daniellegauthier

[daniellegauthier]

(wet toes)

i took a bath in coconut and water and when i came in i sea of red flooding from my lips i tasted and decided to nurture it, burning in rage. i sea of repetition and pain in my ways. i beg to surrender at nots that tie them to my privilege. i wonder enough. to destroy it? is never enough and also what i hear i hear i hear i hear i hear i hear i hear i hear…, and will in time. i am consumed…

[daniellegauthier]

(trajectory)

we can only contribute to the image bestowed upon us when we’re birthed. i return to the origin and tonight you were in my 7oom. my 7omb my roomie. that’s where we hold it in and it manifests as pain in many ways holding us together. i want to hold you by choice and i won’t know until i liberate from the universe, no. liberate the universe from each of us all. put it in its cradle and let it…

[daniellegauthier]

(empathic physicist touches less curious scientist without obtaining nor avoiding a consent, to find mutual connection and resent)

flatter yourself. every separation is a unity of some kind. a returning back. vice versa. in some ways i applaud you for going your own way. and you are going backwards by creating your own time.

we are here, being, connected. we have voices to share and you withhold, breaking our ability to see or to know. i have know reason to believe that we see the same world or to try to claim anything,…

[daniellegauthier]

(stillness)

i want to manifest our selves into the matrix where we aren’t sure of us or any dimensions anymore. i want to name my self to no i’m real. i want to stand there and breathe and sigh and scream and redefine everything and know i can still be safe with you. i pick at the wallpaper in this dry room, decorated, while i think of throwing myself through it instead. i hold myself knowing it’s…

[daniellegauthier]

(skipping)

i’ve been using “mystical” a lot lately to describe distorted works as if i’m qualified because leaving reality is enough to know. reality is enough to no. reality is enough to no. there’s something wrong in every plot, even in our visions. but i find the nightmare of escape breathing deeper ever now, in equity. reality is enough to no. i am enough to no. we trade awareness like a barter, only safe in…

[daniellegauthier]

(energy)

i’m okay with being alone forever if it means i can be this grand black hole. they don’t get to no me, know they need me sheltered in a box for them to think straight. i’m know good for us. we could destroy them together and come up with someone knew, would have to sacrifice my heart. i’ve dreamt it all, not sure the genre and not sure whether the ending is bad or i didn’t want one to come. not…

[daniellegauthier]

(my first poem ever lived)

the choice i’ve made is major, to no, the loss. i’m scared to find it. tired of running full speed into walls and obstacles, creeping with intention into voids. i’ve passed this onto myself over and over with a snowball effect. i’m checking my pockets, zippers, and the corners of my mouth. where have they turned? can’t place my finger. the ups are the same as the downs. we danced beyond a binary…

[daniellegauthier]

(romeos ii)

maybe they did come back, and maybe everyone really is telling me the same lie about being too much. grand conspiracy. it’s not like i didn’t know this would happen.

they told me they were possible for letting me down. i feel betrayed, bitten on the hand i was feeding with.

i’m not so intrigued by the bare minimum anymore. not so interested in destroying myself //

[daniellegauthier]

(enthusiastic)

i don’t know in the same way that i should leave. much less curious about it.

i know i could

pace myself, so i’m slowing the chase, the tom and jerry. i’m here, with something worth losing

sitting in my skin and on my bones, i’ve chosen patience over immersion or destruction.

i’ve made it. i’m there. observing.

i’ve found safety and don’t escape to nightmares and dreams so much.…

[daniellegauthier]

(happy tears)

i know i have it, and it is mine. i’ve knocked on doors for decades searching and found it in the pocket of the pants i wear, they gave me. a few days ago, so it’s like new. i’m thanking the pants… calling the givers to send my blessings. they won’t answer. i leave a message, something else. it is a simple gem, easy to lose and valuable. i took the time and i sweated, exhausted. and now i guess it’s…

[daniellegauthier]

(juice)

intimacy is the common ground between psychosis and reality, the token. the feeling in every instance lives and dialogues with me in a psychotic perspective. everything has an explanation. for example, the premise for every rape is identifiable: my partners chose not to discuss with me my very public identity and their complacence in it, knowing my essence is to be met with rejection [sick]. in…

[daniellegauthier]

(brutally honest)

i spend a lot of time idle. i call it bored and feel guilty about it. i spend a lot of time xeroxing myself i might, crumble, and fly in the wind, a web [sick].

this year sometimes i welcome visitors who get me out of the room, constructing my own narrative. we go back and forth from ps and qs and use a typwriter for effect. that’s two minds, it’s intimate, we touch in pockets and our flow is…

[daniellegauthier]

(case sensitive)

they give me so much i question if i’m worthy. or free. makes me wonder if they’re poison, and i feel guilty to compare them. EVERYTHING IS HARD IT SUCKS. i’m TRYING. I WANT TO SCREAM. I WANT TO STOP. I WANT TO STOP EVERYTHING from going, time. i’ve BEEN LOOKING FOR WAYS IN PRIVATE. THERE’S SO MUCH WEIGHT. I can’t SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT. i’ve lost my light. I can’t even THINK ABOUT LOVE. IT…

[daniellegauthier]

(pena ardente)

i wish i could share with you the pain in my heart from hope so big the burden but it’s a gift like a good rum.

i wrote a poem about drinking that leaves me vomiting on the floor.

this isn’t that. just stopping at the burn in your throat from having to express everything. from deciding i’m uncomfortable in it. for standing up and taking action against my past and leaving with nothing but a…

[daniellegauthier]

(july 8, 21:30)

a sense of inadequacy as necessary and birthing a glowing humility yet overcompensating for a fear of self actualization because of restlessness and a nadir yearning to be filled and leveled off leads me to billowing in my sneakers with no anchor and looking for a place to plant with no roots while they know everything without me having to say a word because i’m easy to figure out and i just need…

[daniellegauthier]

(mortal)

i’m shifting three dimensions over, avoiding some thought intruding to fulfill my unfateful destiny, reaching my limits to find at some point i must breathe and that’s reality. i count how many breaths hoping to reduce to the size of an air particle. i think of everything i don’t know within and i swim in the agony. i search and forget for days at a time: it’s okay to sit in stillness. the face…

[daniellegauthier]

(blushing)

the dismal in being able to tell you what i mean is: knowing you can understand and having to spray a light rain over it. then looking for ways to enjoy the sun when i’ve already gotten cozy in the rain. returning to it. investing in umbrellas, a poncho, warmer lampshades for reading books by the window, and a sea of knowledge accessible mostly with bad attitude. readily accessible. i find more…