danielleoneillstudio

[danielleoneillstudio]

My substitute for a message in a bottle. I hope you find this if you need to see it.

[danielleoneillstudio]

Revisiting

Even though I majored in English and got my master’s in journalism, I went on a 15-year hiatus from writing.

Once I graduated, reality hit me, and I couldn’t keep up with the demands of the world. I know what you're thinking: boo hoo, wittle baby can't grow up outside the cocoon of college. Believe me, I get it. I was privileged to go to college and grad school.

But the fact is that I simply froze in body, mind, and spirit once I no longer had my mentors and grades to fall back on. I lived for the A. I lived for approval.

I didn’t know how to connect with my writing because I didn’t know who I was outside of being the teacher’s pet. I had no real desire to write for me. I had no relationship with myself yet.

I don’t know how to write anymore. I lost it long ago. I went into a fugue for about ten years. I stopped writing because it was too painful to feel the emotions behind the words. Too painful to edit myself constantly, to chop off my own fingers as I was writing, to beat myself for not being sharp or punchy enough.

I am starting to speak again. Learning like a toddler. Putting sentences together, ideas together, paragraphs together.

Right now, all I can do is throw fragments onto the page, like a kindergarten mosaic made of construction paper, with cheap glue dripping down the edges. Colorful yet offbeat, and not quite right. That’s always how I’ve seen myself. "I, I, I." Yeah, I know. Someone once told me I should stop starting so many sentences with "I" because it made me sound like I was full of myself. Maybe I am. Maybe we all are. Maybe we need to be seen and heard sometimes.

It wasn't until many, many years later, after facing a lot of adult life and a lot of complex trauma, that I started to feel the pull to write again.

This time, I’m willing to write from an honest place. My soul is begging me to do this. And the best part is that it doesn't have to be perfect to exist. Neither do I.

[danielleoneillstudio]

The reality is that I'm not always a soft, lovely, whimsical person who sees art everywhere. I am deeply emotional and complex with a wide range of feelings like everyone else. Sometimes I feel starved for beauty in a world that is sometimes very callous and has no time for sensitive souls.

I have been through a lot of stuff in my life. We all have. But this is my journey. My story. I get to speak here freely about my experience without feeling selfish or narcissistic for once in my life. I've never felt like I had permission to do that. This is so liberating.

I am a recovering people pleaser and codependent. I have spent so much energy catering to others' needs and wondering what others were thinking of me that it led to a total nervous system shutdown. I was forced to pause everything and reevaluate my life, which is what I'm still doing. One day at a time.

As I was walking along the beach on a sandbar listening to music, a song I never heard before came on my Spotify. It was Eric Carmen's "Love Is All That Matters." I wept alone in the presence of gentle-eyed seagulls who were not bothered by me. It was strangely comforting. I could feel my chest shake as if it were wringing out everything inside of me. All I knew in that moment was that I don't need to know everything. All I need is a heart for loving. I am on the road to freedom. I don't know what that fully looks like but I trust it.

[danielleoneillstudio]

Have to share this gorgeous, gorgeous song with you. “Love to Me” from Light in the Piazza - this version is by my one of my favorite groups: the Broadway Inspirational Voices. WHAT an arrangement!!!!

[danielleoneillstudio]

This song is everythannnng!!!! It is the anthem of my life. You have permission to be FULLY YOURSELF. Discover what that means for YOU. 😘

[danielleoneillstudio]

As a funk and soul music junkie, I had to share this. It’s become a played out breakup anthem for many, but this fresh Eric Kupper remix is so empowering that I am using it to blast out fear in my life. It’s my way of telling all the things that have held me down exactly where to go. Let this joyful beat carry you for a few minutes like a hot air balloon! Be lifted.

Good songs can truly blast out the darkness. Let there be light...and of course, music.

[danielleoneillstudio]

There are signs to greet us and guide us along the way. I found two of them on my way to the grocery store!

[danielleoneillstudio]

Pet a cow!

A visit with a cow next to St. Brigid’s Shrine, Ireland. If you get a chance, pet a cow! What an amazing creature. So sweet and gentle. Incredible moment.

[danielleoneillstudio]

What do doves think about?

Doves, to me, are the monks of the bird community. They tend to gaze at what appears to be nothing. They don’t get easily startled and fly away. They stare and they blink - slowly.

What are they thinking about?

Maybe they do what everyone wishes they could do regularly: clear their minds completely.

[danielleoneillstudio]

Sunset waves, San Diego

gold light

kisses

ripples

rolling in

[danielleoneillstudio]

This friend greeted me when I was down on my luck ❤️

Years ago, I was walking home feeling so upset and insecure about my future. My head was naturally looking down because I was so depressed. Life was a sidewalk instead of a sky.

And just like that, something in the concrete began to breathe.

A monarch in its magesty.

I had to kneel to get a good glimpse of it.

I was brought to my knees. Literally. I knelt, ecstatic.

If that is not the unmistakable presence of God, I don’t know what else is.

[danielleoneillstudio]

She’s tender, yet fierce

Sharing our truth is a wild notion to this world. Many of us are scared and ashamed to be who we are. Surrounding ourselves with loving, safe people is key. You do not have to explain yourself to anyone. The right people will understand. The right people will embrace YOU and not the shell you hid in for so long.

[danielleoneillstudio]

Softness

Softness is hard to embrace. But it’s necessary sometimes in order to heal.

[danielleoneillstudio]

Sauvignon

You won’t find answers to life’s problems at the bottom of the bottle, but you may find a cool design.

[danielleoneillstudio]

Accidental abstract art

I walked out of Walgreens and it started to rain. Still, I had to stop for a snap. Let’s hear it for this scuffed cement pole in the parking lot.

Our scrapes and scars give us character.

This is a pretty badass pole.

[danielleoneillstudio]

Vulnerability

Telephone pole. Impromptu iPhone snap from my walk to the store. I always have to stop and have a look around. It improves my mood when I focus on details of the ordinary. This makes the day extraordinary.

[danielleoneillstudio]

Simple glory

I’ve never been so excited about purple and yellow weeds peeping through a teal fence. I’m in love with the richness here. Take a moment and pause with me. This is a gift. I love it.