dark-confessions - Tumblr blog

[dark-confessions]

Call or Text 988 if you need someone to talk to still after venting anonymously in the inbox.

Important Update

This blog is to help people anonymously get things off their mind. You can put anything as long as it follows tos and isn't majorly illegal. If you are feeling suicidal please call the suicide hot line. This is a vent blog but can not substitute real help or therapy.

[dark-confessions]

Im currently running a fake account to act as my boyfriend because of someone who had a crush on me that at the same time ghosted me. I did it to make them jealous and it has worked so well.

They’ve quit every social that I know them on so far because of it. I’ve also been using a side account they don’t know of to stalk them and that’s how I know. I don’t regret anything.

Revenge Anon

[dark-confessions]

It's the strangest thing...

My wife and I have been having problems for a long while. I have not felt anything like romantic love in years. Multiple years. We have gotten to the point where we are both exhausted from fighting. It is hard to stay but equally hard to go. Not because I lack the courage to, but because I feel this overwhelming sense of duty to continue to care for her. Our history is so long, inextricable maybe. Many good times. We have been so important for each other.

So we continue to live together. As of yesterday I had more or less resigned myself to a loveless life from here on out. We would be family, nothing more, nothing less. I had even come to the point recently where I thought of telling my wife she should find someone to date. We could stay together if she wanted, but I knew I could not give her everything she would want, what she needs, what she deserves.

Anyway, I've been having incredibly vivid dreams. I usually have over the course of my life but recently they have gotten intensely real. Last night I had one that included a woman, somehow someone I knew for a long time but also just met, or reintroduced. She was blond, petite, wore a white long sleeve turtleneck and a red skirt with hose. We had just escaped an incoming tide that had flooded this industrial area with a whole bunch of friends.

Emotion overcame me in the dream. I grabbed both her shoulders and pulled her into me and we kissed. We fell down onto a moss-covered grate and continued kissing. I can't remember the last time I felt love like that blossom within me. I never expected to feel that way again. I don't even know where that came from. It certainly hadn't been on my mind. But it felt like something that had frozen solid inside me cracked open a little bit. I feel, I don't know, hope? Desire?

I woke up and realized that I do want to feel that again in this world.

I think there is someone out there for me. I don't know who. I am not looking. I am actually a rather solitary person. I am willing to wait to see what my wife wants to do. But I feel like for the first time that I am ready to move on.

All this from a dream. Unlooked for, not even imagined, but how wonderful and bittersweet to know those emotions are still in there.

I had a dream like that once before, decades ago, when I was a teenager, before I ever had a girlfriend. A girl came to me in a dream. It had been so powerful that I wrote notes and letters to this fictional person for years after. Later I chalked it up to hormones but why have so vivid a visitation again now after all this time? Is it because everything has felt so bleak? Two days ago I would have told you there is no such thing as love, really. Only mating.

I don't have anyone to talk about this with and I don't even know what I would say. Everyone I know is old now. Married, happily or not. Sensible. I'm keeping this feeling to myself. That rush of love. It's real and it's mine.

But I can't keep it completely to myself. So I'm sending this out to the world. I am a man who has re-experienced what love can actually feel like. Love is real. It is powerful. It is so affirming and kind and warm.

I want that again.

Single and ready to Mingle Anon

[dark-confessions]

I don’t know if this blog is even still active. But I just need to get this off my chest.

I don’t know how to phrase this but, I find myself wishing I was a dude more and more often.

I wish I had a dick, I wish I had that sense of community, to be able to do stupid things, to not be seems as melodramatic. To not be dismissed, to not be out of the loop. But at that same time I’m happy with being a girl? I’m happy with identifying as a girl, i think.

I want to be a boy because I know I’ll get farther in life. I want to make my own tv show. Think about it, how many girls can you name in the entertainment industry off the top of your head? How many female produced shows? During interviews, it’s always the men who get interesting questions, while us girls are just asked about their body and appearance. How many female content creators? I’m terrified to reveal I’m a girl in most online spaces because I know I’ll just get talked over and shamed. I want to be a boy because I want to be respected.

I had a dream a while back. I was a time traveler in ancient Japan, and I was a dude. I felt, happy. I was happy. There was another dude who I banged, I keep on thinking about being a dude. I don’t know what’s up with me. I don’t know if I’m trans or not because I don’t feel right calling myself a boy, I feel right calling myself a girl. But on that same margin I don’t like being a girl.

Idk man. I’ve been having dreams about gay sex what do you want from me

Egg Anon

[dark-confessions]

i feel so stupid and ugly and unattractive.

all of my friends have had a sexual experience, all but me (17F)

i feel dumb for feeling bad about this, but i cant help it.

i struggle with my sexuality, i dont know what i am. i like girls and older (much older) men.

my parents are homophobic and somewhat strict. i cant really just go out and i would NOT be able to have a girlfriend.

i feel so sad. i dont like anyone right now. i reject all the boys that come to me. i have drank, smoked, and kissed, but never something actually remotely sexual.

i wouldnt have “where” or even “when”. i dont know. i feel like no one wants me, and like a little kid upset about something stupid. i feel late. i feel jealous.

i dont know what to do.

i just want to feel desirable? i guess?

Actually Beautiful Anon who doesn't know it yet

[dark-confessions]

One of my many second cousins moved into town, and we're in some of the same classes at school. Every time I see him I get involuntary warm and sweaty. I really hope this is my social anxiety coming back and not the other option. I just want it to go away

Anxious and Sweaty Anon

[dark-confessions]

Sometimes I wish my friend would kill herself just to get it over with. It causes me so much anxiety, and she’s implied heavily it’s not ‘if’, it’s’when’.

Anxious Anon

Know someone or feeling this way have them or yourself call or text 988

[dark-confessions]

Your daily dose of cat memes

[dark-confessions]

Important Update

This blog is to help people anonymously get things off their mind. You can put anything as long as it follows tos and isn't majorly illegal. If you are feeling suicidal please call the suicide hot line. This is a vent blog but can not substitute real help or therapy.

[dark-confessions]

I have an obsession on a man that lives near me.

Yandere anon

[dark-confessions]

My dad almost died and my little brother has trauma because of me and it keeps me up at night. When I was around 9 I heard banging noises from the living room in the middle of the night, it annoyed me so I tried to sleep but it didn't stop. My younger brother woke up and went to investigate, it was my dad banging his head on the floor because he overdosed and had some kind of seizure. I can never take that sight away from my brothers mind and I feel so guilty that I didn't go out there

- Despairing sibling

[dark-confessions]

party party party

[dark-confessions]

I gave my self a concussion from punching myself in the head several times, trying to get the dark thoughts out of my head.

-dark thoughts instead of dark humor

[dark-confessions]

I don't even bother talking to people about my nearly daily suicidal thoughts anymore because every time I've tried to kill myself I pussied out, so if I just talk about it it makes me an attention-seeking whore who drains everyone's patience.

- Brave Anon

[dark-confessions]

I made a friend on here and one day she messaged me asking how I was. I wasn't checking Tumblr often and it was two days later that I saw it and messaged her back. She hasn't posted or been active since before I sent that message.

- Ghosted Anon

[dark-confessions]

I've always wanted to kill someone, not anyone from my family of course, but I would love to see the fear in their eyes as I took their life away. I know so many ways to end a life and I'm never going to stop. Maybe one day I'll do it.

- Homicidal Anon

[dark-confessions]

I have serious suicidal ideation and I'm a therapist. Sometimes, the only reason I do not do it is because I know how badly suicide hurts people. I absolutely refuse to become the story, "Even my therapist committed suicide." But if I found myself without a job, suddenly completely alienated from friends and family, and with no hope of reconciliation, destroying myself as quietly and unobtrusively as possible would likely become my goal. I have clients who have told me roughly the same thing. I cannot tell them how much I understand because I'm going through it, or how grateful I am that they do not do it because I know how hard it is not to. I don't want them to worry about me. I don't understand why I value us together but I don't value myself apart. But I know, too, that there's a very good chance there will come a day when I am so wonderfully happy that I truly won't understand how I ever thought these thoughts. And maybe that could happen for them, too. And that's going to have to be enough for now.

- Harleen Anon