darklordcorndog

[darklordcorndog]

Marriage license is so funny like hell yeah I have permission to drive this thang (husbamd)

[darklordcorndog]

if we were cells in a spreadsheet would you merge with me

[darklordcorndog]

I miss her hole (the headphone jack on the cell phone)

[darklordcorndog]

*crawling through the dirt bleeding out* boobs... i need to see.. boobs..

[darklordcorndog]

"What came first, the chicken or the egg?" Asked the sphinx. To which you answer: "The egg. It's the egg." You need to spend an hour explaining descent with modification before it begrudgingly acquiesces.

[darklordcorndog]

I need to take away his spring in the mornings. he won’t eat if he sees the spring first, all he wants to do is play with spring. my boy is withering

[darklordcorndog]

god actually baited us into creating the tower of babel so that He could create His most beloved children: autistic linguistics enthusiasts

[darklordcorndog]

The best part about knowing Latin plurals is using them incorrectly on purpose and seeing if anyone who knows why you're full of shit is within earshot. Insist that the plural of of "waitress" is "waitrices". You know you want to.

[darklordcorndog]

Émile was still years away from his first of two nominations for a Nobel prize in literature, of course, mainly because Nobel prizes wouldn’t be invented until 1901.  While Nobel HAD died in 1896, his family had contested the latest of his many wills - and once cleared, it took a while for the proper foundation to be formed.  This work was largely done by Ragnar Sohlman, who was born in 1870, became Alfred Nobel’s assistant in 1893, and who will absolutely not be appearing in this story.

[darklordcorndog]

i think the best genre of image is "creatures trapped in starbucks cups with receipts reading [cup of water (no water, no ice, creature)]"

[darklordcorndog]

my coworker accidentally doordashed 8 baja blasts #bounteousblasts

[darklordcorndog]

Gatekeeping is so good and important

[darklordcorndog]

warm baked goods are insane. something so beautiful and almost maddening about absolutely tearing into them when they’re fresh. feeling warm all over after. I really do get vampires for real

[darklordcorndog]

Religious Beliefs

Don’t be a dick

Anything antibacterial works against vampires

Ghosts and Fairies aren’t real but you still have to be polite and respectful if you meet one

Watching videos out loud on your phone on the toilet in a public restroom sends your soul directly to applebees when you die

[darklordcorndog]

i think the next completely unfaithful reimagining of the persephone myth should be a Taken-style action adventure where demeter viciously fights her way through the underworld to rescue her daughter

[darklordcorndog]

I love love love saying "I scavenged a working microwave in the boylands" but nobody ever knows the reference and it breaks my heart

[darklordcorndog]

they’ve been forcing us to write “customized notes” on every drink at work and now they’re having store meetings + coaching us on what we can and can’t write bc someone drew a pig on a cop’s coffee and tbh that’s on starbucks for not foreseeing this outcome.