danscollectionofcrud - Tumblr blog

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Stronger than never, ever before

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Having a real rough night

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Finally went and deleted my old account today. I’d been resisting doing it for a long time because I have a lot of memories associated with it, but it was time.

It wasn’t healthy to have an archive documenting things like bad relationships, grieving for my shit dad, and all kinds of other depression bullshit. It’s weird that I can’t look at that stuff anymore, but it’s for the best.

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I just had an incredibly strange experience listening to a song that I was obsessed with close to a decade ago. I loved the song and I still do. But listening to it now nearly drove me to tears.

I started thinking about seeing the artist perform it live, how much fun I had at that concert. How the artist came up to me after the show and hugged me because she enjoyed my enthusiasm so much during the show. And about how that used to be me all the time. I went to concerts constantly and I had the time of my life every night. But a little under a year after that happened my dad died. And everything since then has been a slow march away from being that person to becoming the person I am now.

I have stories about some of my favourite artists ever telling me how much they enjoyed my enthusiasm at their shows. Nick Cave, Beth Gibbons... too many to even recall. And some of those happened after he died. But they got fewer and further between. Until now I just don’t go out like that at all. Maybe I just got older, but I don’t enjoy things the same way.

I’m not resentful of who I am. The person I am now is loved and cared for by wonderful people. But I can’t help feeling that somewhere along the way I lost the ability to experience joy the same way. And now it’s eight years later and I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back.

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Poughkeepsie Journal, New York, September 11, 1967

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Roujin Z

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Ir kent undz dermordid tiranen

Naye kemfer vet brengen di tsayt

Un mir kemfn, mir kemfn bizvanen

Di gantse velt vet vern bafrayt

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Found out a wrestler I really liked listens to Blue Eyed Devil. So I’m not having the best day.

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A group of Jews sat Shiva for the victims of the Tree of Life shooting outside the Metropolitan Republican Club in New York that was the site of the Proud Boy attacks a couple of weeks ago. Rightly holding them to account for the white nationalist rhetoric that led to the multiple attacks last week.

They were arrested, and the image of Jews being handcuffed and hauled away while they sing Hine Ma Tov is one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever seen. I’m never going to be able to forget that.

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The fucking Nazi running for mayor here got at least 25,000 votes. I want to cry. It’s not fucking safe here.

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It’s super awesome that the discourse around Republicans saying Soros is paying protesters is “actually my anger is real” and not “Republicans are using an antisemitic dogwhistle about how Jews are secret controlling things”.

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I haven’t posted here in a while. I got distracted and then went away for a few days.

Also I got engaged.

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Music for Erev Yom Kippur

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“Far Beyond the Stars” Benjamin Sisko/Benny Russell

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You can tell I’m having a good day because I got told I’m antisemitic on twitter. The “self-hating Jew” shit is so fucking awful and played out.

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American pop (1981)

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JK Rowling needs to shut the fuck up about the Labour Party anitsemitism controversy. Someone who created a race of hook nosed-banking goblins who are obsessed with collecting on debts doesn’t get to chastise anyone for being antisemitic.