dankavocados

[dankavocados]

the whole "lipstick on a pig" thing makes no sense because the second we gave a pig access to makeup she became god's cuntiest soldier

[dankavocados]

Very obsessed with how lowkey passive aggressively this sign is worded

[dankavocados]

"actively hungry" + "none of the foods sound good at all" is one of the worst combinations. who let this happen

[dankavocados]

not to be an american but like. air conditioning is the greatest invention of all time.

[dankavocados]

It will get cold again eventually. The summer will not last forever. I’m not doomed to live in this unbearable heat for all eternity. <- said while gripping the countertop so hard that the tile is starting to crack

[dankavocados]

“women don’t have the capacity for misogyny” have you ever met a mother

[dankavocados]

This is who is leading the NYC mayoral democratic primary rn

[dankavocados]

permission to lib out?

[dankavocados]

when me and my boyfriend make meals we have a tradition of sending each other unappetising off-centre photographs of them in poor lighting. we call this "wikipedia food".

[dankavocados]

fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this

[dankavocados]

one thing that's funny to me is when swingers have such a deep seated dislike of polyamory, like what are we even doing here girl

[dankavocados]

Happy pride month to my dad. When I came out as bi to him, this man googled what it ment, look at me and said "ohh. Yeah. You get that from me. You'd have far more siblings of I only shaged women." And went right back to his work emails.

[dankavocados]

inventing a new kind of sex that can get that man not just pregnant but also gregnant or pegnate or even prangent

[dankavocados]

so i wore a pride flag pin to work the other day and the kids were all interested (obviously) (find me a classroom of preschoolers who are not obsessed with rainbows) (i'll wait) so they crowded around to see.

"aww!" they said, "it's a flag!!"

but the thing is: they're little. a lot of them don't really have a handle on all their mouth sounds yet.

such as, notably, that tricky tricky "L" sound.

[dankavocados]

$20 used to mean something

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I procrastinate so much that I have a gaping hole of dread inside my chest where I think my other emotions are supposed to go. unless a potential employer is reading this, in which case I don’t do that & I have all the normal emotions that human beings have & I love capitalism

[dankavocados]

My cats wanted to fight again and I wasn't letting them but the passion in their eye contact suggests they started fighting telepathically