dairydancer

[dairydancer]

I need your help. A brief history of DairyDancer. GoFundMe Promotion

[dairydancer]

I need your help. A brief history of DairyDancer. GoFundMe Promotion

[dairydancer]

I created a new nether biome for Minecraft while playing skyblock on OPb...

[dairydancer]

I created a new nether biome for Minecraft while playing skyblock on the

OPblocks server.

[dairydancer]

Opening up about my mental health.

[dairydancer]

Welcome to my channel! DairyDancer's funny moments

[dairydancer]

The Meat Loaf of Mystery

"Why did I have to rot from the butt first?" I thought. I was one of the only packages of meat left untouched in the now not working freezer.

"Whoa, wait. What is this?" I asked out loud startled. I heard a piercing sound through the the cellophane of my wrapping.

"Come with me, if you want to fuckin live." A rugged voice a called out to me. I watched in horror as I removed a samurai sword from his back and he cut my rotted flesh off my butt.

He was a gorgeous strawberry. He had a five o clock shadow at 3:30am. The man was the man. I was a little jealous. For as long as I could remember I was just a fat lump of flesh. I laid on display naked all day every day for the world to see. I felt like I never had much to offer. I was fatty. A lower quality of mystery meat.

"You coming? I need to get to the seed vault in the arctic. We don't have long before we rot also."

the strawberry grabbed me by a strand a flesh and pulled me out of my package. I felt wanted for the first time in my existence! His touch was soft as he grabbed me so sensually. I couldn't help it. I left a little juice behind in the package...

"What is the seed vault in the arctic?" I asked?

He was scanning the area to busy to reply. I joined in and noticed that there was an ocean of fruit juices on the floor. what must have been ten gallons of tropical fruit blend had been cut open and was now staining the tiled floor.  A loud roar came from behind a corner and a loud wet slapping could be heard moving along the linoleum floor. The fluorescent lighting of the grocery store were flickering off and on in slow intervals. 

"There coming." I heard the man say. He pulled his sword in front of him. He looked like a sexy samurai warrior. His long gorgeous stem was so thick and strong.

A burst of movement exploded out from behind a counter and a blob of flesh was rolling towards us. It was filled with meat of all kinds formed into a single mass of wriggling rotting flesh. It moaned as it reached out for us. The wet slaps as pounds of meat hit the floor.

The Straw-berrai took a deep breath and rushed at the mass. In one quick flick of his seed. The mass was cut in two. 

"Wow! Incredible! Clean up on aisle 7 am I right?" I laughed at my own joke.

"That is not fucking funny!" The man replied.

And...

"That is how I ended up here." I told the cashier of light in the great grocery store in the sky.

[dairydancer]

"Those God Damned Zomberries."

"Thank you for saving me!" I said, pulling myself up off of the now juice and pulp filled floor.

"Fuck off!" The man snapped back.

The year was 2042. It has been nearly three days since the worlds capability to grow crops failed. Berries, vegetables, and fruits are rotting. Meat was crawling through the grocery store moaning and leaving a trail of grease in its wake.

"This is horrible." I muttered.

"How long has it been since someone has come into our store?" I asked, I could feel my loose skin starting to sag from the weight of my insides.

"I said shut the fuck up. I have to get out of here." The strawberry was standing on the ledge of the shelf. 

He looked so ripe and bold in the fresh morning sunlight. His beauty almost drowned out the horrors of the scene unfolding below us.

"We just have to figure out a way to cut through these damn zomberries." The man was scanning the area below as he talked to me.

I was starting to feel warm. I could feel my juice begin to boil and pop through my skin. I was leaking. I didn't have long.

"I can by you some time! I will throw myself over and distract them as I die." I yelled.

"DA FUCK YOU CAN ZOMBERRY!" he snapped back. He took the sword off from around his shoulder and walked over to my side.

"You wanna die so badly? Well fuckin die then." He said.

"And that is how I ended up here." I told the check out light. 

I was a single a grape at the great cash register in the sky. They were having troubles scanning me. I had spent the last week in a booming grocery store on a amazing bunch of grapes. I had some great friends... Until the bombs went off and people stopped coming in. One by one my brothers began to rot and turn. The other foods also began to go bad. I watched for days as everything that once looked so bright and beautiful now turned dark and hopeless. A woman's voice snapped me out of my thought.

"Sorry Mr. Grape. we have no evidence that you provided nutrients to a living organism before you died." A woman's voice spoke sadly.

"To the compost with you!" A loud booming voice echoed throughout the grocery store.

"That is the last thing I heard before sitting in this heap listening to a symphony of moans day in and day out." I thought.