dangerousfellowsstuff

[dangerousfellowsstuff]

“mormon missionary alec hardy can’t hurt you”

mormon missionary alec hardy:

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Eight-Legged Horror (Bad Samaritan Drabble)

Cale Erendreich x GN!Reader / requests are open

Summary: There's an eight-legged horror in your lunchbox. Cale is not impressed with your response to it.

CW: spoods- this is based on my life this morning rip

Bad Samaritan: @stevekempscocktails @go-bonkers-go-foolish @peytonpenguin37 (send an ask to be added to a tag list!)

___ ___ ___ ___ ___

Cale hearing you scream bloody murder at six thirty in the morning was not something he was used to. It was also, given his nature, something that was sure to have him out of bed and sprinting towards the kitchen at the speed of light, gun in hand and ready to shoot someone dead if they dared to lay a finger on you. 

If someone was there to hurt you, they’d fucking regret it. Cale came sprinting around the corner, almost whacking his hip directly into the countertop. His face was set in grim determination, and while he had no idea what to expect upon laying eyes on you- seeing you shaking like a leaf and wide-eyed as you watched a rather large red-back spider crawl out of your lunchbox and down the counter was not on that list. 

Perhaps it should have been. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Cale asked, gun dropping to his side. He glared at you, though you were still set on the spider, keeping a close eye on it so it didn’t scuttle out of sight to keep you up at night for the next week. 

You blinked, mouth opening and closing a few times. 

“It- my hand was in the lunchbox with it. It’s fucking huge, Cale. It could have killed me!” 

You risked a glance at him, who looked thoroughly unimpressed with you. His eyes flitted to the spider, and he sighed. 

“You’re so dramatic. Give me a fucking cup. Jesus Christ, this is ridiculous. Hurry up.”

You rushed to do as told, passing him a drinking glass and standing back, goosebumps crawling up and down your arms. Cale mumbled to himself irritably, setting the handgun down on the benchtop and trapping the spider into the cup. 

He took a magazine and slid it underneath the spider before setting a steadying hand underneath it and taking it outside. You didn’t want to know where he put it. 

Even though you had literally just watched him take the eight-legged horror away, you were still afraid to touch your lunchbox. You whinged to yourself internally as you went about putting the rest of your food inside. 

Cale returned and set the glass and magazine back in their respective places. 

“Alright now?” He asked irritably. “Don’t fucking scream like that- I thought there was an intruder.” 

You mumbled an apology and looked sadly at your lunchbox. 

“What’s wrong now?” He asked, peering over it and looking for more spiders. 

“I’m going to have a fear of lunchboxes now,” you replied dejectedly, poking at the side of it with the fork you were about to pack in the box. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

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Hello raz, I just had the absolute worst day ever at work and I cried in the break room twice! Got home and immediately fell asleep and I am so loopy (Back at it again tmw hngghhh)

May I request a DT character of Ur choosing comforting U after a shit day? I simply cannot pick one in this state haha I luv how U write all of them 🩷

Hi cutie,

I hope you're feeling better now. Here's the thing!

Cale x GN!Reader comfort HCs:

Bad Samaritan: @stevekempscocktails @go-bonkers-go-foolish @peytonpenguin37 (send an ask to be added to a tag list!)

Cale is not generally speaking an overly comforting person, but having said this- if he can tell it's serious and not just a Minor Issue of The Day(tm) he will put the effort in.

First thing he'd do, is work out what the issue is. Why you're upset and why it was caused.

Second thing would be that he would call in sick for you for work and tell you you're staying home with him. He wouldn't really give you a choice in it to be honest, he'd just come in while you're doing your own thing and let you know you're not going to work.

Then he'd order a big bouquet of flowers to be delivered to the house. I'm talking, like, $300 flowers with the teddy and the chocolates and everything.

He'd cook you a big fancy lunch. Maybe some kind of fancy pasta or steak with homemade chips(/fries) for you as well.

He'd also get you to come and lay on him on the couch. He's not usually overly physically affectionate, but he will encourage you to put your head on his lap and he will softly play with your hair.

He's not great at talking through emotions, but he will listen quietly to your woes and offer comfort and comment where he can.

If your issue was caused by a person not directly related to you, do not be surprised if they disappear and never return to work.

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Learn Some Manners

Cale Erendriech x Gender Neutral Reader

You walk down the crowded street with a constant smile, your hand tightly intertwined with Cale's. The sunlight reflects off your wedding ring, glinting as a symbol of your seemingly perfect life. Cale, your husband, never leaves you alone for long, always by your side like a shadow.

One day, as you stroll along the sidewalk, someone carelessly bumps into you. The serenity of your demeanor shatters, and a sudden rage engulfs you. "Watch where you're going! A simple 'sorry' isn't too much to ask, is it?" you hiss at the unsuspecting pedestrian, your eyes burning with an intensity that hasn't been seen before.

Cale watches with an amused glint in his eyes, intrigued by this unexpected display of emotion. Your outburst continues, a torrent of words unleashed upon the startled stranger. "Manners matter, you know. Learn to say sorry, or the world will eat you alive!" The passersby glance at you, bewildered by the sudden transformation from a smiling companion to a fierce reprimander.

As the tension in the air thickens, Cale, still fascinated, gently places a hand on your shoulder. "That's enough, my love," he calmly suggests. Your eyes flicker towards him, and in an instant, your demeanor shifts. The rage dissipates, replaced by that familiar, cheerful smile.

"I'm sorry, dear," you chirp, as if nothing happened. The stranger, now released from your verbal onslaught, scurries away, casting glances over their shoulder. Cale, ever the composed one, smirks at the scene. "Quite the show you put on there, my darling."

You turn to Cale, the smile still fixed on your face. "Oh, you know how it is, sweetie. People need a little reminder sometimes." Cale chuckles, admiring the dichotomy of your emotions, like a finely tuned instrument playing a discordant melody.

Later that evening, in the privacy of your home, Cale brings up the incident. "Quite a spectacle you made out there, my love. I've never seen you lose your cool like that." He leans against the doorway, a glint of curiosity in his eyes.

You twirl a strand of hair with your fingers, maintaining your innocence. "Well, darling, sometimes people just need to be put in their place. Can't let them think they can walk all over us, can we?" Your eyes gleam with a mischievous glint, and for a moment, Cale wonders if there's more beneath the surface.

As the days go by, the memory of that outburst lingers in Cale's mind. He observes you more closely, wondering if there are cracks in the facade of your perpetual happiness. Yet, you continue to play the role of the doting spouse, never letting on that anything is amiss.

In the quiet moments, when the world is unaware, Cale studies you with an intensity that borders on obsession. He wonders what lies beneath that ever-present smile and whether the storm he glimpsed on the crowded street could resurface. Perhaps, in unraveling your mysteries, he might discover something darker and more intriguing than he ever imagined.

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happy juneteenth but dont forget that prisoners are legally allowed to be subject to slave labor and also black people are disproportionately arrested and subjected to that legality. happy juneteenth but slavery still lives in america. america is still dependant on slave labor.

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Trying to get my guts rearranged by a dork with zero rizz

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Happy pride month with finally become your true self 🫂🏳️‍⚧️💕

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I don't know which of you needs to hear this but "narc" is not short for "narcissist" when someone calls you a "narc" for snitching they are calling you a "narcotics officer"

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ten and fourteen are not the same doctor

there are differences between them like fourteen being physically older and more emotionally available

with that in mind…..

fourteen should’ve been scottish

[dangerousfellowsstuff]

From Georgia Tennant's insta

@davidtennantgenderenvy @macbethsbirthcontrol @superdemon552 @notnov8or @nastasya--filippovna @literatemisfit @inezrable @princeloww @ineffable-riddlebird-fan @grimmbunny24 @aq2003 @davidtennan-t @kottekonst @elsinore-and-inverness

and anyone else who wants to share!!

PLEASE REBLOG!!!

YOU. ARE. LOVED. AND. IMPORTANT.

NEVER EVER FORGET THAT.

IM SO PROUD THAT YOURE STILL HERE.

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You have cunty fur coats? I love it when you have cunty fur coats.

Do you have some cunty sunglasses too?

Your tongue is strange to me, but I sense that it is meant as praise, however vulgar its form.

Much of what I possess I leave behind in Transylvania, for what need has the serpent of his old skin when crossing into a new world? I travel light, my friend.

But if "cunty" sunglasses are a mark of fashion in London, then I shall obtain them soon enough. One must not appear foreign in foreign lands.

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My mom left an eviction notice for the carpenter bees burrowing into our porch

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Anti-piracy ad from 2004

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I assure you: somebody, somewhere, is on the exact same wavelength as you are.

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don’t know who needs to hear this but AO3 comments section is not Letterboxd. giving unsolicited criticism to a fanfic writer does not make you a “fanfic critic” because there’s no. such. thing.

giving unsolicited criticism to a fanfic writer just makes you a spoiled, rude, entitled asshole at best, makes the author stop posting their works altogether at worst.

a reminder that it’s always okay to just stop reading and quietly click away from a fic if at any point you feel like you don’t like it for whatever reasons. unless specifically asked, there’s no need to tell the author, whose work you read for free, how you dislike something they wrote for themself for fun.

[dangerousfellowsstuff]

all men born after 1875 know is shorthand, cudgel brains, lizard style, eat paprika hendel, and cry