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[darbycrashes]

Long live a long-form rant. I won’t speak for you but this bb millennial I need a piece of my soul back, 

All in a days work, kids. I wonder how old you think I am. If i remind you more of bugs or aliens. Heres a

hint: im younger than i look. Older than your mom though. (Thats likely a lie, but i cant speak to it.) Im definitely either too young or too old to behere. Spiritually, not legally. 

Why am I writing all these inane thoughts down on a video based app 

Anytime I say anything about TikTok or video please disregard. I am well aware this is Tumblr thanks] 

Idk I did not prepare myself nor do i have a gameplan or specific content. I don’t know you, but I have a feeling you are already riveted jkkkkkk ugh

Here’s the thing though some people say that when you start at the bottom there’s nowhere to go but up. I actually don’t believe that but I do believe in making something out of nothing even when I have nothing to say. I’m a lifelong radical anticapitalist. I’m not quite sure how to say that without sounding like The biggest douche bag in the world and possibly like somebody who I don’t know, does anything about anything at any time. 

Mostly though. What it means is that I stay in my house because thats where my cat is and also, the capitalistic, patriarchal madness in our culture is a lot more aggressively noticeable out there in good, old, civilized, terrifying society. If you found me somehow and you’re still reading this, maybe you understand. In a nutshell, My value system and political views lean so far left they fall off the spectrum, and I resent completely the ways that we are all forced to participate in a corrupt society that doesn’t value anything but money, power and money. I’m sure I am not the only one that feels stagnant in an unforgivable way. I hope I am not and maybe that’s y I’m here.

I want to create things but bc of my value system, the idea of coming in with an expectation of profit makes me feel sick. “Creating content” strategically in order to efficiently streamline X or Y demographic for profit grosses me out. There is a lot of great content on this app, and there is nothing wrong with being paid for that work as a creator. The problem is with capitalism, not the creator, but a level of manipulation exists that permeates every part of the relationship between the creator, their work, and their audience. That being said, I hate it when I observe it. Being strategic and formulaic with my content creation would afford me a higher likelihood of success. I know. It doesn’t make sense to submit a dozen pages of thoughts down in written form when you’re working with a primarily visual medium. I see the value because I think it is uniquely creative in a way that could be much powerful, even revolutionary, if more people made a conscious choice to publish what makes them truly joyful, what they truly find meaningful- rather than the content that best manipulates the algorithm. For me I don’t know what that looks like, personally. And I won’t subject you to much more essay, I promise. Except this-

I grew up in a community that had a strong counterculture, DIY punk community everywhere-and tons of ZINE CULTURE. This being the 90s up to the early 2010s. Maybe a Gen-Z buddy can inform me whether this still exists or not- I’m not old, but I AM 33. I don’t have my finger on the pulse of the counterculture anymore I guess. 

There is something about the culture of zines that IMO will ALWAYS be an anticapitalist and revolutionary creative act, and that, in my sappy punk heart, I hope will never truly die out as a form of community and a mode of raw human creativity and expression without agenda. 

The stuff that a life under capitalism can ALMOST strip from inside us, but never quite succeed. We need zines bitches!!! 

Bitches we need zines.