feel like I spent it well because I reflected on what I really want to do, my career, hobbies, personal life, and it made so much more sense to me, who I really want to be. So, I guess it was worth it. While nothing in the future is guaranteed, having more life direction is worth it.

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Birthdays, banters, and togetherness

[Reposting from my other blog] [07/2021]

Gatherings, celebrations, parties, these are just some of what we are currently missing. Since the start of the pandemic, social gatherings have been prohibited and greatly limited for everyone's safety; and like a lot of people, our group of friends tried to make a way to still celebrate each one's special day.

It always starts with a new group chat (sometimes with a weirder name than our original gc) made to plan the "program" for a surprise. After several suggestions and agreements with a hint of banter, the "submission" of entries will be scheduled for the main person to have enough time to prepare. Then, the time for surprise will be set.

It's funny how creative all of us can get, and how our celebrations evolved from just having video messages followed by numerous chitchats, to playing games and making fun of each other. It also is heartwarming to think, how all of us try to make time to be with each other despite the differences in schedule and time zones.

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In the middle of being okay and not okay

[Reposting from my other blog] [07/2021]

When the pandemic started, there's a lot of shifts and changes we had to adjust to. There are travel bans in several hot spot areas, community quarantines of various levels (there's just too many, it's hard to keep up with every modification), some workers had to shift to work from home, students had to be homeschooled, or deal with online classes of different setups (depending on what most students can do), and healthcare workers had to work extra hours and risk the exposure to deal with the surge in cases. These are just some of what COVID-19 brought to us, not to mention the decline both in our mental and physical health.

Despite the challenges brought by our current situation (there's still a long way to go for this country), one of the things I am most thankful for having is my friends. The fact is, when the lockdown started, most of us had a hard time adjusting to the new setup. With the difficulty of our course and with our own personal problems, we rely on each other to get through each day. We were hopeful, during the first few months after the lockdown started, that things will eventually go back to normal (after a few months) and we'll be able to do even the smallest things we want to do together. Sadly, that hopefulness appears to be vanishing. We all learned to be quiet and to accept that it will take time for things to go back to how they used to be. We learned not to think anymore, of when this will be over or what we want to do after. We learned to wait (and still wait) and focus on what we currently have to continue. And maybe, that's all that matters, to still find reasons to live and have the people you trust and cherish with you.

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Before it's too late

[Reposting from my other blog] [06/2021]

So, backstory....

When I was in grade five, I joined the badminton team of the school. I actually think I'm good during practices but I'm not so good at competitions. Here comes grade six and my coach who also happens to be the person in charge of campus journalism invited me to join. I was this achiever kid who will join anything that I can so, of course, I agreed. After some time, I became a substitute player for the team, which also means, I was removed. I actually cannot remember feeling bad about it but, maybe I did. Nevertheless, this made me focus on journalism (actually after some sort of story again) and changed my whole writing perspective.

Another backstory...

When I was in senior high school, we had a creative writing class. Although I am part of the campus paper, having a formal class about writing, especially, one that talks about writing styles different from journalism is like a breath of fresh air. I truly enjoyed the tasks as if I'm doing my hobby. Then, one time, we were told to create a short story. While the story I made seems too blurry now, I can still remember the comment my teacher made; that she can't wait to read more of my stories in the future.

The thing is, I thought I'm too busy and I've always set it aside. I've always thought I have other more important things to do. Now, I realized the excuses I've been making and how I wasted the time just thinking about what I want to do and not doing anything about it. I realized how I've wasted all the stories I could have written and the thoughts I could've shared with the world. Those that only I, once knew, and now, forgotten.

Personally, it makes me scared to think that I cannot write anymore. It makes me scared to think that I can no longer do something I once loved. It's like forgetting who I was and what I am capable of doing and I'm scared to lose that part of me, young, creative, and free. My current field deals with facts and discoveries. While it truly fascinates me to learn so much of what's yet to be known, I still yearn to be part of something built from imagination and hopes.

Before it's too late, I want to start small with this personal blog/diary. My undergraduate journey is coming to an end in a few months and I have lots of plans for my career. Still, I want to keep something for myself. Something to look back and maybe, something to give me hope when I badly need the motivation to continue. Additionally, I want to write to feel accomplished, to be proud of myself for starting, and hopefully for continuing. I want to write my journey and all that I will encounter in the coming years because surely, life is interesting, and I would hate to regret it in the future if I don't start now.

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Sometimes

Sometimes, we have to look beyond. We have to come out of our comfort zones, our "protection", to grow and learn.

Sometimes, we have to take great risks, to obtain greater goals.

Sometimes, opportunities already present themselves. We are just too afraid to take a step forward and grab them.

Sometimes, taking big leaps and facing our fears mean opening our doors to the great things we truly desire.

And we can't always do things "sometimes"

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Desidero

It was difficult It was tiring There is regret My heart frets

Through the silence, I cry For what ifs and what I should've In here, do I belong? Is this what I long?

Uncontrollable past Dictates the present that doesn't last And the future that can still be twisted May it become what my heart have I always wanted

Uncontrollable past And the life choices made But, tomorrow can be different Hopefully, it will be

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Rain

Some are lucky Some are not A blessing A threat The boundary was set While most people struggle trying live trying to survive A few have it all anything in just one call There's a clear line A gap Beneath what others can see Under the dark sky Drowning in the rainwater sea

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Never say never, or it might just come true

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Have the courage to be different; or maybe, you could set the new trend