danramosmac

[danramosmac]

To my man,

I don't care about the materialistic things you can buy me. I don't want expensive gifts. I only want your love, care, respect and support. I want to feel how it feels to be in love, the butterflies in stomach, the happy mornings and the peaceful evenings. And, as long as I am with you I promise you that I will never let you down, I will give you the world, but I only wish for love, love that come from depths of heart.

[danramosmac]

Is tumblr down or something?

[danramosmac]

I miss living life.

[danramosmac]

short story for our literature subject

To die is the only thing I can think of right now. My life has always been a mess and I hate to admit that I’m suffering from mental illness. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with anxiety disorder and also with depression. Who would’ve thought that life would be this hard at the age of 23? So, here I am, standing on the rooftop of our school department’s building pondering about life— my whole existence. Do I still matter? I close my eyes as I stand on the edge of the building and when I open them, I see a guy and I flinch and the next thing I know is that I am in the arms of this guy. And then, I break down and sob because I just realized I almost fell and I am not ready to die or maybe I really don’t want to die. I only wanted the unbearable pain to stop. This is the first time that I cried after my mom died. How can I live without her? Oh God, life hurts more than it should.

I am crying for several minutes now and then I hear a voice—my savior’s voice,

“Tell me if you start to feel uncomfortable.”

I notice that he is still hugging me. I hurriedly start to get on my feet and kind of feel embarrassed because of what happened.

“Please don’t tell anybody about everything that happened.” I plead. He just nods.

“Do you mind if I ask you to stay here for a while? I think we both kinda need someone to talk to. Anyway, my name’s Atlas.”

“I’m —“ before I say my name, he speaks again “Hazel. I know you. Well, everybody do.”

I don’t know how to respond with what he just said. Instead, I stare at him and ask, “What are you doing here? This is a restricted area.”

“Same with your reason, I guess.” He fakes a smile.

I ask him why. To my surprise, he answers it instantly. "My sister died last year because of me. I drove while I'm drunk. Life sucks, huh?"

I was not a fan of having conversations with someone I just met until now. It feels good to talk and know that I am not being judged. We both lost someone special. We express all our thoughts (mostly bad) until we hear someone approaching.

“We should go. We will be suspended if we get caught.” He quickly grabs my right hand and we both run. For the first time in many months, I laugh. We're running down the stairs while cracking up until we reach the ground floor. I feel happy.

"Do you wanna skip your last class and go eat with me? I mean, I'm not trying to tell you not to attend your class. But you can't just go to your classmates and act like nothing has happened. You-- we can, at least-- um you know, get to know each other."

His eyes are blue. He has thick eyebrows and a perfect nose. God, how can someone look this good?

"Hazel?"

I feel like my face became red. "Oh yea, of course, sure."

"I know a place," he says.

He then takes me to the beach.

"Hazel, I know this may sound weird but I'm so glad I met you"

I comfortably rest my head to his shoulder as we watch the sunset together.

"Me too." I say.

I fall asleep.

And then I wake up.

I'm crying again. It still hurts like hell to have this dream over and over for 2 months now. Atlas killed himself after that day. I wish I had met him sooner. Maybe then I could save him. --

[danramosmac]

"Why did you and your boyfriend break up?"

Have you, once in your life, fallen out of love? You might think that it was such a selfish act, falling out of love even if he genuinely loved me with all his heart, but it was clearly not. It wasn’t called selfish— putting myself first after everything I’ve endured in that relationship. After years and years of trying to fix what is broken, I eventually got tired. I broke up with him. He wanted me back again. It took me a lot of courage and bravery to become who I long to be— happy and free. So, why would I want to? Again, it wasn’t selfish nor anything but necessary.  Removing anything that hinders my growth and happiness is my way of healing. I’m sorry that I chose to save myself instead of saving us but I am sure, without a doubt, you’d thank me someday for letting you go. 

[danramosmac]

growing out of certain insecurities and realizing that there’s no competition in my universe has been one of the greatest things i have ever done for myself.

[danramosmac]

Heal before having children so your children don't have to heal from having you as a parent.

Unknown.

[danramosmac]

staring at my own spotify library like im narcissus staring at myself in the water

[danramosmac]

via weheartit

[danramosmac]

Why you look so sad?

mami who isn't

[danramosmac]

I wanna be calm and steady in love. And above all I wanna be understood in love.

[danramosmac]

I just want to be your peace. When your head lays on my chest, I want you to forget the world and all it’s problems. Escape in me and give me all your stress and worries, I’ll take it all for you just to see you smile without having to fake it.

(via perrfectly)

[danramosmac]

no offence but i think a lot of us me included don’t actually want romantic love as badly as we think and really are just lonely and crave a closeness and intimacy that feels out of reach in friendships because of society’s emphasis on marriage and the nuclear family so we project that into the never ending search for a perfect love and a soulmate when really we all just want to mean something to someone

[danramosmac]

mami everything hurts

[danramosmac]

you deserve people who listen to you ramble. you deserve people who love it when you’re excited, when you’re happy. you deserve people who check up on you and wish to see you well, people who not only accept you for who you are - but rejoice in it. 

[danramosmac]

[danramosmac]

“be warned: you may fall in love. you may fall in love and it will hurt like lightning has struck your skeleton, and you heart will crumble into sand, and your lungs will collapse in as if they can not longer grasp oxygen because someone special has stolen all the air in the room. you may fall in love and you will never recover. heartbreaks don’t heal until you fall in love again, and god knows, nothing will be the same. hold their name on your tongue like honey, taste the syllables and savor them. your thoughts are candy, so sweet, and they cover someone in salty beauty and you have fallen in love. and it hurts like lightning. but it also illuminates the night sky in a silhouette of shadows that spread across the horizon in a future that you have never seen before. it also wakes you up as if you had never lived before, as if you had never seen the sun. someone burns you as if they are the sun and you are a scorched venus, and oh darling, you have fallen in love with the pain. be warned: falling in love will kill you.”

— warnings || r.m. || 5.16.17