daltonpr-lopez - Tumblr blog

[daltonpr-lopez]

That’s a loaded question, but I guess we can start with your tendency to assign your own kinks to other people just to make yourself look less guilty. Not that it works, but I digress. Alright, well you can’t really put “Street Smarts” and “educated guess” in the same sentence. First of all, “street smarts” is what people say when they don’t have shit to show for themselves in the ways of intelligence - so I guess it’s a term you use on a near-daily basis, huh?  Second, an “educated guess” is something you’re by no means qualified to make, so if I were you, I wouldn’t even try. Was I? I know that big words can be hard to understand for you, but I didn’t say shit about whether or not I like it up the ass. Hey, it’s nothing to be ashamed of - the prostate is a magical thing. I’ll try to keep my language simple from now on to avoid this kind of confusion in the future, though. I’m perfectly capable of having an awesome sex life and keeping my job, thank you. It’s not my fault that you’re more dispensable than I am.

Assigning my kinks to others?  You do take it up the ass, Stick bug: your own words, so whatever Alternative Facts you want to assign to me, you basically just verified what I said there.  And you can deflect all you want, but everyone here knows what kind of fuckery you get into on a regular basis, on-record or no.  Only a pompous punk with a silver spoon up his ass would believe that living in the real world gives you zero critical thinking skills.  And thank you, but my resume speaks for itself in terms of what I bring to the table for this place, and why they reached out to me for this job.  You really need to keep up with your own mouth, Smythe-- the fact that you can’t remember that you started this conversation by trying to insult me by implying I enjoyed anal is what made this whole argument a piece of hypocritical circular fallacy.  And the only reason anyone would believe you were more valuable than me is because your daddy only spawned once, probably because the EPA took one look at you and cut off his balls rather than risk him creating another biohazardous meatsack.  And if that lack of personal achievement makes you feel like a worthwhile yes-man, then good for you.  I guess both myself and the Big Bosses have higher standards for me.

Did you hear that someone broke into a warehouse and stole $40k worth of condoms and sex toys? Do you think any Warblers would try to use a Five Finger discount at When I Get You Alone?

Wow– only in Vegas, right?  I mean, I get what you’re saying though: high end products, and we definitely have our fair share of exhibitionists.  And, to be accurate, there were two thieves plowing through the aisles there.  So if you were asking who I think would be the most likely to try something like that… I’d go with Puck or Santana, wouldn’t you?  They both seem capable of impulsive and yet efficient B&E.

As for our own Adult Retail center though, I would certainly hope that no one was trying to walk out with a vibrator between their legs.  I mean, we already get an employee discount, so it’s kind of pathetic if you are so desperate for stimulation that you’d risk your job on that sort of thing.  It’s Las Vegas, people!  Just go find a tourist!

[daltonpr-lopez]

Or maybe you just don’t feel the difference because your blood runs too cold. How exactly is it that you hide your scales around the customers, San? Because I gotta say, I think that some of them are almost convinced that you might be human. My, my, aren’t we presumptuous? As much as it might pain you to admit that I’m better than you in every sense, I have a well-earned degree from a prestigious school. You might as well face it - you’re jealous of me. As you should be.

If you knew anything about Freud, then you’d know that it says more about you than it does me. I wasn’t trying to imply that you had penis envy, but I guess if that’s where your mind went, then there must be some truth to it. While it’s adorable you think you can make me doubt my skills in bed, Lopez, everyone else has been enthusiastically complimentary, so excuse me if I don’t cry myself to sleep at night just because someone can’t accept defeat.

Lizard People, Smythe?  I mean, I knew you were in desperate need of a shrink, but I just figured that was because of your narcissism and daddy issues.  I guess I underestimated your delusions.  Also, just a fun fact: cold-blooded is actually a misnomer.  Reptiles’ body temperature is dependent on the temperature around them, which is why you find them in warm ecosystems.  So you’ll just have to accept that you’re a whiny pansy that can’t handle a little artificial breeze.  Oh trust me-- I can guess how hard your ass worked for that degree.  I’m sure you spent days bent over books and papers, eager to take everything the teachers gave you for that grade.  Yeah, you guessed it Ken Doll-- I’ve always wanted to be so used to Puppet Master Daddy riding my ass so hard that when I was separated from him I have to drink myself into a stupor and fill my hole with any dick in a five-mile radius in order to feel like I’m a good boy.  You got me.

Penis-envy?  You mean the fact that you got that tiny worm between your legs that you automatically get higher wage than I do?  Damn straight I’d love to have a dick if it meant that I could get away with half the shit that your privileged white ass does.  “Enthusiastically complimentary”?  I guess any trashy lush will tell you good things right before you kick them out of your bed, right?  

[daltonpr-lopez]

Then I will take the nicknames as they come. I’ll even keep a running tally of which ones I like the most.

I-okay?

Damn straight you will, although know now that I really don’t give a baby bird’s ass about your preferences.

Good: you’ll find that some of the alumni around here are more trouble to associate with than it’s worth.  Stick with me, and I’ll make sure you don’t get dragged under the wheels of the STI train that rolls through here on a daily basis.

[daltonpr-lopez]

I’ll have to look them up, then. I haven’t familiarized myself with Vegas’s history yet. I’m way overdue. I’ll…keep the…Bull Pasture in mind, thank you. You’re probably not far off, yeah. I’ve been here for almost half of a year and I haven’t acclimated at all.

Whoo, Blainey-Boo, we need to get you out on the town so you can properly brush up on your environment before some hypersexed douche bag gets you thrown in prison.  Little heads up-- paying for sex is still considered illegal here in the big LV (I know, totally counter-intuitive, but trust me).  So if you’re doting on some smarmy-ass riding crop with legs that asks you to shell out for a ride, just say no.  Any cat houses (or cock ones, in your case) will be in specific cities that are basically day trips, so plan accordingly.  Don’t worry: you’ll know all about the right kind of debauchery soon enough.

Holy Silver Slut City, Batman!

[daltonpr-lopez]

I’ll admit I have plenty of kinks - but kleptomania isn’t one of them. Seems more like your kind if thing, no? And if by “keep things real”, you mean make up things about other people because you’re not creative enough to actually aim with facts, then sure. That’s what you do. And hey - I didn’t deny shit, but at least I own it. Well, that’s true - I’m not sure you have the ability to dream up many things beyond what your simple mind can conjure. Just proves my point about your creativity range.

Unless you consider talent-poaching a klepto thing, you’re barking up the wrong phile, gavel-sucker.  Really?  I’m curious which part was making things up?  I mean, I admit I can speculate with the rest of them, but Street Smarts 101 is how to make an educated guess: something I’m assuming you opted out for in favor of An Overview of Day Drinking and Hiding a Hangover Thru the Ages.  How is being a patronizing dick owning anything?  In fact, it sounded not five seconds ago like you were accusing me of making shit up about you taking it up the ass.  Seriously, Smythe?  You don’t have to take five steps in this hotel to hear about one of your little exploitations.  I’m surprised the Bosses haven’t declared you a health hazard for the hotel.  I, on the other hand, would like to keep my job, so I manage to keep the blood above my waist long enough to weigh risk and benefit when it comes to my sexcapades.   

Did you hear that someone broke into a warehouse and stole $40k worth of condoms and sex toys? Do you think any Warblers would try to use a Five Finger discount at When I Get You Alone?

Wow– only in Vegas, right?  I mean, I get what you’re saying though: high end products, and we definitely have our fair share of exhibitionists.  And, to be accurate, there were two thieves plowing through the aisles there.  So if you were asking who I think would be the most likely to try something like that… I’d go with Puck or Santana, wouldn’t you?  They both seem capable of impulsive and yet efficient B&E.

As for our own Adult Retail center though, I would certainly hope that no one was trying to walk out with a vibrator between their legs.  I mean, we already get an employee discount, so it’s kind of pathetic if you are so desperate for stimulation that you’d risk your job on that sort of thing.  It’s Las Vegas, people!  Just go find a tourist!

[daltonpr-lopez]

I’m complaining about it being too high, but I guess it’s not your fault that you lack the ability to come to that logical conclusion - the odds were stacked against you from day one. Tell me, what kind of education did you get that the hotel managed to look past your low IQ to get to where you are today? Did they hire you to fill a diversity quota? Actually, scratch that. I just answered my own question.

Stop obsessing over my dick, Lopez. I know you’re thirsty, but I told you already - I’m not that desperate.

Just be honest, Stripper Pole-- you just like to complain to hear yourself talk.  Or possibly to see if you can catch any Snake Milk between check-in calls with Daddy Shark.  Because I’m pretty sure it’s been the same temperature in this place since it opened.    And seriously, Sebastian?  Are you still getting your rocks off that Ivy League stick in your ass?  You do realize that a place that costs half of your trust fund is only worth it if you actually have the grades to show for it?  A well-earned business degree from a UC will always look better than majoring in Drinking Ball Sweat from Harvard.   Hey, better to be hired for Affirmative Action than pure nepotism.  At least I know that when I’m not fired, it’s because I can do my job and not because Daddy’s pulling the strings.

Wow, have you got a porsche to go with that Freudian focus?  I’m pretty sure no one whose last name isn’t Smythe cares about your dick, Frog Legs.  I’ve got better skills at getting people off with my little finger. 

[daltonpr-lopez]

Okay, you’ve called me Corkscrew, Blainey-Boo, and now Raggedy Andy. Should I take the nicknames as a good thing….Auntie Snixx?

That’s…not actually a bad idea. I’ll see what I can do.

Oh trust, me: you’ll know when the way I address you is a bad thing.  But right now, you’re my client-- I look after my kids.  No publicist gets an end-of-the-year bonus for unproductive talent, does she?  Especially if she’s working with stuff that practically sells itself.  So don’t worry, kiddo-- I may be a bitch, but I’ve got your back.

Good to hear: that song is sexy as hell, and you’ve got a face that can sell it.  Just don’t go asking for any douchebag paper-pushers to offer live representation, okay? 

[daltonpr-lopez]

I can appreciate the difference between a brothel and a strip club, I just wasn’t sure which category The Bunny Ranch fell into since before your post I didn’t even know it existed. Newbie is putting it lightly for me as well, apparently.

Oh, I’m sure you can.  And while the Bunnies are kind of famous around here-- for their historical significance, of course- they really aren’t really targeting your type.  But if you ask nice, I’m sure we could find you a Bull Pasture if you wanted to experience the difference firsthand.  Trust me, I’ve seen your file-- newbie is generous.  I should be calling you Cream and Sugar.

Holy Silver Slut City, Batman!

[daltonpr-lopez]

Well…that was certainly a ride from start to finish. Though I’m guessing that if he’s driving his 18-wheeler into a strip joint, loser is putting it lightly.

Aw, newbies are so cute.  Not a strip club, Blainey-boo.  The Bunny Ranch is a brothel.  Filled with naked people doing naughty things to each other for financial compensation.  I’m sure your lawyer bestie can give you full details.  But I can understand your confusion: it’s not really meant for people exclusive to meat stick.  Plus it’s outside the city-- hence why it’s legal, ironically.

Holy Silver Slut City, Batman!

[daltonpr-lopez]

And here’s where I walk away. Always a pleasure, Santana.

Aw, I love you too Corkscrew.  Glad to help.  And just remember, as your publicist, I am always happy to provide you with graphic visuals of who could currently be lapping up your sexy statuesque big brother’s washboard abs whenever you need.  I will make it my personal mission to get you all of the information that could permanently brand that image of Mr. Hollywood bending one of our lovely talents over, sweaty and sticky, into your brain for life.

[daltonpr-lopez]

Aw, Raggedy Andy: don’t talk like that.  I represent all, and I know that you are on top of that setlist like it’s your sexual preference.  All good things come to those who pay their dues-- don’t worry.  Auntie Snixx will take care of you.

That said, I would pay to hear a stripped version of Machine Gun Kelly’s “Bad Things” at Raise Your Glass...

I think I’ve managed to exhaust every Bublé song possible. I will take any song suggestions thrown at me into consideration. What I mean to say is: I was never meant to be a lounge singer and I need help. 

[daltonpr-lopez]

lawyer-smythe

Really, San? You don’t think I can’t afford to buy out that place if I really wanted to? Maybe the reason that you’re being accused is because you walk and act like you have something permanently jammed up your ass. But hey - far be it from me to judge you on what gets you off. That’s between you and the sad sack that’s just desperate enough to join you.

Do I think you could?  Sure.  But I also think you’d much rather buy your way out of trouble than use your greenbacks to preempt it.  So basically, yeah-- I’m guessing your klepto fetish is at work here.  Excuse me-- I just keep things real.  If people can’t handle that, that’s really not my problem.  And that’s rich, Minion-- act all condescending toward someone about ass sex like the whole damned city doesn’t know you’ll bottom out for as many as will line up behind you?  I doubt I could dream up half the weird-ass fetishes you get into.

Did you hear that someone broke into a warehouse and stole $40k worth of condoms and sex toys? Do you think any Warblers would try to use a Five Finger discount at When I Get You Alone?

Wow– only in Vegas, right?  I mean, I get what you’re saying though: high end products, and we definitely have our fair share of exhibitionists.  And, to be accurate, there were two thieves plowing through the aisles there.  So if you were asking who I think would be the most likely to try something like that… I’d go with Puck or Santana, wouldn’t you?  They both seem capable of impulsive and yet efficient B&E.

As for our own Adult Retail center though, I would certainly hope that no one was trying to walk out with a vibrator between their legs.  I mean, we already get an employee discount, so it’s kind of pathetic if you are so desperate for stimulation that you’d risk your job on that sort of thing.  It’s Las Vegas, people!  Just go find a tourist!

[daltonpr-lopez]

Seriously?  It’s fucking sweating balls outside, and you’re complaining about the air conditioner being on?  What’s wrong, Slim Jim?  Has your dick shrunk to an even more embarrassing size?  Didn’t realize that was possible with you, but I guess the whining would make sense.

The best thing about living in Paris was that our buildings didn’t carry the risk of us being frozen to death. Seriously, who’s in charge of the AC? Pretty sure my office is colder than Mongolia right now.

[daltonpr-lopez]

Excuse me?  I’m 100% Sex Goddess here, and don’t need to go around buying fucking diamond-encrusted anal plugs or whatever to leave my playmates and me smiling.  However, I can think of a certain Ken Doll that would be exploding with glee for an overpriced dick-pump, among other things.  So the real question is @lawyer-smythe where were you and your latest fuckboi suckah last night? 

Did you hear that someone broke into a warehouse and stole $40k worth of condoms and sex toys? Do you think any Warblers would try to use a Five Finger discount at When I Get You Alone?

Wow– only in Vegas, right?  I mean, I get what you’re saying though: high end products, and we definitely have our fair share of exhibitionists.  And, to be accurate, there were two thieves plowing through the aisles there.  So if you were asking who I think would be the most likely to try something like that… I’d go with Puck or Santana, wouldn’t you?  They both seem capable of impulsive and yet efficient B&E.

As for our own Adult Retail center though, I would certainly hope that no one was trying to walk out with a vibrator between their legs.  I mean, we already get an employee discount, so it’s kind of pathetic if you are so desperate for stimulation that you’d risk your job on that sort of thing.  It’s Las Vegas, people!  Just go find a tourist!

[daltonpr-lopez]

Doubtful, but if by some miracle I happen to get there before you do, don’t expect me to save you a seat. I’d much rather suffer an eternity of Trent puking rainbows than deal with your bitching.

Please - you wouldn’t be able to hook the classy ones. I suppose it’s just as well you’re not in the industry - I’ve seen crack whores more appealing and less used up than you are. Screwing around to get to where you are doesn’t count as your “own merit”, but go ahead and tell yourself what you need to so that you can get yourself through the day. No idea what you’re talking about, San - those were all false accusations. You can check the records. I’m clean.

Yeah right, Mantis-boy-- I’m fast-tracking it to Hell when I die, no question.  Because I am definitively bitch like, as opposed to your wishy-washy ass.  But hey-- Purgatory is one of those weird neutral zones.  Maybe rainbow-puke fetishism is acceptable there.  I’ll root for you and the little Blubber Nugget.

I’m sorry-- which of us hooked the publicist job and has fills the arena around here, and which pushes paperwork off on his desk clerk while she’s sucking his cock under the desk?  Well, considering how low rent crack is, I’m sure you know your way around plenty of crack whores, Hermey, so you’d know better than me.  Well, it sure as hell beats out “Every place my Daddy couldn’t buy me into I just took it over the desk for”, so regardless, my resume is still more impressive than yours.  Oh yeah-- clean as those sheets the poor maids had to collect from your bed last night, right Smythe?

Holy Silver Slut City, Batman!

[daltonpr-lopez]

The sidewalk is where they //won’t// be in the way?  I’m curious where you think people normally are in this city?  I think it was HBO or Starz, actually.  Pretty sure there was some sort of actual plot, and not just live-streaming porn, not that I know for sure.  If I’m going to watch people going at it, I like to have a cliche plot to mock, myself.  Plus if they were going to use non-actors (or at least not cast ones), I think they’re obligated to blur out the faces, which makes it kind of lackluster.  Might as well just have the girls going at it with each other.  

The guy was in a mask and body armor– I’m pretty sure he wasn’t a frequenter of the business, San.

Hey, people can step around bodies-- cars seem less inclined to do so, and traffic’s congested enough on the Strip as is.  Plus, anyone who knows anything takes the Tram, so street urchins are basically gambling on a nightly basis anyways.  So what?  Like Season 1 Game of Thrones in present day, but with less gore or pretty faces?  Sounds boring-- how did they manage to keep that show running?  Well, far be it for me to tell you what kind of movie to jack off to, Bullboy-- god knows it’s probably very important in your world.  Blurring out faces?  Ugh-- this show sounds worse and worse the more you talk.  Glad you aren’t their publicist.

Body armor to go to a brothel?  Sounds like a hardcore fetishist to me.

Holy Silver Slut City, Batman!

[daltonpr-lopez]

Well then, I suppose you should start looking out for oncoming traffic. Although you’ve managed to avoid a Darwinian-style death thus far, so kudos to you, I guess.

And how many people did you have to put out for to get to where you are exactly? Don’t worry, we’re only judging you a little bit. I’m sure you’re fully aware that if I did sell it, my ass would be worth 1000x the price of yours. Fortunately for you, I’m not desperate for cash. You don’t need that kind of competition dragging down your income. Someone’s gotta pay to get your relatives out of prison somehow, right?

Oh I’m not worried-- your string bean ass will probably get dragged along the Strip for miles, totally visible from the tram, so I’ll have a great view of when someone finally does the world a solid and sends you to Purgatory where you belong.

Yeah right-- if I was the type of girl that used casting couches, I’d have a way better office-- and better clients-- than this place can offer.  And I’d like to point out that my Daddy didn’t have to pull strings to get me a job, so even if I was screwing around to get somewhere, at least I did it on my own merit.  But I guess you’d know all about depending on family to buy you out of jail, right Smythe?  How many times has Daddy Dick had to line people’s pockets to keep you from having a train run on you behind bars?  Although let’s be real-- being the cell block bitch is probably your fantasy.

Holy Silver Slut City, Batman!