darkheart-darkmind

[darkheart-darkmind]

carve your name into my thigh and cover me in bruises while you tell me how much of a disgusting slut i am for enjoying the way you abuse me so much <3

[darkheart-darkmind]

What halloween costume says "I wanna get fucked by a slasher" It's August so it's time to start brainstorming.

[darkheart-darkmind]

smn about the idea of getting all cut up just so a dom(me) can tell me i look pretty when theyve put so many marks on me. bites and bruises too. and their initials

[darkheart-darkmind]

I'm so mad I don't live in the eras I want. I've already talked about my dream of being a y2k girl, being able to go on MySpace, old tumblr, old youtube etc.

But I'd also love to be a teen in a 80s-90s horror movie :(

I'd like to stay alt rather than wear the more popular bright colored 80s fashion but I'd love to live in a small town. There's an arcade and a old movie theater etc. Like the layout of stranger things and IT like all the areas they go to like the mall. I'd love that vibe so much. Riding on bikes with my friends and going into the arcade. Sinking into the theater. I want to be a cute fem alt girl during the time yknow. Like I could very obviously be a easy victim even when I'm always hanging out in a big group of friends. Maybe people have started going missing. There's a curfew but of course no one follows it. There's a party being held at someone's house. The whole house is full of people. Though the school is small so there's not much teens in the town, but it's summer and more teens w their parents are coming to spend time in a small town maybe there's a beach nearby as well.

The party is full of drunk teens, people are doing drugs, etc. I came with a couple friends, though I quickly lose them in the crowd. I walk around talking with people I know from school and some of the new faces that are here for the summer. It's only maybe 2 hours in but I've already have had a couple drinks I'm sitting on the kitchen counter watching people dance, talk, and make out on the couch etc.

Though I don't mind the outgoing scene of the party I'm still a bit of a introvert deciding after a bit just to sit on the counter and people watch as I sip my drink.

2 guys come up to me and starts small talk. They're both very charmastic and has the most charming eyes. I've never seen them before, though I don't know everyone from my school and I could have missed them in the bustling crowds in the halls but they could also be from out of town. I'm too drunk to remember the curfew or the missing people cases that caused it.

theyre so charmastic they're both making me flustered and I can't help but want to know them more. Of course I don't think anything of it when they say theyre going outside to the backyard to smoke, they say I can come if I want to. so I hop off the counter I follow them out stumbling slightly while one of them leads me by my hand not to mention how flustered I am after realizing how tall they are not to mention fit. Only a couple people are out there, some in the pool others making out. There's no fence and the woods can be seen behind the pool a bit away.

One leads me to a chair before putting me on his lap and I move to face him as he lights his cigarette only for him to blow the smoke in my face. One of his hands is on my waist. Finally he takes his cigarette out of his mouth and kisses me for the first time blowing the smoke into my mouth. At this point i know I'm more than tipsy and not thinking about anything but them. They seemed so great. We continue to make out while he has his cigarette in his hand and the other one is behind me leaning down slightly and starts to grope me. But I soon draw the line when the guy who im straddling puts his cigarette out on my thigh. I yelp and move to get away from him only for him to drop the cigarette on the ground and he grabs both my hips to keep me still on his lap, his friend also keeping me in place with his hands still on my breasts and his chest almost pressed to my back. No one outside seems to notice, all busy being just as horny as I was a couple seconds ago. Though I come to my senses and push on his chest. "I think we should go back inside, I need to find my friends to make sure they haven't left yet" he quickly shuts me down stating if they do leave early theyll just drive me home. And begins moving me back and forth on his lap, he's hard and I can tell.

I struggle again but I have a disadvantage having drank so much and the fact theres 2 of them and one of me, which made me really think back. When we were talking they never took sips of their drinks and they seem to not be tipsy at all. I tell the one I'm on top of to stop and let go but he doesn't listen instead moving his face to the crook of my neck before biting deep. I yelp again but I can't help but moan too. I'm already leaking from earlier and him grinding me down on him isn't helping. Plus the guy behind me now pinching at my nipples through my clothes. Though I no longer feel like continuing with him the more I look and think about him the more I think of him as a wolf talking venomously sweet to a rabbit. I whimper as he continues biting and sucking on my neck. He moves one hand to my pussy. I'm a mess trying to push him back but failing as I feel my pussy grind against his cock and being blocked by the body behind me. It's dark in the backyard but I feel a wave of relief when one of my friends opens the door to yell put to me it's time to go. Ofc I go to yell back only to be harshly shoved down to grind on his cock again only to let out an embarrassingly loud moan. My friend takes this as a hint that I haven't heard her as im much too busy having fun. She yells out her and the others are going home I try to respond but I'm silenced when the guy behind me covers my mouth. It's too dark for her to see what's going on and everyone else is too busy and the music is too loud. I feel a sense of dread when I hear the sliding door shut.

He takes his hand away from my mouth only to grab my neck harshly. He starts talking to me as his friend continues forcing me to grind down on him. He says how small and delicate I am with such pale skin. He talks about leaving marks. At first I just assumed I was going to get raped only to feel a sense of dread when he says he can't wait to see my pretty face on a missing poster and his friend to agree. And how if i struggle or call for help he'll make sure it's worse. At this point he moves his hand to his pocket. Pulling out a knife and holding it to my back. He starts talking again. How it was so easy for them to get me out in the dark. How they were still contemplating whether to murder me or not because he really likes my personality and of corse my body. He says he adored how sarcastic and bratty I acted in the kitchen yet was also so relaxed to talk to. He talks about how even tho I talked big when we flirted in the kitchen he could tell I was a Virgin. And I hated that he was right. Eventually the guy I'm on tells me to get up not before telling me if I try to run he'll kill me for sure. I get up my legs shaking as his friend pushes me against him by my hips and he can't help but laugh sadistically as he gets up as well. I shrink in on myself again seeing how much taller they are. They're looking down at me with the one behind me still having his knife pressed firmly against my back. They tell me they're gonna take me to the woods and the one in front of me grabs my wrist pretty much dragging me there. Once we are out of site from the house he pushes me to the floor. On my hands and knees. The one who pushed me down goes to pull down my pants but I kick at him flipping onto my back and trying to get up only for the other to hold down me down and covering my mouth and the other between my legs stabs my thigh. I'm crying at this point struggle as the one who stabs me goes back to quickly shoving his pants and mine down. He plunges his fingers into the stab wound before wiping the blooding on his cock then goes back to fingerings the stab wound before taking the blood and fingering my pussy with it. The other has gotten off of me. They begin to manhandle me taking off my shirt and pants the one that didn't stab me drags me until I'm sitting against him on the forest floor. I'm on his lap and he moves his hands to force my thighs open for his friend to see all of me. His friend sits right between my legs. He's jerking himself off as I shake my head back and forth and sobbing. Eventually he slaps me and I yelp. The one behind me laughs and tells the other that I make such good noises. They talk back and forth as if I'm not even there. Talking about thinking of keeping me. Eventually the one in front of me shoves his cock into me and it makes me rub against the clothed cock under me and shoving my back to his chest. He fucks me roughly and soon he moves to hold my legs up while the other moves his hands from my thighs moving one to the stab wound while the other hand goes to my breast. He bites on my neck and I can't help but scream. No one notices though. The wound his gushing with blood and he moves his hand to wipe it on my stomach. At this point I'm going in and out of consciousness. I can hear them talking about me but I can't tell the words apart.

The one in front of me stops he keeps his dick in my pussy but lifts me off the other who shoves his pants until his cock is out and jerking himself off with my blood before the one holding me goes to place me back on his lap. His cock is pushing against my asshole and I can't help but continue wiping and sobbing loudly as he enters me he sits there thursting into my ass as the other takes his dick out of my pussy to jerk himself off. I hate to admit it but I've already came and I don't think I can stop myself from coming again soon. The one stops jerking himself off going to move to almost lay on the floor in front of my pussy and thigh. He goes to like at my wound before plunging his tongue into it and slurping at me blood. I'm almost completely black out at this point and when he sits back up his mouth and jaw is covered with my blood and I couldn't help but get flustered at the sight as he laughs and goes back to the wound area but instead moves to bite around it leaving hickies. He grows bored and goes to shove his cock back into my pussy. The one behind me stops thrusting into the one in front thrusts and it makes me grind myself against the one behind me. I eventually pass out completely....

Part 2 :D??

[darkheart-darkmind]

Holy shit…

[darkheart-darkmind]

@missstupidcupid

[darkheart-darkmind]

The thing about having depression hit before I was even a teenager, is that I have no idea who I am. I have no memory of what it’s like to live without anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. 

I have no idea who I am without these disorders, they’ve defined my entire life. 

[darkheart-darkmind]

So this might be a stupid question, but how do you know if you’re developing an eating disorder/tendencies?

honestly that’s a really good question!!!

here goes a really informative post with all research made by me:

you may have to look at some behaviors and attitudes like:

- extremely frequent dieting, and control of food becoming primary concern;

- insecure and worry with weight, calories, carbohydrates and fat grams(others too);

- refusing to eat certain foods (fear foods), and restricting against whole categories of food (like carbohydrates, dairy);

- looks uncomfortable eating around others;

- food rituals (eats only a particular food or food group, excessive chewing);

- skipping meals or taking small portions of food at regular meals;

- extreme concern with body size and shape;

-frequent checking in the mirror for perceived flaws in appearance;

- wanting to look unhealthily thin;

- wanting to fast and doing it for unhealthy periods of time (varying from days to weeks).

Now some specific Eds to separate each one! (some may have the same characteristics as others)

4N0REX1A NERVOSA:

- may dress in layers bc of insecurity;

- extreme worry with weight, food, calories, and dieting;

- some make frequent comments about feeling “fat”;

- wanting to have a body weight inappropriate for their age, height, and build;

- presence of packages of l4xatives;

- drinks extreme amounts of water or non-caloric beverages;

- maintains an excessive, heavy exercise routine.

BUL1M14 NERVOSA:

- evidence of binge eating, including disappearance of large amounts of food in short periods of time;

- also evidence of p^rging behaviors, including frequent trips to the bathroom after meals, signs and smells of vomiting;

- presence of packages of l4xatives;

- drinks extreme amounts of water or non-caloric beverages;

- does self-induced v^miting;

- dental problems, such as cavities, discoloration of teeth from vomiting, and tooth sensitivity(bc of the above);

B1NG3 EATING DI1S0RD3R (BED):

- secret recurring episodes of binge eating (eating in a discrete period of time an amount of food that is much larger than most individuals would eat);

- feels lack of control over ability to stop eating;

- feelings of disgust, d3pr3ss1on, or guilt after overeating, or feelings of low self-esteem;

- may steal food;

- evidence of binge eating, including the disappearance of large amounts of food in a short time period.

OTHERWISE SPECIFIED FEEDING OR EATING D1S0RD3R (OSFED):

Because OSFED has a wide variety of eating dis0rd3red behaviors, any or all of the following symptoms may be present in people with OSFED.

- frequent episodes of consuming very large amount of food followed by behaviors to prevent weight gain, such as self-induced vomiting or st4rv1ng (fasting);

- evidence of binge eating, including disappearance of large amounts of food in short periods of time;

- self-esteem overly related to body image;

- extreme dieting behavior (reducing the amount or types of foods consumed);

- expresses a need to “burn off” calories taken in;

- evidence of p^rging behaviors, including frequent trips to the bathroom after meals, signs or smells of vomiting;

- presence of packages of laxatives or diuretics.

AVOIDANT RESTRICTIVE FOOD INTAKE D1S0RD3R (ARFID):

-limited range of preferred foods that becomes narrower over time (like picky eating that progressively worsens);

- fears of choking or vomiting;

-may have no body image disturbance or fear of weight gain.

RUMINATION D1S0RD3R:

- repeated regurgitation of food for a period of at least one month. Regurgitated food may be re-chewed, re-swallowed, or spit out.

Other Food & Behavior Concerns:

ORTHOREXIA:

- cutting out an increasing number of food groups (all sugar, all carbs, all dairy, all meat, all animal products);

- an increase in concern about the health of ingredients;

- an inability to eat anything but a narrow group of foods that are deemed ‘healthy’ or ‘pure’;

- may have body image concerns.

C0MPULSIVE EXERCISING:

- Exercise that significantly interferes with important activities, occurs at inappropriate times or in inappropriate settings;

- intense anxiety, depression or distress if unable to exercise;

- Exercise takes place despite injury or fatigue.

This is just my research and my own and other experiences, if i missed/used wrong information please let me know! 😊

[darkheart-darkmind]

“i forgot to eat today 😣😪”. SHUT THE FUCK UP (i’m so madly jealous cause wym food is not on ur mind 25/8)

[darkheart-darkmind]

Dark academia thinspo pt2

[darkheart-darkmind]

Boy oh boy, walking around Menards when you’re already triggered is an experience.

[darkheart-darkmind]

If you have a ed (of any kind) and are 21 or over interact and I'll follow you 💕

[darkheart-darkmind]

being fat is so fucking embarrassing its like i cant even eat anything without feeling like everyone is watching me judging me and thinking that this must be all i do that im so fucking fat all i think about is food and the next time ill be able to stuff my face

[darkheart-darkmind]

how dare my actions have consequences

[darkheart-darkmind]

as soon as i fix my face and my body and my ocd and my ed and my anxiety and my clinical depression and my ptsd and my bpd and my intimacy issues and my self esteem issues and my need for validation and my agoraphobia (etc) it’s over for u bitches 💯‼️🗣️

[darkheart-darkmind]

"Has anything even changed?"

If you're smaller, it's working. If they're jealous, it's working. If they're concerned, it's working. If your clothes can't be even put on to you anymore, it's working. If none of that is the case, keep trying. it will.

[darkheart-darkmind]

gotta say having an eating disorder and still being bad at it is really pathetic