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danetrainblog-blog · 8 years ago

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A Beautiful Maui - The Truth Behind Moana - DaneTrain

New Post has been published on http://www.danetrain.com/movie-reviews/a-beautiful-maui-the-truth-behind-moana/

A Beautiful Maui - The Truth Behind Moana

On the surface, Moana is about a reluctant chief-in-training who struggles to rectify the expectations of her people with her own wants and dreams. Chief Tiu (Moana’s father) believes that no good can come from ever leaving their island paradise. Even when vital resources begin dwindling, Tiu remains firm in his convictions that all boats are evil, and while preserving his uncomfortable adoration of coconuts. Nevertheless, Moana embarks on an epic voyage to save Motunui, and does so with one of the very boats that enrage her father so. Thus, Moana restores life to her island and reinstates her people’s previous livelihood of voyaging the open seas.

Moana’s right-hand man throughout her journey is the demigod Maui. And he is awesome. The Rock totally delivers, and his performance is one of the highlights of the film. The problem with Maui – arguably the only problem with Maui – is that he is completely unnecessary. SPOILERS AHEAD. Maui steals the heart of the goddess TeFiti, a rock with the power to create life that is vital to sustaining life on Motunui and the surrounding islands. Yeah, I don’t really get how it works either, but that’s neither here nor there. This vandalism upsets the natural balance, putting Moana’s home in danger of becoming the next causality. According to Grandma Tala, the only way to stop this systematic destruction is to retrieve Maui from his banishment so that he can restore the heart to the goddess.

As the circumstances play out, though, Moana restores the heart all by her onesies. Yet, the majority of the film is spent locating Maui, convincing him to help, apprehending his missing fishhook, and helping him to overcome a variety of personal insecurities. Sure, he tries to help along the way, but upon discovering that Te ka the lava monster is actually just a royally PMSing TeFiti, Moana is easily able to diffuse the situation.

I can actually relate to Te ka a lot right now. Except my fiery rage is paired with chocolate.

Cool. Another girl power Disney flick determined to upset their legacy of less-than-impressive heroines, right? Well, yes. But there is a little more to it than that. It’s really weird that Maui is such a big part of Moana, but he doesn’t really contribute anything. After all, the guy’s built like an ox and just so happens to be a shape-shifting demigod. Maui’s utter uselessness makes no sense, unless . . . get ready for it . . . Maui only exists in Moana’s mind.

I know, I know, Just hear me out, ok?

Maui is the physical manifestation of the part of Moana that she has been forced to suppress, as he embodies key aspects of her personality and culture. For starters, Moana has been exposed to stories of Maui and his exploits since before she could even talk. Maui is apparently one of Grandma Tala’s favorite conversational topics. Coincidentally, Tala is the only person in Moana’s life to encourage her need to be on the ocean. Tala sings that her granddaughter must not ignore what she feels: “And when that voice starts to whisper / To follow the farthest star/ Moana that voice inside is who you are” (“Where You Are”). The “farthest star” sounds an awful lot like that last star in the fishhook constellation. You know, the constellation that leads to the exact island where Maui has been stuck for the past 1000 years? Yeah, that one. So if the “voice inside” is telling her to go to the “farthest star,” that voice inside might just be Maui. Or she named him Maui to feel better about talking to herself all the time. Regardless, once Moana reaches Maui Isle, she is away from Motunui and is fully on her own. She needs inner strength – or, if you will – inner Maui.

Maui shares some noteworthy similarities with Moana. Like her, he just wants to find a boat and sail away. He is a master wayfinder, something that Moana hopes to become. He is rejected by his parents, and although Moana’s parents are quite loving, they strongly disapprove of her connection to the sea. In fact, Moana’s struggles with her parents and her looming chiefdom are precisely exemplified during “You’re Welcome,” when Maui parallels the Chief’s coconut toss from “Where You Are.”

Aladdin does it with an apple. This is the only GIF I could find to demonstrate what the heck I’m talking about. Of course, why Chief Tui and Maui replicate this Aladdin-patented move is an analysis for another day.

This deliberate correspondence only furthers Maui’s role as Moana’s inner voice. She cannot escape her father’s insistence that she stay trapped on Motunui. In “How Far I’ll Go,” Moana laments: “I can lead with pride I can make us strong / I’ll be satisfied if I play along / But a voice inside sings a different song / What is wrong with me?” There’s that voice inside again, voicing Moana’s fear that in accepting her role as chief, she will only be playing a part and denying her true self. She finally succeeds in leaving Motunui and locating Maui. Then, with the chuck of a coconut, he traps Moana on his island. But she proves that nagging interior doubt wrong by ultimately escaping and rejoining Maui. This victory is pivotal; not only does she abscond the cave, but she also sways Maui’s opinion regarding her quest. This is later reflected in the film’s conclusion when Chief Tui finally embraces the sea.

Moana is clearly oblivious to the fact that Maui does not actually exist. As far as she is concerned – and as viewers are concerned, for that matter – she is actually travelling with a demigod. You see where I’m going with this. Think Life of Pi meets A Beautiful Mind. Maui is basically Russell Crowe’s roommate. If you haven’t seen the film – and if this is the case, shame on you – Crowe’s John Nash heads off to university and meets his wonderful new roommate, Charles, and the two maintain a close bond throughout college and beyond. Until Nash is diagnosed as schizophrenic. He hears things that aren’t there. And sees people that don’t exist. And one of those people is that oh-so-loveable roommate. It is a mind-blowing moment in a damn good movie.

Through some complicated technological methods, I edited this image to emphasize my point.

I don’t think Moana is schizophrenic, but there are similarities between her interactions with Maui and Nash’s with Charles the roommate. For instance, there is no one to verify that Moana and Maui ever hung out, let alone saved the world together. I mean, unless one would count the legendary creatures that Moana defeats along the way, but the only person to see those guys and to make it back to Motunui to tell the tale is Moana. Grandma Tala witnesses the ocean interacting with her granddaughter, but Tala is also the village crazy lady. And dead. Both of which work against her credibility.

While these exchanges with the demigod are reminiscent of A Beautiful Mind, the reasoning behind having an imaginary sidekick is closer to that behind Pi Patel’s hallucinations. While the conclusion of Life of Pi is arguably ambiguous, I’m of the camp that Pi’s lifeboat was actually not full of circus animals. However, that was the reality that Pi’s mind generated in order for him to survive that ordeal. Similarly, Moana is alone at sea for a long time. It makes sense that her mind would conjure up this familiar companion to help see her through her journey.

If Maui is himself a projection of the internal Moana, it stands to reason that at least portions of the voyage depict her interior battles. This notion is furthered by the types of villains that she and Maui encounter along the way. After retrieving Maui – or shall I call you CHARLES THE ROOMMATE – the first obstacle they meet is a violent tribe of bloodthirsty coconuts called the kakamora. Yeah. Like hundreds of evil little coconuts on these floating warships. Coincidentally, one of the big problems for Moana’s island home is that the coconuts, their main resource, were rotting from the inside out. There’s an entire verse of “Where You Are” dedicated to coconuts, and Tui is super psyched to sing about them. Seriously. The look on his face is one of pure joy.

Pictures of Tui are hard to come by, but these villagers are equally pumped regarding the existence of coconuts.

So Motunui’s coconuts go bad. And then Moana has to defeat bad coconuts. And while Maui displays some stealthy techniques with steering the canoe, it is Moana who reclaims TeFiti’s heart from the kakamora.

Next, Maui teaches Moana how to sail as they travel to the lair of Tamatoa, the greatest character with the greatest song in the entire movie. There is very limited merchandise available pertaining to Tamatoa. I can’t be the only person lamenting this fact, can I? This is entirely unrelated to my argument, I just felt that someone needed to be aware of the problem.

Seriously – this is the best GIF I could find. For Tamatoa. The David Bowie crab. Come on, where’s the love?

Anyway, this gigantic, human-hungry crustacean is obsessed with his physical appearance. He loves all things sparkly, and advises Moana that she should do the same: “Did your granny say ‘listen to your heart/Be who you are on the inside’? / I need three words to tear her argument apart: / ‘Your granny lied’!” (“Shiny”). Tala is Moana’s only source of support regarding her love of the ocean, so it makes since that at some point, Moana may doubt herself and her mission. This doubt is personified (…crabified?) in the bedazzled Tamatoa. If one looks attractive and is “shiny” enough, he or she will be admired. Remember “How Far I’ll Go,” and the lyric “I’ll be satisfied if I play along” – Tamatoa wholeheartedly agrees . He tells Moana that “fish are dumb, dumb, dumb / They chase anything that glitters – beginners / And here they come, come, come to the brightest thing that glitters.” Play the part and people will follow. Moana is a reluctant chief, but perhaps she should just go back and lead her people through a glittery façade.

And of course there’s the whole reason that they go to see Tamatoa in the first place, which is to retrieve Maui’s fishhook. Maui tries repeatedly to obtain it, but in the end, Moana who tricks the crab and gets the hook.

At some point somewhere within the realm of Moana, Maui probably did exist. In the film’s introduction, Tala tells of how TeFiti’s heart came to be stolen and how many monsters were eager to get their hands on this powerful stone. Pictured are the kakamora, Tamatoa, and of course, Maui. Moana was raised with these legends, so they obviously factor prominently into who she is. The larger than life persona of Maui is that of a fearless and essentially benevolent demigod, and this is the guy that Moana needs to get her through a very scary, very solitary journey. The chicken just didn’t cut it.

So Moana reaches within herself to find the Maui that she needs, allowing her to face ominous obstacles, save her people, and restore the opportunities of sea travel to her island. However, there is another explanation that gives our heroine a more conniving role. Moana has injected herself into legends that are integral to her island’s culture. Her epic voyage will become her legacy, and the magnitude of her adventure guarantees that she will become a legend in her own right. She will be the next leader of her people, and this story makes her significantly more “shiny.”

Her people all know the legend of Maui, and that’s why he plays so prominently into her story. Moana not only aligns herself with one of the most recognized (albeit fallen) heroes of Motunui culture, but she also restores him to his former glory. Inspired by the tales from the “village crazy lady,” Moana crafts an intricate fiction, casting herself as the heroine. This will strengthen her persona and the surrounding mythos when she leads as chief.

After all, Tamatoa does have a point. It’s important to “be who you are on the inside,” but a leader needs to look the part as well. And that’s what can be achieved with the story that Moana has to tell, and will undoubtedly be told about her. Her people are afraid of the sea, but Moana knows that they must at least occasionally leave to keep the island afloat, so to speak. Her entire island is against ever leaving Motunui for the entirety of the movie. However, the second Moana triumphantly returns, these same people are dragging the canoes out of storage and ready to voyage on the high seas, the coconut-loving chief included. Moana’s story deeply resonates with all of them, which ultimately gets her exactly what she wanted – for both herself and her people.

I don’t want to say that Moana outright lies in order to manipulate her people into capitulation…but Moana outright lies in order to manipulate her people into capitulation. Or it’s all in her head. You decide. You’re welcome.

*A very special thank you to my Bestie for her encouragement and mad proofreading skills, and to Steve for being my sounding board for the last two months.

*All GIFs via GIPHY

*A Beautiful Mind image obtained from:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Vdw544M7lF8/VPgXX-L-huI/AAAAAAAADLs/JLToNWxpN_Q/s1600/nash%2Band%2Bhis%2Bprodigal%2Broommate.jpg

#A Beautiful Mind #Maui #Moana

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danetrainblog-blog · 8 years ago

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Big Law by Ron Liebman - DaneTrain

New Post has been published on http://www.danetrain.com/book-reviews/big-law-by-ron-liebman/

Big Law by Ron Liebman

Big Law was written by a lawyer. A lawyer who tried his hand at writing. And failed. Ok, maybe “failed” is a bit strong. It’s not that Big Law is unreadable or anything, but at times it comes close.

Carney Blake is a newly minted partner at Dunn & Sullivan, an appropriately fancy-sounding law firm that makes oodles and oodles of money for themselves through the important people that they represent. Blake tends to turn a blind eye when it comes to the moral aspects of the position, allowing him to maintain his focus on climbing the corporate ladder. Predictably, he finds himself entangled in a sticky lawsuit that could cost him his career and his life as he knows it. Throw into the mix a new relationship, drama with his immediate family, corporate creed and an over-dependence on cliches, and you have Big Law.

While the legal aspects of Big Law are manageable, they have a tendency to range from somewhat dense to flat-out boring. A lot of this has to do with Carney’s character. He’s kindof hard to care about. I mean, he’s interesting I guess? He has this black girlfriend that he likes to remind readers about every ten pages or so, at which time he reminds us that race is not an issue to him, so he’s a hero. His brother has a big drug problem and his dad is just an alcoholic jerk. Sure, he has problems, but his inner dialogue is so atrocious that I often found myself wanting him to fail.

For instance, he is constantly using phrases like “Okay, roll the tape.” Usually with italics. He’s real big on italics. That’s not the worst of it, though. The novel is littered with inner monologues lacking the wit that Liebman clearly imagines is there. “A blind man could have seen that I was down on myself.” Ugh. Really?

The absolute most painful aspects of Big Law are Carney’s commentary regarding anyone in any way different from himself. There’s the aforementioned African American girlfriend, but he additionally insults homosexuals, the obese, and really women in general. Other than Diane, the women are all described as being nice in spite of having unattractive features. This is primarily visible in the character of Anka Stankowsi. Carney describes her as follows:

Anka Stankowski was known in the firm’s hallways as “Jaba the Hutt.” She weighed in somewhere seriously north of two-fifty. As, by the way, did her husband, a partner in another big law firm in the city. They were his-and-her sumo wrestlers in lawyer’s clothing. I remembered seeing them dancing together at last year’s Christmas gala. They were surprisingly light on their toes, even though they looked like a couple of hippos in an animated Disney film.

Yes, that is a legit description from Big Law. Paragraphs later, we learn that she is fiercely intelligent and a force to be reckoned with both in an out of the courtroom. But no no, first we need an insulting description of her physical appearance.

My final issue with the novel was the fact that the jacket flap led me to believe that the plot would primarily deal with Carney’s trial, which actually factored only briefly into the plot. Mostly we are left with a convoluted plot that is at times hard to follow and and other times just plain insulting.

*A special thanks to Blue Rider Press and Penguin for sending me this book!

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danetrainblog-blog · 9 years ago

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Beauty and the Beast - A Troublesome Viewing Experience - DaneTrain

New Post has been published on http://www.danetrain.com/movie-reviews/beauty-and-the-beast-a-troublesome-viewing-experience/

Beauty and the Beast - A Troublesome Viewing Experience

Beauty and the Beast is a Disney classic beloved by millions, including myself. I always identified with the quirky Belle and her love of books. It had been many years since I sat down and watched the movie in its entirety, but recently, it has replaced Frozen in my home. Thus, I now watch it on a daily basis, and, predictably, I have taken issue with some key details of the film.

The opening sequence of Beauty and the Beast provides viewers with the Beast’s tragic backstory: one dark and stormy night, a gnarly old woman shows up at this prince’s castle in need of accommodations for the evening. Oh, and she doesn’t have any money, but she does offer a beautiful rose as payment. The prince explains that he’s not running a Motel 6, and tells her to be on her way. For this reason, she curses his castle, all of its inhabitants, and turns him into a buffalo/wolverine hybrid. He has until his 21st birthday to sort out his shit, otherwise he’s doomed to an eternity of beastdom.

I have some problems with this. First off, if this lady showed up at my house, I’d tell her the same damn thing. What makes this all even more startling is that our prince is a mere eleven years old at the time of the incident. That’s right, I did the math. The rose is already wilting, so we know that the prince is or is fast approaching the big 2-1. Moreover, in “Be Our Guest,” Lumiere laments that “10 years we’ve been rusting / Needing so much more than dusting.” I’m surprised that woman didn’t ask him to come try the candy in her van, or request that he help her find a lost puppy.

What kind of eleven year old looks like this?!

So, an eleven year old with absentee parents refuses to let a questionable stranger into his palace, and he is punished for the next 10 years. This maybe isn’t the best message to be sending our children. In fact, this sounds more like an episode of “To Catch a Predator” gone terribly awry.

There is one more thing that drives me nuts every time I watch this movie – what the heck is this guy’s name? They had to call him something before the transformation. There’s always the possibility that his birth name actually was “Beast,” but that seems unlikely. And how is Belle supposed to address him after he is a man again? Moreover, why didn’t he just keep going by his actual name? Maybe because Beauty and Ned didn’t have the same ring to it.

Let’s move on to the problem of Belle herself. I am not entirely convinced that Belle is actually in love with good old Ned. Remember, the clock is ticking, and the castle staff is desperate to return to human form. They point to various instances of budding romance throughout the film, but these moments can all be explained by the simple fact that Belle has placed Ned in the friendzone. Sure, sure – some people claim that her actions reflect Stockholm Syndrome, but I totally disagree.

Belle never acts seriously threatened. Yeah, she’s scared when she first sees him in his entirety, but that’s more surprise than anything. She gives a similar reaction when her wardrobe first strikes up a conversation with her. From the very start, she is pissed at Ned from imprisoning her sick old father, so for much of the film, she treats him with outright disrespect. He is an asshole and completely deserves it, but she’s not exactly helping the situation. This all changes, however, when he gives her a library. And not just any library, but basically the biggest library ever. As a fellow bibliophile, I totally get her reaction – the girl just loves books. And to keep those books, it’s in her best interest to act as if she at least likes Ned. She really should have confirmed that these were some legit books, though. Who knows – maybe she just accepted a room full of encyclopedias and Dean Koontz novels. Regardless, Ned interprets Belle’s response as genuine affection, and the household knickknacks immediately jump to the conclusion that love is in the air.

“Please love me – have a library! I hope you like Dean Koontz…”

This is the turning point in which Belle starts treating Ned like a good drinking buddy instead of a mortal enemy. They can chow down on some oatmeal together and have a fancy dance party, but the romantic attraction is not mutual. She says, “I love you” once he’s dead, but it still doesn’t feel like romantic love, more like someone would say while mourning a dead pet – an anthropomorphized pet wolverine/buffalo. I wouldn’t mind getting myself one of those, as long as it would gift me with a library. What I really don’t get is how she’s suddenly all over him once he resurrects from the dead into a nasty-looking durp.

Uhhhh? Beast Ned is totally preferable to this durp.

Seriously – he’s the durpiest looking Disney man since Prince Charming. Ned looks wayyyyyyy better as a snuggly beast. But now he’s back to being a man, the castle is magically cleaned, and it seems all of his wealth and glory have been restored, and Belle is suddenly all in. I aint sayin’ she’s a gold-digger…

So Ned has unresolved anger issues, Belle is in it for the money (or at the very least, the books), and we are to believe that these two are a match made in heaven. Moreover, we are to believe that Gaston is the bad guy here. All things considered, he no longer comes across as such a villain. I’d say he’s at least comparable to Ned in terms of human decency. I know what you’re thinking, but hear me out. We know Beast’s backstory – this guy was damned for adhering to stranger danger rules all while in the complete absence of parental supervision. This allows us to understand why he has become an angry, unstable monster man. Conversely, we don’t know anything about Gaston’s personal history. He enjoys hunting, beer, and is “especially good at expectorating.” This could be practically any male in Western Pennsylvania, and believe me, none of that is frowned upon here.

10 points for Gaston.

So he’s a little bigoted, but he’s absolutely a product of his times. 1700s France wasn’t exactly a bastion of women’s liberation. Gaston’s views regarding Belle are shared by the whole town. After all, the entire opening sequence discusses what a travesty it is that an otherwise beautiful girl is marred by an interest in books. The fact that Belle enjoys reading is such a scandal that it merits a highly choreographed musical number. But one man does not care that she’s a little different, and that man is Monsieur Gaston. Isn’t he dreamy. Monsieur Gaston. Oh he’s so cute. Be still, my heart, I’m barely breathing. He’s such a tall, dark, smart and handsome brute. Did I mention how often I watch this movie anymore?

Gaston is never anything but upfront with his intentions. He wants to marry Belle and refuses to give up on that dream. While viewers are generally as offended as Belle is by his advances, this is typically viewed as an endearing cinematic trope. It practically constitutes an entire genre – you know, the one where a guy pursues an uninterested girl. It doesn’t always work out, but we always feel for the guy (500 Days of Summer, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). So why don’t we offer Gaston the same level of admiration?

On the surface, Beauty and the Beast certainly seems like a wholesome family film, but repeated viewings reveal that there are some seriously problematic flaws. An abandoned child prince. A woman who unquestionably compromises her own values in return for possessions. A misunderstood expectorator. This is a sad and disturbing film, and I will probably end up watching it at least three more times today.

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danetrainblog-blog · 9 years ago

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The Choice by Nicholas Sparks - DaneTrain

New Post has been published on http://www.danetrain.com/book-reviews/the-choice-by-nicholas-sparks/

The Choice by Nicholas Sparks

I recently re-read Me Before You by JoJo Moyes. It’s admittedly a saptastic cry-fest, but I loved it. Yeah, it had romance, but it was good, proving that “romance” and “good” can coexist. Lulled into this false sense of security, I decided to try out Nicholas Sparks’ The Choice. The novel was recently made into a movie – as all Nicholas Sparks books are – and the previews are catered towards people that enjoy crying. Looking for a good cry myself, I certainly found it in The Choice, but not for the reasons I was hoping. I cried because of this sixth sense I have that enables me to constantly locate the worst books ever written.

Sparks’ latest effort again chronicles a forbidden romance, and again throws in circumstances to test said romance. Travis the neighborhood veterinarian falls in love with his neighbor Gabby, who has a boyfriend. Apparently Gabby wasn’t too fond of this guy, as she rather unceremoniously dumps him once she has secured Travis as her boyfriend-in-waitting. The two get married and pop out some kids. Happily ever after? Not so fast! One dark and stormy date night, Travis decides to drive like an asshole, landing both himself and Gabby in the hospital. Travis is ok, but his wife is in a coma and he is being pressured to pull the plug. Oh no! What choice will he make?

I guess I only have myself to blame here – I knew what I was getting into when I started The Choice, and I knew five pages in that I was in trouble. It’s not that I’m incapable of falling victim to Nicholas Sparks. I have cried watching The Notebook on more than one occasion. The big problem with The Choice is that it felt forced, and largely recycled. Slightly different situations perhaps, but the characters aren’t novel in any way, and neither is the plot. And the dialogue is downright cringeworthy.

So, make THE CHOICE to not read The Choice. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

#Nicholas Sparks #The Choice

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danetrainblog-blog · 9 years ago

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American Horror Story: Hotel Wrap-up!! - DaneTrain

New Post has been published on http://www.danetrain.com/special-guest-post/american-horror-story-hotel-wrap-up/

American Horror Story: Hotel Wrap-up!!

Check out Two Girls One Show as we wrap-up our season-long discussion of American Horror Story: Hotel!

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danetrainblog-blog · 9 years ago

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11/22/63 - Don't Ruin It, J.J. Abrams - DaneTrain

New Post has been published on http://www.danetrain.com/book-reviews/112263-dont-ruin-it-j-j-abrams/

11/22/63 - Don't Ruin It, J.J. Abrams

The day is almost here. The day I’ve been awaiting for months and months and months. This Monday, 11/22/63 debuts on Hulu. I finished the novel for the second time last night, so I am fully prepared and cautiously optimistic that James Franco won’t ruin it. I’m also scared, as this mini-series will be treading on sacred ground. Stephen King is my favorite author, and 11/22/63 just so happens to be one of my favorite books of all time. That’s a lot of “favorites” in one sentence. Therefore, if JJ Abrams desecrates the book with the show, I will be very loudly airing my grievances here.

11/22/63 is at its core a love story, which is not what I was expecting my first time through. Yeah, yeah, on the surface it’s about a man going back in time to stop the assassination of Kennedy, but there is a lot more to it. That’s fairly obvious, since it’s over 800 pages in length.

Our protagonist, Jake Epping, is tasked with saving JFK. Blown away. What else do I have to say? Sorry, I can’t say “JFK” without adding the rest to it. The catch is that the portal to the past spits him out in 1958, so he has to hang out in the “Land of Ago” for five years. During this time, he spies on Lee Harvey Oswald and his family to absolutely confirm that he was the lone assailant. Jake also assimilates himself into the time period, acquiring a job as a high school teacher and unexpectedly falling for the school librarian.

The past can be changed, but it makes it difficult to do so, thus Jake faces many obstacles, which increase in severity depending on the magnitude of the change to be made. Preventing Kennedy’s death really pisses the past off. When Jake goes back through the rabbit hole to 2011, the repercussions of meddling with history are many and terrifying; the future is not the bright one that Jake thought it would be.

Stephen King is fond of this sort of cautionary tale. I’m always reminded of good old Jud Crandall in Pet Sematary: “Sometimes, dead is better.” Whenever man messes with the natural order of things, it ends badly. But that never stops him from trying.

This brings me to the mini-series. I want it to be awesome, but I’m not sure that it can convey all of the feels that King so brilliantly articulates. From the first test trip that Jake takes to the “Land of Ago,” readers get the feeling that it can’t be this easy to go back and forth without some sort of repercussions. Jake knows it too, but that doesn’t stop him, and it probably wouldn’t have stopped me either. Jake becomes a part of that era, which complicates his mission in more ways than one. He is likeable yet flawed – the perfect King hero. When I started the book for the second time, even knowing that James Franco was cast in the role, I couldn’t picture him as Jake. I still can’t. All I see is this:

But again – I’m cautiously optimistic. I know that King was heavily involved in the making of the show. I also know that he personally offered it up to JJ Abrams. There are other promising factors as well. For one thing, the idea to make the behemoth of a novel into a mini-series instead of a movie was absolutely the right decision. The book is so long and so complex that a movie would have been overly-reductive, undoubtedly cheapening a multi-faceted story with such rich, complex characters. And there’s the fact that I love the casting of Chris Cooper as Al Templeton.

Time will tell; my fingers are crossed. I’ll be watching Monday, and I’ll be joining my bestie Trey from over at Geeks and Geeklets to cover the series on 2 Girls, One Show, which I’ll also be sharing here at danetrain.

#11/22/63 #Hulu #Stephen King

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danetrainblog-blog · 9 years ago

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The Devil's Advocate - DaneTrain

New Post has been published on http://www.danetrain.com/movie-reviews/the-devils-advocate/

The Devil's Advocate

It’s time for another thrilling installment of ’90s movie night. Although there were some heavy contenders this week, the obvious quickly revealed itself: Keanu Reeves. Al Pacino. Mediocre literary references. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Devil’s Advocate.

’90s darling Keanu Reeves gives a riveting performance as Kevin Lomax, a hotshot southern defense attorney who has never lost a case in spite of some obviously guilty clients.

After one particularly bothersome win (the client a super icky pedophile), Lomax is courted by the prestigious firm Milton, Chadwick & Waters. Kevin and his wife, Mary Anne (an unfortunately permed Charlize Theron), immediately load up their truck and move to Beverly. New York City, that is. The two are swept up into a lavish lifestyle with high profile parties and expensive apartments, but all is not sunshine and rainbows. With Kevin constantly working, Mary Anne spirals into depression, and rightfully so. Kevin refuses to listen to her concerns about their new life and his new boss, Milton (Al Pacino).

SPOILERS AHEAD

John Milton is charismatic and powerful. Sure, he likes to party hard and has an eye for the ladies, but Kevin is smitten, and these characteristics seem to only further his feelings. As it turns out, there is a reason that Kevin looks up to his new mentor so much, and there’s a reason that Milton’s firm was so interested in Kevin. Yup, Milton is Kevin’s daddy. Oh, and Milton is also the father of the underworld. You know, Satan.

Kevin actually seems way more disturbed that Milton is his dad than by the fact that he is Lucifer in the flesh, but that’s neither here nor there. Milton lets Kevin in on his plan to bring about the Antichrist. The little bundle of hell would be the offspring of Kevin and his half sister. Just when Milton thinks that Kevin is game, though, Kevin shoots himself in the head with a random gun. Sorry Satan.

The Devil’s Advocate wasn’t as bad as I had hoped it would be. I actually enjoyed it. This defies all logic, but it’s true. Satan here chooses the name John Milton, which just so happens to be the name of the brilliant poet behind Paradise Lost. This epic poem details the fall of man, and let me tell you, it is the shit. Instead of being offended that one of the greatest pieces of literature ever written was invoked in this way, I was actually amused. Moreover, the writers of The Devil’s Advocate at the very least read the back flap of Paradise Lost, because the movie contains at least one direct quote from the piece (“make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven”). Good work, writers.

I was really hoping for more campiness here. I’m actually disappointed that this was a legit movie and not something that I could endlessly mock for the rest of my natural existence. There’s always next time.

Have a movie suggestion for me? Shoot me an email at [email protected]!

*All gifs obtained from http://giphy.com/search/the-devils-advocate

#The Devil's Advocate

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danetrainblog-blog · 9 years ago

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The Grief of Frozen - DaneTrain

New Post has been published on http://www.danetrain.com/movie-reviews/the-grief-of-frozen/

The Grief of Frozen

Since my child has entered toddlerhood, I’ve found that the majority of my time is spent watching Frozen. I’ve gone through the stages of grief several times over regarding the inevitable permanence of this film in my life. I’m not sure that this is what Dr. Kubler-Ross had in mind when she outlined the process, but it is entirely applicable to my mourning.

Denial. My kid cannot possibly like this movie. This is my kid. Maybe it’s just a phase. She’ll get over it. It’s been on every day for six months. Every. Single. Day. But that will end soon, right? Right?!

Anger. I hate this movie. I hate everything about this movie. This is all Anna’s fault, why is everyone pinning it on Elsa when Anna started the whole thing?? This music sucks. Why does everyone love this terrible music so much?

Bargaining. I will willingly watch The Minion Movie multiple times per day for the rest of my natural existence if there can just be an end to this madness. Just make it stop. I do not want to build a snowman, damn it.

Depression. This is my life. This is it. I have nothing to look forward to for the rest of my days with the exception of Kristoff’s reindeer song. And even that is so short. Why wouldn’t they even give Kristoff a full-length song? Even Hans gets a song of reasonable length. Albeit, it’s a duet, but he still garnered a lot of screen time for it. I’m even more depressed now that I’m considering the amount of time I just spent bemoaning Disney’s injustices towards poor, innocent, pungent Kristoff.

Acceptance. LET IT GO. LET IT GO. I AM ONE WITH THE WIND AND SKYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEYYYY. LET IT GO. LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOO. YOU’LL NEVER SEE ME CRYYYEEEYYYYEE.

I just don’t get it. I’ve spent months of my life actively hating Frozen, and now I find myself identifying with Elsa and belting out “Love is an Open Door” with my husband. I can handle both parts on my own no problem, but it is a duet, after all. I think I’ve finally accepted it this time. Frozen is a permanent staple in my household. Then again, maybe it’s just a phase?

#Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross #Frozen #Stages of Grief

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danetrainblog-blog · 9 years ago

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American Horror Story Hotel: Episodes 8 and 9 - DaneTrain

New Post has been published on http://www.danetrain.com/special-guest-post/american-horror-story-hotel-episodes-8-and-9/

American Horror Story Hotel: Episodes 8 and 9

Unfortunately for all of us, American Horror Story returns from its brief hiatus this week. Catch up on previous episodes with my wonderful bestie, Trey, and, of course, little old me.

#American Horror Story Hotel

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danetrainblog-blog · 9 years ago

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Point Break...not the new one - DaneTrain

New Post has been published on http://www.danetrain.com/movie-reviews/point-break-not-the-new-one/

Point Break...not the new one

The ’90s were an amazing time in cinematic history. Let’s face it, filmmakers will never top the decade that gifted us with such treasures as The Bodyguard, Con Air, and Nell. Recently, I have mandated that movie nights in our home consist purely of films from this era. It makes for some good times. This is how I was introduced to Point Break. One of the more recent victims of the Hollywood trend to remake all that is sacred, the original Point Break stands on its own for a number of reasons. I have not seen the updated version, but I am here to tell you that I don’t need to. And neither do you.

The IMDB synopsis for this gem is short and sweet: “An FBI agent goes undercover to catch a gang of bank robbers who may be surfers.” I was hooked by this description alone, but it gets better. Said FBI agent is played by none other than Keanu Reeves, who spends the majority of the film either wearing clingy wet clothing or intensely running from danger. Sidenote: We just watched Chain Reaction, also starring Reeves, and it seems that the 1990s were largely dedicated to the sexual objectification of this man. Moving on. So Reeves stars as an FBI agent named JOHNNY UTAH, but there’s more. Oh, there is so much more. Patrick Swayze is Bodhi, the king of the criminal surfer brigade, and he blesses us with a steady stream of wisdom regarding nature, surfing, and theft. “Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.” So deep. So eloquent. So Swayze.

You’re probably thinking to yourself that there is no way Point Break could possibly get any better. Well, you are wrong, because I haven’t even mentioned the brilliant performance of Mr. Gary Busey. As the ever-suffering partner of Johnny Utah, Busey delivers a nuanced and multi-faceted portrayal of Angelo Pappas. In a particularly moving scene, Pappas moans to Utah, “I’m so hungry I could eat the ass end out of a dead rhino.” This poignant moment is only one of many, yet it highlights the general nature of the film and, of course, the glory that is Busey.

So, Johnny Utah tries to infiltrate this surfer gang in order to find out if they are the culprits behind the robberies. In the process, he falls in love with a surfer lady, with surfing itself, and at least a little bit with Bodhi. At the end of the day, Utah is left to decide if his loyalties lie with his job, or with the man who taught him that it’s ok to rob people at gunpoint as long as you are doing so to fund your love of the ocean. Don’t worry, I won’t spoil it for you.

#1991 #Gary Busey #Keanu Reeves #Patrick Swayze #Point Break

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danetrainblog-blog · 10 years ago

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The Hangman's Daughter by Oliver Potzsch - DaneTrain

New Post has been published on http://www.danetrain.com/book-reviews/the-hangmans-daughter-by-oliver-potzsch/

The Hangman's Daughter by Oliver Potzsch

I could not get into this book at all. I tried and tried and tried, and by then I was halfway through, so I begrudgingly dragged myself through the rest of it.

Jakob Kuisl is the town hangman in a 17th century Bavarian town. The townspeople welcome him when they need someone tortured or executed, but otherwise, the hangman and his family are completely ostracized. Enter Simon Fronwieser, a young doctor who can’t help himself from fraternizing with the well-read hangman, and with his beautiful daughter. Fronwieser’s reputation is at stake for pursuing both of these relationships, but that’s the least of his worries when town orphans start showing up dead. A witch hunt ensues; the midwife, Martha Stechlin, is an easy target, and the hangman is summoned to torture out a confession. Kuisl and Fronwieser know that the midwife is innocent, and it’s a race against the clock to find the true culprit.

Whodunnits in this vein just don’t do it for me. There are lots of characters, and the mastermind turns out to be someone who was barely mentioned, if he was mentioned at all. There is no way readers could have ever figured this out, which is why I found it so annoying. Not to mention long-winded. This plot may have been more tolerably if it was carried out in less than 450 pages.

Needless to say, I won’t be reading any of the other books in the series.

#Oliver Potzsch #The Hangman's Daughter

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danetrainblog-blog · 10 years ago

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The Bazaar of Bad Dreams by Stephen King - DaneTrain

New Post has been published on http://www.danetrain.com/book-reviews/the-bazaar-of-bad-dreams-by-stephen-king/

The Bazaar of Bad Dreams by Stephen King

As readers, we all know the euphoria of one-more-chapter books. These glorious novels have been few and far between for me in recent years, so when I find one, I treasure it. The Bazaar of Bad Dreams is Stephen King’s latest collection of short stories. I may be a tad bit biased, since Stephen King is my spirit animal. That being said, Bazaar left me spending many nights chasing after that elusive last chapter.

Stephen King has a way of taking the “what-ifs” in life and playing out the most terrifying option. Johnny Smith can see the future in The Dead Zone, but what is one’s responsibility when that future is not so good? Pet Sematary‘s Louis Creed can bring his dead son back, only to realize that “sometimes, dead is better.”

King grasps human fear on that broad level, but his writing also hits home in a more granular way. This is on full display in The Bazaar of Bad Dreams. King has a knack for verbalizing those thoughts that everyone has, but would never admit to. In “Mr. Yummy,” for instance, a retirement home resident is given a keepsake to pass on to one of his children. When considering which of the three he would choose, his friend quips, “I’m sure you love all your children equally, you’re that kind of guy, but liking is different, isn’t it?” (351). King hits on those sorts of unspoken truths, which makes readers simultaneously feel relieved and guilty that at least one other depraved person out there has these things cross his mind.

Other stories put characters in morally challenging situations. The protagonist of the aptly-titled “Morality” is offered a hefty sum of money for going to a playground and randomly punching a young child in the face. I know, I know – who would ever consider that? But then Mr. King just wears you down. This woman isn’t in the best of financial situations. The money would allow her husband to quit his 9-5 and finally finish his novel. They could move out of their cramped apartment and start over. It’s only one little punch, and that kid is so young, he’ll never remember it anyway. And suddenly, there I was, all snuggled up in my comfy bed with my fancy new book light, and not entirely disagreeing with a woman’s decision to punch a four year old. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the power of Stephen King.

Every story presents a similarly thought-provoking issue. “Bad Little Kid” portrays a diabolically dangerous “child” that must be stopped, no matter what the cost. “The Bus is Another World” presents a man that must choose between being on-time to a job interview and reporting the murder that he just witnessed. And “UR” brilliantly deals with a common King theme: knowing the future and trying to change it. Plus, it features a perfect cameo from those low men in yellow coats.

So there you have it. Stephen King always finds a way to make me question everything that I thought I stood for. Stay tuned for more Stephen King reviews, as The Bazaar of Bad Dreams left me with a need to revisit his greatest hits.

#The Bazaar of Bad Dreams by Stephen King

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